1 Year Ago Today
Today, June 6, 2023, marks the 1 year "anniversary" of when I self-surrendered to the Federal Prison Camp in Oxford, WI.
I thought it would be an interesting exercise to note SOME of what I have done and not done over the past 12 month.
Since June 6, 2022, I :
--Have not had a phone conversation with my wife or family member for longer than 15 minutes. (those are the only people I talk to).
--Have only eaten my food off of a brown cafeteria tray or out of a plastic bowl.
--Have only drank coffee or water. No type of fruit juice or soda (the soda is by choice).
--Have only worn brown shirts, green pants and green button up shirts (for work or visits), grey sweats (1 pair), grey shorts.
--Have only worn tennis shoes or work boots (both black).
--Have only used what would be considered a public bathroom and shower room.
--Have not taken a shower without wearing shower shoes.
--Have brushed my teeth 2x daily and flossed every night (by choice--I do not want any teeth problems in Prison and dental care is not something that comes along often).
--Have not spent 1 second on the internet (try THAT one yourself!!!).
--Have not used/touched a cell phone.
--Have read from a book or newspaper EVERY SINGLE DAY.
--Have not gone more than 24 hours without reading the Bible.
--Have not gone more than 2 days without exercise.
--Have not ate a fresh fruit or vegetable.
--Have not been on a public road.
--Have not slept on a real mattress or pillow.
--Have not used any food utensil other than a plastic spork.
--Have not had coffee from a coffee maker (instant coffee + hot water from a faucet).
--Have not taken a shower with any control over the water temperature (Super Hot = 2x a week, Cold = 3x a week, Luke warm = 2x a week).
--Have not walked on real grass.
--Have not sat on anything but a plastic chair.
--Have not smelled any type of fragrance, cologne, perfume (other than when my wife visits).
Lastly, I have never been more committed to a daily routine with the goal of bettering myself physically, mentally, and spiritually while preparing myself to be a superior husband, son, brother, future employee, and overall outstanding member of society when I return home at the end of the year.
Thanks for Reading!! Love you All!!!
I am Fine and I am Safe,
Jeff

Rant.....
I just scheduled an induction in 10 days, and I looked to online forums for advice because I'm terrified. Though a lot of responses were reassuring, so many women pointed out that scheduling their delivery (most of them of the firstborn child) was convenient because they could better coordinate with family members who could watch their dog for them while mom and dad are at the hospital.
Imagine facing such an immense life change and bringing home a new baby only to have a stupid mutt in your house, worried about it jumping on baby stuff, the filth everywhere. Imagine being so sleep deprived for your new baby and you still have to walk the mutt 2x/day or else it will tear up your house. Recovering from possible major abdominal surgery all the while and having to care for your traumatized body, making sure to take your painkillers. Changing diapers 10x/day and night around the clock while still picking up dog shit. God forbid baby has feeding issues or requires extra care. trying to get 30 mins of sleep at a time whenever you can, and the damn thing is barking because you're not up in time to let it out.
For some people this opens their eyes to the reality and utter uselessness of owning a dog (sometimes pregnancy will kick start this), but a lot of couples just double down because fur baby is getting a new sibling.
I don't know--- maybe I was just bad at this postpartum thing the last 2 times that I couldn't imagine dealing with a dog on top of it all.
People need to stop getting a dog right when they get married or hook up, whatever. I see it way too often.

I’m flying Frontier from LGA to DFW tomorrow 6/7, flight is supposed to leave at 10:55 PM and arrive at 1:53 AM on 6/8. I have flown spirit countless times with no issues; since it’s only a 5 day trip and I don’t need to check bags I thought Frontier would be a good option. I’m only flying Frontier one way, my return flight is Spirit.
Then I fell down the rabbit hole of everyone’s god awful experiences with them. I’m not worried about the infamous personal item situation since I paid for a carry on, what I’m concerned about is the flight getting canceled. It looks like they run this same flight every day all week, and it was canceled last night but I don’t know why. I’m going to keep checking the flight status of tonight’s flight and if it gets canceled will probably just get another flight via Delta or American to ease my anxiety. I’d rather avoid doing this since it’ll cost me an extra $300 but if tonight’s flight gets canceled I don’t know if i want to risk it.
Of course I know no one knows what will happen but can anyone ease my nerves here??? I’m am so stressed it’s not even funny, I’m flying to see some family and really can’t afford to lose an extra day by dealing with rescheduling flights. I know now booking Frontier was a bad idea, I’m normally a very no frills traveler and can deal with the uncomfortable seats and stuff but I did not realize how frequently they cancel flights for seemingly no reason.

Thought a refresher of the opening statement presented by Myers related the case he intends to present might be helpful, since membership has grown from about two dozen people on that day until now. Using Sky News because older live Chester Standard articles are not loading correctly, but the Chester Standard link is at the bottom.
This Sky News link would also take you to the prosecution opening statements if you continue to go backwards
https://news.sky.com/story/lucy-letby-trial-live-updates-prosecution-defence-cases-outlined-nurse-12716378

Defence begins by saying 'all we have so far is a theory of guilt based firmly on coincidence'

Ben Myers KC has begun his opening statement, speaking in defence of Lucy Letby.
He begins by acknowledging to the jury how saddening the allegations are.
"It is difficult to think of allegations that could be more upsetting than these and it's difficult to think of allegations that strike harder at our desire to protect than these allegations," he says.
He says "the sympathy of everyone will rightly be with the families of the children involved in this case" and the defence is not here to "diminish" that.
He tells the jury it would be "easy for emotion to take the place of evidence" but says that would be "staggeringly unfair" to the defendant.
"There is a real danger that people will simply accept the prosecution theory of guilt," he tells the court.
"And that is all that we have so far. A theory of guilt, based firmly on coincidence."
Mr Myers tells the court blame should not be "heaped on that woman", while pointing at Letby, and says others may have made mistakes.
"Sometimes what happened was a genuine deterioration in the health of one or other of these children," he says.

​

'You won't get the answers simply looking at the woman in the dock'

Ben Myers tells the jury he is "barely touching" on the detail involved in this case today.
He says the defence's opening statement will not be as detailed as the four-day opening the prosecution has put forward. More detail will come later in the trial.
He says he will touch on "failings at the Countess of Chester Hospital neonatal unit that have nothing to do with Lucy Letby".
Letby was a "dedicated nurse", Mr Myers says, who "trained hard" to look after the babies at the unit and "in no way did she want to hurt them".
Letby "loved her job... cared deeply about the babies she looked after, and cared deeply for their families", the court is told.
"You won't get the answers to this case simply by looking at the woman in the dock now," he says.
"This is where she is six years after starting to face allegations like this. As you can imagine, that must be utterly gruelling for anyone."
Mr Myers says the jury "might want to keep the effect of that in mind" when they examine evidence in the case.
"Anybody who is approaching this as if it is any kind of done deal has got it very badly wrong," the court is told.
In the dock, Letby continues staring straight ahead.

​

Letby wrote 'I'll never have children or marry' in 'confession' note

The court is once again shown what - the prosecution says - was Letby's confession note.
But Mr Myers says these are the writings of an "anguished woman in despair" who is realising the enormity of what is facing her.
A line on the note, which is being shown to the court, says Letby has an "overwhelming fear... I'll never have children or marry... I will never know what it's like to have a family... despair."
He says the note does not "accurately reflect" what has happened, but was written by Letby while upset, who "poured her feelings onto paper as a way of coping".

​

'No evidence' these attacks took place, defence says

Defence KC Ben Myers is now addressing why a number of medical notes were found in Lucy Letby's possession following a search of her house.
He says she did not have them for a "sinister motive" but she was a person who "scribbled things down" and a person who "hangs onto bits of paper".
He then turns to the "coincidence" involved in the case.
"We say there is an assumption that someone is doing deliberate harm," he tells the court.
"There is no evidence of the actual events being alleged."
From using syringes to injecting air, tampering with bags of fluid or in some other way poisoning, physically assaulting children, or smothering them - the defence says there is no evidence that these attacks took place.
He returns to the case of Child E, whose mother - the prosecution said - walked in on Letby attacking her child.
Mr Myers says the evidence will not bear this out.
"The assumption of harm" and the assumption Letby is behind the harm has made the allegations "self-fulfilling".

​

Defence questions standard of care at Countess of Chester Hospital

Defence KC Ben Myers is now telling the jury there were shortcomings at the Countess of Chester Hospital that cannot be attributed to Letby.
"There is a question of whether this hospital should have been looking after all these children, and whether it did so to the required standard," My Myers tells the court.
"For a nurse in the neonatal unit, standing there when a child is unwell is unremarkable," he says.
"Her presence alone is now treated as sinister."

​

What the defence is asking the jury to consider

The defence KC tells the jury the evidence "may look daunting" to start with, but he says he will be asking them to consider five issues.
These are...
1. The birth condition of the baby.
2. Whether there were any problems in the health and care of the child leading up to the event we are considering. He says: "Things with babies like this can be unexpected... but we also say when you get down to the detail of the evidence it isn't always that clear and it isn't always unexpected."
3. Whether the prosecution expert medical evidence proves there was deliberate harm done.
4. Whether Letby was present at the time and what the evidence can establish about what she was doing if she was there.
5. If there were failings in care with the baby we are looking at, or at the unit as a whole.

​

'We are dealing with babies who are clinically fragile'

The defence says there were other events and "collapses" which took place when Lucy Letby was not present.
The court has been shown again a chart - first presented by the prosecution - which shows Lucy Letby was present at all 22 incidents involving the 17 babies mentioned in the indictment.
Defence KC Ben Myers says the chart does not show the "shortcomings in care, which may be the fault of others", nor does it show any other incidents which took place when Letby was not there.
"When we strip away all the surrounding detail, messages, Facebook searches, even amateur psychology, the case will come down to the medical evidence," he tells the jury.
The cause of death or deterioration in an infant is "not always clear" and there can be a "number of possibilities", Mr Myers says.
"Generally, we are dealing with babies who are clinically fragile, and their condition can change very swiftly."

​

Experts 'influenced by confirmation bias', says defence

Ben Myers KC is now returning to the five points that he is asking the jury to consider (see 12.59pm post) when deciding if Letby is guilty or not.
He asks the jury to "remember how quickly problems can develop" with neonatal children.
He tells the jury to listen out for any evidence that shows the unit at the Countess of Chester Hospital was "understaffed and overstretched".
He says experts can be influenced by "an overarching assumption that what has happened is a result of deliberate harm".
"The fact they are an expert does not mean this cannot happen," he says.
"Where there is no clear explanation for what has happened - and that can sometimes happen in medicine - there is a danger of an expert being drawn into an explanation of evidence that is influenced by the prosecution's theory."
He tells the jury this is called "confirmation bias".

​

'Doctors don't always have the answers'

The experts that will be called in the trial have "met as a group and considered their opinions jointly", defence lawyer Ben Myers KC tells the court.
He then tells the jury that the burden is not on the defendant to provide an explanation of the events that unfolded.
"Doctors don't always have the answers and nor do medical experts," he says.
"The fact that Ms Letby can't explain a particular event... does not mean she is responsible for it."
Letby remains "adamant" that she has done nothing to harm any of the children mentioned in the indictment.
Mr Myers is now turning to each of the children in turn.

​

Child A died as a result of 'suboptimal care' and 'lack of fluids', says defence

The defence accepts there is a "possibility" that Child A died as the result of an air embolus (an injection of air).
But Ben Myers KC says the defence does not accept on this count that it was the cause of death.
He says the care given to Child A was "suboptimal" and the infant collapsed either as a result of a "lack of fluids" or a result of the "various lines that had been put into him" and the potential they interfered with his heart rate.
The air found inside Child A can happen "post mortem".

​

'Nothing' to support injection of air as jury told to 'look at the practicalities'

Child B, Ben Myers KC tells the court, had been in a "precarious position from birth" and was born "blue and floppy".
He says there is "nothing" to support an injection of air, or Child B's airway being blocked.
"She had other episodes where she struggled to breathe after the time on the indictment here," he says.
Next, he moves to Child C. He tells the jury although he is moving through the cases quickly, he does not mean this to be "heavy-handed" or cause offence to the families involved but that he wants to give an overview of the defence's argument.
"We accept in this case," he says, it is a "theoretical possibility" that Child C was injected with air.
He tells the jury to "look at the practicalities of that".
Child C was born "very premature": "As a starting point, sadly, a baby like that will be vulnerable to a range of complications."
This includes being more vulnerable to infection, and Child C should have been at a more specialist unit, Mr Myers says

​

Absence of evidence 'does not convert it into evidence of guilt'

Child D experienced delays to her medical care and was "never able to breath unaided", the jury is told.
"She was not put on antibiotics when she should have been," Ben Myers KC says.
He says the evidence shows infection was more likely than an injection of air.
Moving to Child E - who the prosecution said was attacked in front of his own mother - Mr Myers says there was no evidence of an air injection and "no evidence of direct trauma".
"There is no clear explanation in his case of what happened," he tells the jury but says that is not a good enough reason to assume Letby was responsible.
He then moves to count six and count 15, which involved the attempted murders of Child F and Child L. The prosecution alleges they were both poisoned with insulin.
He says the absence of evidence "does not convert it into evidence of guilt".
The IV bag, which was allegedly spiked with insulin, was changed when Letby was not on shift. The sample that was analysed was taken from this bag, which Letby had not come into contact with, Mr Myers says.
"The prosecution are fixed to the theory that all is due to Lucy Letby," he says.

​

Defence continues to blame care at Countess of Chester Hospital

Letby faces three charges of the attempted murder of Child G. On 6 September 2015, the prosecution claims she was fed an excessive amount of milk and vomited out of her cot and onto a nearby chair.
Ben Myers KC, for the defence, says doctors say Child G was "born on the margins of viability".
"She was a high-risk baby with a history of abdominal distension and vomiting", the court hears.
The defence also says Child G had exhibited signs of infection.
Next, he says the case of Child H is "complicated by suboptimal treatment" that she received at the beginning of her life. Letby faces two charges of attempted murder, which took place on consecutive nights.
Mr Myers says this is "another example of suboptimal care" at the Countess of Chester Hospital.
"What happened at the hospital had nothing to do with Lucy Letby. Despite all of that, she was there," he says.
Child I - who it is claimed Letby tried to kill four times before "succeeding" - experienced "a series of ongoing clinical problems that may well have been inevitable given her extreme prematurity".

​

'The Countess of Chester Hospital was well out of its depth'

Defence lawyer Ben Myers KC says "the Countess of Chester Hospital was well out of its depth" when it came to treating Child J, who Letby is accused of murdering.
He said the hospital delivered "inadequate care" to the child, who was born with a perforated and necrotic bowel.
Nothing, Mr Myers says, can link Child J's collapse to anything Letby did.
In the case of Child K, Letby is accused of doing nothing to help as the infant's oxygen levels dropped - a consultant who looked at the child found her breathing tube was dislodged.
"Ms Letby does not agree she has done that, nor was she seen to do that," Mr Myers tells the jury.
He disputes claims from the prosecution that the newborn was sedated and couldn't move.
"We say she wasn't and she could," he says.
He says the child "shouldn't have been" at the Countess of Chester Hospital.

​

Screaming child 'more likely due to hunger' than air injection, according to the defence

Moving on to Child L and Child M, twin boys who survived.
Defence lawyer Ben Myers KC says "blame is being put on Ms Letby because there is no obvious alternative".
He continues: "The mere fact she is there when something happens is almost being used as an explanation for it happening."
In the case of Child N - for whom Letby faces three counts of attempted murder - he says the fact the child screamed for 30 minutes was more likely due to "hunger" than being injected with air.
One expert, the prosecution said previously, said he had never seen a neonate scream for such a long time.
Mr Myers says Child N should also not have been at the hospital.

​

'Signs of infection' in one triplet, and air found in another a 'natural occurrence'

There were "signs of infection" in one of the two triplets who died at the Countess of Chester Hospital, the defence has said.
Child O was found with "severe liver damage", and both he and his brother, Child P, died within the first week of their lives.
Ben Myers KC, representing Letby, says the liver damage in Child O can be attributed to CPR.
Meanwhile, any air that was identified in Child P post-mortem is a "natural occurrence" that happens after death.
"The build-up of air found in the child can be attributed to the air flowing into the baby for respiratory support," the jury is told.
"Once he collapsed it isn't clear why he didn't respond to resuscitation but that doesn't go so far as to show this was inflicted harm."
He addresses the final case, that of Child Q and says a "poorly functioning bowel is probably what led to him being unwell and vomiting".

​

'Where was she? What was she doing?'

After running through each individual case, Ben Myers KC, for the defence, turns to "Ms Letby and what her presence means at that time".
"It's a simple question, where was she, what was she doing?" he asks the jury.
But he tells them it is "important not to guess" because the evidence "cannot pinpoint" exactly where she was at any given moment.
"She can hardly be expected to remember," he says.
"We say there are many occasions when Lucy Letby was not there."
Some events took place when Letby wasn't there, but he says the prosecution has been selective with the events it has chosen.
Even when Letby was present "that doesn't get close to proving what the prosecution allege". He says it would be unfair to "treat presence as mere evidence of guilt".

​

Letby a 'young nurse who built her life around the neonatal unit'

Ben Myers KC describes Letby as a young nurse with no immediate family commitment and someone who "had built her life around the neonatal unit" and thus was willing to be called in at short notice.
"Someone in that position, in that role... is more likely to be there when deterioration happens, but that doesn't mean she made it happen," he says.
Letby will not always be able to recall specific details about children or events.
"In that regard, she is like any other witness in this case," Mr Myers says.
Regarding the medical treatment given at the neonatal unit, he says: "Nobody is going to expect perfection day in day out."
He says there were "problems with the way this unit performed that had nothing to do with Lucy Letby".

​

Hospital was 'downgraded': 'To blame Letby is unfair and inaccurate' - defence

Ben Myers KC tells the jury that there are other examples of "suboptimal treatment" within the Countess of Chester Hospital that are "legitimate targets of criticism".
The prosecution has "consistently" highlighted how some babies recovered once removed from Letby's orbit.
Yet the defence says: "Their improvement coincided with removal from the Countess of Chester Hospital which could not deliver, we say, on some occasions the care that was necessary or the expertise for some of the children it looked after."
Mr Myers says that blaming Letby for this is "unfair and inaccurate".
The Countess of Chester had a "lack of technical medical skills", accepted babies with too high a level of care need, and on occasion was "too busy".
He points to the fact that the hospital was "downgraded" by a clinical watchdog, and redesignated to a level one. He says the hospital "could not provide care at the level it did".

​

Letby 'became a target of blame' amid pressure to find explanation for high infant mortality rate

In the case of Child K, a consultant became concerned about the correlation between the presence of Letby and the rise in sudden collapses.
But Ben Myers KC says this became "self-serving and self-fulfilling" and there was evidence for his concern.
He says she "became a target of blame and wrongly so".
"If others have failed to provide appropriate care or the unit is too busy or not appropriately staff you may agree that creates a situation in which things can go wrong... mistakes made, records not kept," he tells the jury.
He says there was "pressure to find an explanation" behind the spike in infant deaths at the unit.

​

Defence concludes its opening statement

Amid a final call for the jury to consider the evidence, Ben Myers KC concludes his opening statement by saying: "This whole case is a complex case, it is not straightforward.
"And in that dock is a young woman who says this is not her fault."

Chester Standard's live coverage of the same is here, but their older articles have stopped loading in their entirety for me: https://www.chesterstandard.co.uk/news/23044585.lucy-letby-trial-recap-prosecution-finishes-outlining-case-defence-gives-statement/

So I haven't read all the books, but I have watched gameplay and played a bit myself.
I just got done watching the Game Theorists Ultimate Time Line and something that was brought up is the idea that the CEO could be Mrs Afton.
Another thing that was repeated brought up when talking about her is Bellora being her counterpart but also the Dracula cartoon.
I am curious about the cartoon in particular. I think it was said to be referencing their divorce at one point? (Don't remember when/where/who explained this)
But I started thinking about the baby in the cartoon and all that was happening in the afton family. If it really was in reference to William and his wife, who was the baby? Is it possible there was a 4th Afton child?
Could Mrs Afton have had another child after the death of either of their younger children?
But then why would William deny this child to be his? Did she really have an affair? Based on the cartoon and comparisons I would say no.
Maybe instead he was just not ready to move on and went into extreme denial. Mrs Afton was devastated and saw this child as a chance to bring the family together again, but after this accusation realized all hope was lost and left with the baby.
Who is that baby then? Would they be an option as to the identity of the CEO? Would a 4th afton child fit the lore?
Not overly familiar with all the lore or plot holes, so I'm sure this probably super out of the realm of possibility.
Was an interesting line of thought for myself though. Would love explanations though to clear stuff up for me and some references!

Using my throwaway account because I’m too paranoid my boss will track me down on my main. But I need to get this off my chest: I’m feeling so disturbed and distressed and would really appreciate affirmation, because part of me is saying that I’m overreacting.
I’ve just had the ‘aha’ realization that my ex-employer is a full-blown scientologist and now everything makes sense. I’m a recent graduate and got this job at a software company last year straight out of college. I have part time/freelance work experience but this was my first full-time job. As was the case for most of their employees. My HR admitted to me a few months in that they do this for ‘cheap labour’. Terrible pay, and expect you to work overtime and skip lunch hour without overtime compensation.
The best way I can describe the work environment is that it’s like The Other World in Coraline: everything seems amazing at first, but slowly the employees start to show their misery and my boss turned into the spider version of the Other Mother.
The break room is stacked with WISE books, the Org Board is up on the wall, we were given WISE ‘battle plan’ daily planners, and enrolled in HCA courses. My one colleague was head of admin for HCA in my country. We all had to write our ‘hat’ when we started working, write conditions every week, and determine what our statistics would be - which have to be presented every week in front of the whole office. If your stats were down, you were shamed in front of everyone. They had to go up no matter what. I can’t even begin to explain the constant panic I was in. And they were impossible to attain because the expectations were too high - resulting in seven people quitting before their probationary period in the past five months. My boss ruthlessly went off at anyone easily and had no problem breaking you down when you challenged his workflow systems.
I kick myself for not seeing the Scientology indicators, but I’d justified it in my head that the terminology was just corporate lingo. Then my boss entered a meeting wearing an HCA jacket and offered HCA merchandise.
Managed to leave on neutral terms and never have to return. But I still find myself having night terrors about being back in that office and catch myself crying on a whim most days. I’m absolutely burnt out. Has anyone had a similar experience? I’d appreciate any advice on how to emotionally move forward from this.

Hello everyone ! I am currently 19 but I turn 20 in July ; I’m terrified I have early onset dementia / Alzheimer’s.
I do have health anxiety and I do have hypothyroidism.
I’m pretty sure I have depersonalization and derealization as well but that one isn’t diagnosed yet.
Anyway here are the reasons why I think I may have early onset dementia / Alzheimer’s.
I get distracted really easy
I seem to forget snippets of my day a lot but if I slow down and focus I can recall almost everything from today and even yesterday.
I feel like I’m mentally a lot slower then I used to be , like A LOT.
It’s like I can’t find the right words for anything and it takes me a minute to talk.
It feels like I’m in a extreme haze / daze 24/7 with occasional moments of clarity
Even right now I’m sat here having to find my words to put down and I just can’t figure out what to type if that makes any sense
I get agitated more easy and upset it seems
I don’t feel like myself to much anymore either
I forget words and like what objects are called sometimes but I usually correct myself if I mess up a phrase or something like that.
It feels like I struggle to recall memories as well like I REALLY have to focus.
I don’t know how to describe how I’m feeling but I’m trying my best!
As for my hypothyroidism, I am taking levothyroxine 75mcg , but sometimes I forget to take it .
My mom has ADHD but I’ve never been diagnosed with it. My mom also has worked with dementia and Alzheimer’s people for YEARS , but I’m so scared to ask her about all this.
No one in my family has EVER had Alzheimer’s or dementia.
last time I was at my doctors ( about 3 or 4 months ago I believe ) I mentioned I was feeling more anxious then usual and having more severe panic attacks ( my grandmother who was like a second mom to me died just last year ) and without even taking my blood she upped my levothyroxine dosage from 50mcg to 75mcg. I forget to take my levothyroxine a lot but I’ve been doing pretty good this past week !!
I’m terrified of possibly having early onset Alzheimer’s / dementia. I feel like my short term memory is fucked up, but I’ve taken those short term memory tests online and scored just fine ( 100% accuracy ) and if I slow down and focus I can recall everything I did today in order ( it feels a bit fuzzy / hazey but I do remember ). Even down to what I seen in the mall and thought about buying, and I can even recall everything I bought today from the mall. I even remember most of yesterday and the day before that. I can even recall what I did most of last week though it starts to get very fuzzy until someone reminds me like “ remember we did this last week / a few weeks ago “ and I instantly remember . Though I’ve found myself getting my words mixed up or calling objects the wrong thing but I instantly correct myself
But if I don’t slow down and focus it feels like my brains one big fog / just a puddle of mush . I will look at my boyfriend and not recognize him sometimes , same with my mom , ect. Like I KNOW who they are but they just look foreign.
I am on my phone or playing video games basically 24/7 ( except showering , eating , going to the store , ect . )
My mother has ADHD but I’ve never been diagnosed with ADHD. I believe I might have depersonalization / derealization ( everything doesn’t feel real / everything feels like it’s a dream / ect. ) but I’ve never been diagnosed by a doctor. I do however have health anxiety and a panic disorder that is getting a lot better without medication.
I just feel like I’m caught in a huge fog and my brains a puddle of mush. I’m so scared it’s early onset Alzheimer’s / dementia…
Just to note NO ONE in my family has ever had any form of Alzheimer’s or dementia.
———
On that note I still fully remember yesterday , the day before that , and even the day before that and even some of the day before that ( though it starts to get fuzzy there ) and I also remember huge chunks on days from last week and the week before that !
My grandmother who was like a second mom to me also passed away about a year ago and I was the one ( along with my mother ) who walked in and found her dead. I had an abusive father but I don’t remember much as we got out of the situation when I was 3 years old. So I may have PTSD but I’m not certain on that one ; I was diagnosed with it but the psychologist I seen wasn’t to awful good with me. Also I may have depersonalization / derealization ( it usually hits / worsens towards night time ) but again , I’m not sure on this one as I’ve never had an official diagnosis.
I’m just so scared I have early onset dementia / early onset Alzheimer’s … can someone please help?

Hi! I removed my post because it was locked, and people reacted very bad on it?? I could not explain and reassure people. And i'm pretty sure its because of language barrier.
So, if it can confort you, i speak french, still learn english. when we "punish" our dog, we just say "no, dont do that, sit, stay" and thats it. Never touched him bad, we use positive reinforcment for her education as shes a sled dog and sled dog need this positive approach, and i always had sled or nordic breeds (and always paid for the dog education courses, all had their diploma). I know that because i used to be an assistant veterinarian 20 something years ago, and i quit because i fell pregnant and changed carrers after that, not because i was incompetent. I know quite well this domain. I breed rats since the 90's and i used to do it professionnaly, and always had and still receive great respect from the community. Now i only breed and keep rats for myself, family and friends, because they are my favorite animals and i enjoy them. They never roam free at night. In fact, they never roam free at all, as we always supervise their daily "fun time outside the cage". The only cage that have an always open door, is one with 3 boys, i call them my bucks. The cage is in the middle of the dining room, no other cages in the same room, and is on "legs" (i dont know how to say it in english, on four legs like a chair, but higher?) Like a parrot cage that opens on top? Because they like to sleep and hang on on the top of the cage. I only keep 3 calm couch potatoes in this cage, they never get on the floor or anything. What happened is my daughter pushed the cage a bit (will ask her why when she come back from school, she probably just bumped into it at night) and i didnt saw it because i was in bed, so the cage was a bit too near a desk. I though at first that the rat fell from the water bottle because that was my hypothesis at the moment, but after taking a good look, he must had access to the desk, climb on the desk and fall on the floor after that.
So its fixed, cage is at another spot with nothing near, rat is good, dog is good, everyone is great so theres no reason to be pissed or think that theres abuse here!
Thats the first time in more that 25 years or so that something alike happens, and as we buying a new home in the next month we gonna make sure that there isnt any collar or traps or anything like that around that can hurt our pets. The collar was easy to miss, it was a tiny wire that you have to get on the floor behind stuff with a light to find it. So yeah, my bad, didnt saw it, i'm still looking everywhere to make sure theres not anything else hidden that can hurt pets.
So theres that. Peace out ♡

Hi, so basically me and my ex split up a bit over a month ago now. He (M17) split up with me F(17). I feel much better than I did a few days after the split, mainly because I have regained some of my rational thinking and have seen the situation for what it is. But I still miss him, and I just want some input on the circumstances.
First, there is no other girl. I know its stereotyped that at this age people mess around, but hes a very introverted guy with no interest in that, and gave reasons for the break-up. We are each others first everything, and he has been in love with me for the last 2 years. We were having some issues leading up to the break-up, I wanted to see him in person more and he was becoming really stressed in his personal life (almost no free time and under immense pressure from horrible family, work and school). I look back now and regret being so needy at points, but this was my first relationship and it is something I will learn from. He never really set many boundaries with me though; he spent 2000 pounds on me in 5 months (he isn't wealthy at all), took me out on loads of dates, got close to my family, was always mature and understanding, kept notes I gave him in his wallet, made me feel safer than anyone ever has.
I am forever grateful for him, he changed my life and showed me so much love. We were both very invested in the relationship and it only seemed as his personal life stresses piled up, everything fell apart. The main struggle now, despite knowing his legitimate reasons for leaving, is the loss of that promised commitment. No longer being that loving couple we once were, no longer getting to speak with him. I did take him for granted at points but we both had our issues to cause this.
I will now mention the weird elements to this. So despite splitting up with me, he has still got all of our profile pictures public and online. He has kept everything. He has promised me he is staying loyal to me during all of this, and that he will come back once everything in his life is sorted. He said the split had nothing to do with me, and that he just needed to be alone for a while.
He did this with the right intentions, he couldn't meet my needs and knew he needed to be alone to sort his life out. But it doesn't hurt any less, that what we had grown and built together just ended like that. We could perhaps build back something better, but when he risks our future together and only thinks of himself - I don't feel great about things.
I trust him but the commitment being broken is painful. I want it to be me and him against the world as it once was, I recognise our errors and how we could improve. I am working on myself. But he just seems fixated on him, it is the biggest change of character. One night he just shut his emotions off, and in his words "couldn't listen to" his feelings anymore due to his future being at stake. Scary.
I just wanted to love the guy. I wasn't perfect but he made me feel like the only woman in the world, I wanted him to be the only guy for me and always reminded him of that. Things get hard but I thought sticking together would've been better than this. I get why it happened, but the future is so uncertain now. I don't know how I feel, but I don't view him the same way. I could've been a better partner but I didn't get that chance to work through things with him, he just left. His words and actions don't align. He "isnt open" to a future with anyone else, and is certain of us, but left.

Advice about relationship/family politics
Hi guys, I feel like this sub is best for some advice and insight I’m looking for. Anywho, I was born in Pakistan, 19 but in Australia for a while and a Aus citizen. I’ve been talking to someone who’s in Pakistan. I point out the background because it’s important due to it affecting family relations, culture, dating etc.
I’ve been talking to my grandfather’s sister’s daughter, aka my dads cousin. She isn’t meant to talk to me, since her family has a long history of not getting along with anyone in our extended families etc. Her mum doesn’t even talk to her own brother, and the girl’s mother has issues with my grandma too (my ammi abbu and chachus etc family live in Islamabad) Now, there isn’t something special really, it’s just that the chemistry is nice and we are like-minded. But the family issue is a big problem, my grandma has already said no to our relationship, and my parents has also said no. I didnt say were dating, just brought it up, but they immediately said something further is not happening. When growing up my dads family used to be poor and when they visited this girls city for Uni, her family didn’t even ask to accomodate or meet them or help them in anyway, esp since they were rich and could’ve helped. Now it’s the opposite situation, I’m wealthier so I feel it could be she’s been trying to talk for the visa / my fortunate circumstances maybe. But if my dad got treated like that, it would be very awkward if I married that girl whose family was like that.
I’m not sure if the chemistry/being so close/ like mindedness is worth the family politics and drama that will probably last the whole of our lives. Not to mention I would have to fight for her and it would be very messy. My grandparents raised me and me going against them + my own family would be huge. Yesterday however we got into a heated argument and she blocked me, her brother raged at me and basically she doesn’t want to contact. Me and brother had a fight too. I basically said some swear words to her, which we usually do to each other anyways in a joking manner, but she didn’t seem to like it last night. She said things like mind my language, don’t do this or that. In return I teased that I would tell her mum she’s talking to me, so better delete my pics.
Have I lost someone special and important, or is just that it’s early 20s early love phase? Because 90% of the time it was just flirting, no real discussion about anything. we started talking first time 3 years ago in HS and then stopped and then contacted again in Dec 2022. Like idk her hobbies or fav colour etc even. It does feel like a breakup, but I feel I can find someone more compatible here in Australia. Someone on same wavelength, someone who’s raised here and knows the western culture better. These guys in Pakistan are religious and conservative. Like educated, but still very emotional and hyper type people.
Just wanna know your guys thoughts.

- Apologies for my grammar, English is not my native language.
- And vague about company shizzle and longer than I anticipated, so grab a coffee, thee or other liquids.
- During this process I also informed my lawyer about the situation and just kept asking for all the damaging (for my future boss) emails.
- And also, without my SO I would have quit a long time ago, but with very expensive consequences.
Background:
First week of 2023 I started with my new job for bus driver, the company gave the chance for me to get my bus driver’s license and I would at least work for 3 years and after those 3 years I could go my own way if I wanted to.
I started with 5 others, we helped each other, had 3 - 4 exams, during that time I purchased a online program to get more practice test for the exams. Well, I went through those tests at all the first attempts (thank god, because I definitely underestimated it). I shared my account and it helped and eventually everyone got through the first phase (January) . During the first phase we had several instructors, and our main instructor “AH” (fake name XD) was…. Well to keep it civil, not nice and behaved like a king.
Then we got to the driving lessons Phase two (February)……. AH was thankfully not my driving instructor I got a colleague of him, and they were close “C”. At first nothing was wrong, first-time jitters, I was too careful at first but that was to be expected because a bus can cause a disaster when not handled properly.
Unfortunately, after my second lesson there was a dead in the family that hit harder than I expected, so I called for that lesson to be rescheduled, no problem and done. And I thought I was done for that day. Some crying and happy movies and being there for my SO, because it was his uncle.
Well just a few hours later I received an e-mail for a meeting, about my progress and future job. I wrote a email about the dead and that I didn’t know when the funeral was etc. I was able to go to the meeting.
Yeah, the meeting…. (With assistant manager (AM) and HR dude) Well first I was late apparently for 10 minutes, I read the wrong time so that sucked. Got a lecture about time, time time, Jada Jada (I think it was my 3rd time through my whole life I was late, my second time was cause of someone jumped in front of my train) I prefer to be awfully early. But anyways back to the meeting, I informed them again that I had a dead in the family and was still in mourning (they also received that email, and it was like the heard it for the first time). I asked them if that is the reason for this meeting, because it was only a few hours after I called my lesson off.
They said no it was of some complaints….. I said oke, what kind of complaints because nobody spoken to me about it. Well, you remember AH? He made a list(just him). I’m overweight and working on it everyone knows it and sees it.... everyone knows I can have 1 night I can eat a favorite dish without counting anything. I shared that I had a pizza (this was the day before an exam, so studying and I was home alone and not in the mood for cooking), because they know. …. It was a disgrace I had a pizza, your are not being “vital”blah bla blah” a whole speech I really think he looked something up to say “And that even they could eat an WHOLE pizza”….. we have pizza’s from 20 to I think 50 cm here, 20 cm is not big, it’s the size of a supermarket pizza maybe smaller.
- So the first complaint was I ate a pizza.
- Second complaint: I do not have respect for the instructors. Gob smacked……
- The third complaint struck hard on my integrity, because I want to help people, I’m doing it all my life. The complaint was, I made it for my fellow future colleagues a living hell. This was the moment I was MEGA gob smacked…. I literally didn’t know how to react.
After a couple of seconds, I just stared to ask questions( and ugly crying unfortunately not my best moment), who and why, because I was a month in and nobody told me, and AH had said in the mail that the others where to scarred to talk to me….? I’m not a bogeywoman, for some reason I always end up as the “caring mom” in the group. And some point I just blatantly asked if it was AH that made the complaints… and they couldn’t say that, but I knew enough.
After al that shit and me still crying 1 of them gave his opinion about me but tried to form it as a question. “You don’t give me the feeling of being happy with this job” . I just looked at him, I’m not driving the bus on this moment (my brain added, or you would probably be dead right now, thank god my anger could keep that on the inside). That was the end of that meeting.
I went crying home and a hour later I had my driving lesson again. I had told C that I had that meeting and she asked about it and I just went right back into ugly crying. She was shocked and angry, what the hell were they thinking…. From what it looked like she was ready to kick someone in the A. (unfortunately I found out later she was the one who told about something What AH saw a no respect to the instructors, the part about being to careful, I was saying yeah but.. those bikers or I don’t know what that car was going to do, etc.) This was common for everyone in the first days of driving lessons in a bus, so she felt guilty to me and angry to AH.
I couldn’t lose that feeling it kept bugging me and I had good contact with my fellow colleagues, so I tried the casually ask about it and that opened some doors. Everyone knew about it but didn’t know it was me…... well now they knew and were pissed, because I helped them. And found out that I wasn’t the only one who wanted nothing to do with “AH”. Even got info from groups who started a month earlier and made complaints about him.
The Revenge:
So I called the “education department” because I wanted it in writing that I don’t have the see his ass anymore. And OMG, apparently, they had heard about my “meeting” and they actually called all the other instructors I had for the first phase and they didn’t recognize me in those complaints… hallelujah! And mister AH had 8 to 9 complaints on his name from 8 to 9 different people (mostly women).
This was the moment I was going for mutual destruction, I already had a “bad name” because of AH so what the hell…! Only problem I had to keep in mind that I don’t do anything crazy that they could use for me getting fired, or otherwise I would have to pay everything back. So I needed to be careful.
So just keeping my cool started to talk to the other instructors and they also found out about all the complaints and also didn’t know it was me. Found out that ALL THE INSTRUCTORS (exept for C) hate AH, his way for instructing was years 60/70 style, he had the gall to say to 1 of his students to hit him with an iron pointer(a telescopic thing and point at something) if that student would do something again he didn’t like. But that was just 1 of the stories I heard. And started to encourage other people who had problems with AH to make a complaint as well at the education department.
The only thing I knew is that I wouldn’t get him for my driving exams and after more an more complaint kept coming in he was never scheduled for an exam again, nobody wanted him. Some of the higher ups wanted to contact me for the story, they were free and had my number. Never heard from them again.
First time of my driving exam I flunked, because before I had the exam AH had the nerv to come by and “wish me luck” (this was the moment that I started to think I definitely need therapy, but I was stubborn), so failed that day. Called to complain again to the education department Second time 2 week later I passed thank God and no AH before my exam. So, phase 2(first week March) was done.
Now was the moment for my transfer to my location of work, because of being short staffed it took longer, and at some point, I knew I needed help because I couldn’t digest the meeting that I had in February. So I wanted someone to talk to in this country we have laws, and you can ask for an inhouse doctor or a confidant. No question asked, because a inhouse doctor needs to evaluate if it is necessary. And they denied through email, BINGO. Later I got a email for signing my contract and talking about why I need to see a inhouse doctor, BINGO again, we have LAWS they cant ask for medical information.
My lawyer on this moment was happy with just this evidence. But I still wanted to work as a bus driver. So I went for my contract and they(not the same people from my first meeting, they just heard the “beautiful parts”) asked, how did it al go. And the stupid AH I am by not going to therapy, I broke down and threw everything on the table. The AH, not checking if he was right, all the other complaints, etc.
Even the part about my lawyer, that I wanted advice “how to handle the situation”. Now they were gob smacked and silent for a few minutes, while I was in full ugly cry. They asked questions, how and why, etc. Eventually I asked, Why do you think you know better then my lifestyle coach, personal trainer or dietician? Because HR dude knew about it, I was upfront about it and he still hired me. Silent again, this was the moment the manager asked if he could be excused. After this it went fast, they were gonna fix the contract signed it a week later.
After this, I called my therapist for an appointment and some EMDR. And now writing this I’m just thinking why the hell didn’t I go sooner, but that’s afterwards and can’t change that anymore.
When I wanted to sign the contract is heard from colleagues that AH was fired as an instructor and demoted to bus driver, because apparently he wasn’t fit to be a instructor. I was in full happy clapping happiness, I couldn’t reep the benefits anymore but the future bus drivers could, so that’s 1 was going in my head, ready for number 2, mister AM.
Started my mentoring(half of April), I drove on the work schedule of a bus driver, to learn the routes or how to work the system, etc. My mentor was awesome and bored, not in personality but he didn’t have to do much, sometimes I would ask “I need to turn left here if I’m correct?” so usually just a yes or a no would suffice. After a few days, my mentor said that my new AM wanted a meeting, probably that you can drive solo now. I needed 1 instruction day for some bus lines that I didn’t know, but could be handled in 1 day, because I was a quick study.
I went to the meeting (the beginning of May)and got fired, gob smacked again, only complements no complaints, because they found out that AH complaints were bogus. At first they said it was my behavior, so I asked “what behavior?” and then they switched to not being a match. But I think its damage control because I don’t have to pay for my driver’s license.
And I signed a contract that only in death I don’t have to pay for my driver’s license, and not death! Hahaha
But now a month later my mentor helped me to get a job interview for Thursday, a few towns over, so I think I’m going to be fine, it is in my old hometown plus point to that. And can’t wait to drive through the open country!
Thank you for reading!!

Led by Sandro, a personal development coach who grew up with a struggling family in Brazil. Sandro experienced the world by graduating from law school and battling the moral dilemmas of money, power, and politics. With a thirst to do good, Sandro moved to Canada, teaching himself English and French and diving into coaching others to become their best. Now having helped people across North America become better versions of themselves Sandro is ready to host an Enrichment Retreat and empower individuals like you who are risk takers, action takers, and are stuck but have the opportunity to go forward.

Sandro’s goal is to challenge people beyond their perceptions of what they can accomplish. Break barriers and immerse yourself in a peer-to-peer learning experience focused on providing you with the tools you need to achieve personal development. Over the course of a three-day Enrichment Retreat, Sandro hopes to connect with everyone, dig deep, and empower you to make bolder choices and ultimately become a bolder person. The main message of the retreat is "You Are Not Bold Enough: Beware, Believe, Behave, Become"

Outside of peer-to-peer learning, there are plenty of other activities to keep everyone busy. For the adventure seekers, there are hiking trails and even a private lake with canoes or kayaks available. For those who are looking to unwind, there is a wood-burning sauna, meditation garden, and an outdoor firepit to keep cozy at night.
Head over to Bunking before the remaining spots are gone! 👇👇👇👇
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I got curious yesterday about his hard drive that he previously told me he wants to go through in private because there will be pictures of his ex. Which I understood because it might have made me feel some type if way, but it was of its time He didn't go through it since mentioning it to me so I took it upon myself to take a peek, and yes. There were a lot of pictures of him and his ex together. With pictures of family, friends, his daughter and random screenshots of internet women. Then I saw they made a few pornos together. I found 3 about 1 to 2 minutes in length. I've watched all of them. His ex has pink triangular nipples with small areolas. Large labia that covers her clitoris, a small barely noticeable clitoris. Dark public hair with breasts about the size of a B-cup that have a slight sag. 3 stomach creases on her abdomen, 1 of them I assume is a surgical scar from her issue. I'm not mad at him because it was of his time. However I am upset that he lied to me about never having filmed himself having sex and wants to do it with me. Told him I would never because it makes no sense when we can just have sex. Why would you want to watch it when you can have it? If porn isn't good enough stimulation then why have sex? The sex in the videos was very mechanical. She sucked his dick, she aggressively rubbed herself while he fingered her, and fucking doggy style I'm going to good back through it to see it I can find more
Also: he had sex last night lol

We’ve been dating for over a year and it’s been relatively smooth sailing. Lately I’ve been noticing some bumps in the road about lifestyle and the cooking thing is one of them. I don’t cook a LOT since I live with family, but I do take the time to try and at least help with my dads cooking. I make food for myself to bring to work - more simple dishes that I can take on the go. But my boyfriend doesn’t cook and he never cooks. At this age I feel like it should be natural especially with all the recipes on the Internet. He has a reaaaaallly unhealthy diet despite being in okay shape. He orders a lot of takeout too.
I’ve told him it’s important to start cooking, especially for him because he works in construction. To refuel. I also want to smooth this out because we want to live together some day. But whenever we spend the night together, he never wants to make food together. He’s fine with ramen noodles at most to make himself but doesn’t mind eating someone else’s food 😤 i suggest for us to make breakfast together and he usually is indifferent. I encourage him to help me and if he wants to have some it’s fair that he pitches into the process. It takes some convincing and occasionally he’ll pitch in but he says he doesn’t know how to cook. I’ll teach him and show him how to do it with me, I’m not a housewife LOL. It makes me not want to move in with him because he’s so stubborn and won’t try.
It’s really bothering me along with other parts of his relationship where he isn’t doing as much as he could for himself and for me. Thoughts?
TLDR- I suggest cooking, boyfriend rarely wants to cook with me. But is okay with eating the food. It’s bothering me and i don’t know how to address it.

I read about this last night and it shocked me, not even just the event itself but the way he got away with it, basically a slap on the wrist for violently killing an animal, so much for animal abuse laws in the UK.
Tomasz Zimny attacked 12-year-old feline Millie after getting out of his car and his two dogs chased the cat barking, he then came up to the cat and then killed her by - swinging her over his shoulder and slamming her onto the floor. The 40-year-old returned moments later to kick the tragic cat once more before he drove away from the academy school in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire. His girlfriend Ewa Siebida watched the whole thing and done nothing and just got back in the car with the dogs and left the cat to die.
There is a short clip of the indecent on this article https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12125455/Thug-killed-family-cat-slamming-ground-car-park-avoids-jail.html
This is how a RSPCA inspector described the video: 'The footage shows how he is almost between the pallets when he catches her, and from behind he grabs either a rear leg or tail and swings her up over his shoulder, before swinging her back down with great force and slamming her onto the floor. 'It is clear she is injured and unable to move but is still alive. 'He takes some steps away - but comes back and then appears to kick her whilst she would already be in pain. 'She can be seen to move a few more times but then is motionless for a few seconds before dragging herself under the pallets.''.
He was sentenced to a lifetime of cat disqualification (what a joke for a dog owner as if he would care plus can be overturned in only 5 years), an 18 week suspended prison sentence, suspended for 12 months (so basically nothing) and 150 hours of community service (hardly anything for what he done).
A suspended sentence for violently killing an animal on camera by slamming it and then coming back to kick it to death, Christ this apparent punishment/sentencing is pathetic, people like this getting to live their lives freely after doing something so violent completely unscathed, they both also done this outside a SCHOOL they both worked at. I wouldn't want anyone like this around my kids or anyone vulnerable. Same for the girlfriend just watching and not doing anything at all both awful.
The Law needs to be so much tougher on animal abusers/cruelty (of all kinds/any animal).

Vermont has a deep history with professional wrestling that dates back to the 1930s with legends like André the Giant through the Undertaker in a Coffin Match at Memorial Auditorium. It lives today and is LIVE NEXT SATURDAY in Burlington!
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Think of it like Sleep No More + Cirque du Soliel + Hockey Fights.
It will be a family friendly show; this isn't some blood and guts production. It's a solid night of fun entertainment for $30.
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Hope to see you there!!!

Today in 6 hours I’ll have a third party person sit down with me and my soon to be ex husband about co-parenting strategies. Been together for 11yrs, married for 3. We met both being single parents to 4yr boys (now 15) and we had a daughter together 6yrs ago. The final straw happened on Easter, I’ve been living at a friends house just down the street since then. The bulk of our problems lied in his persistence of reactive abuse… constantly baiting me into arguing until I’d argue, then he’d be calm just calling me crazy. Part of this has lead to a lot of memory loss of why I’m even so upset with him in the first place. Constantly having to explain to him what he’s said that was wrong and how he should make amends to it… I just need to get my sanity and health back. I’m writing this on here because this is my pattern of relationships. As I learn what these problems are, I can see how I consciously allow them, and why. In 6 hours I’ll have one mantra for my goal conversation. “Only speak to me about the kids, the house, financial obligations, and scheduling.” We are unblending. This has been the only thing I’ve said to him since Easter and he’s done everything but what I’ve asked, up until last week. Because counseling is today. I want to tell him in front of a counselor that he is a bully to me, and I no longer want to be his friend. I hate him. And he needs to respect the fact that I’m allowed to hate him. I need room to hate and scream out all the injustice that he has bestowed to me over the last 11 years of my life, due to his emotional immaturity. He didn’t beat me, he didn’t financially abuse me, he’s a great dad…. He’s emotionally unintelligent and lacks empathy in moments of “black out arguments” and bullies me into playing into this routine over and over again. Unblending will not be easy. I took the kids up to northern Arizona last weekend to check in on them… my oldest is 100% just happy I feel safe at my friends house, and he feels safe with his step dad at the house. Like I said he’s a great dad… seems to be the women in his life that get the brunt of all this. His future relationship to our daughter will be a huge topic of discussion today as well. She’s used to us having opposite schedules so it hasn’t really hit her radar that I’m gone at night and come back in the morning. When I checked in with her, she’s super confident in the love we have for her and doesn’t have any questions. After this “exit coupling” counseling, we might do some family therapy as well. But for now I gotta get to 3pm and stick to the simple “hey man… when I tell you to only speak with me about the kids, house, finances, and scheduling, that is the bottom line. Anything else you choose to say and do apart from that is an attack on me. Stop attacking me. Stop. I’ve got a little PTSD going on over here about all this. Some of my ugly fears of single parent life are rising to the top, but honestly the sleep I get over at my new room solves that every time I get nervous. I know it’s gunna be ok. It’s just also gunna be a mess.

I hope it does not disappoint.

You are whisked away briefly and your body is not your own. Walking through halls of a great castle makes you feel uncomfortable. There is a pain in your leg acting up from that war oh so long ago. Years seemed like a blur for you, the fighting taken up so much of your life. Barov... Father, you remind yourself, trying to quench the hatred you have for him now. Sacrificed so much in his name and with nothing to show for it. The wounds that made you walk with this bloody cane made you despise him.
But you were happy... it would all end soon. Just needed one more night... and the deal with the dark powers would be sealed. All it costed was a measly baby brother. You opened the door you were looking for. Your prize was there, radiant as when you met her. Envy pierced your heart but you manage a smile. Even that was painful. "Tatyana." Your voice, once commanding came out like a rasp. Yet she turned and smiled anyway gazing at you. Her wedding dress looked as bright as sunlight and you could not look away even as it seared your heart.
"How do I look?" She asked in a familiar tone. One similar to Ireena... though your memories clashed with the one in this body, as you reply. "Beautiful as ever. A wonderful addition to the Von Zarovich family." If only you were the one she desired instead of him. The invalid.. yet someone you could not part with. She beamed at you, and that smile was haunting... you knew you would not be able to see it once more.
"Tatyana... I replay this memory in my mind again and again. We are... friends are we not? You met me before my brother. It is custom that the elder is married before the younger. We have been friends... close for ages." Gods you hated your voice. It sounded so weak... so haggard compared to his. There was a rage that must have shown on your face for she looked uncomfortable. You raised your hand for peace. A lie, but it was a necessary one. Her wedding would happen still. You could not finish your question but there was understanding in her eyes. "Why..?" At the question envy and anger forced your voice into place.
She hesistated to speak. A heartbeat passed, then another. Then sighed softly moving close to you and caressed your cheek. She brushed her thumb against it looking into your eyes. For a long while you felt terrified. Then she spoke with more conviction than ever. "For a long time, I thought you a fool to follow your father. After all, he is a brutal man. Look what he has done to you, I thought. He has broken you, and your wars have brutalised your home. But the truth is, Strahd, Sergei read to me your campaigns carefully, and he noticed a pattern that disturbed and then alarmed me."
She paused but then continued more confident. "Always you do things the most difficult way, and in the most painful manner. You cultivate a martyr's complex, lurching from man to man, holding out your bleeding wrists so they might see how you hurt yourself. You brood in the shadows when all you want to do is scream, 'Look at me!' You are too arrogant to win people over through effort. You expect people to notice you there in the half-darkness, and point and shout out, 'There! There is the great Strahd! See how he labours without complaint!' 'You came to me as a precocious child. Your abilities were so prodigious that nobody stopped to look at what you were becoming."
The silence was deafening. You could hear your blood in your ears thundering. How dare she speak to you like this. A village woman brought to your home and castle you conquered. The one handed off to your lesser like- a caress of your graying hair was all it took to break the anger. The frustration. Tatyana glanced with such pity on her eyes that hatred simmered where it should boil.
"Strahd, my friend, I say this with the knowledge that this will anger you, but you never truly grew into a man."
"I am far more." The rasp was back and the hatred bubbled in your chest.
"Those words poison your potential. In you, I see a great man struggling against a cruel tyrant. It is why..." She did not finish the sentence. "Come... it is not my place to discuss this. It is a happy time.. I wish to see your smile when you see me come down the aisle." In a blink, like the edge of the sun over a distant horizon, she was gone.

I don't know how in character this would be for Strahd, but I wanted to humanize him and make sure that his actions going forward was horrible.

We have been together total 5 years. From the beginning, I have known he disliked club culture and such, and as we met in our later 20s, I was over all that anyway and never enjoyed. I agreed that I don't like clubs and probably would not go, and during our dating and marriage, I never went. Recently, a friend will be hosting a small party at a club in our town. If you ask me, it hardly counts as a club, it's more of a small bar with rooms, food, etc. DJ and dancing happens more at night, past 11PM. Her party will start at 6PM, in a private room, and consist of 5 women total, and probably her husband later in the evening. I accepted the invitation of course.
I told my husband about this and he did not care at first, until I told him the location. He got very annoyed with me and said that we are going "clubbing." I tried to tell him what kind of place this is (yes, technically called a "club," but we have a room and it's a birthday party, not like we are dancing with everybody, we probably won't dance at all. More like a "lounge.") He refuses to listen. We had a major fight about this with him actually forbidding me to go. I told him he can't forbid me from anything, and he was very serious, yes he forbids me and I cannot go. Also I will mention that in our culture, men typically go out like this but women, especially married women, should not because it looks bad on the couple, looks bad for the women, bad on the man, and men can't understand we can also go out to dance, not to just find sex partners or cheat. This is a common mentality. We do live in the US and I am much more Westernized but he is also trying. So please understand, there are some cultural nuance here as well. But still, this is not very common behavior from him generally, he is not a super controlling person, he is not a stereotypical chauvinist type - this has begun only after the war in Ukraine. He has been very affected.
So fine, I conceded to him. I won't go. But now he is still upset and annoyed with me that I even tried to go at all, without telling him what it was. But I was never trying to hide it... to me, he is sulking like a child. I asked him what else I can do, and rolled my eyes and he got very angry with me. Now we are in a stalemate and I feel mad I can't go, mad that he is mad, and he is mad that I wanted to go, and mad that I was mad. I apologized but he says that I don't really care what I did and it's just words.
This kind of instance happens more and more. I try to let things go more, but he seems to be more and more nitpicky. I mention that he has lost a relative in the war recently and it's made him more sensitive and of course, of course I try to be understanding of that. It has made him anxious and controlling towards me to protect me, psychologically trying to control something in the world. That is the thought I have. But it is driving me crazy. We went to counseling but have stopped because it wasn't helpful. Now he doesn't ever want to go again, and buries himself in work and wants me near him at all times.
What can I do?? I understand his psychological state and I am not a cold person. But I want to be free sometimes. Birthday parties, not such a big deal? Without outside counseling, what can I do to try to fix this situation, or at least make it a better for him and reassure him that things will be okay?
TLDR: Husband and I had a huge fight about me wanting to go to a club for a friend's party (private room, not really clubbing) and he even said he "forbids" me. I got angry about that but agreed to cancel, but then he stayed mad at me for even wanting to go at all. We just never fixed this fight and we are both still mad at each other. He has been sensitive and controlling ever since the war in Ukraine because he has family there and also recently lost a relative. This is the cause of his behavior, he wasn't so intense like this before. But what can I do to reassure him?? He will not go to counseling anymore (we tried and it was a failure) and he just works all day, and wants me to stay with him. What else can I do to be understanding of the situation, and also help him see we are safe here and we have to continue to live our lives??

I read about this last night and it shocked me, not even just the event itself but the way he got away with it, basically a slap on the wrist for violently killing an animal, so much for animal abuse laws in the UK.
Tomasz Zimny attacked 12-year-old feline Millie after getting out of his car and his two dogs chased the cat barking, he then came up to the cat and then killed her by - swinging her over his shoulder and slamming her onto the floor. The 40-year-old returned moments later to kick the tragic cat once more before he drove away from the academy school in Cheltenham, Gloucestershire. His girlfriend Ewa Siebida watched the whole thing and done nothing and just got back in the car with the dogs and left the cat to die.
There is a short clip of the indecent on this article https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12125455/Thug-killed-family-cat-slamming-ground-car-park-avoids-jail.html
This is how a RSPCA inspector described the video: 'The footage shows how he is almost between the pallets when he catches her, and from behind he grabs either a rear leg or tail and swings her up over his shoulder, before swinging her back down with great force and slamming her onto the floor. 'It is clear she is injured and unable to move but is still alive. 'He takes some steps away - but comes back and then appears to kick her whilst she would already be in pain. 'She can be seen to move a few more times but then is motionless for a few seconds before dragging herself under the pallets.''.
He was sentenced to a lifetime of cat disqualification (what a joke for a dog owner as if he would care plus can be overturned in only 5 years), an 18 week suspended prison sentence, suspended for 12 months (so basically nothing) and 150 hours of community service (hardly anything for what he done).
A suspended sentence for violently killing an animal on camera by slamming it and then coming back to kick it to death, Christ this apparent punishment/sentencing is pathetic, people like this getting to live their lives freely after doing something so violent completely unscathed, they both also done this outside a SCHOOL they both worked at. I wouldn't want anyone like this around my kids or anyone vulnerable. Same for the girlfriend just watching and not doing anything at all both awful.
The Law needs to be so much tougher on animal abusers/crultey (of all kinds/any animal).