I’m 27. When I was 13/14, I started having weird throat issues all the time. It felt like my throat had a lot of pressure in it, like a weird tension feeling, and the only thing that helped was when I ate/drank something or swallowed. This would help then it would come back a few minutes or so later. I had weird issues swallowing saliva too. I saw an ear nose & throat doctor about this and was told my issue was acid reflux. Doctor prescribed reflux medication and told me to sleep on an incline. I did those things for a while, but it didn’t help. Supposedly I was treating the issue and the doctor didn’t know why I wasn’t improving but told me to continue doing what I was doing to supposedly treat it. I saw some other doctors that weren’t sure either. I pretty much learned to just live like that but it was annoying and started to take over my life to the point that every day revolved around coping with my throat and dealing with the bad anxiety it was causing. I used to avoid things, had no life, had to make sure I always had something to drink to help my throat, and felt really stressed about the whole thing and how it was affecting me. On a side note, I also used to breathe mostly through my mouth as well. No one really knew, but I was really miserable all the time because of this stuff.
At 15, I started to feel like a brain fog on top of the throat issues. Something I’d never felt before. It was like my brain felt like mush all the time, no matter how much sleep I got. Like that feeling when you sleep really bad for a couple nights and feel like crap, except I was sleeping enough. Felt kind of spaced out constantly, couldn’t concentrate as well, I never wanted to do anything, felt apathetic, and just kind of crappy all the time. Wasn’t severe but was definitely impacting my day to day life. I went back to seeing doctors. Lots of doctors said there was nothing medically wrong with me and some even said that the brain fog (and maybe even the throat issues) were all psychological. I didn’t feel like that was it because my symptoms felt so real and physical but what did I know. I was prescribed antidepressants and doctors recommended I see a therapist for bad anxiety issues. I spent the next couple of years trying multiple medications, seeing therapists, and making other changes but nothing helped. I thought I was going crazy. In those few years that passed, I had slowly started to feel worse. By the time I graduated high school, the constant mental fog and tiredness were affecting me pretty bad. I felt stressed and anxious nonstop. I had almost no life during high school because of it and did just the bare minimum to get by. With lots of doctors telling me there was nothing physically wrong with me, I started to believe them about it being all mental. I thought it was something I was doing wrong personally. At this point I wasn’t even talking to my family about it as much since supposedly there was nothing wrong and it was all in my head. Especially when doctor after doctor were saying nothing was wrong and because my symptoms were mostly feeling tired all the time, what was I supposed to say? It felt like it was my personal fault for feeling the way I did. Everyone gave me the impression that my issues were because of me and I just needed to change my mindset and lifestyle and I’d feel better. Positive thinking, anxiety workbooks, deep breathing, more sleep, take antidepressants, therapy. I did every single thing doctors and therapists told me to do, but nothing helped. Doctors and therapists made me question my sanity every day. It was hell.
I was in no shape to go to college out of state, but I did. I ended up going because supposedly there was nothing wrong with me and I was trying desperately to believe it was all in my head like doctors and therapists and my family were saying. I just needed to change my way of thinking and lifestyle and that would cure the constant brain fog and tiredness and throat issues. So I pushed myself to go, hoping I’d sort it out. I spent the next 4 years slowly feeling worse, still seeing doctors but getting no legit answers. I'd go months and months at a time without seeing a doctor as I didn't know where to turn and had given up at times. I saw a doctor about sleep apnea but didn't seem to fit almost any of the symptoms. Stuff like waking up trying to get air, choking, stopping breathing, snoring, wasn't overweight, wasn't unhealthy, didn’t have a family history of it or other health issues. Still, I tried one of those moldable mouthpieces that’s supposed to help with sleep apnea but didn't see any benefit from it. So with all of this, I figured it’s probably not sleep apnea. I was so desperate, I was constantly trying all sorts of medications, supplements, and other weird things to try and help myself. I felt like I was losing my damn mind. My mental health was horrendous. Felt like crap 24/7. I literally felt stupid because my brain wasn’t working. Dealing with symptoms and figuring out what was wrong with me consumed my entire life. I would occasionally go to class after taking a big dose of stimulant drugs, but even those only did so much. No amount of caffeine pills, energy drinks did anything either. I was beyond that stuff helping. I experienced almost nothing enjoyable in those 4 years of college and had basically no life, really no friends, hobbies, nothing. Really the only experience I had during college was when I went on a study abroad trip but it was hell because I felt so awful the whole time. I had also joined a fraternity in the beginning of college but did almost nothing with them for the same reason. The mental tiredness had gotten so bad it felt like I was disconnected and living in a dream. Like I felt kind of drunk. I was so mentally and emotionally numb and exhausted I didn’t even feel human. Like I physically could not feel emotions and felt super spaced out. I was also still dealing with the throat issues. I’d get random dizziness, my vision got worse like being more sensitive to bright light and bad floaters in my eyes, almost no libido. I somehow managed to graduate college and finished feeling significantly worse than when I began. I was so miserable and had no one to talk to about what was going on. But I was at least glad that college was over, because it sucked horribly.
I spent the next year doing just the bare minimum to get by. About a year after college (2019), I had a sleep study done and results came back with moderate sleep apnea. For the first time I actually had an answer. Sleep doctor immediately prescribed a CPAP machine. Didn’t even bother to wonder why a young healthy person has sleep apnea to begin with, because it’s not normal. I spent the next 2ish years trying multiple machines, masks, changing all the settings, but only saw some improvement. Keeping the CPAP consistently on throughout the night was also a struggle in itself as it was super awkward and uncomfortable, even though I was desperately trying to make it work. When I was able to keep it on for 5+ hours a night I felt a bit better but it was really difficult to do so consistently. During this time I couldn’t really hold down a job, other than some really basic, short term jobs. And even those felt brutal. My relationships with everyone were affected pretty bad. I was a complete zombie because the tiredness was so overwhelming. It was as an amount of brain fog and exhaustion I didn’t know was humanly possible. I was making myself basically sick with stimulants that really weren't helping and even had a doctor at one point tell me that I should get genetic testing for depression or have my brain zapped with electric shocks. I luckily didn't go that route.
After two years of messing with machines, my sleep doctor then recommended I see a maxillofacial doctor to see what the underlying breathing issue was being caused by. The doctor recommended I get a custom mouthpiece made that shifts the lower jaw forward to help open the airway to prevent breathing issues while sleeping. The process of having it fitted and made took a couple months. I even took a “real” job during this same time because I had two different doctors telling me that this mouthpiece was likely to help me a lot. I felt like I couldn’t have gotten the mouthpiece fast enough. I ended up messing with the mouthpiece for months and had no benefit at all. Literally zero. The dentist who made the mouthpiece said that the mouthpiece wasn’t helping because I might just have “weak muscle tone” in my throat and that I should see someone called a myofunctional doctor to supposedly improve muscle tone in the throat and tongue. I looked into that and it seemed like total quack stuff so I didn’t do it and completely dropped that dentist that made my mouthpiece and suggested this. I then saw an ear nose and throat doctor and later did a sleep endoscopy with him where I was put to sleep and had my breathing monitored with a camera down my throat. The doctor said that my breathing issues were being caused by my throat and jaw and suggested that since the mouthpiece wasn’t helping, I could get surgery or have a device called Inspire surgically inserted into my chest and neck to artificially help breathing. I held off on that cause it sounded pretty extreme and thought there had to be something else. During this time I had to leave the job I should’ve never taken in the first place because I was so non-functional.
I pretty much gave up for months. I eventually scheduled an appointment with another ear nose & throat doctor (the same kind of doctor I saw when I was 13). I'd already seen many ear nose & throat doctors by this point but didn't know what else to do. Don’t remember how exactly it happened, but the connection was made that my issues were due to really abnormal nasal breathing. Something called nasal valve stenosis, where both sides of my nose were completely caving in and blocking most air, leading to crappy breathing, even when just breathing in lightly. This issue is worse during sleep and was causing my brain to “wake up” every time my nose had the obstruction. So I was struggling to breathe all night and I was slowly feeling worse as I was never getting good deep sleep. So the bad sleep every night just kept accumulating over the course of 10+ years. He also explained that my throat issues were a sign that my nose wasn’t functioning normally, which was causing airflow issues and a throat pressure feeling as a result. But weirdly the nasal issues weren’t being caused by my nose itself. There’s nothing actually wrong with my nose. It’s the middle part of the face that provides the base and support for the nose that is lacking the support needed to keep the nose open for normal breathing. Doctor said it’s really abnormal for nasal collapse to happen like this as a result of the face just not developing properly. It was just the way the middle of my face grew and changed over time, especially during puberty, that led to this. Doctor said it is called midface deficiency. It’s the area of the face just to the sides of the nose, below the eyes. Doctor said facial surgery is really what I needed but said nasal surgery could potentially help a bit and is less intense of a surgery, so I decided to go with that. Prior to the surgery the doctor had me wear a dilator in my nose at night to keep it open which helped immensely. Everything finally made sense for the first time ever. I even recorded my sleep and sure enough I could hear myself struggling to breathe all night.
Last year (2022), I had nasal valve surgery. It took a long time to recover from surgery and I still have to wear something in my nose when I sleep to prevent it from pinching shut as the surgery only helped a bit. I will still have to look into facial surgery to address the underlying issue as my breathing is still not great during the day when I’m not wearing a dilator in my nose but at night I wear it and am good. Over time most of my issues have gone away. The slowly worsening constant exhaustion and brain fog and cognitive issues that started when I was a teenager. The severe anxiety and stress feelings I had since I was a kid. Throat issues gone. It was that obvious all along but untreated made my life constant torture to no end. Feeling horrible nonstop, slowly getting worse, not knowing why, being told there was nothing wrong with me and that it was all psychological, trying all sorts of things with no benefit, and having my entire life be ruined was a mental hell I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I don’t feel like my teens and most my 20s actually happened because I was in such poor health physically and mentally 24/7. I wish I had been able to see decent doctors earlier, but obviously that didn’t happen. I’m not even sure how I wasn’t able to make the connection myself. I think I was just so used to really bad breathing since I was young I didn’t know it was abnormal and had no reason to think I had some weird issue. I still struggle with the mental effects of I think living like this for so long. The depression and anger about it all. The why did I have to have this weird specific issue that destroyed and stole my life, why couldn't doctors have helped me sooner like that very first ENT doctor I saw at 13, why couldn't it have been any other identifiable health issue, etc. It's surreal to even think about how my life has been for so long. These issues consumed everything for more than 10 years so I guess it’s not surprising that it still affects me mentally even after the fact. Thanks for reading and hopefully this can help someone out there.
Here's photos of my nose just breathing in slightly deeper than normal. It's only slightly better following surgery:
https://imgur.com/aQWsJeX
https://imgur.com/a/7NsNIWo
https://imgur.com/a/qGXCBFw

This is the best tl;dr I could make, original reduced by 49%. (I'm a bot)

Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services Merck & Co Inc NEW YORK, June 6 - Merck & Co sued the U.S. government on Tuesday, seeking an injunction of the drug price negotiation program contained in the Inflation Reduction Act, which it argues violates the Fifth and First Amendments to the U.S. Constitution.
The Biden administration's drug pricing reform aims to save $25 billion annually by 2031 through price negotiations for Medicare.
The lawsuit, filed in the U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia, argues that under the law, drugmakers would be forced to negotiate prices for drugs in the government's Medicare health insurance program at below market rates.
After the government released its roadmap for price negotiations in March, industry lobbyists and lawyers told Reuters that drugmakers were likely to file lawsuits arguing that the government is not complying with the U.S. Constitution.
The first ever Medicare drug price reduction process is due to begin in September when CMS identifies its 10 most costly drugs.
Following negotiations on that first wave of drugs, new prices will go into effect in 2026, which could cut industry sales by $4.8 billion in that first year.

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CapitalGainsReport: Uncovering Potential Under $1 (EPAZ, CLNV, ENZC, AMBL)
In the dynamic realm of stock trading, a captivating segment can often catch the eye of countless investors: stocks trading under $1 on the OTC exchange. These intriguing securities, commonly known as penny stocks, attract those who enjoy ventures that are risky but rewarding.
Are you ready to set out on a journey that explores the thrilling world of these intriguing stocks? Let's set the stage with Epazz, Inc., an up and coming drone company that could hold immense promise
EPAZZ, INC. (OTC: EPAZ)
EPAZ is a provider of mission-critical business solutions, revolutionizing the way businesses operate with a diverse portfolio encompassing drone technology, blockchain mobile apps, and cloud-based business software.
In 2023, Epazz showcased its innovative technology through its subsidiary, ZenaDrone Inc. Specializing in intelligent unmanned aerial vehicle technology, ZenaDrone has seamlessly integrated machine learning software and AI to enhance its capabilities. While initially targeting the hemp farming sector, the ZenaDrone has expanded its reach, offering versatile solutions for industrial surveillance, inspection, and monitoring.
At the forefront of Epazz's technology stands the ZendaDrone 1000, an intelligent drone that has garnered significant attention in various demonstrations this year, notably from the US Military. The ZendaDrone 1000 has been recognized for its potential as a valuable tool in hazardous environments for package transport, as well as its capability in transporting critical medical supplies. Its advanced technology and adaptability make it an indispensable asset across various sectors.
In a recent move, Epazz announced the creation of Galaxy Batteries Inc., a subsidiary solely dedicated to housing the company's intellectual property in battery technology. Epazz has been actively engaged in the development of specialized batteries to power high-performance devices and aircraft, including the ZenaDrone 1000.
Dr. Shaun Passley, CEO of Epazz, said, "The journey of our drone project has paved the way for unforeseen opportunities that we couldn't have anticipated back in 2019. We are now actively evaluating how to monetize our diverse range of developed technologies and maximize the value they bring to our company."
With ongoing patent filings for their innovative battery technology, EPAZ envisions Galaxy Batteries emerging as an independent entity in the near future. To streamline and consolidate their battery technology initiatives, the company launched galaxybatteries.com, a dedicated website catering to the subsidiary's offerings.
Epazz's strategic venture into battery technology aligns with the surging demand for high-powered batteries for various devices. EPAZ is positioning itself favorably to capitalize on the expanding market. Investors should keep an eye on Epazz's battery technology subsidiary, which could hold potential and is could make an impact across multiple industries for EPAZ
Epazz's focus on advancing drone technology, combined with its explorations of cutting-edge battery innovations, shows its dedication to remaining at the forefront of technological advancements. With a unique approach in an ever-evolving landscape, EPAZ emerges as a compelling company that deserves close attention.
CLEAN VISION CORPORATION (OTC: CLNV)
CLNV is a company operating in the sustainable clean technology and green energy sectors. The company's focus is on acquiring and operating a portfolio of synergistic companies in these sectors.
In a company update from June 5, Clean Vision announced a significant development for its subsidiary, Clean-Seas West Virginia. Clean-Seas, Inc., a wholly-owned subsidiary of Clean Vision, is actively working towards providing efficient and cost-effective technology solutions to address the global plastic crisis.
The subsidiary focuses on plastic diversion and conversion, including securing plastic feedstock and off-take agreements. By deploying pyrolysis technology and forming strategic alliances, Clean-Seas aims to create economic opportunities and social benefits worldwide.
According to the company update, Clean-Seas West Virginia has signed a Memorandum of Agreement (MoA) with the West Virginia Department of Economic Development (WVDED). The MoA aims to leverage state incentives amounting to over $12 million to establish a manufacturing facility in West Virginia.
The facility will be dedicated to the conversion of plastic feedstock into precursors for recycled content plastics and clean fuels, including hydrogen. This initiative aligns with Clean Vision's commitment to delivering innovative solutions for a sustainable environment and supporting clean economic growth.
The project has received strong support from West Virginia Governor Jim Justice and WVDED Secretary Mitch Carmichael, who recognize the potential for job creation and industry development. The MoA includes $1.75 million in forgivable loans, with additional support provided through tax and employment incentives.
Once operational, the facility is expected to process 100 tons of plastic per day, starting in 2024, and gradually scale up to 500 tons per day. This project not only contributes to the clean energy sector but also addresses the global plastic crisis by removing harmful plastic from the environment.
Clean Vision's expansion into West Virginia and its commitment to clean energy demonstrate its dedication to sustainable practices and contributing to a cleaner, greener future.
ENZOLYTICS, INC. (OTC: ENZC)
ENZC is a drug development company focused on commercializing its proprietary proteins and monoclonal antibodies to treat infectious diseases. The company's primary compound, ITV-1 (Immune Therapeutic Vaccine-1), has shown promising results in treating HIV/AIDS and modulating the immune system.
In recent updates, Enzolytics provided details regarding the sale of its subsidiaries, Virogentics, Inc., and Biogenysis, Inc., to Sagaliam Acquisition Corp. The negotiations and regulatory filings are currently underway, with both parties working towards completing the transaction efficiently.
Furthermore, the Bulgarian Academy of Science for Korporativ Klinik Drug Research and Development conducted a comprehensive study that highlighted the efficacy and molecular composition of ITV-1. The preparation for phase 3 clinical trials, following the European Medicine Agency (EMA) guidelines, is in progress.
Furthermore, the final protocol for administering ITV-1 under the supervision of Neuro Pharma Ltd. in Rwanda is expected to be completed soon. The impact of the treatment on the HIV/AIDS virus will be reported after the 17-week cycle, with plans to begin the trial in late July or early August 2023.
Enzolytics continues to make significant strides in its projects and looks forward to ongoing success.
AMERICAN BATTERY TECHNOLOGY COMPANY (OTC: AMBL)
AMBL is a company focused on providing low-cost, environmentally friendly, and domestically sourced battery metals. With its three divisions focused on lithium-ion battery recycling, primary battery metal extraction technologies, and primary resource development, AMBL aims to meet the growing demand for battery metals. The company's ESG-principled platform emphasizes ethical and sustainable sourcing of critical materials, contributing to a closed-loop circular economy for battery metals.
Last month, AMBL announced financial results for its third fiscal quarter 2023, highlighting its continued and accelerated progress in bringing new, domestically manufactured battery metal products to market.
During this quarter, AMBL expanded its recycling business by securing a move-in-ready facility for lithium-ion battery recycling operations, with commissioning planned for summer 2023. AMBL also published a resource report for its Tonopah Flats Lithium Project, which is identified as one of the largest known lithium resources in the United States.
In addition, AMBL chose engineering firm Black & Veatch to build a commercial-scale lithium hydroxide refinery with the help of a US Department of Energy grant.
Key financial highlights include $12.6 million in cash as of March 31, 2023, and total operating costs that are 47% lower year over year.
In addition, AMBL is in final contract negotiations with the U.S. DOE for two recently awarded competitive grants to further develop its advanced recycling processes and the commercial refinery for lithium hydroxide production from claystone resources.
AMBL aims to continuously improve battery recycling and manufacturing processes to align with new technologies, conserve resources, reduce environmental impacts, and maintain economic viability. The company's participation in the DOE-funded initiative aims to enhance economic competitiveness and reintegrate more constituent components into the domestic battery manufacturing market.
For interested investors, AMBL's CEO, Ryan Melsert, will be sharing industry insights and perspectives on building a sustainable, domestic supply chain for lithium-ion battery materials at the TD Cowen Sustainability Week.
The virtual conference will feature a fireside chat with Melsert, hosted by David Deckelbaum, TD Cowen's equity research analyst and managing director of sustainability and energy transition. The fireside chat is scheduled for June 6, 2023, from 2:20-2:50 PM EST. The event will be live-streamed on AMBL's website and will be available for viewing for up to a year.
Disclaimers:CapitalGainsReport (CGR) is not operated by a licensed broker, a dealer, or a registered investment adviser. This content is for informational purposes only and is not intended to be investment advice. The Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995 provides investors a safe harbor in regard to forward-looking statements. Any statements that express or involve discussions with respect to predictions, expectations, beliefs, plans, projections, objectives, goals, assumptions, or future events or performance are not statements of historical fact may be forward looking statements. Forward looking statements are based on expectations, estimates, and projections at the time the statements are made that involve a number of risks and uncertainties which could cause actual results or events to differ materially from those presently anticipated. Forward looking statements in this action may be identified through use of words such as projects, foresee, expects, will, anticipates, estimates, believes, understands, or that by statements indicating certain actions & quote; may, could, or might occur. Understand there is no guarantee past performance will be indicative of future results. Investing in micro-cap and growth securities is highly speculative and carries an extremely high degree of risk. It is possible that an investors investment may be lost or impaired due to the speculative nature of the companies profiled. CapitalGainsReport (CGR) is owned by RazorPitch Inc. and has been retained by Epazz Inc. to assist in the production and distribution of content. 'CGR' is responsible for the production and distribution of this content. It should be expressly understood that under no circumstances does any information published herein represent a recommendation to buy or sell a security. This content is for informational purposes only, you should not construe any such information or other material as legal, tax, investment, financial, or other advice. Nothing contained in this article constitutes a solicitation, recommendation, endorsement, or offer by CapitalGainsReport/RazorPitch or any third party service provider to buy or sell any securities or other financial instruments. All content in this article is information of a general nature and does not address the circumstances of any particular individual or entity. Nothing in this article constitutes professional and/or financial advice, nor does any information in the article constitute a comprehensive or complete statement of the matters discussed or the law relating thereto. CGRazorPitch is not a fiduciary by virtue of any persons use of or access to this content.
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The global generic drugs market size was valued at USD 418.1 billion in 2022 and is poised to grow at a significant CAGR of 5.6% during the forecast period 2023-29. It also includes market size and projection estimations for each of the five major regions from 2023 to 2029. The research report includes historical data, trending features, and market growth estimates for the future. Furthermore, the study includes a global and regional estimation and further split by nations and categories within each region. The research also includes factors and barriers to the generic drugs market growth, as well as their impact on the market's future growth. The report gives a comprehensive overview of both primary and secondary data.
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There are a number of really effective HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) medicines accessible as of my knowledge cutoff in September 2021. Antiretroviral therapy (ART), the name of these therapies, aims to restrict the virus's reproduction, lower the viral load in the body, and enhance immune system performance. It's crucial to keep in mind that HIV therapies could have improved since my previous update, so it's always advisable to speak with a medical expert or an HIV specialist for the most recent advice.
Here are a few popular and successful HIV medications:
Drugs in this family include dolutegravir, raltegravir, and bictegravir. Integrase strand transfer inhibitors (INSTIs). INSTIs function by obstructing an enzyme required for HIV replication.
NNRTIs: Non-nucleoside reverse transcriptase inhibitors. This group includes drugs including efavirenz, rilpivirine, and etravirine. HIV cannot replicate because NNRTIs attach to and block the reverse transcriptase enzyme.
Drugs known as nucleoside reverse transcriptase inhibitors (NRTIs) include abacavir, emtricitabine, and tenofovir. The reverse transcriptase enzyme, which is necessary for HIV replication, is inhibited by NRTIs.
Protease inhibitors (PIs): Some PIs are lopinaviritonavir, atazanavir, and darunavir. PIs prevent the development of mature, functioning HIV particles by inhibiting the protease enzyme.
Combination therapies: In order to maximise efficacy and reduce the danger of drug resistance, HIV therapy often entails mixing numerous antiretroviral medications from various classes.
It's important to keep in mind that the selection of HIV therapy relies on a number of variables, including the patient's general health, potential medication interactions, drug resistance tests, and customised treatment plans.health-related factors. Therefore, to choose the optimal course of therapy for you, you must speak with a healthcare provider who specialises in HIV treatment. Based on recent developments in HIV therapy, they will be able to offer the most precise and up-to-date information.
Drugs known as fusion inhibitors include enfuvirtide and ibalizumab. They function by stopping HIV from joining forces with CD4 cells, preventing the virus from penetrating and infecting the cell.
Entry inhibitors: Maraviroc is a medication in this group. Entry inhibitors prevent HIV from entering and infecting CD4 cells by blocking the CCR5 receptor on their surface.
Ritonavir and cobicistat are a few of examples of pharmacokinetic enhancers. These medicines are used with other antiretroviral treatments to boost their effectiveness. by increasing their body-wide levels, their efficacy.
Treatments with a long half-life: Long-acting injectable HIV medications, which provide an alternative to daily pill regimens, have recently been discovered. These include the once-every-four-weekly or once-every-two-monthly given medications cabotegravir and rilpivirine.
It's crucial to remember that depending on your area and the healthcare system, the accessibility of particular prescriptions may change. Thus, it is essential to speak with an HIV specialist who can provide you the most suitable and current treatment alternatives depending on your unique situation.
New and better HIV therapies are also being developed as a result of continuous research and improvements. It's always a good idea to keep up with the most recent advancements in HIV therapy by speaking with reliable medical sources or talking to medical staff members with expertise in HIV treatment.

Hello everyone,
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Imagine being trapped in a destructive cycle for eight long years, knowing you need to escape but feeling utterly powerless to do so. That was my reality. I'm a 26-year-old man who, from the tender age of 12, found himself caught in the relentless grip of pornography and masturbation addiction.
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By 18, I was painfully aware of the damage it was causing and desperate to break free. I tried everything – NoFap, meditation, sports, cold showers, even punishing myself, but to no avail. It felt like my addiction was an unshakeable opponent. But then, something changed. I discovered a strategy that changed my life. If you're struggling, I want to share this with you...
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Caught in the grip of this addiction, I would spend an average of seven hours per day, even peaking at thirteen hours sometimes. The toll of this habit was heavy, affecting my personal, professional, and social life severely. Yet everything changed when I discovered Jack Trimpey's Rational Recovery method.
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While his book provided me with crucial insights, it was his comprehensive AVRT Demonstration, where Trimpey guided an alcohol addict towards permanent abstinence, that truly filled the missing pieces in my fight against addiction. The Rational Recovery method fundamentally shifted my perspective towards addiction, helping me to recognize and silence the voice of my brain (the Beast) pushing me to consume. Today, I want to share my experience, hoping it could be an effective solution for many of you. You can access the entire demonstration at the end in the 'Useful Resources' section.
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Understanding Addiction and Navigating this Guide
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Let's talk about what addiction really is. Addiction isn't about the behavior itself, but rather the desire to escape pain and seek a better life. It is marked by ambivalence, a feeling of being torn between two minds. Overcoming addiction involves breaking free from the grip of pleasure and reclaiming control over oneself.
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Before I delve into how I applied the Rational Recovery method and the results I got, I want to pose a simple but powerful question: If I placed a big red button in front of you that, when pressed, would instantly eradicate your addiction, would you press it?
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If your answer is 'yes', then you have all the reasons you need to quit. I've been where you are now, writing pages upon pages of reasons to stop, yet relapsing despite knowing how harmful it was. It's important to recognize when a pattern becomes harmful, it's time to stop.
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As you explore this guide, remember the importance of keeping an open mind. Let's borrow some wisdom from Mark Twain, who once said, “It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” It's a nod to the importance of being receptive to new ideas and methods. This guide may offer a different approach, but embracing it might bring about the change you're seeking.
​

What is AVRT?

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AVRT (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique) is a transformative strategy that I've found invaluable in my journey to overcoming addiction. This technique helps you recognize and differentiate yourself from the 'addictive voice', the part of your primitive brain structure that fuels your addiction.
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Think of AVRT as your personal defense mechanism that works under any circumstance, regardless of your emotional state – be it sadness, anger,boredom, loneliness, or stress. The aim here isn't to suppress these emotions, but rather to stay in control of your actions, no matter what you're feeling.
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The 'addictive voice' – which we'll call the 'beast' – is a sneaky internal saboteur. It's the part of you that wants to continue with the harmful habit, despite you consciously knowing it's not beneficial. AVRT is about learning to separate this beast from your own true will, thus empowering you to reclaim your life.
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The power of AVRT lies in this distinction between you and the beast. Once you master this technique, you'll learn to reject the rationalizations and temptations that originate from the beast. The dissociation from the beast is what makes it possible to make a firm, irrevocable commitment to quit your addiction. By not identifying with the beast, you can prevent yourself from suffering commonly associated with resisting addiction.
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In essence, AVRT isn't about fighting or resisting; it's about recognizing, dissociating, and reclaiming control of your life.
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What is the "beast"?

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The "beast" is a term coined by the Rational Recovery method to denote the part of your brain pushing you towards your addiction. We call it the Beast because, like a wild, uncontrollable animal, it cares about nothing but fulfilling its need. It is a cunning inner voice, whispering that you need to engage in porn and masturbation to feel satisfied, relieved, or happy. This voice, often referred to as the Addictive Voice (AV), can be quite deceptive. It might paint you a picture of an enticing scene, produce alluring sounds, offer a moment of relief, or even present a false promise of control—"Just be more careful next time."
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This beast manipulates you with excuses, deceptive emotions, and outright lies to make you succumb to your addiction. But let's make one thing clear: the beast is not your friend. It's your worst enemy. It's a parasitic entity that has latched onto your life, thriving on your addictive behavior. Like every living thing, it fears its end, and that end comes when you stop feeding the addiction. It has no regard for your well-being, your relationships, your life goals, or your health. Only its survival matters.
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As you read through this guide, it's crucial to remain aware of the Beast's interference. Remember, the Beast manifests as a voice in your head or as an emotion, pushing you towards addictive thoughts and actions. You might experience feelings of resistance, discomfort, anger, fear, anxiety, or even a cringe reaction. These are the Beast's attempts to disrupt your progress.
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While the Beast can attempt to manipulate your thoughts and emotions, it does not and cannot control your actions. It's your survival instincts that the Beast taps into, but your ability to make decisions, to govern your actions, thoughts, and emotions is uniquely yours.
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The Beast may present itself in thoughts like, "This is too difficult to understand," "This won't work for me," or "I'm an exception to this method." Understand that these thoughts are not your own, but the Beast's desperate attempts to maintain control.
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In its relentless quest for satisfaction, the beast views everything, including you, as expendable. It's the embodiment of your addiction, caring for nothing but its next fix. It's deaf to reason, blind to consequences, and immune to remorse.
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If this description resonates with you, don't panic. You're not 'sick.' It's merely an error of association made by your body - an error in the script, so to speak. It mistakenly believes that this addictive behavior is as vital for your survival as breathing or eating.
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Take these moments of resistance as signs that you are on the right track. You're threatening the Beast's existence, and it's trying to fight back. Recognize these voices for what they are, continue moving forward, and know that each step brings you closer to reaffirming your control and freedom from addiction.
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[How to Proceed]
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Recognition Technique

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Let me share an effective exercise, adapted from the Rational Recovery book, that could help you end your porn and masturbation addiction right now.
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Start by observing your thoughts and feelings about watching porn or masturbating, both positive and negative. The thoughts and feelings that encourage continued use represent your Addictive Voice (AV), while those advocating for abstinence represent the real you.
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When you learn to identify and understand your AV, it becomes an easily defeated foe causing you to indulge. All it craves is pleasure. The main tactic of the Beast is to seize control of the pronoun 'I'. It will try to convince you by saying things like "I want to watch porn" or "I need pornography ".
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However, you can effectively counter this strategy. By simply adding a 't' and shifting the 'I' to 'It', you can remind yourself that these thoughts are not truly yours, but are the Beast's manipulations. So the sentences become, "It wants to watch porn" or "It needs pornography ".
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By changing "I" to "It", you dissociate from the discomfort or distress. Yes, it's that simple, placing it squarely on the Beast instead of yourself. It's crucial to recognize that these feelings are the Beast's attempts to coerce you back into addiction.
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Now, tell yourself, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again", and listen for any negative reactions – this is your AV responding. Conversely, if you think, "I will consume porn or masturbate whenever I please," any pleasant feelings that arise are also your AV asserting control.
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This recognition technique dispels short-term desire, making abstinence effortless. Complete separation of 'you' from 'it' results in complete recovery and hope for a better life.
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Picture the AVRT technique as a form of gardening. The Addictive Voice is the weed trying to overtake your garden and sapping nutrients from the other plants. Recognizing the weed for what it is and uprooting it preserves your garden's health. Similarly, identifying and acting against your Addictive Voice safeguards a healthy and fulfilling life free from addiction.
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Shifting Technique

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Shifting is another powerful technique to help you dissociate from the beast of addiction. The idea is to alternate between viewing your addiction from the perspective of the beast and your own.
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When viewing addiction through the Beast's eyes, you visualize what it craves the most about the addictive behavior and imagine the associated pleasure for a few minutes. It will express sentiments like "I want this now!" or "Please give it to me!", and you may start to feel the beast getting excited, happy, or impatient.
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Then, shift to your perspective and reflect on the pain and negative impact the addiction has on you and those around you. Allow yourself feelings of disgust. Let your own feelings now take over, and you will find that your Beast withdraws and you feel either neutral or put off. This back-and-forth process allows you to dissociate from the Beast.
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Think of Shifting as toggling between two TV channels: one projects a seductive yet distorted image of addiction, while the other reveals the harsh reality of its damage.
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Introducing the "Big Plan"

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The idea of the Big Plan in Rational Recovery is to make a personal commitment to lifelong abstinence from addiction. This commitment, for me, took the form of the decisive statement, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again". It involves pinpointing a day and an hour for your turning point. For me, that was a Sunday at 12am. This moment represents a clear and definitive end to your addictive behavior and the start of a new chapter in your life. You can decide to commit either immediately after going through this post or by specifying your day and hour. It's entirely your choice, and we'll discuss this in more depth later.
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Your Power Over the Beast

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The Beast, despite its intimidating name, is in fact harmless. It may try to coerce, manipulate, and instill fear, but it is important to remember that it is powerless without your consent. It cannot force you to return to the addictive behavior; only you can make that decision. In fact, you are the main authority, the one in charge, and it's the Beast that fears you.
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The Beast is aware of your power and control, and it's terrified of it. It knows that you can shatter its illusions in a snap, without any difficulty. You're the one who makes the call, not the Beast, and it fears your unyielding decision to quit the addiction forever.
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Its tactics may often involve fear. It's like the Beast is pointing a gun at you, but the truth is, its gun is empty. It's just a bluff, an illusion. You know it, and the Beast knows it too. It's simply trying to maintain its influence by resorting to fear tactics, but you can see through its lies.
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"Don't trust yourself in tempting situations...you're not strong enough yet." – The Beast's voice:
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The Beast tries to maintain control by suggesting certain places, events, or people will trigger a relapse. You might hear it whisper, "You can't go to that event, you might relapse," or "Avoid that location, it's too risky." This is simply the Beast's tactic to keep a hold on you, aiming to make you believe you're not completely in control.
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By simply recognizing it for what it is - a tactic of the Beast to undermine your confidence - you can dismiss these fear tactics and reaffirm your control.
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What if I Lose Control?

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The Beast within you is a cunning entity, ever ready to exploit your moments of doubt and vulnerability. It whispers falsehoods, instilling fear and shaking your confidence. But don't be swayed, for you have always held the reins. The Beast may inhabit a corner of your mind, but it lacks the power to control your actions.
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Not convinced? Try this: Extend your finger in front of your eyes and move it, then ask the Beast to do the same. The Beast can't because it doesn't hold sway over your physical actions.
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The truth is, you've never truly "failed" in your endeavor against addiction. You've always had the choice, and sometimes you've elected to surrender to the Beast's desires. But that doesn't equate to losing control. It merely shows you gave in, momentarily, to the Beast's whisperings.
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Expectations

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Recovery from addiction isn't about becoming a superhero or uncovering the universe's hidden secrets. It's about realizing that we don't have control over every aspect of life. However, we do have control over our actions, our reactions, and how we choose to face life's unpredictable events.
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Do you choose the path of self-discovery and freedom from addiction? Or do you prefer to remain confined by the restrictions that addiction imposes? Be cautious: the Beast may distort your perspective, asking, "Where are the benefits?" or suggesting, "You haven't gained anything," and even instigating impatience by incessantly asking, "How long until I see the benefits?"
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But don't fall prey to these distortions. Escaping addiction isn't about immediate gain or fixing all your life's problems. Recovery isn't a magic solution; it's a step towards personal empowerment. It's about gaining freedom and unlocking your potential, not just as a person in recovery, but as an individual capable of resilience and authenticity.
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Concentrate on the liberation that breaking free from addiction brings. Let's choose this path towards a life where addiction no longer controls us, allowing us to genuinely live and experience life to its fullest.
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Understanding the Real Reason You're Engaging in This

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Engaging in this addiction is solely for pleasure and nothing more. Every other justification is a fabrication of the Beast. It's designed to make you believe that giving in to your addiction is the only route to happiness or relief when you're feeling depressed, bored, lonely, stressed, or miserable.
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Speaking from personal experience, I used to think that I turned to pornography and masturbation because I was lonely, stressed, or had a rough day. I thought that because I spent my entire day working alone on a computer, my environment or lifestyle was to blame for my addiction. These were excuses, a way to avoid taking responsibility for my actions, guided by the Beast's narrative.
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The key to recognizing the Beast is noticing that the conversation always bends towards indulgence in your addiction.
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Imagine you're having a tough day, and you begin to feel down. Instead of recognizing this as a passing mood, the Beast seizes this opportunity. It will amplify your negative emotions by saying things like, "You're always unhappy, aren't you? You know what would make you feel better... just one quick session won't hurt." Or, "You're so lonely, this is unbearable. Just indulge, it's your only comfort." These harsh whispers are the Beast's attempts to deepen your feeling of depression and nudge you towards the addictive behavior. Depression doesn't create addiction; addiction does.
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The Beast's goal? To make you feel so low that resorting to your addiction seems like the only way out. Conversely, when you're content and joyful, the Beast will persuade you to give in, arguing it will amplify your satisfaction. Just think about it. If you're living what you perceive as a perfect life, the Beast will still argue you could feel even better with pornography and masturbation. It's a never-ending, destructive cycle.
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Understanding and Separating Desire

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Desire, in its essence, is not a negative emotion; it's a natural human condition. It propels us toward achievement, drives creativity, and gives meaning to our experiences. It also plays a crucial role in our relationships and our sexuality. The key in overcoming addiction is not to extinguish desire altogether, but to discern between healthy desires and those manipulated by the Beast.
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Imagine your desires as a beautiful, roaring river. It's full of life, movement, and potential. This river represents your natural, healthy desires - things like connecting with others, pursuing your hobbies, personal growth, and even your sexual desires. These are your desires, part of who you are.
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Then, there's the Beast's desire - a poisonous stream trying to merge into your river, attempting to hijack your natural flow. This stream carries the pull of addiction, steering you away from your authentic path, manipulating your thoughts, and distorting your perceptions.
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Recognize this poisonous stream and refuse to let it merge with your river. This is not about damming the entire river or stifling your desires, but about rejecting the poisonous stream that the Beast introduces. It's about retaining your authentic desires and letting them guide you.
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Identify that any thought associated with the desire to indulge in the addiction is coming from the Beast. By doing so, you begin to differentiate between what you truly want and what the Beast wants. This understanding will empower you, helping you keep your river clean, vibrant, and true to its course.
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In the whirlwind of addiction, it can be easy to confuse the Beast's desires with our own. I, too, was lost in this confusion. I believed I was drawn to endless layers of perversion, thinking that I was attracted to the limitless exploration of perversion. But deep down, this wasn't me, it was the Beast's influence, its relentless push for more and more. Upon reflection, I realized my true desire was much simpler and profoundly more meaningful: to love and be loved. To have a wife, to raise children together, to share in the mundane and the magical moments of life. That's my authentic desire, not the empty promises of temporary pleasure the Beast kept pushing. This profound clarity is a stark contrast to the Beast's corruption, a beacon that can guide you back to your true self.
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The goal is not to eliminate desire, but to reclaim it, to keep it authentic and personal. Desire is a part of your humanity; it's the Beast's manipulation of it that leads to addiction.

The Myth of Relapse and the Power of Perfection.

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The Beast might sometimes whisper, "It's okay to relapse. You'll do better next time." This is a shrewd strategy designed to maintain its hold on you by normalizing relapse as a part of the recovery journey. It uses these tactics to sow seeds of doubt in your mind, aiming to eventually lead you to relapse. Rational Recovery, however, views this differently: the key is making a definitive decision—your Big Plan—to abstain from the addictive behavior and sticking to it under any circumstances.
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Human beings are perfectly capable of achieving perfection in certain aspects of life. Consider the professional athlete who plays a perfect game or the musician who delivers a flawless performance. They do so by making a firm commitment to their goal and adhering to it diligently, without allowing any room for mistakes.
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Similarly, your recovery journey can be perfect too. Once you make your Big Plan to abstain from addictive behavior, you can stick to it perfectly, without any relapses. This is the ideal that Rational Recovery promotes—not "try, fail, and try again," but "decide and stick to your decision perfectly."
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Your Beast wants you to believe that perfection is unachievable, as this gives it room to persuade you to relapse. But don't let it fool you. You have the power to make a perfect decision and stick to it.
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What if it's too Difficult or Painful?

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Instead of pondering over this, consider a different question: 'For whom is it too painful or difficult?' Any discomfort or difficulty associated with ceasing the addiction stems from the Beast, not you. Observing the Beast's distress is a positive sign - it shows you're successfully dissociating from it.
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Remember that humans can only fully experience one feeling at a time. When you start feeling discomfort from abstaining, it's crucial to recognize that this isn't your discomfort. It's the Beast that suffering. The Beast is protesting because it's not getting what it wants. This suffering isn't negative for you; in fact, it's a positive sign. It means you're successfully asserting control over your decisions, as the Beast's discomfort indicates that it's losing its influence over you.
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Most importantly, remember: you are safe. You risk nothing by quitting this addiction. Every feeling of discomfort or fear is from the Beast, not you. Your well-being and safety are never in jeopardy by choosing to stop. By rejecting the Beast's influence and asserting your control, you reclaim your freedom from addiction.
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How would I know what I will do in the future?

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While predicting your future actions may be impossible, you can certainly define what you would never do. Consider the activities that you find disturbing, unhealthy, and reprehensible - those that you would never engage in.
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Now, add porn and masturbation addiction to that list. As you do this, pay attention to your Beast. It might try to concoct far-fetched scenarios that seem to justify succumbing to the addiction. Recognize these for what they are: desperate attempts by the Beast to manipulate your thoughts. By doing so, you can effectively disregard its interference and remain true to your values.
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I'm scared to relapse, what should I do?

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Relapse anxiety is a common pitfall many encounter on their NoFap journey. You may be confidently progressing, then suddenly a thought creeps in: "What if I relapse tomorrow?" This thought triggers anxiety, shaking your belief in your commitment.
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From the Rational Recovery standpoint, relapse anxiety is the Beast's deceptive voice trying to manipulate you. It incites fear and uncertainty, making you feel as if relapse is imminent. The Beast attempts to shake your confidence and sense of control. But here's the truth: relapse anxiety is an illusion, a tactic used by the Beast to tighten its grip.
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Combat this by distancing yourself from the Beast and recognizing that relapse anxiety is a deceptive tactic used by the Beast to instill fear and weaken your resolve. Remember, you risk nothing by quitting this addiction; you are safe. Any discomfort you experience stems from the Beast, not you.
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Reiterate your Big Plan: "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." By affirming your decision and distancing yourself from the Beast's influence, you can dispel the anxiety and stay firmly on your path. Remember, you are in control, and you will always stay in control, the fears conjured by the Beast hold no sway over you.
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The Beast's Attack on the Dreamscape

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The Beast's intrusion into your dreams should not be a source of fear. This isn't a situation that requires extensive concern, this is just a sign of the Beast's distress.
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There are generally two types of dreams where the Beast tries to assert its influence. The first type are explicit sex dreams, designed to reignite the desires and cravings associated with your addiction. The second type are dreams where you see yourself relapsing, which can be distressing and seem all too real.
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When your neocortex (the real you) goes to sleep, the Beast sees an opportunity to attack and tries to regain influence over you through these dreams. This is evidence that you are on the right track. Your progress towards your goal of freedom from addiction is causing this panicked response from the Beast.
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Remember, no matter what happens in your dreams, you are in control in reality. These dreams are just dreams, and they do not have the power to make you do anything.
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Understanding 'Blue Balls' and Nocturnal Emissions in Recovery

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Experiencing discomfort or an aching in the testicles, often referred to as 'blue balls,' is something that some individuals might encounter during their decision to quit their porn and masturbation addiction. Similarly, you may also experience nocturnal emissions or 'wet dreams' during your journey to recovery.
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These phenomena aren't signs of harm, danger, or relapse, but rather physical manifestations of your body adjusting to your firm decision to quit the addiction.
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While your body is adapting to a new, healthier state, not reliant on constant sexual stimulation, the Beast might attempt to distort these occurrences into negative experiences. It might tell you that nocturnal emissions are relapses, causing unwarranted fear and anxiety. But remember, you're in control.
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Consider these sensations and events as physical signs of your transformation, a testament to the changes happening within you. It's important to remember that not everyone experiences this, and even if you do, it's not something to be overly concerned about. These adjustments are something you are more than capable of handling. As your body adjusts to your new lifestyle, such events will likely decrease and eventually stop. Don't let the Beast use these natural bodily responses as a scare tactic.
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Gradual Reduction: A Beast's Strategy

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In your journey of breaking free from addiction, you might be tempted to adopt a "gradual reduction" approach - cutting back little by little rather than quitting outright. This strategy, while seemingly logical, is often a ploy from the Beast, setting you up for failure.
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During my own journey, for many months, I was enticed by the concept of gradually reducing my addictive behaviors. The approach felt less abrupt, seemingly offering a smoother transition. Even the Beast within me suggested compromises such as, "Let's start by indulging only in the afternoon," or "How about we limit it to weekends?".However, I discovered through experience that this gradual reduction strategy often creates more problems than it resolves. Let me tell you why.
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Firstly, by not making a clean break, you're continually feeding the addiction, keeping the Beast alive and active. It's akin to trying to put out a fire while still pouring small amounts of gasoline on it - it keeps the flames going, never fully extinguishing the fire.
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Secondly, when you set specific times or days for indulging, you're not freeing your mind from the addiction; instead, you're refocusing it. You find yourself constantly counting down the hours or days until your next 'allowed' session. This fixation lead to a persistent preoccupation with the addiction, turning the process into something torturous and counterproductive.
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Lastly, even on the days where you've decided not to indulge, the Beast is still at work. It doesn't take breaks. It try to convince you to deviate from your plan, asserting things like, "You're going to do it in a couple of days anyway, so why not just do it today? Why wait?" This becomes a recurring battle with the Beast, undermining your resolve.
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The gradual reduction method keeps the addiction in focus, maintains the Beast's influence, and undermines your resolve. It's far more effective to make a clean break and assert your decision to quit outright. Remember, you're not losing anything by quitting - you're freeing yourself from the Beast's control.
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Counting Days

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Why should you spend energy on counting days for an activity you've resolved never to engage in? The Beast excels at setting goals and then weaponizing them against us.
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Here's how the Beast use day counting against you:
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Making a big deal of milestones: The Beast lead you to focus excessively on reaching a certain number of days, weeks, or months. While milestones can be motivational, the Beast use them to create unnecessary stress and pressure, saying things like "What if you don't make it?" or "Imagine how bad it would feel to start over."
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Justifying a lapse: "You've made it 100 days, you deserve a reward!" or "One slip after so many days won't hurt." The Beast use the number of days as an excuse to suggest that it would be "safe" or "earned" to indulge in the addictive behavior.
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Creating a false sense of security: The Beast suggest that after a certain number of days without indulging in the addiction, you're "cured" and could safely return to the behavior without becoming addicted again.
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Undermining early progress: In the initial stages, the Beast belittle the small number of days you've been free from the addiction, making statements like "You've only managed two days, you'll never make it a week."
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Leveraging bad days: If you're having a tough day, the Beast say, "You're miserable even after 30 days clean. See, quitting doesn't make things better. Might as well go back."
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Remember, these are all tricks of the Beast trying to manipulate you into returning to the addictive behavior. The Beast will use anything, including the count of days, to try to get what it wants. The best way to deal with this is to remain steadfast in your decision and continue dissociating from the Beast.
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So, instead of getting trapped in the Beast's game of counting days, surrender this act to it. We can concentrate on the broader scope - liberating ourselves from the Beast's clutches, embracing enduring change, and regaining our freedom. Day counting becomes insignificant because it no longer illustrates our path. Our chosen journey is one where the Beast's urges hold no power, and our authentic liberation takes the limelight. Let the Beast obsess over counting days, while we commit to a life of emancipation and self-discovery.
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Why Punishment Doesn't Work

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Self-punishment is a common response to addiction, yet it often proves ineffective. This can take many forms, from physical discomfort to emotional torment. In my own battle against addiction, I tried various self-punishment strategies. On the physical side, I would resort to self-harm. Emotionally, I burdened myself with negative self-talk, depression, feelings of hopelessness, anger, sadness, and even thoughts of death. It's important to note, however, that these intense feelings of guilt and self-condemnation were amplified by the Beast. The Beast utilizes such negative emotions to paint addiction as the only respite, the only 'good thing' left in life. It is a manipulative trick to keep you chained to the addiction.
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Yet, over time, these painful memories have faded, while the seductive pull of the addictive behavior has remained vivid in my mind. It's a compelling illustration of the human condition: we often forget pain and remember pleasure.
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Consider individuals who struggle with drug addiction. They might end up in a hospital after an overdose, experiencing immense physical pain. But as time passes, the memory of this pain dissipates, while the allure of the drug, the pleasure it brought, remains clear and tempting. This imbalance often leads them back into the cycle of addiction.
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This became evident to me during the last week leading up to my final decision to quit - my Big Plan. It was the most challenging week of my life; I was counting the days until my liberation. Now that I'm free, when I think back to that week, the Beast tries to rewrite the narrative, calling it the "best week of all time!"
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This disparity between the memory of pain and pleasure underscores why self-punishment is an ineffective strategy for long-term addiction recovery. Rational Recovery offers a different approach. Rather than relying on the fleeting memory of pain, it focuses on recognizing and dissociating from the addictive voice—the Beast.
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Arguing with the beast

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Let's clarify something: arguing with the Beast is futile. The Beast is single-minded, craving only the satisfaction of its addiction. Moreover, it's cunning, capable of playing both sides of an argument.
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For instance, the Beast might implant thoughts such as, "You could indulge now, it's not a big deal." Then, to create confusion and feign agreement, it might echo that very idea, saying, "Yes, I could indulge now." It's essential to recognize that both these sentiments are from the Beast. It is a clear demonstration of how it can promote the idea of indulgence while also pretending to be 'you' to create an illusion of consent.
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In the Rational Recovery technique, every thought or feeling associated with the indulgence in the addiction is identified as coming from the Beast, including its attempts to take possession of the pronoun "I".
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You are the decision-maker here, you are in control. Your will is what truly matters, and the Beast must inevitably conform to your decisions.
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Dealing with White-Knuckling and Intense Urges

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Feeling urges, cravings, or hunger sensations is a natural part of the recovery journey. In fact, it's a positive sign, an indication that you are making progress. However, these feelings can turn into white-knuckling when you identify with the Beast's thoughts and feelings. When you start saying things like "I'm so horny" or "I need a relief ASAP," you're identifying with the beast voice. When you find yourself arguing with the Beast or doubting your decision to quit, you're in the grip of white-knuckling.
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In my own journey to recovery, I experienced these urges, cravings, and sensations. But rather than identifying with them and turning them into a struggle, I recognized them as signs of the Beast's distress, not mine. It was the Beast who was desperate and frustrated, not me. This recognition made these moments not just bearable but even satisfying, as they signaled that I was on the right track in my recovery.
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The power of these urges and cravings diminished with my Big Plan, my absolute decision to never indulge in the addictive behavior again. Even if you find yourself in a white-knuckling situation, remember that you can shift your perspective. Recognize that every thought encouraging the addictive behavior is coming from the Beast, and use the Recognition or Shifting techniques to help you dissociate from these thoughts and feelings. After that, reaffirm your Big Plan, stating firmly and clearly, "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." This firm commitment to your Big Plan will dispel all doubt, releasing you from the grip of white-knuckling.
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The Big Plan: Your Commitment to Freedom

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Taking a firm decision is a critical step in overcoming addiction, and this is what making a Big Plan entails. This plan is a complete commitment, devoid of room for negotiation or compromise. When you formulate a Big Plan, you're making a promise to yourself to never indulge in your addiction again, under any circumstances.
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Choosing a specific day for your Big Plan can help add a sense of occasion and finality to your decision. For instance, I personally chose a Sunday at 12am. Your Beast will likely agree to this arrangement, looking forward to a "last hurrah."
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But as you approach your chosen day to initiate your Big Plan, the Beast may start getting anxious. It may whisper, "I can't let this go!" or "Let's postpone the Big Plan, and enjoy this for now!" This is not your voice. It's the voice of the Beast, trying to make you delay your decision and panicking at the impending loss of its control.
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Your declaration for the Big Plan could be: "I will never consume porn or masturbate again." This phrase embodies the essence of the Big Plan — a firm, unyielding decision that signifies your commitment to stay addiction-free.
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In your journey to overcome addiction, the video I am about to share will be invaluable. It features Jack Trimpey, the founder of Rational Recovery, directly guiding you through the process of making a Big Plan. Although Trimpey focuses on alcohol and drug addiction in the video, his guidance applies to any addiction, including pornography and masturbation. Carefully absorb his words, understanding their relevance to your personal struggle.
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watch this video, skip to 33:39 for the Big Plan section: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_n2YH8RLd_4&list=PLazOJVze5_z3BdcDSF3uPtN8Vu9VDqVJl&index=3where

Conclusion

I've spent a month compiling my experiences and sharing the tools that aided me on my journey. You are free to ask questions while I'm around, but please note that I'm not a regular Reddit user and won't be able to answer indefinitely. For those interested in Rational Recovery, all the information you need is in the "Useful Resources" section. If you found this post helpful, please consider upvoting or sharing it with friends who might benefit from it. Always remember to dissociate from the Beast and stand firm in your Big Plan. Holding unwavering trust in your decision is the key to defeating the Beast. May you embrace your journey to freedom and experience the liberation you've been longing for. Thank you for taking the time to read my post.

Useful Resources

Rational Recovery Book : https://www.amazon.fRational-Recovery-Cure-Substance-Addiction/dp/0671528580/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=rational+recovery&sr=8-1
AVRT Demonstration (AVRT Live Vol 1-5) : https://www.youtube.com/@DeborahSpringborn/videos

Hi Guys,
I hope you are well.
Free tutorial on Machine Learning Projects (End to End) in Apache Spark and Scala with Code and Explanation
1) Life Expectancy Prediction using Machine Learning
2) Predicting Possible Loan Default Using Machine Learning
3) Machine Learning Project - Loan Approval Prediction
4) Customer Segmentation using Machine Learning in Apache Spark
5) Machine Learning Project - Build Movies Recommendation Engine using Apache Spark
6) Machine Learning Project on Sales Prediction or Sale Forecast
7) Machine Learning Project on Mushroom Classification whether it's edible or poisonous
8) Machine Learning Pipeline Application on Power Plant.
9) Machine Learning Project – Predict Forest Cover
10) Machine Learning Project Predict Will it Rain Tomorrow in Australia
11) Predict Ads Click - Practice Data Analysis and Logistic Regression Prediction
12) Machine Learning Project -Drug Classification
13) Prediction task is to determine whether a person makes over 50K a year
14) Machine Learning Project - Classifying gender based on personal preferences
15) Machine Learning Project - Mobile Price Classification
16) Machine Learning Project - Predicting the Cellular Localization Sites of Proteins in Yest
17) Machine Learning Project - YouTube Spam Comment Prediction
18) Identify the Type of animal (7 Types) based on the available attributes
19) Machine Learning Project - Glass Identification
20) Predicting the age of abalone from physical measurements
I hope you'll enjoy these tutorials.

I am finishing my second 8 week course of Budesonide for microscopic colitis. It totally works for me, but only at the starting dose of 3 pills a day. Once I start the weaning, my symptoms increase until they com back with a vengeance once the course is completed.
The doc let me do another course. After a week or so back at the highest dose, my symptoms improved. He doesn’t seem to want me to stay on a maintenance dose though, and Lomotil and other drugs haven’t touched my symptoms. I am supposed to go back this month and see if we can come up with a solution.
I have mixed feelings. The budesonide seems to work so well, but it also negatively impacts my blood sugar as a type II diabetic. I am wondering if anyone has been through this and what the options were for resolving these issues long term.

“Hollywood fight coordinator...To steal from someone who’s recovering from a brain injury ... you’re the one in charge of all their finances and you’re pilfering under their nose — that’s disgusting...Hudson was left depressed, angry, easily distracted and isolated...He’s had multiple surgeries on his back and neck and recently had a metal plate put in his left arm; he will need surgery on his left ankle and a metal plate put in his right arm...2013, Hudson said that he wanted to terminate the conservatorship...breach of oral contract and theft...full forensic audit of how the money was spent.” https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/business/story/2021-10-12/hollywood-fight-sequencer-survived-a-brutal-accident-only-to-endure-a-painful-conservatorship
​
India, "Court clarified that “under Section 20(2), the employer has a duty—in view of the principle of reasonable accommodation—to post a person suffering from disability at a place closer to home." https://www.scobserver.in/journal/a-tale-of-empowerment-of-people-with-mental-disability-part-2/
​
"world-renowned voice hearer, Eleanor Longden, by then, a long-established Lived Experience Expert...speeches, which included a TED stint, were an excellent way to exorcise her demons." https://www.counterpunch.org/2023/06/05/my-short-lived-life-as-an-lee/
​
"When it comes to mental health, patients have their own expertise." - Dr. Ken Duckworth https://www.modernhealthcare.com/opinion/mental-illness-providers-patients-expertise-recovery-model-ken-duckworth
​
"Russian activist...forced to take drugs that affected his cognitive abilities as part of his punishment for staging illegal protests." https://www.rferl.org/a/russia-punitive-psychiatry-ukraine-wa32445574.html
​
"New Jersey-based psychiatry practice has agreed to pay $30,000 to settle a complaint about violations of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act Privacy Rule...Manasa Health Center, LLC allegedly disclosed multiple patients’ protected health information while responding to negative online patient reviews." https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2023/06/05/hhs-office-civil-rights-reaches-agreement-health-care-provider-new-jersey-disclosed-phi-response-negative-online-reviews.html
​
"Sodium valproate...can cause birth defects in around one in ten babies born to those taking it while pregnant, and developmental problems in 30-40% of children...Commission also advised that men under the age of 55 should also be offered the opportunity to have their treatment reviewed." https://www.pulsetoday.co.uk/news/clinical-areas/womens-health/new-decision-tool-for-sodium-valproate-prescribing-for-bipolar-disorde
​
"Does Schizophrenia Exist?
A Deflationary Perspective...paying philosophical attention to the way we go about
asking and answering questions concerning the existence of psychiatric disorders does have
a point." http://philsci-archive.pitt.edu/22191/
​
"What Psychiatric Comorbidities Are Associated With Migraine?...Anxiety...Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder...Depression...Panic Disorder...Bipolar...Insomnia." https://www.clinicaladvisor.com/home/topics/neurology-information-centewhat-psychiatric-comorbidities-are-associated-with-migraine/
​
california, "Assembly Bill 421 would virtually destroy the right to referendum...no matter how outrageous the legislative statute...tools to control indolent or corrupt politicians. The rights of direct democracy — initiative, referendum, and recall." https://www.tahoedailytribune.com/news/when-will-progressives-stop-attacking-the-direct-democracy-rights-opinion/
​
"included studies indicate potential effects of dog-assisted interventions for adults diagnosed with schizophrenia and related disorders, mostly beneficial." https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1192075/abstract
​
"Failure to Take Patient Off Medication Results in Malpractice Lawsuit...first expert found that Ms W’s care had fallen below the acceptable standard in monitoring liver function in a patient on medications that have the potential for liver toxicity, such as divalproex sodium (valproate) and duloxetine (cymbalta)...risks from the combination...life-threatening, and she required a liver transplant...settled prior to trial for a confidential payment." https://www.empr.com/home/features/failure-to-take-patient-off-medication-results-in-malpractice-lawsuit/
​
closed source "Health app in iOS 17 and iPadOS 17 and the Meditation app in watchOS 10 provide users with intuitive ways to review their mental state. Users can scroll through attractive multi-dimensional shapes. and choose what level of self-esteem From very satisfied to very dissatisfied, they can then choose the relationship that has the greatest impact on how they feel. such as traveling or family and describes his own feelings such as being grateful or worried." https://www.archyde.com/apple-introduces-revolutionary-mental-health-and-eye-health-features-in-ios-17-ipados-17-and-watchos-10-including-health-app-now-available-on-ipad/
​
"Domestic violence shelters move out of hiding: ‘It felt like being in prison’" https://siouxcityjournal.com/news/domestic-violence-shelters-move-out-of-hiding-it-felt-like-being-in-prison/article_6ad6921e-925a-5899-adfc-d9fb9a131007.html
​
-50 degrees Canadian Arctic Air season 1 episode 4 All the Vital Things, "The stress. Everybody's stressed...I don't want to have to take pills...It's humiliating I feel like a little old lady." He would lose his pilot's license. Trailer: https://youtu.be/AUfGkhgt7ms
​
Accused (2023) season 1 episode 11 Jiro's Story "car accident that left Sam with a traumatic brain injury...paranoid fantasy... that Sam is being abused in his new group home." https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DTqNsZKP9w0&pp=ygUUSmlybydzIFN0b3J5IEFjY3VzZWQ%3D
​
June 5 mother slandered me as having "diseased" judgment, supporting Canada and state constitutional amendment to restore executions for 1st degree murderers.

“Hollywood fight coordinator...To steal from someone who’s recovering from a brain injury ... you’re the one in charge of all their finances and you’re pilfering under their nose — that’s disgusting...Hudson was left depressed, angry, easily distracted and isolated...He’s had multiple surgeries on his back and neck and recently had a metal plate put in his left arm; he will need surgery on his left ankle and a metal plate put in his right arm...2013, Hudson said that he wanted to terminate the conservatorship...breach of oral contract and theft...full forensic audit of how the money was spent.” https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/business/story/2021-10-12/hollywood-fight-sequencer-survived-a-brutal-accident-only-to-endure-a-painful-conservatorship
​
India, "Court clarified that “under Section 20(2), the employer has a duty—in view of the principle of reasonable accommodation—to post a person suffering from disability at a place closer to home." https://www.scobserver.in/journal/a-tale-of-empowerment-of-people-with-mental-disability-part-2/
​
"world-renowned voice hearer, Eleanor Longden, by then, a long-established Lived Experience Expert...speeches, which included a TED stint, were an excellent way to exorcise her demons." https://www.counterpunch.org/2023/06/05/my-short-lived-life-as-an-lee/
​
"When it comes to mental health, patients have their own expertise." - Dr. Ken Duckworth https://www.modernhealthcare.com/opinion/mental-illness-providers-patients-expertise-recovery-model-ken-duckworth
​
"Russian activist...forced to take drugs that affected his cognitive abilities as part of his punishment for staging illegal protests." https://www.rferl.org/a/russia-punitive-psychiatry-ukraine-wa32445574.html
​
"New Jersey-based psychiatry practice has agreed to pay $30,000 to settle a complaint about violations of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act Privacy Rule...Manasa Health Center, LLC allegedly disclosed multiple patients’ protected health information while responding to negative online patient reviews." https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2023/06/05/hhs-office-civil-rights-reaches-agreement-health-care-provider-new-jersey-disclosed-phi-response-negative-online-reviews.html
​
"Sodium valproate...can cause birth defects in around one in ten babies born to those taking it while pregnant, and developmental problems in 30-40% of children...Commission also advised that men under the age of 55 should also be offered the opportunity to have their treatment reviewed." https://www.pulsetoday.co.uk/news/clinical-areas/womens-health/new-decision-tool-for-sodium-valproate-prescribing-for-bipolar-disorde
​
"Does Schizophrenia Exist?
A Deflationary Perspective...paying philosophical attention to the way we go about
asking and answering questions concerning the existence of psychiatric disorders does have
a point." http://philsci-archive.pitt.edu/22191/
​
"What Psychiatric Comorbidities Are Associated With Migraine?...Anxiety...Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder...Depression...Panic Disorder...Bipolar...Insomnia." https://www.clinicaladvisor.com/home/topics/neurology-information-centewhat-psychiatric-comorbidities-are-associated-with-migraine/
​
california, "Assembly Bill 421 would virtually destroy the right to referendum...no matter how outrageous the legislative statute...tools to control indolent or corrupt politicians. The rights of direct democracy — initiative, referendum, and recall." https://www.tahoedailytribune.com/news/when-will-progressives-stop-attacking-the-direct-democracy-rights-opinion/
​
"included studies indicate potential effects of dog-assisted interventions for adults diagnosed with schizophrenia and related disorders, mostly beneficial." https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1192075/abstract
​
"Failure to Take Patient Off Medication Results in Malpractice Lawsuit...first expert found that Ms W’s care had fallen below the acceptable standard in monitoring liver function in a patient on medications that have the potential for liver toxicity, such as divalproex sodium (valproate) and duloxetine (cymbalta)...risks from the combination...life-threatening, and she required a liver transplant...settled prior to trial for a confidential payment." https://www.empr.com/home/features/failure-to-take-patient-off-medication-results-in-malpractice-lawsuit/
​
closed source "Health app in iOS 17 and iPadOS 17 and the Meditation app in watchOS 10 provide users with intuitive ways to review their mental state. Users can scroll through attractive multi-dimensional shapes. and choose what level of self-esteem From very satisfied to very dissatisfied, they can then choose the relationship that has the greatest impact on how they feel. such as traveling or family and describes his own feelings such as being grateful or worried." https://www.archyde.com/apple-introduces-revolutionary-mental-health-and-eye-health-features-in-ios-17-ipados-17-and-watchos-10-including-health-app-now-available-on-ipad/
​
"Domestic violence shelters move out of hiding: ‘It felt like being in prison’" https://siouxcityjournal.com/news/domestic-violence-shelters-move-out-of-hiding-it-felt-like-being-in-prison/article_6ad6921e-925a-5899-adfc-d9fb9a131007.html
​
-50 degrees Canadian Arctic Air season 1 episode 4 All the Vital Things, "The stress. Everybody's stressed...I don't want to have to take pills...It's humiliating I feel like a little old lady." He would lose his pilot's license. Trailer: https://youtu.be/AUfGkhgt7ms
​
Accused (2023) season 1 episode 11 Jiro's Story "car accident that left Sam with a traumatic brain injury...paranoid fantasy... that Sam is being abused in his new group home." https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DTqNsZKP9w0&pp=ygUUSmlybydzIFN0b3J5IEFjY3VzZWQ%3D
​
June 5 mother slandered me as having "diseased" judgment, supporting Canada and state constitutional amendment to restore executions for 1st degree murderers.

“Hollywood fight coordinator...To steal from someone who’s recovering from a brain injury ... you’re the one in charge of all their finances and you’re pilfering under their nose — that’s disgusting...Hudson was left depressed, angry, easily distracted and isolated...He’s had multiple surgeries on his back and neck and recently had a metal plate put in his left arm; he will need surgery on his left ankle and a metal plate put in his right arm...2013, Hudson said that he wanted to terminate the conservatorship...breach of oral contract and theft...full forensic audit of how the money was spent.” https://www.latimes.com/entertainment-arts/business/story/2021-10-12/hollywood-fight-sequencer-survived-a-brutal-accident-only-to-endure-a-painful-conservatorship
​
India, "Court clarified that “under Section 20(2), the employer has a duty—in view of the principle of reasonable accommodation—to post a person suffering from disability at a place closer to home." https://www.scobserver.in/journal/a-tale-of-empowerment-of-people-with-mental-disability-part-2/
​
"world-renowned voice hearer, Eleanor Longden, by then, a long-established Lived Experience Expert...speeches, which included a TED stint, were an excellent way to exorcise her demons." https://www.counterpunch.org/2023/06/05/my-short-lived-life-as-an-lee/
​
"When it comes to mental health, patients have their own expertise." - Dr. Ken Duckworth https://www.modernhealthcare.com/opinion/mental-illness-providers-patients-expertise-recovery-model-ken-duckworth
​
"Russian activist...forced to take drugs that affected his cognitive abilities as part of his punishment for staging illegal protests." https://www.rferl.org/a/russia-punitive-psychiatry-ukraine-wa32445574.html
​
"New Jersey-based psychiatry practice has agreed to pay $30,000 to settle a complaint about violations of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act Privacy Rule...Manasa Health Center, LLC allegedly disclosed multiple patients’ protected health information while responding to negative online patient reviews." https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2023/06/05/hhs-office-civil-rights-reaches-agreement-health-care-provider-new-jersey-disclosed-phi-response-negative-online-reviews.html
​
"Sodium valproate...can cause birth defects in around one in ten babies born to those taking it while pregnant, and developmental problems in 30-40% of children...Commission also advised that men under the age of 55 should also be offered the opportunity to have their treatment reviewed." https://www.pulsetoday.co.uk/news/clinical-areas/womens-health/new-decision-tool-for-sodium-valproate-prescribing-for-bipolar-disorde
​
"Does Schizophrenia Exist?
A Deflationary Perspective...paying philosophical attention to the way we go about
asking and answering questions concerning the existence of psychiatric disorders does have
a point." http://philsci-archive.pitt.edu/22191/
​
"What Psychiatric Comorbidities Are Associated With Migraine?...Anxiety...Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder...Depression...Panic Disorder...Bipolar...Insomnia." https://www.clinicaladvisor.com/home/topics/neurology-information-centewhat-psychiatric-comorbidities-are-associated-with-migraine/
​
california, "Assembly Bill 421 would virtually destroy the right to referendum...no matter how outrageous the legislative statute...tools to control indolent or corrupt politicians. The rights of direct democracy — initiative, referendum, and recall." https://www.tahoedailytribune.com/news/when-will-progressives-stop-attacking-the-direct-democracy-rights-opinion/
​
"included studies indicate potential effects of dog-assisted interventions for adults diagnosed with schizophrenia and related disorders, mostly beneficial." https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2023.1192075/abstract
​
"Failure to Take Patient Off Medication Results in Malpractice Lawsuit...first expert found that Ms W’s care had fallen below the acceptable standard in monitoring liver function in a patient on medications that have the potential for liver toxicity, such as divalproex sodium (valproate) and duloxetine (cymbalta)...risks from the combination...life-threatening, and she required a liver transplant...settled prior to trial for a confidential payment." https://www.empr.com/home/features/failure-to-take-patient-off-medication-results-in-malpractice-lawsuit/
​
closed source "Health app in iOS 17 and iPadOS 17 and the Meditation app in watchOS 10 provide users with intuitive ways to review their mental state. Users can scroll through attractive multi-dimensional shapes. and choose what level of self-esteem From very satisfied to very dissatisfied, they can then choose the relationship that has the greatest impact on how they feel. such as traveling or family and describes his own feelings such as being grateful or worried." https://www.archyde.com/apple-introduces-revolutionary-mental-health-and-eye-health-features-in-ios-17-ipados-17-and-watchos-10-including-health-app-now-available-on-ipad/
​
"Domestic violence shelters move out of hiding: ‘It felt like being in prison’" https://siouxcityjournal.com/news/domestic-violence-shelters-move-out-of-hiding-it-felt-like-being-in-prison/article_6ad6921e-925a-5899-adfc-d9fb9a131007.html
​
-50 degrees Canadian Arctic Air season 1 episode 4 All the Vital Things, "The stress. Everybody's stressed...I don't want to have to take pills...It's humiliating I feel like a little old lady." He would lose his pilot's license. Trailer: https://youtu.be/AUfGkhgt7ms
​
Accused (2023) season 1 episode 11 Jiro's Story "car accident that left Sam with a traumatic brain injury...paranoid fantasy... that Sam is being abused in his new group home." https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DTqNsZKP9w0&pp=ygUUSmlybydzIFN0b3J5IEFjY3VzZWQ%3D
​
June 5 mother slandered me as having "diseased" judgment, supporting Canada and state constitutional amendment to restore executions for 1st degree murderers.

First Previous Wiki
President Blistanna left her kids with the Matron, an Acuarfar whose job was mainly taking care of the young. She walked through the hallways of her residence, quickly being surrounded by guards and shields. It was how things were now.
She gave her advisor a nod as he waited for the guards to confirm his identification. He walked through one of the recent mind scanners installed in the hallway, which covered the entire length and most of the height of it. There was no sudden alarm, and her guards didn't fill him with new entrances to his stomach, so she assumed he was fine.
"President Blistanna, I have good news regarding the new procedures. In the event of a hypothetical attack, the shields should be able to seal up, preventing anything from getting through."
"Good. And how successful were they at delaying the practice Sprilnav from reaching me?"
"They increased the time from five minutes to thirteen. Of course, that doesn't count the guards, who I'm sure would kill them before they got close," the advisor said. That earned him a few chuckles from around her back.
"There is a point of concern, though. The ceilings are being fortified with increased weaponry, such as lasers, but that doesn't account for the fact that they have a pretty good path to you from above. Assuming they break through eight floors of heavily reinforced kintum and concrete, they still could reach you faster, perhaps decreasing the time to two minutes, if they can quickly break through the barriers without stopping."
"How could they feasibly do that?"
"Kinetic weaponry, bombs, anything that can make the stuff move, really. Maybe an Elder would be able to dig their way through, like that pair of Dreedeen that ate through that section of spaceship hull in that contest."
"What?"
"You don't watch 'The Crystal Mouth'?"
"No?" Blistanna asked.
"Ah well. Nevermind. What I mean to say is that we should more heavily fortify the capitol. Recently it was discovered that the doors could be held up by a crowd of people trying to breach the place, and that the current Senate doesn't have enough personnel to prevent an all-out assault in that fashion."
She almost commented on the impossibility of such an action before remembering the mind control. They'd already been rooting out as many areas where it was spreading as possible, but it seemed to be far more than they could handle. Brey was also involved, which was why they were catching the people at all.
"And there has still been no evidence of this in the humans?"
"No. The hivemind is likely either directly protecting them, or the Sprilnav doing it fear the hivemind will detect it and are not doing it from the risk. Either way, the whole species seems safe."
"Could a Sprilnav clone a human?"
"Yes, and then implant the mind control. But the second a human connected to the hivemind saw them, the ruse would be up, as the hivemind would know it was a human that was unconnected."
"But that's not grounds for arrest, in and of itself."
"These days, it's still a mind scan at least. If this were some other public health crisis, like a pandemic, it would make the counterarguments have a bit more weight. But mind control, where people are literally converted into slaves, can't be tolerated. At least, that's what the other humans I've contacted for sources say."
"Even the journalists?"
"Yes. I am somewhat certain that the hivemind itself has communicated the danger of this to each and every human under its control."
"But there would be outliers. Deviants, thrill seekers."
"Not really. Mind control isn't something that many humans like, morally. And if it is, usually it's them who would hold the power, not the other way around."
"Well, I suppose you are more qualified to discuss this than I am," Blistanna said. "Just curious, that's all."
"President Blistanna, there's nothing wrong with your questions. Healthy skepticism helps to keep us from believing everything we hear."
"I heard you mention a pandemic earlier. How's the situation in the Inukjuak region?"
"The inoculations have been created, and are being administered. There's a significant amount of infected people still, but the worst of it seems to be over. We identified it coming from an alien animal that had been illegally imported to the Queen Elizabeth Islands."
"That's a long way."
"Yes. It's amphibious, with various odd features. But its thick fur hosts a virus that is infectious. Several of them were captured in a petting zoo that has since been closed down."
"And this virus itself, it does not have any long term impacts?"
"Not that we know of. It seemed to mostly affect the skin, and could be contracted by close contact and sometimes blood transfers. The problem with identifying it initially is why it was able to spread so far, since there are many Guulin getting blood transfusions that likely had it in their system."
"So this was a healthcare oversight?"
"No. It's closer to the equipment being calibrated for certain ranges, and the virus itself was remarkably similar to some other bacteria in the Guulin body that helps it run. So it was technically barely on the edge of the range, but the equipment wouldn't have detected it unless it was calibrated differently. And with other medical checks, the virus was also almost identical to Guulin immune system cells."
"Is there any evidence of intelligent design?"
"Still no. If this was the Sprilnav, they'd likely make it far more lethal. Our virologists speculated, when asked, that they would first make a virus that is as lethal as possible, then as easy to spread as possible, likely with a significant asymptomatic window involved to further the spread. And while it seems difficult, three speculated that they could make a virus that could spread between species even that have fundamentally different genetic code."
"That seems impossible," Blistanna said.
"Yes. But with tissue samples and cloning systems, they could trial it until they got results. And things have been quiet recently, so it's possible they might try this as a vector of attack. There's precedent, with what Kashaunta did with biting Brey."
"But we wouldn't be able to prepare for that, until it happened, would we?"
"We do have significant numbers of masks available for Guulin. The initial doctors that we had available were raising hell with how cramped the cities are, at least in terms of population density."
"People seem to have enough space, though."
"Yes, because the skyscrapers are vertical. But what they meant is so many people able to interact. Some of the most deadly human pandemics hit populated areas harder, like Nigeria and India. Not to mention the climate diaspora into Eastern Russia and of course Canada and America. They cited these as examples to watch. And there aren't good numbers for how the slave camps were, but there was quite a lot of disease there, if I remember correctly."
He did, most likely. Blistanna sighed. "Has the number of attempted assassinations decreased?"
"No. It's actually been increasing for Izkrala, and for Dilandekar. The hivemind's with them at all times, now. And of course, we have our invisible friend joining us also. As for you, President, there have been no increased numbers at all."
"I don't like this. Things are too quiet. What about the Cawlarians and Vinarii? Any oddities such as pandemics, increased unrest, or assassination attempts?"
"Well, Kawtyahtnakal's guards killed a Sprilnav trying to kill him about eight weeks ago. Nothing since then. Unrest, yes, pandemics no. The unrest is likely Sprilnav mind control attempts to disrupt them."
"Keep watch on that, too. I don't think a massive virus is as likely as a mind-control attack, considering the evidence we have."
"I shall inform your people of your wishes."
The advisor turned to leave.
"Wait," Blistanna replied. "The virologists and doctors. How often are they getting scanned for mind control?"
"I don't know. Shall I make getting them all scanned my priority?"
"Yes, do so. Politicians who haven't gotten the scan yet as well. Military officials, news casters, journalists. Everyone that has a major influence on a core tenet of society."
"Only the journalists are part of those who seem to be resisting the most heavily. Most of the others are compliant. Though I do think this may increase the fears of some who accuse you of being authoritarian."
"I understand. Inform them of the risk, politely, if you can. I'll have my media advisors do their best to convince the public of the concern. We're going to be increasing the blood test standards for donating blood, too. Tell the NHS officials that we may have a serious situation here. Granted, I may be overreacting, but the possibility of this likely hasn't only come to us."
"President, I wish you the best." The advisor turned and left, this time without her stopping him. She looked at her guards.
"How likely do you think an attack is?"
"That depends. I think the Sprilnav are going to send ships to hit us, soon. But if they don't then the mind-control is the best measure after that. Gaia and the hivemind would be able to stop a pandemic if it started to kill people off."
That made sense to her. There was enough money for the increased caution right now, anyway. The Guulin Congressional Republic was currently militarizing, so covering all the other bases would be a good option too. It was up to the Guulin to help crew the massive military of the Alliance for when Aphid sent another attack. With both the Cawlarians and the Alliance pressuring him, he'd either leave or fold. Either way, the problem of Aphid would eventually solve itself. But the Sprilnav were an active threat. It might be good for the Alliance to go through every species' list of war crimes, so they could prepare for the Sprilnav to try them.
Calling the hotline with Kashaunta wasn't necessary until they'd confirmed a threat, at least. The fewer chances she got to manipulate them, the better. And even if she was an enemy, she also had a window into Sprilnav society that no one else had currently. No one who was accessible, at least. Because something was going to come eventually, and they needed to be ready.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
"I think this is putting too much strain on your body," the hivemind said, frowning at Izkrala after her latest visit to the hospital. "I don't know what you're actually doing to yourself, but I can guess that the side effects aren't good."
"You can, can you?" Izkrala replied, scowling at the bed underneath her, which seemed perfectly positioned to keep her arms and legs from being able to move her body. She was large, but that didn't mean that this was any less accidental. Someone had done this on purpose. When she got to them, she'd...
"Yes. I'm not trying to be rude. I just care about you. You've been doing whatever this is for weeks now. It's clearly affecting your psyche."
"Perhaps what's affecting my psyche is the fact that a quarter of my military somehow vanished after launching a coup against me."
Izkrala had been tracking them with sensors for a while until they really had just disappeared. The only way it would have likely happened at this point was that several of the Acuarfar watching them were mind-controlled. Initially, they hadn't been blamed, as it really had looked like a sensor malfunction. Then they'd vanished too.
Whether they were dead didn't matter to her, but she did want to get her revenge on whoever was responsible. She had her doubts that Kashaunta and this 'Zelisloa' actually had a rivalry that was real. Otherwise, she would have pointed them at him earlier. And it did seem quite convenient that none of the recent actions from the Sprilnav against the Alliance were attributed to her.
If Izkrala had to guess, they were being misled. Zelisloa was probably working under Kashaunta and was being used to take the fall if he was caught. Then he'd die quickly, leaving her with a somewhat better relationship with the Alliance than before. Or at least, that was likely her plan. After biting the hivemind like some animal and trying to kill everyone several times, Kashaunta was on the 'kill if seen' list for the rest of her life. And it would stay that way.
"That's fair," the hivemind said. "I don't think I would be as stable if I was undergoing this procedure."
"Lying to make me feel better only works if I don't know it's a lie, Humanity," Izkrala replied. "What I need is a painkiller that will actually work."
Her cybernetic eye fixed itself upon it, and she did her best to move again. Project Paragon might have been enhancing her psychic energy, or at least making it so she could control it, but it was clearly not feasible widescale. And it was only possible due to the experiments the Acuarfar had done at her behest before she'd joined the Alliance. The hivemind might know that her psychic energy control was increasing. But it would never find out the truth of the project.
"Well, I do have good news. I managed to come up with a composite that will allow you to fly again."
"What is it?"
"Your wing, sort of. I requested some of your genetic material from the Emperors, and they gave it to me when I told them what I planned."
"And you didn't consult me?"
"I assumed that you would refuse. I wanted to help you, and they are also considered as part of those who could disclose your health information. If you are unhappy with this, I will simply destroy what I have made."
She sighed. "No, don't. I'd like a real wing again. Can it mend with my own?"
"That's the hard part. The cells that I designed for it should work. But that's not satisfactory."
"What would you say the chance is of successful mending without additional side effects?"
"98%."
"I'll take it. But what are those side effects?"
"The cells becoming uncontrollable, in which case they will likely form a mending structure that is not smooth enough, which will make flying with that wing either harder or more painful for a while."
"More pain. Of course."
"So that's a no?"
"It's a yes, hivemind. Do it. And... thank you for this," Izkrala said honestly. "You don't have to go out of your way to help me. There's many more that need it."
"True. But you're a person too."
"I'm not really more important than anyone else. Sure, I like to say I am, but I'm not. Unless you're focused on getting me to do some favor for you. Because if so, that's pretty mean. You wouldn't do that, right?"
"I don't think so."
"Good. You know, in another life, we might have been mates."
"What?"
"What? Wait, did I just say that? I'm still drugged, aren't I?"
"Your bloodstream has broken down the main compounds, it seems. But... yes, I think you are. That said, I'm flattered that you think so highly of me," the hivemind replied. "But in the here and now, you have your Emperors. And I think that's plenty."
"Oh yes. I'm not sure how the males manage it, really."
"Manage it?"
"The multiple mates. It's fairly traditional for males to take at least two mates, due to the increased birth rate of females to males. It's not like how those human 'artists' like to portray it, either. For us Acuarfar, carrying eggs is like... having a suitcase attached to you, which is almost too heavy to lift, and barely movable. Did you know that according to the history books, Acuarfar invented the wheel to make platforms that help females whose eggs are gestating?"
"I suppose I had the knowledge somewhere in here," the hivemind said, tapping its head. "It is an interesting fact. That said, I'll wait until you're stable to ask you about my current questions."
Curiosity immediately overwhelmed Izkrala, and she tried to get out of bed again. She was glad that the hivemind wasn't smiling at her as she did so. This felt incredibly demeaning.
"Can you at least tell me what you've been doing? One thing. Please?"
"You might forget soon."
"Forgetting isn't one of the side effects of the painkillers I'm on. Even if they're more like pain punchers at this point. Not doing very much killing, I'm afraid," Izkrala said. The hivemind smiled slightly.
"Come on! That was funny!"
"Somewhat."
"Maybe being a billion people all at once makes you unable to grasp my genius."
"Well, 16 billion actually. But perhaps it does."
"Well, stop stalling. Hivemind, tell me what you've been up to."
"As you wish, Empress Izkrala. I've been working with the wanderers mostly. Stopping crime among humans by talking them out of it, and getting them the resources they need. I've been discussing negotiations that Phoebe's been having with the Cawlarians, and we've started negotiating with the Vinarii again.
It seems that a few people on one of the colonies have some sort of new sickness. We've been studying the proteins of that one, and it seems that they opened an ancient vault about five days before. Oh, and making bigger guns, bigger ships, better factories, and the like. Trying to put together some sort of structure to how exactly the Sprilnav, Source, and these conceptual beings work, in addition to the various lesser powerful psychic entities like Exii'darii and Gaia."
"Tell me about the wanderers, then."
"Well, most of the diaspora has concentrated into communities again. The ones that left their ships have developed a desire to breed as many children as they can. I think it's a core value of theirs. Their children are rarely seen in public, though, both on the ships and in their planetary communities."
The hivemind conjured up a chair and sat down, still in view of Izkrala's cybernetic eye, without her having to strain herself.
"And also, on the ships themselves, there's been some developments. I've been spreading the news of the Alliance's amenities and rights, which seems to be working. More wanderers are leaving, and taking their families with them. But what worries me in particular is the ones who are asking us to give them guns and ammunition. Most of those are the older ones, especially those with the tumors already growing. As for those, I can't even heal them, not even with psychic energy. I was planning on asking you to provide mediators for a future conflict, like impassive forces that don't take a side but help refugees and civilian victims. Medics, caretakers, staffing for food distribution, the works."
"So the wanderers are about to have a civil war?"
"Some are. The ships are each different. On some, the suspected revolutionaries far outnumber the police and soldiers stationed there. On others, they're very rare and almost nonexistent. A few of them have simply disappeared, only to be found beheaded later on."
"So they're killing dissidents. That seems like a valid excuse to intervene."
"Yes. But sadly, it isn't. The Alliance agreements are still weak. If we were to do that to the wanderers, it would set a precedent. If your future descendants do the same, then the same problem could happen to them. Basically a big civil war. So it's either doing nothing and watching people die in a war that hasn't fully started yet, or doing something and setting a precedent that could get a lot of people killed. Civil wars are messy. The wanderers' situation is likely the easiest to safely enter, actually. All the other species have massive populations or are on a planet, leaving room for countless pockets of dissidents and asymmetric warfare."
"So how many wanderers are going to be beheaded before you do something? You're not technically a part of the Alliance. You do not answer to any military authority, same with Brey, Phoebe, Gaia, and such."
"Yes, I do."
"You do because you want to," Izkrala said. "You could decide to wage a genocide on the wanderers, and we couldn't do a thing to stop you. The only way to even kill you is to kill 16 billion humans first. You're the problem the Alliance will have to solve. Not leaders like me who want power. But entities like you, who everyone knows has it. The Alliance right now is only capable of surviving as an opposition entity to the other big nations of the galaxy. And if that doesn't become enough, everyone in it fractures, and we each die alone."
"I'm not so sure about that."
"Alone and in pain, unless the Sprilnav happen to bomb you while you're sitting near someone else."
"They haven't yet."
"You've disarmed tens of thousands of nuclear bombs on hundreds of planets, Humanity. Let's be real here. Without Gaia providing detection, Brey providing portals, you providing power, and Phoebe providing locating services, we'd all be long dead by now."
"Well, we aren't. And I don't think pessimism is helpful here."
"Pessimism is how empires are built and run, hivemind. That's what makes politics churn. It's why we're going to kill Yasihaut and Kashaunta, instead of trying to somehow fix them. Because even if it's possible, it would require several lobotomy records being broken. Being pessimistic is putting yourself in the mind of your enemy, asking yourself the worst they could to, making it worse, and preparing for it. Pessimism is realizing that Humanity is the core of the Alliance, and without your species, we would all be lost. It's realizing that I can't have eggs anymore without doing it some fake way. It's reality, Humanity. Time to start living it."
"The drugs are still in your system."
"Oh please. You know I'm right. Plus, I've been far higher than this and still coherent. Have you ever gotten to the point where you could smell colors with your hands, or taste the sun with your stomach? Have you ever tried to jump with your eyes, bite an animal that doesn't exist, or hear the voices of dead people?"
"There's a few humans who have gotten to that extent."
"But you haven't. It's their experiences, not your own."
"Not really. Being a hivemind means that their experiences are mine, because I am them and they are me. That's how it works."
"Unless you only think that's how it works, and you don't know. For all you know, Kashaunta's just been a projection this whole time by Yasihaut as a way to get us to go after the wrong Sprilnav. For all you know, Kawtyahtnakal died back then, and you raised something else from the dead. For all you know, the Sprilnav made a star send a gamma-ray burst to hit us in a few seconds. Pessimism, hivemind. Optimism is what gets you betrayed by your own generals."
"Optimism whispers hope into your ears and hides the dagger about to be shoved through your back. I'm a broken and ruined Empress, trying to cling to the beauty and splendor that is my birthright. I'm a useless carapace hiding a girl whose dreams of a unified and happy species have died on the altar of reality. Don't you dare think you know what this is like. Humans don't have Empresses anymore. You can blame a parliament, or a congress, or a senate. When the Acuarfar look up, and the skies are burning, their eggs are smashed, and the strength of my Empires crashes down, they can blame me, and me alone. Because I failed."
"You did not-"
"Silence, hivemind," Izkrala replied. "I was not done. I am nothing anymore. You can go ahead and install your stupid new government into my Empires when I die. It won't make a difference in the end."
"You shouldn't lose hope. You can still lead."
"I can't even get myself out of this stupid bed. How can I ever lead my species? How can anyone? My own people don't even trust me. I tried to save the Lurave Empire, Humanity. I tried. I gave them housing, order, food, clean water, and heating. I gave them jobs, gave them freedom, and gave them what strength I could. Could I have gone in and killed all their leaders one by one until they kneeled on the blood-soaked floor of the palace? Yes.
But I didn't. Because I had that hope. And they threw it away. They spat in my face, leaving me like this. 92 billion Acuarfar. They're going to die. They're going to starve, dying in the ruined worlds I could have saved them from, while spitting on my legacy. I don't even have words for how I feel about them. Drugs or not. Cybernetic or not. Their stupidity has transcended all bounds. Maybe stupidity's a concept too, and decided to pay us a visit."
"I can help."
"How? Unless you're planning on mind-controlling them, good luck. And even if you are, you'd have to dig out the Sprilnav versions first. Then you'd have to convince them that they actually want a good life."
"We could still uplift them, and help them. It just may not be unified with your two Empires."
"You don't have confidence in my leadership either. That's why you're saying this. Guess what happens when you try that? They become a big nation. Then they wage war on us, and your civil war policy doesn't let you intervene. You march in there and let them riddle you with insults and bullets until you get bored. See how it feels to be helpless then!"
"Empress," the hivemind said. Its hands moved closer as it stood up. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry for being wrong? Sorry for not understanding how the world works?"
"Yes. And I'm sorry if I've hurt you."
Its fingers brushed gently against the side of her snout. Her anger and grief receded, and she let herself lay back against the bed. The hivemind didn't do anything else and just stayed with her. Its eyes were sympathetic, and the sensation of her fur in its fingers was somewhat calming.
"Look," she said. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."
"It was deserved."
"It wasn't. I guess I'm really not ready to be out in public again for a while."
"You don't have to be. I'm sorry I didn't notice this sooner."
"I'm going to sleep now."
"Have a good rest, Empress."
"You too." she sighed. "I'm going to remember that, too. I meant thank you."
"You're welcome."

Amid a galaxy of brutal chaos there are stories to be told, tales of valor and justice, of fear and despair. But amid these stories are the guttering flames of adventures untold, the potential for a universe of entertainment and savage joyous fun. The Oblivion Cycle embodies just this kind of crafted chaos, creating the potential for creative exploits and raucous tales. If you are new to the TOC setting feel free to join the community at TheOblivionCycle to check out some of the background lore or to discuss themes with other readers. I thank you all for your support and continued willingness to read, as always, Please Enjoy!
+ Part 1 + Previous + Next +
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Continued From Part 5
Abel couldn't move and so they passed the time waiting for the calvary to arrive by chatting about random things.
Bittu told Abel his first experience with street crime in Shikago and Abel told Bittu about his first few days awake.
“So you just woke up and bam, you were a talking head?” Bittu asked him incredulously.
Abel nodded, trying to ignore the bone deep ache that was pulsing through him. “Yeah, it was the strangest thing. I knew that I was in the wrong place, but I didn't know why. It's like my memories were gone but not the knowledge of them. I can't really explain it any better than that. I'm sorry, Bittu.” he said a bit sadly.
Bittu stood suddenly, a slight whistling groan coming from the sorry pile of white feathers handcuffed to the stairs next to him.
The swanith slowly rose to a sitting position, their backwards knees sprawled out in front of them awkwardly. He looked around and then his golden eyes widened in shock. “AAAuuhh!” they screeched and tried to stand, only to have their handcuffed arm overbalance them.
As they crumpled back into an ungainly heap Bittu said “I wouldn't do that if I were you. You could hurt yourself, and then there wouldn't be any hurting left for me to do.”
Abel frowned at the nerivith man’s comment but said nothing. Bittu had far more experience with this kind of thing than he did, and so he held his tongue and watched.
The feathered man shuddered, his head tucked under a wing as if he were trying to hide. Bittu looked at the small man and said “Hey, you. What's your name?”
The swanith shook his beaked head and muttered “I didn’t do nothin man, you can't prove guan.”
“No need for the strong language, you know the drill. You answer my questions, or…” The man said before lashing out with an open handed slap to the feathered man’s face. The feathers must have softened the blow, but it still shunted the small avian almost to the dirty ground.
Abel barked “What are you doing?”
Bittu gave him a look that seemed to say ‘Shut your face hole.’ in no uncertain terms. Abel snapped his mouth closed, not liking the situation but not sure what the protocol was.
The swanith man groaned, his normally trilling voice now a bit haggard and rough. He coughed, a trickle of dark green blood running from the corner of his beak. He took a deep breath and said “You can hit me all you like, I won’t tell you anything you drit.”
Bittu bristled, his long sinuous tail lashing in anger. He stepped closer to the man and pulled out his Port-25 pushing the barrel of the weapon into the man’s throat. “You want to play hard to get with me fathersucker? I will fuck you up, there isn’t anyone here to stop me.” He glanced at Abel in a manner telling him to hold his tongue.
Abel cringed inwardly at the poor treatment of the prisoner, understanding the dark morality of keeping a criminal safe till trial. But Bittu seemed to be taking an altogether more sinister path. Abel held his tongue, watching as Bittu worked the man over a bit more before the swanith finally screeched out in pain.
“Okay! Okay! My name is Thaee, I was hired to collect on an overdue debt. That’s all man, I swear on the spires it is all.” the man cowered into a small grimy ball of feathers, crying softly.
Bittu shook his head and holstered his gun before walking a few paces away and putting his hands on his hips.
Abel couldn't take it anymore. He spoke up quietly in his partner’s direction. “That was wrong, Bittu.”
Bittu looked at him and nodded “And yet I didn’t see you trying to stop me.”
Abel frowned under his helmet. Flipping the visor up so Bittu could see his face he saw the man wince at Abel’s shattered features. “I couldn't have even if I wanted to, so I figured I would let the situation play out. But that doesn't change the fact that what you just did was morally reprehensible.”
Bittu threw his hands up and stalked towards Abel. As he was in no position to back down or otherwise run away he put on his most determined face instead, intent on winning this bout of wills.
“You just don't get it do you, you are new here. You need to understand something, rookie. These guys, these pieces of shit, they wouldent hesitate to torture a five year old child to death if they thought they would learn something valuable from them. You understand that?” Bittu said venomously. The remark struck Abel as awfully specific.
Suddenly he realized that the nerivith man was trembling, but it didn't appear to be rage, instead it looked as if the man was on the verge of some sort of anxiety attack. Softening his features he reached out as far as he was able and patted the man’s knee softly.
“I’m sorry, Bittu. I may not be very experienced, but I have your back, no matter what. I just didn't understand the need for such force. I’m sorry.” Abel said, bowing his head humbly.
Bittu seemed to calm a little at the contact and stood stiffly. Looking at the still crying form of the beaten Thaee, he sat down next to Abel on the ground. He put his horned head in his hands and curled his tail around his legs saying “I don't want to be this way Abel. But this city, this festering cesspit of corruption has slowly been grinding me away. I'm afraid that if i stay here much longer there will be none of me left. All that was once virtuous replaced by apathy and vitriol.”
The man seemed to sob once before removing his hands and taking a deep breath. Not knowing what else to do Abel put a heavy cybernetic arm around the man's shoulder and said “I don't think you are all bad. I mean, you still have good qualities man.”
Bittu sat still for a few more moments, only the twitching of his tufted tail giving away his inner turmoil. He eventually asked “You really think so Abel?”
Abel smiled at the man, his original eye crinkling with emotion as he nodded. “Yes, yes I really do. Now you should probably get up, I think I hear a vehicle approaching.”
Bittu scrambled to his feet, drawing his sidearm once more and taking cover behind the stairs.
Abel raised his own sidearm, not able to move into cover but perfectly capable of defending himself.
Instead of hostels, a police cruiser rolled around the corner and a pair of officers hopped out, taking cover behind their doors one of them shouted “SPD! Identify yourselves!”
Abel raised his free hand and shouted back “Officer Abel, code X ray-five-six-niner-niner.”
Bittu shouted out “Officer Xeem, code X ray-five-seven-seven-eight.”
The other woman, a young looking nerivith woman with a long raven haired ponytail and impressive swept back horns ducked back into the squadcar. After a moment she called out “They check out.”
The older and much gruffer looking human woman holstered her firearm and started towards them. Abel put his gun away as Bittu walked up to his side.
Bittu looked down at him and hissed “Thats officer Malak, they are a real badass, watch your language. She is a touchy one.” and with that he spread his arms wide and smiled. “Officer Malak, it's so good to see you, hey have I told you your…”
“Cut the chatter Bittu. What are you doing on my turf? You know this is my side of town.” Officer Malak spat with disdain.
She stopped a few meters from them and then looked down at him, Abel raised a hand in greeting.
“What the fuck is this?” Officer Malak asked incredulously. “What new piece of shit hardware have they stuck you with?”
Abel was a bit taken aback, though with his visor down he supposed she must have also mistaken him for some sort of advanced robot. Before he had a chance to say anything to refute the woman, the other officer walked up and looked at Abel.
“Officer Xeem, please meet my new partner, Officer Balungathernadler.” Officer Malak said without pause.
Abel and Bittu cocked their heads simultaneously. “Officer… What? I'm sorry, can you say that a little slower?” Bittu asked.
Officer Malak shook her head and said “Oh come on, it's not that difficult. It’s Balungathernadler. Balungather… You know what, most people just call her Officer Bal.” the woman snorted.
Abel again raised his hand and said “Hello there Officer Bal. Thanks for coming.”
Officer Bal looked him up and down, she turned to Bittu and said “What’s this? I’ve never seen one of them before.”
Bittu shook his head and started to speak but Abel cut him off. “No no, it’s quite alright Bittu.” He reached up and slid his visor up, unveiling his face to the two officers.
Officer Bal recoiled in surprise and what looked like a little horror, but Officer Malak just grunted and said “A fucking cybe? What are you doing with this reject?”
Abel growled and said “Hey, there is no need to get nasty. We were just doing our jobs, it’s not our fault we got here first.”
Officer Malak took a threatening step towards him but Officer Bal held her back and whispered something in the human woman’s ear. She stood back and said “You, stay out of my fucking way Bittu. You and your… Freak!” she spat the word with considerable contempt.
Abel frowned, that hadn't been the kind of welcome he was expecting. He sighed as the two women walked away, the young nerivith officer casting him strange glances over her narrow shoulders as they left.
Abel slumped a little, his nerves shot and the emptiness threatening to overwhelm his senses. ‘What is the point?’ He wondered to himself. Nobody he had met had given him a good first impression, he got the feeling that he wasn't really a popular entity in society. He thought about the reasons for their hatred, but came up empty handed. Nothing struck him as obvious, so there must have been a less obvious reason for the mistreatment. It would have to wait though, he was busy.
“I am sorry Abel. She wasn't this jaded last time we met. Something must have happened to her last partner to make her so angry. She really used to be a sweet woman.” Bittu apologised beside him.
Abel waved a hand and then rested it back on the asphalt. “It’s okay Bittu. It really is, I think I'm just going to have to get used to this kind of treatment. It seems that cyberphobia runs deep in the people of Shikago. Is there a reason?” he asked a little desperately, needing to have a reason for his pain.
**********
Bittu scratched his horns, the two short nubs characteristic of the males of his species. He wished he had gotten a closer look at Officer Bal, she had a spectacular pair of horns. Long and delicately curved, they would have been the envy of many a woman back home on Draken V. He had often heard humans talk about women with a rockin pair of tits, but he was a horn man through and through.
Smiling to himself his horny thoughts were interrupted as Abel asked him “Bittu, is the man okay?”
Bittu twitched in surprise, the man they had just left lying in the room six stories up. “Shit, we need to… Oh, yeah. Sorry, I need to go check on him. Will you be okay down here?” he asked his partner, the large man still sitting in the shallow crater he had made.
Abel nodded and waved him off “I’ll be fine, I can't get much worse after all right?” The man joked with a pained chuckle.
Bittu gave him a thumbs up and rushed up the escape ladder to the first stairway. His tail lashed in nervousness as he quickly ascended the long grated stairway to the opened window of the man’s apartment.
As he reached it he saw the man sitting up with his back to the wall. He was rubbing his head and cradling what looked like a badly broken arm. The man yelled in fear as Bittu swung through the window and he put his hands up non threateningly.
“Hey it’s okay, I’m a cop. See?” he told the man, showing his badge.
The man calmed almost immediately then tensed again.
“My daughter! They took my daughter!” the man wailed.
Bittu stopped. “Shit!” He exclaimed.
The man cried “You didn’t save her? Those monsters have her, they said they would kill her unless I pay them the money I owe. I don’t have the money! Please, you have to save her.”
The man was in hysterics and so Bittu pulled a few pills from his pacification kit. A few painkillers and a mild sedative that would keep the man from hurting himself. “Here, please take these, they will help with the pain till EMT arrives. Here, take them please.”
He handed the small pills to the man who eyed them a little suspiciously. “Are you trying to kill me?” He asked.
Bittu shook his head and widened his violet eyes in shock. What was wrong with this guy? “What? No! I will admit there is a mild sedative in there, but it's to keep you from hurting yourself till we can get you to a hospital. So please just take them.” he told the man.
The man frowned but did as he was asked, downing the pills with a grimace. “I must thank you I guess, for trying.” the man said bitterly after he had calmed a bit.
Bittu stood and nodded “Thanks, we actually got one of them though.”
“You did? What did he say?” the man pleaded.
Bittu shook his head “Nothing much, yet. Don't worry, we are taking him in for interrogation. We’ll crack him and bleed any useful information out of his sorry carcase. Of that you have my word.” he told the man who nodded appreciatively.
Bittu pulled out a datapad from his belt and asked “If you don’t mind, I do have a few questions for you now. Would you be willing to answer them?”
The man froze.
Bittu shook his head “You aren't a suspect, Mr…”
“Zaplin. Harry Zaplin.” the man told him cautiously.
“Alright then Mr. Zaplin. I need to know if you have any idea why these men attacked you.” Bittu asked, wanting to see if the man would be straight up with him.
Harry Frowned and said “I already told you…” But Bittu cut him off with a hiss and a wave.
Bittu pointed at the man and waved his datapad “No, don't tell me what you said, tell me what you meant. I want to know the nature of this connection, the more I know the better I can help. I want to help you, I’m on your side here, remember that.”
The man sighed and shifted into a more comfortable position on the side of his room. “Well. I’m not a bad person okay? But bad things always seem to happen to me. My wife… She got sick.” the man paused and Bittu flicked his tail at the man, motioning for him to go on. Harry continued on saying “Well, she got sick and the hospital said they wouldn't keep covering her bills on my credit alone. I have poor credit…” he stopped again.
Bittu asked “And that's part of the issue… How exactly?”
The man threw up a hand and said “It’s got everything to do with it. You know how these fucking doctors work. No money, no treatment. And I was almost completely out of money. So I, called in a favor.” he admitted.
Bittu raised an eyebrow, his tail freezing in intrigue. “Oh? What kind of favor are we talking about here?”
Harry glared at him and said “The kind of favor that would save my fucking wife, that what kind.”
Bittu raised his hands apologetically and said “Sorry, I had to ask you know. I’m still trying to help, if I wanted to incriminate you I wouldn't have bothered asking for your side of the story. I would have just hauled you off to the station house as you are, are we clear? So please, for the sake of brevity and my own sanity, cut the attitude.” he said sternly.
Harry looked a bit taken aback but then simply nodded. His features changed as he got more sincere “Well, ok then. I guess while we are being honest then I should mention I used to work on the docks. That’s where I first met the Brine gang. Yeah, I never joined, honest. But nobody works those docks without paying their fair share to Oorin. He controls the docks, all of level forty to fourty-nine.” the man said earnestly.
Bittu frowned “Oorin, Orrin Sumps? The fucking port authority overseer?”
Harry Shook his head “No, Orrin Sumps Jr. His son.”
Bittu straightened, well that was fucking news to him. Not that he was any expert on the upper docks or their workings, still. It was a useful piece of information to have.
“Alright. Tell me what happened next, and why Oorin’s boys were tap dancing on your chest a bit ago.” Bittu asked.
The man groaned and said “Well, my wife’s bills were covered, but I had a limited time to pay Oorin back. I seem to have missed it, I work at the corner Nutri-Mart. There was never any way I was going to be able to pay the man back. But I thought I would have more time, time to get my wife out of the hospital and disappear. I guess he was expecting me to try that. Oh merciful Dark, they have my daughter and they know where my wife is. You have to help me, Officer. Please.” the man once more begged.
Bittu heard a sound and whipped out his sidearm, the man whimpered and tried to cower as best he could. “SPD!” Bittu shouted “I’m armed, Identify yourself.”
The sounds of footsteps stopped. A voice rang out “This is aegis trooper Cowlins, you had better not get between me and my patient. You know what happens if you attempt to interfere.” the voice rang out threateningly.
Bittu holstered his gun slowly, not intimidated by the voice. Instead he yelled out “Cowlins? Are you still larping around with that goofball Danny?”
Another voice rang out, this one younger and a little hurt sounding “Hey, what the fuck. Is that you Bittu, you sleazy son of a bitch?”
After a minute two familiar faces poked around the corner of the hall and Bittu threw his arms out wide. “Danny-boi! Oh man, you have grown. Look at you, you’re a man now! How did that happen?” he asked, raising his eyebrow.
“I fucked your mom that’s how.” The human paramedic retorted with a wide grin.
“Oh yeah, and how was that huh? I bet you liked it too you dirty xenophile.” he laughed as the man approached for a hug.
Behind the younger man approached a hulking hunched figure in dark grey combat armour and carrying a big gun. It was Cowlins, the yeown’s large furred head swinging side to side as he scanned for potential danger.
He reached out a large hand and fist bumped Bittu while saying “It is good to meet you in peace once more Bittu. I feared that we would one day be at odds, and I have no wish to kill you my friend.”
Bittu nodded and said “Yeah, it’s good to see you too.”
Danny chuckled and walked into the room. Gesturing to the man Bittu said “Danny, meet Mr. Zaplin. Mr. Zaplin is having a bad day, I’m sure you can make it all better?”
Danny sobered up and waved Cowlins forward. The large armoured man dragging a hovergurney behind him. Bittu stepped back out of the way as Danny started checking Harry over, the man answering various medical questions quietly as Danny fixed a temporary sling to stabilize the man's broken arm.
Bittu turned to Cowlins and asked “So, how have things been? I haven't seen you two in a long time. What's it been, like six months?”
“Eleven, eleven months. And I have not been dwelling on the past in case you were wondering. So you can stop sweating.” The large furred alien said, his armour creaking as he moved his muscular form.
He walked towards the bedroom window, putting thoughts of the past aside. “You two didn't happen to see a big idiot with a pair of broken legs in the alley did you?” he asked nobody in particular.
Danny glanced over at him and nodded “Oh that guy, what's his name is already loaded up in your cruiser, they insisted. We offered to take them to the hospital but he said he already had a scheduled repair appointment. I guess it's easier to fix synthetics than organics. Fuck my job right?”
Cowlins spoke up suddenly “I like him.”
Danny paused and turned to look at the big man. “You what? You don’t like anybody.”
Cowlins cocked his head and shrugged “I like you… You are not nobody.”
Bittu chuckled and said “It’s okay Cowlins. I like Abel too. He is… an interesting fellow. A big lovable idiot to be sure, but a good guy.” Bittu said fondly, surprising himself.
Danny helped Harry to his feet and with Cowlins assistance, got the injured man sat comfortably on the gurney.
Danny turned to him and asked “An idiot huh. Is that how he broke his legs then, being an idiot?”
Bittu shook his head and replied slowly “Not exactly. He did something stupid yeah, but his reasons were quite noble actually. I don't think the guy really thinks about the consequences of his actions before he does them. He kind of just, does the right thing, all the time. It’s strange.” Bittu trailed off quietly.
Danny stretched his back and said “Well, whatever he is, he weighs a fucking tonne. We barely got him out of the alley. You take good care of yourself Bittu, and it is good to see you trusting someone again.”
Bittu wanted to retort but was stopped by Cowlins as the yeown placed a heavy clawed hand on his shoulder and said “I wish you the best of luck. I hope you and your new friend will live long prosperous lives, you take good care now and may Frine shelter you in the palm of her hand.”
He waved and the three left down the hall, their footsteps fading into the distance as he sat on the edge of the bed for a minute.
What a situation, that was more reminders of the past that he really wanted to deal with. Groaning a little at the stiffness in his lower back he stood and began to walk out of the apartment towards the stairwell.
**********
Abel sat in the cruiser with his arms folded across his chest. Bittu had left to check on the man some time ago, while he had been gone a nice pair of medics had shown up and helped him out of the alley. With only one partially functional leg he had pretty much been dragged to the car, but it was better than lying on the ground in the middle of an alley.
His shattered leg was sitting at the foot of his seat, but he wasn't worried. Dr. Abernathy would likely be upset with him when he got back, but he had gotten his first bad guy. He looked into the back of the squad car, the reinforced glazmite between them raised and the swanith sitting uncomfortably in one of the bucket seats.
Abel snapped his head back forwards as he noticed a figure leaving the front entrance of the apartment building. It was Bittu.
He smiled under his helmet as the man walked up and opened the driver side door. Bittu leaned heavily on the door and gave a loud sigh.
“What's wrong partner?” Abel asked cheerfully, trying to ignore all the hurts that clamored for his attention.
The nerivith man sat heavily and closed the door. He leaned back into his chair and then glanced at him. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times before shaking his horned head silently. Instead he simply turned on the car and they pulled out onto the street.
Abel was confused, had he done something wrong? He didn't think so, but then again he didn't exactly have that large of a social profile to draw from. He thought about asking if he was doing something wrong but thought better of it. It would likely have only made the unresolved issue worse, and that the last thing he wanted to burden the man with after a hard day at work.
Their shift was technically still less than half over but Bittu spoke up saying “We are heading back to the station.”
Abel shook his head and asked “Why? We are still only a third of the way through our patrol. What did I do wrong?” he asked the man.
Bittu threw up a hand and then scoffed “What did you do wrong? Do you seriously hear yourself?! You nearly fucking killed yourself, and on top of that, we let two of the perps get away. We need to get our man to the station anyways, but the day is over for you. I want you at one hundred percent all the time, I'm not patrolling with another partner that can't watch my back for me.” The man said, a hand seeming to reach for his lower back by itself.
Bittu seemed to realize what he was doing and hiss frustratedly to himself. Abel was flabbergasted. He didn't know whether to shit a brick or jump out of the moving car. Nothing he thought of as a response did his inner turmoil justice so he remained silent.
After a few moments Bittu looked at him and asked angrily “Well?”
“Well… What?” Abel responded.
Bittu growled and narrowly avoided tearing the bumper off a slow moving black van. “Well, aren't you going to tell me what an asshole I am?”
Abel was taken aback by the man's self deprecating mood. “Why would I do that? You are my partner, partner. I am here for you no matter what, isn't that the way it's supposed to be?”
Bittu looked at him and then to the road. He seemed to be at a loss for words. After a pregnant silence he muttered “Yeah. Yeah that's how it's supposed to be.”
Abel smiled and patted the tense man's shoulder and said “Good. I’m glad we agree. Hey, I know I'm not supposed to eat solid foods, but can we swing by that Shabino’s place. It looked really good.”
Bittu started to chuckle and looked at him, a slight smile on his otherwise dour face. “Yeah, we can do that Abel.”
Abel gave him a thumbs up and a goofy grin, putting his visor up while they were in the car.
Bittu nodded and smiled a little wider. “We’ll make a lunch stop, I think they have a drive through so you don’t have to worry about your legs. Oh, and Abel?”
“Yeah Bittu?” Abel asked, the look on the man’s face telling him he was about to say something important.
Bittu paused and then said a little quietly “Thanks. You really are a good officer. I’m glad I was picked to be your partner.”
Abel grinned wide and smacked the man’s shoulder again gently. “Hey, no problem at all Bittu. I'm happy I was placed with you as well, you are a good Officer too, I hope I can be as good as you one day.”
Bittu seemed to get a little sad at the comment and muttered “Yeah, one day.”
​
End of Part 6
==End of Transmission==

Is it easier to diagnose a physical illness versus a mental illness?
Are there more easily identifiable metrics with physical illness than mental illness?
I was reading another post about someone who was feeling anxious about taking pills for a mental health diagnosis. And that got me wondering how cleachance of correct diagnosis a mental health illness would have versus a physical illness.
Is there more gray area, uncertainty, about the mind and it’s illnesses when compared physical illnesses?

Is it easier to diagnose a physical illness versus a mental illness?
Are there more easily identifiable metrics with physical illness than mental illness?
I was reading another post about someone who was feeling anxious about taking pills for a mental health diagnosis. And that got me wondering how cleachance of correct diagnosis a mental health illness would have versus a physical illness.
Is there more gray area, uncertainty, about the mind and it’s illnesses when compared physical illnesses?

TW: trauma, drugs/alcohol Our friendship began during our teenage years, brought together by our shared connection through our ex-partners. Initially, our bond was strong and exciting, and we quickly became very close. However, it is important to note that my observations and conversations with professionals, friends, and exes of theirs have led me to recognize certain patterns and behaviors that align with the traits of covert narcissism. While I don't want to hastily label them, the evidence suggests a possibility that they may exhibit these tendencies. It took time and reflection for me to fully acknowledge and understand this aspect of our friendship. During that period, I was grappling with deep insecurities stemming from an unstable home life and traumatic experiences. Both of my parents were absent for various reasons, and I endured bullying at school, resulting in low self-esteem. Similarly, R had their own challenging life circumstances, although they didn't openly discuss them. Instead, they emphasized their intelligence, passion for music, and love for exciting experiences. This set the stage for our friendship, characterized by shared angst and the complexities of our respective difficult lives. When we were around 18 years old, our friendship took a turn as we both began pursuing diplomas to enter college or university. During this time, R entered a new relationship and became heavily invested in dating and platforms like Tinder. In contrast, I was engrossed in my passion for text-based role-playing games, unaware of my ADHD/CPTSD diagnosis at the time. As R's relationship progressed, they started criticizing my hobbies and special interests, portraying them as lame and suggesting they would hinder my chances of being taken seriously or making friends as an adult. Their words deeply affected me due to my insecurity and desire to be liked, especially since R seemed to effortlessly attract attractive partners and make friends. It became clear that their friends also found me strange, except for one person who eventually grew to dislike me as well. I struggled to understand what was inherently unlikable about me and focused on addressing my insecurities and negative self-image in therapy, gradually making progress over time. Despite having a gut feeling that R spoke negatively about me, I dismissed it as mere insecurity. At that time, I was in an abusive relationship, which R was aware of but didn't believe. Whenever I shared how my boyfriend treated me, R would dismiss it as me being overly dramatic and suggest that if it was truly bad, I should leave. Confused about the severity of the situation due to my love for him, I questioned whether it was "bad enough." However, a pivotal moment occurred when R, a friend, my boyfriend, and I went to the cinema, and my boyfriend publicly yelled at me. The friend spoke up, expressing concern and stating that this behavior was unacceptable. It was during this incident that R finally stood up for me, acknowledging how severe the situation was. Reflecting on it now, I find this reaction perplexing. It took me several months to end the traumatic relationship, which I did while he was interning abroad. I needed support and someone to talk to about it, turning to my best friend, R. However, once again, they dismissed me as dramatic and asked me to stop burdening them with my issues, as it hindered their studies. This further fueled my insecurities and self-doubt. With so much going on in my life, I could understand how it might be perceived as "dramatic," prompting me to internalize my problems and withdraw emotionally. Unfortunately, our friendship took a turn for the worse. I found myself constantly criticized and judged by R. They would belittle me for being closed-off, criticize my posture, and deem my clothes as boring. It seemed like I could never measure up to their standards. On the other hand, R would constantly boast about how amazing and smart they were, occasionally throwing compliments my way only because they believed that smart people should be friends with other smart people. In social settings, they would appear caring towards me, but would also make mean-spirited jokes that I failed to recognize as hurtful at the time. It became ingrained in my mind that being "funny" was now my defining trait. Despite my dedication to karate and not indulging in drinking or drugs, R made jokes about karate, labeling it as cult-like, and convinced me that it was robbing me of my youth and freedom. Eventually, they managed to persuade me to dabble in occasional drinking and even try drugs. Looking back, I feel foolish and plagued by thoughts that I should have stood up for myself, been more confident, and assertive. Regrettably, I was not. In the last three years, my realization grew stronger. I reached a point where I was suicidal, with R being one of the reasons behind my despair. We rented an apartment together in a different city while pursuing our studies, but living together became unbearable. I had gained some confidence and refused to let R walk all over me anymore. When they left a mess, I confronted them about it, only to be dismissed as dramatic. However, if I left even the smallest trace of a mess, I was met with disgust and labeled as gross. Financially, I struggled due to the expenses of moving into the apartment, while R was more stable. Behind my back, they sought out another place to live. When they informed me of their decision, I was scared and stressed. I was open to the idea but wanted to plan the transition together since we had both chosen to rent the apartment. It seemed fair to me. Interestingly, it was R who convinced me to move in together initially, even though I had concerns about how it might impact our friendship. As it turned out, my fears were justified. During this period, I began to strongly suspect R's potential narcissism as the patterns became unmistakably clear, especially as I delved into learning about personality disorders. I was aware of my own ADHD and CPTSD at this time, but not yet my autism. The tumultuous circumstances took a severe toll on my mental health, plunging me into deep depression. R secretly secured another apartment and moved out without my knowledge. Fortunately, a friend of mine came to my aid, lending me the money to search for my own place and covering the last month's rent. R had initially promised to split the rent, but when the time came, they denied ever making such a promise. Despite my certainty, I lacked proof, and they successfully planted doubt in my mind. My friend, who later became my fiancé, identified R as a narcissist and pointed out that I was being gaslit. I, too, held that suspicion but was reluctant to accept it. I internalized all the blame. R moved away, and I began making preparations for my own move. However, I was exhausted and overwhelmed by life. I found myself planning my own suicide. During R's housewarming event, I found myself on the brink of ending my life. Erik, my friend and now fiancé, grew concerned for me. He was invited to the gathering as well, so I confided in him and R about my decision not to attend. R responded with anger, expressing disappointment and accusing me of being envious. Worried, Erik encouraged me to reconsider and make a decision in the moment. Reluctantly, I agreed to go for a short while. R was thrilled that I would at least make an appearance. I made it clear that I wouldn't be drinking or using drugs and explicitly asked not to be offered anything, as I knew my impulsive nature and wanted to protect myself. Despite still planning my suicide and having written letters, I went to the event. Other friends, including Sophia, my psychologist friend, were also in attendance, creating a somewhat comfortable atmosphere. Seeing Erik by my side gave me some solace. I convinced myself that everything was fine with my friendship with R, attributing my struggles to financial difficulties and a mere misunderstanding. However, alcohol entered the picture. I had a glass of wine. Then R revealed they had MDMA pills. It was a terrible decision. Sophia and others took pills, except for Erik. I was still unsure, but R managed to persuade me to take half a pill instead of a whole one. It turned out to be a disastrous choice. R became completely self-absorbed, while Erik and Sophia took care of me. Under the influence of MDMA, my emotional walls crumbled, and even previously unclear traumas came to light. I could no longer hide the depths of my despair. Only when I mentioned my intention to end my life did R intervene. They began singing my favorite song, and I broke down in tears, trembling uncontrollably. Sophia later shared her observations of that night, recounting how R treated me, prioritizing their own party and largely ignoring me, only briefly checking on me to show a semblance of being a good friend. Sophia also revealed a comment R made to her: "Of course she has a bad trip during my party." After I moved into my new apartment and closed that chapter of my life, Erik stayed with me and became my source of support. Over time, Erik and I grew closer and started a romantic relationship. This didn't sit well with R. Erik and R were close friends, and as Erik opened up to me, I learned about the things R had been saying behind my back. It became evident that R had been spreading falsehoods about Erik as well. The truth slowly unfolded, exposing R's habit of talking negatively about others behind their backs. This marked the first end of our friendship, initiated by R. I wanted to repair it, but R claimed that I had changed because of Erik and was no longer enjoyable to be around. They accused me of being a bad friend for "choosing Erik" and stated that they couldn't continue the friendship if I was with him. I refused to choose sides, although I briefly considered it due to my loyalty to R. Several months later, while I was grocery shopping, R called me. We started hanging out again, having numerous discussions and acknowledging the events that had transpired. R expressed remorse for their mistreatment of me, and I was relieved and grateful, although I found myself apologizing as well, despite not fully understanding what for. Our friendship continued for another two years until I finally ended it for good about a month ago. The realizations became painfully clear. R had used me for my limited financial resources and as a means to boost their own image. I often felt overshadowed by them and even wrote poems about it in my younger years. I was always there to support them, going to their house in the middle of the night whenever they needed me. However, they never showed vulnerability or reciprocated emotional support. It seemed like I was merely a distraction to them. I realized that I was the only close friend who remained by their side. Towards the end of our friendship, R's resentment towards my success became evident. They belittled everything I did or created, labeling it as cringe. This was the final straw for me. Despite my progress, personal growth, and accomplishments, R couldn't be happy for me. It became evident that they had been using me, being a bad friend, gaslighting me, and manipulating me. Narcissistic Personality Disorder seemed to be a fitting description. R always portrayed themselves as superior, spoke ill of me behind my back, and spread doubts about my future success. Reading through my old conversations, diaries, and recalling memories, the truth became painfully clear. However, I found solace in the fact that some people who were aware of R's behavior stood up for me and didn't maintain friendships with them for long. I sympathize with R and acknowledge the impact of their traumatic experiences and possible NPD. Their upbringing, particularly the way their mother and grandmother treated them, played a role in shaping their behavior. While I genuinely hope R receives the necessary support and finds healing, I've reached a point where I can no longer continue the friendship. It's important for me to focus on my own healing and well-being.

https://doi.org/10.1055/s-0043-1768987
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37257495

Abstract

BACKGROUND

Although it is a valuable option for children with drug-resistant epilepsy, ketogenic diet (KD) therapy is associated with several side effects. The frequency of kidney stones and risk factors for their development in epileptic children receiving KD is unclear. The aim of this study was to determine the frequency and risk factors for the development of renal stones in children receiving KD therapy.

METHOD

A total of 95 patients receiving KD were identified. Of these, seven patients were excluded from the study due to the duration of KD being less than 12 months. The remaining 88 children were enrolled in the study.

RESULTS

Renal stones were detected in 15 patients (17%), of which 12 (73.3%) received potassium citrate treatment. Two (13.3%) patients needed lithotripsy despite receiving potassium citrate treatment, and one of these, who received potassium citrate treatment for 5 months, developed acute vesicourethral reflux and underwent surgery. No patient discontinued KD due to renal stone development. The serum uric acid concentrations and urine calcium/creatinine ratio did not change significantly over the 24-month follow-up period. Age, gender, etiology, age at seizure onset, duration of KD, mobility status, use of topiramate or zonisamide, and the number of antiepileptic drugs used were not significantly different between patients with and without kidney stones.

CONCLUSION

Renal stone appears to be a common adverse effect of KD therapy. Although adequate hydration and potassium citrate treatment are effective in most patients, lithotripsy and surgery may be required in a minority of patients.

Authors:

• Güzin Y
• Yılmaz Ü
• Devrim F
• Dinçel N
• Ünalp A

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How to find the OMG store in Tor browser

The site is located on the darknet, so in search of an official mirror, you should look in the shadow directories. The entrance to OMG is usually located at the top of the screen when you go to the main address. To launch a link through Tor, you need a darknet domain zone. Such a mirror will provide privacy during your interaction with the trading platform. You can always find more information on the official OMG forum. There you will find up-to-date information if the main site is down.

How not to use the original OMG onion mirror

In order not to use a mirror, you need to bookmark your favorite link by clicking on the star stencil in the TOR browser. You can always support the project by making a donation in bitcoin. This can also be done from your btc crypto wallet. You may have noticed that in the OMG domain there are random numbers and symbols obtained like in roulette. This is the feature of the onion network — name generation is random. Therefore, links to OMG in the torus look like this. This ensures a stable anonymous connection between all participants in the trading platform.

What are the official OMG darkmarket mirrors

First of all, OMG!OMG! onion — this is the most popular working combination for site access. It is the fastest and safest on the Internet. Use it and look for alternatives only when you can’t enter the store using it. The analysis showed that there are six main mirrors and one main address. Which address to use is up to you, but we advise you to find a working mirror on the OMG darknet forum. If the main address is disabled, you can always access the alternative working link OMG!OMG! The darknet is distributed mainly in the onion project, so you should look for a link through shadow search engines that do not have censorship. The official OMG website is located at OMG!OMG! Be careful — in Google, Yandex, you can find fraudulent sites. Therefore, you should trust only trusted sources so as not to fall under the influence.

Correct link to OMG darknet

Using drugs is dangerous for your health!
In most developed countries, many types of drugs are legalized, but in Russia, the purchase is possible only on the Internet using the OMG darkmarket.
In order to always have access to the site, you need to download the Tor Browser. You can download Tor for free on the website of our partners (link in the comments). Use only official apps and don't click on questionable links.
Don't forget to save verified mirrors on your phone or computer. In case of a DDoS attack or other technical problems, use the links from the list in the comments.
You can buy goods around the clock in instant shops for bitcoin and rubles through an exchanger. Bitcoin exchange is possible through qiwi, through a bank (Sberbank, Tinkoff, Alfa, VTB), through a SIM card (MTS, TELE2, Beeline, Megafon). You can replenish bitcoin on OMG bot in any convenient way. If you want your transaction to be successful, you should pay attention to choosing a bitcoin exchange point. To view the rating of the exchanger, click «catalog». There you can also find the rating of stores. Verified exchanger — this is a special status and most likely it is a highly rated crypto exchange. You can replenish your personal account in any way indicated on the site. You can also deposit OMG through LocalBitcoins. To do this, you need to purchase coins on the exchange, and then send the transaction to the updated wallet of the trading platform.

Login to OMG!OMG! onion via TOR

The official OMG forum will help you find any products using the original link for tor. But what if you couldn't find the item you bought? In case of problems with the address, treasure or underweight, the buyer is obliged to open a dispute within 12 hours from the date of purchase. The OMG store reserves the right to refuse to consider a dispute in case of flooding, spam, insults or off-topic requests.
1. Address problem.
In case of error, inaccuracy of the address or lack of photos, the buyer can ask «Question on the order» or open «Dispute» The courier will definitely clarify the data in the near future.
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If the area in the photographs of the hoard is not true, take a photograph of the place before starting the search.
If you were unable to find your item, open a dispute, attach clear photos taken during daylight hours from the perspective of a miner, describe the search process, at what time of the day you were looking for the treasure. The cladman's answer will be given no later than 24 hours from the moment of the request.
Compensation is not due in the following cases:

• A small number of purchases on the site and in our store.
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Using drugs is bad for your health! On the site OMG! OMG! there are shop bumps, marijuana, hash, head, plan, and other types. In grams, you can buy any substance, such as mef, salt, mephedrone, cocaine, alpha pvp, surfactant or powder. In the search for goods, a convenient catalog will help you, where all the sellers are located. In Moscow or St. Petersburg, ordering a bookmark is very simple, there are couriers and staff. In Russia (RF) you can order in any city 24 hours a day. You can launch the OMG website in Tor Onion through the Tor Browser. To do this, you need to download the application on an android or ios phone, aka tor project on a PC. You can download Tor Onion browser for free by issuing google or duckduckgo.
Sometimes it's impossible to access OMG due to blocking. OMG Onion is the largest marketplace in the CIS countries where you can buy "shadow" goods for every taste.
To do this, you need to register an account (login, password, account name), replenish your wallet (among the methods you can specify both transfers from a regular bank card and payment systems (for example, QIWI), and direct deposits from crypto wallets) and select the product you are interested in.
Technical support and site administration are actively involved in resolving any issues that arise. The correct links to go to the site are on the darknet site OMG!OMG! onion. There are links for both regular browsers and TOR.
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I think both drugs could become good alternatives to the usual drugs as they directly adress the exquisite rejection sensitivity (RS) that seems to be at the heart of avoidant PD. I did take guanfacine and experienced a marked reduction in RS. Was quite surprised by it and it was something that I did not experience on any other antidepressant etc.
Turns out, I'm not the only one with this experience:

Although the alpha agonist medications, guanfacine and clonidine, have been FDA-approved for the treatment of ADHD for decades, they were not directly associated with the terms of rejection sensitivity and emotional dysregulation for all of the reasons noted above. Nonetheless, it has been my clinical experience and the experience of others that the symptoms of rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) can be significantly relieved with clonidine and guanfacine in about 60% of adolescents and adults. To me, this observation strongly indicates that RSD is neurological and not something that is due to a lack of skills. Skills do not come in pill form.

This of course, like any other treatment, won't work fory anyone. This is also anecdotal, so there as far as I know no rigorous clinical studies that back it up. But for those here who are desperate and have tried anything, it might be worth a shot. I now think that those severe cases should be put on a combination of Nardil + Guanfacine. Might have a synergistic effect.