Bad cad cell symptoms
Does anyone else experience this?
2023.03.29 20:52 taylor_314 Does anyone else experience this?
it usually happens before I’m about to start my period and mine is like 20 days late so it’s even worse but I experience really bad the realization. Does anyone else when they have this feel really off and like not themselves? Or just like your surroundings just look really off or I’m familiar even though you know where you are? I’ll feel like this and I do right now and it just freaks me out and makes me think that there’s something wrong. What do you guys do to cope with this or do you experience this? I try my best to Bree through it and distract myself, but I just find my cell focusing on it and panicking.
submitted by taylor_314 to dpdr [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 20:48 dubz101 Should I go up?
Hello,
I started taking Zoloft for my panic disorder and health anxiety 3-4 months ago. I’m doing amazing compared to where i was, started with 25 then worked up to 75. I have recently got my chest pain and migraine back which sucked cuz i thought i fully healed, now everyday i have something new, the symptoms are much less bad and annoying than before but it’s still annoying that i felt amazing for two weeks or so then got it back. The doctor upped me to 100mg 2 months ago but i took 75 instead in fear of having side effects, i did amazing upping 25 only so i stayed on 75. I have the option to go 100 but my goal was to stay on the lowest possible dose so it isn’t an issue when i come off it. What should i do? Is it normal that I’m getting my horrible symptoms back? And is it possible I’m actually sick this time and it’s not the meds? For people relating to me i would like to assure you that I’m a million times better i haven’t visited the doctors in months! Don’t lose hope.
submitted by dubz101 to zoloft [link] [comments]
I started taking Zoloft for my panic disorder and health anxiety 3-4 months ago. I’m doing amazing compared to where i was, started with 25 then worked up to 75. I have recently got my chest pain and migraine back which sucked cuz i thought i fully healed, now everyday i have something new, the symptoms are much less bad and annoying than before but it’s still annoying that i felt amazing for two weeks or so then got it back. The doctor upped me to 100mg 2 months ago but i took 75 instead in fear of having side effects, i did amazing upping 25 only so i stayed on 75. I have the option to go 100 but my goal was to stay on the lowest possible dose so it isn’t an issue when i come off it. What should i do? Is it normal that I’m getting my horrible symptoms back? And is it possible I’m actually sick this time and it’s not the meds? For people relating to me i would like to assure you that I’m a million times better i haven’t visited the doctors in months! Don’t lose hope.
2023.03.29 20:47 callistovega I think I may have Endometriosis and I'm scared
Maybe I've been doing too much internet research, but all the symptoms I've been having for years all add up to Endometriosis.
I was diagnosed with PCOS mid last year, and have since had some things to help those symptoms. But I feel that it may be more. I don't want to self diagnose obviously, but the constant ache in my pelvis area is exhausting. There is discomfort during intercourse and spotting. As well as spotting between periods. Though I haven't had a proper period since being on the coil.
I have this constant feeling that I am coming down with an illness, but never actually get ill? Idk if this is something that people experience with this. I get more pain in my pelvis area when I lie down in certain positions and the shooting cramps are also horrific.
I have a pelvic exam tomorrow with my GP, is this something she might find? Do I ask her more about it?
I've read a lot about having surgery and people having colostomy bags, and the thought of that makes me panic really badly. I know people live with this daily, and they;re so strong for it. But idk if I'm strong enough for that.
I'm really scared of the answer I will hopefully finally get for the symptoms I mentioned and more
submitted by callistovega to endometriosis [link] [comments]
I was diagnosed with PCOS mid last year, and have since had some things to help those symptoms. But I feel that it may be more. I don't want to self diagnose obviously, but the constant ache in my pelvis area is exhausting. There is discomfort during intercourse and spotting. As well as spotting between periods. Though I haven't had a proper period since being on the coil.
I have this constant feeling that I am coming down with an illness, but never actually get ill? Idk if this is something that people experience with this. I get more pain in my pelvis area when I lie down in certain positions and the shooting cramps are also horrific.
I have a pelvic exam tomorrow with my GP, is this something she might find? Do I ask her more about it?
I've read a lot about having surgery and people having colostomy bags, and the thought of that makes me panic really badly. I know people live with this daily, and they;re so strong for it. But idk if I'm strong enough for that.
I'm really scared of the answer I will hopefully finally get for the symptoms I mentioned and more
2023.03.29 20:46 KamchatkasRevenge Out of Cruel Space Side Story: Of Dog, Volpir, and Man - Ch 191
"So tell me what I'm looking at Diana?"
Jerry stood next to Diana Lawson deep in the bowels of the secure part of the Tear, well away from the hab blocks and the civilian population. The hangar brig and the main brig were one thing... but there was a third holding location for 'special guests'. What was jokingly called the Tear's black site. Special prisoners, guests of the intelligence community... unwilling guests that is, and prisoners considered far too dangerous to place in any less restrictive confinement.
For these special 'guests', a decent sized room had quickly been retrofitted and fit with powerful energy barriers, that doubled as an opaque surface that the Narlabore could not see through, but could be observed through comfortably. The Narlabore might be able to cut through hardened armor plate with their claws, but the energy barriers had them pinned. Not that they seemed particularly inclined to attempt to escape. Or do much of anything. They just milled about, seemingly exploring their new space, then going idle. Only one Narlabore raised herself out of her shell, and she was the only one who seemed to fully be aware of her surroundings and circumstances.
"Best as we can figure it, without the Queen and without a sufficient critical mass of Narlabore, the Narlabore are more or less... mentally subnormal is probably the nice way to put it. The working theory is they've got a low key collective intelligence, but the primary node in that intelligence is the Queen, and if the male of the hive is another Narlabore, the King add to that network. It's pretty rare that the King of a hive isn't a Narlabore per galactic records. So these girls... save that one there...." Diana points to the more aware Narlabore. "...Just straight up don't know where they are or what's happening to them, or why. If there were enough of them, the Hive would, we think, produce a new Queen. Or if the Queen was intact, she could produce more members of the hive. Knock out both and the hive is effectively neutralized. If there's a way to come back from it, I'm not entirely sure so far... but then we haven't asked either."
Jerry arches an eyebrow. "Considering what you just told me... can we actually... you know... ask someone?"
"There is one person." Diana steps to an intercom panel. "With your permission Captain?"
"Go on Commander, I know you're dying to show me whatever you've got cooked up."
Diana flashes Jerry her dazzling smile. "You know me too well. Careful, you might seduce me."
"Oh no, another beautiful woman in my life, and another of my senior staff in my marriage, how ever shall I survive?"
Jerry rolls his eyes. Diana was clearly just teasing. Probably. "Besides, I get the sense you're the hunter, not the hunted. If I manage to accidentally seduce you, you'll let me know by turning up with rings and a freshly printed marriage license ready to sign."
"Don't tempt a girl with a good time Bridger."
Diana tags the intercom, forestalling a response with a squelch of microphone feedback. Feedback she herself had almost certainly caused. Then the wall goes fully transparent.
"Kal'thwet'e, could you please join me at the wall?"
The one somewhat lucid Narlabore moves slowly over to join them at the wall, her milky white, purple tinged skin on full display as she raises herself up from her armored shell. A red light blinks at her throat, and her voice comes out, first in the shrieking, high pitched language of the Narlabore, and then a second time from the apparent voice modulator in her throat in a somewhat robotic, but still feminine tone.
"We are here Dian'a'Lawson of Hive Crimson'Te'Ar."
Diana doesn't even blink at the strange pronunciation of her name. Apparently she'd talked with Kal'thwet'e before.
"Kal'thwet'e, do your fellows have enough food? Drink? Is there anything else you... need?"
"The sleepers are cared for sufficiently. As is Kal'thwet'e. You do honor to your hive. Many would not care for their enemies as you."
"You don't have to be our enemy Kal'thwet'e. This is our King. Jeremiah Bridger."
"We greet you, mighty one. We can offer nothing, save thanking you for our lives. For as long as we have them. Though it pleases this one to speak for the hive again, even if the Queen is dead, and the sleepers are silent, their minds silenced by the trauma of the Queen's death."
Diana nods, motioning to Jerry to stay silent for now.
"You say you spoke for your hive before Kal'thwet'e? Not the group, but you, specifically."
"We are we... but we are also Kal'thwet'e. It is. Complicated. To explain to those who are not of us. Kal'thwet'e, this one. I... perhaps in your parlance, though it is strange for us to think of ourselves as anything but one of the great chorus. Kal'thwet'e was honored to serve the Queen before. Our mother. Not the creature you killed with your warriors Jere'Miah'B'ridger. That Queen did not birth us. In killing her, you have avenged Kal'thwet'e's mother, and for this we are eternally thankful. Though she sings in our chorus forever, we... miss her corporeal presence and comfort. We miss her guidance."
"So... the Queen we killed, she killed your mother? Was she part of your hive originally?"
"No. That creature is of Narlabore, but she was not of us. There are four kinds of Narlabore. The worker, such as those behind Kal'thwet'e, the scout, the warrior, and the Queen. True born Queens are the foundation of each hive, and when the Queen joins the eternal chorus of our minds, a daughter will rise up and take her place, growing into her strength. If the true born line dies out, then the hive will select another daughter to become a Queen. Many are the hives without the royal line. Many worker lead hives are how many see Narlabore. Strong workers. Strange, but hardy and helpful. Scout clans are rarely seen, hidden in the expanse of the stars. The Warriors though... without wisdom, many become as the creature you saw. Pirates, devourers. Or perhaps as some of your hive has called us, monsters. Narlabore born to such hives without a true born queen are... even less without their queen than a normal hive."
"So is that why you're different?"
"Yes."
"So how did you come to be a part of the pirate hive Kal'thwet'e?"
"Our own hunted and slaughtered us like animals, and dominated the rest forcibly. It is one of the soul sins of our society. We do not know religion as you do. Kal'thwet'e only has a concept of it so we can better interface with those who are not of us. Similarly to being fit with the device in Kal'thwet'e's throat that we might speak as you do Dian'a'Lawson. Our hive was despoiled. Our queen butchered and eaten. Such behavior is... vile, but many lack the presence of mind, the... individuality to truly resist. There is only the chorus. There is only us. When a stronger tune begins to play, we pick up the rhythm... it is..."
"Hard to describe, to one who isn't of you, right, I'm getting that. You told me before that hives have kings as well. What happened to your hive's king?"
"The King, our father as you would term it, was killed. The new Queen already had a king. So he was redundant."
"Not much in the way of retirement programs for Narlabore is there?" Jerry murmurs, more or less to himself.
"When we are no longer able to contribute to the hive positively, we willingly join the eternal chorus. Our time comes, and we echo forever in the voices of those who come after us. Or... we would. It seems our part of the song shall end."
Diana nods slowly. "So you can't become Queen yourself?"
"If more of us survived, perhaps."
"Thank you for your time Kal'thwet'e, the King is pleased with your assistance."
"We are grateful again, for the mercy you have shown us."
The intercom turns off, and the energy wall goes opaque once again.
"Well there you have it skipper. I'm not sure what to think about this honestly. How the hell do you press charges against a hive consciousness, part of which was more or less... psychically raped into compliance for lack of a better term?"
Jerry shakes his head. "I don't have an answer for that. It's not our business either, that's for the Apuk and Council legal system to work out. I'm sure there's a protocol for it somewhere. That said... I'm not sure I'm comfortable eliminating an entire community out of hand. Especially if 'willing participant', is an entirely foreign concept to the Narlabore."
"There might be some survivors yet left..." Offers Diana, herself clearly torn.
"On one hand they're child-eating monsters." Jerry begins.
"On the other hand, Kal'thwet'e at least is a victim too, no less brutalized than one of those children." Diana finishes.
Jerry paces the room for a bit, his mind warring with his heart as he considers the revelation about his enemy. The monster that was the Narlabore. Perhaps. Perhaps. Spending time with his newborns had softened him further... but perhaps he simply wasn't willing to commit genocide, even by accident. If the Narlabore were to survive, then they'd need to be remanded to a hive. Or something. There was no good answer here. The workers couldn't really have charges brought against them, they were barely conscious so far as Jerry could tell. Kal'thwet'e was an obvious victim.
"...Well at least we can say no matter what we delivered justice for the people of the Talasar Spire. The perpetrator is well and truly dead. The Queen was slayed by Jaruna. So that's one thing we can set aside. They deserve their justice, and have received it. The drones, the workers... what limited consciousness they have, and Kal'thwet'e, if we can believe her... they deserve their justice too. We'll need to have a meeting with the Council cops that are flying wing for the Apuk corvette. They'll probably have some options back in council space. As Kal'thwet'e said... There are Narlabore hives with positive relationships with the galactic community. Perhaps... refugees? Or at the very least they'll have the kind of specialists who can tell if Kal'thwet'e is screwing with us or not."
"That's pinning a lot on the council's flunkies skipper."
"Yeah but this is literally their job, and for all the shit we give them, the council cops aren't that bad in the grand scheme of things. Especially not on matters of procedure and protocol, and this is a matter of procedure and protocol."
"So you're going to wash your hands?"
Jerry shakes his head firmly. "No. Just the opposite. We can't help them. Not completely, but we're going to see this through and not just dump it on someone. If I don't think the senior council cop is a competent steward for the Narlabore, we'll keep them in protective custody. Until we can find someone who knows their ass from their elbows and can help... but also reckon the matter of justice for a hive mind. I'm not sure any human can truly do that. Was it all the single despot? Or did say, those who were hunting the children Sir David rescued have some degree of culpability. Moot point perhaps as they're dead... but if it was a group desire..."
Jerry shakes his head firmly.
"No. We're not going down that rabbit hole. Someone has. Someone has sorted this crap and enshrined it in galactic law long ago and I am not going to waste our resources repeating work. You and your people have better things to do. I have better things to do, and if I don't have better things to do, then I should be doing the most important thing of all and spending time with my newborns."
"Considering the sheer number of newborns in the Den, one wonders how you find time for anything else."
Diana smirks over at Jerry, a quirk of her lips that added all manner of tone to her simple statement. All very confusing tones, but tones nonetheless.
"Let's just say learning to multitask is key when you have numerous wives, even more numerous children, and a starship to run."
"Oh I'm sure. Considering how often the Bridger girls are just glowing... or pregnant, one can only imagine your talent at multitasking. But then, just imagining isn't very fun is it? I'm sure it's led to inflamed imaginations everywhere you go. With every woman you meet who lacks a talented multitasker of her own at home. Thinking about just how... lucky... they must be."
There was a slight purr in Diana's tone that would have made a tiger proud, alluring, teasing and intimidating all at once... but before Jerry can turn to face his spymaster, and figure out what exactly she's on about... she's already gone. Leaving Jerry to watch the Narlabore alone for a moment, before he too vanishes from the cell.
First Last
submitted by KamchatkasRevenge to HFY [link] [comments]
Jerry stood next to Diana Lawson deep in the bowels of the secure part of the Tear, well away from the hab blocks and the civilian population. The hangar brig and the main brig were one thing... but there was a third holding location for 'special guests'. What was jokingly called the Tear's black site. Special prisoners, guests of the intelligence community... unwilling guests that is, and prisoners considered far too dangerous to place in any less restrictive confinement.
For these special 'guests', a decent sized room had quickly been retrofitted and fit with powerful energy barriers, that doubled as an opaque surface that the Narlabore could not see through, but could be observed through comfortably. The Narlabore might be able to cut through hardened armor plate with their claws, but the energy barriers had them pinned. Not that they seemed particularly inclined to attempt to escape. Or do much of anything. They just milled about, seemingly exploring their new space, then going idle. Only one Narlabore raised herself out of her shell, and she was the only one who seemed to fully be aware of her surroundings and circumstances.
"Best as we can figure it, without the Queen and without a sufficient critical mass of Narlabore, the Narlabore are more or less... mentally subnormal is probably the nice way to put it. The working theory is they've got a low key collective intelligence, but the primary node in that intelligence is the Queen, and if the male of the hive is another Narlabore, the King add to that network. It's pretty rare that the King of a hive isn't a Narlabore per galactic records. So these girls... save that one there...." Diana points to the more aware Narlabore. "...Just straight up don't know where they are or what's happening to them, or why. If there were enough of them, the Hive would, we think, produce a new Queen. Or if the Queen was intact, she could produce more members of the hive. Knock out both and the hive is effectively neutralized. If there's a way to come back from it, I'm not entirely sure so far... but then we haven't asked either."
Jerry arches an eyebrow. "Considering what you just told me... can we actually... you know... ask someone?"
"There is one person." Diana steps to an intercom panel. "With your permission Captain?"
"Go on Commander, I know you're dying to show me whatever you've got cooked up."
Diana flashes Jerry her dazzling smile. "You know me too well. Careful, you might seduce me."
"Oh no, another beautiful woman in my life, and another of my senior staff in my marriage, how ever shall I survive?"
Jerry rolls his eyes. Diana was clearly just teasing. Probably. "Besides, I get the sense you're the hunter, not the hunted. If I manage to accidentally seduce you, you'll let me know by turning up with rings and a freshly printed marriage license ready to sign."
"Don't tempt a girl with a good time Bridger."
Diana tags the intercom, forestalling a response with a squelch of microphone feedback. Feedback she herself had almost certainly caused. Then the wall goes fully transparent.
"Kal'thwet'e, could you please join me at the wall?"
The one somewhat lucid Narlabore moves slowly over to join them at the wall, her milky white, purple tinged skin on full display as she raises herself up from her armored shell. A red light blinks at her throat, and her voice comes out, first in the shrieking, high pitched language of the Narlabore, and then a second time from the apparent voice modulator in her throat in a somewhat robotic, but still feminine tone.
"We are here Dian'a'Lawson of Hive Crimson'Te'Ar."
Diana doesn't even blink at the strange pronunciation of her name. Apparently she'd talked with Kal'thwet'e before.
"Kal'thwet'e, do your fellows have enough food? Drink? Is there anything else you... need?"
"The sleepers are cared for sufficiently. As is Kal'thwet'e. You do honor to your hive. Many would not care for their enemies as you."
"You don't have to be our enemy Kal'thwet'e. This is our King. Jeremiah Bridger."
"We greet you, mighty one. We can offer nothing, save thanking you for our lives. For as long as we have them. Though it pleases this one to speak for the hive again, even if the Queen is dead, and the sleepers are silent, their minds silenced by the trauma of the Queen's death."
Diana nods, motioning to Jerry to stay silent for now.
"You say you spoke for your hive before Kal'thwet'e? Not the group, but you, specifically."
"We are we... but we are also Kal'thwet'e. It is. Complicated. To explain to those who are not of us. Kal'thwet'e, this one. I... perhaps in your parlance, though it is strange for us to think of ourselves as anything but one of the great chorus. Kal'thwet'e was honored to serve the Queen before. Our mother. Not the creature you killed with your warriors Jere'Miah'B'ridger. That Queen did not birth us. In killing her, you have avenged Kal'thwet'e's mother, and for this we are eternally thankful. Though she sings in our chorus forever, we... miss her corporeal presence and comfort. We miss her guidance."
"So... the Queen we killed, she killed your mother? Was she part of your hive originally?"
"No. That creature is of Narlabore, but she was not of us. There are four kinds of Narlabore. The worker, such as those behind Kal'thwet'e, the scout, the warrior, and the Queen. True born Queens are the foundation of each hive, and when the Queen joins the eternal chorus of our minds, a daughter will rise up and take her place, growing into her strength. If the true born line dies out, then the hive will select another daughter to become a Queen. Many are the hives without the royal line. Many worker lead hives are how many see Narlabore. Strong workers. Strange, but hardy and helpful. Scout clans are rarely seen, hidden in the expanse of the stars. The Warriors though... without wisdom, many become as the creature you saw. Pirates, devourers. Or perhaps as some of your hive has called us, monsters. Narlabore born to such hives without a true born queen are... even less without their queen than a normal hive."
"So is that why you're different?"
"Yes."
"So how did you come to be a part of the pirate hive Kal'thwet'e?"
"Our own hunted and slaughtered us like animals, and dominated the rest forcibly. It is one of the soul sins of our society. We do not know religion as you do. Kal'thwet'e only has a concept of it so we can better interface with those who are not of us. Similarly to being fit with the device in Kal'thwet'e's throat that we might speak as you do Dian'a'Lawson. Our hive was despoiled. Our queen butchered and eaten. Such behavior is... vile, but many lack the presence of mind, the... individuality to truly resist. There is only the chorus. There is only us. When a stronger tune begins to play, we pick up the rhythm... it is..."
"Hard to describe, to one who isn't of you, right, I'm getting that. You told me before that hives have kings as well. What happened to your hive's king?"
"The King, our father as you would term it, was killed. The new Queen already had a king. So he was redundant."
"Not much in the way of retirement programs for Narlabore is there?" Jerry murmurs, more or less to himself.
"When we are no longer able to contribute to the hive positively, we willingly join the eternal chorus. Our time comes, and we echo forever in the voices of those who come after us. Or... we would. It seems our part of the song shall end."
Diana nods slowly. "So you can't become Queen yourself?"
"If more of us survived, perhaps."
"Thank you for your time Kal'thwet'e, the King is pleased with your assistance."
"We are grateful again, for the mercy you have shown us."
The intercom turns off, and the energy wall goes opaque once again.
"Well there you have it skipper. I'm not sure what to think about this honestly. How the hell do you press charges against a hive consciousness, part of which was more or less... psychically raped into compliance for lack of a better term?"
Jerry shakes his head. "I don't have an answer for that. It's not our business either, that's for the Apuk and Council legal system to work out. I'm sure there's a protocol for it somewhere. That said... I'm not sure I'm comfortable eliminating an entire community out of hand. Especially if 'willing participant', is an entirely foreign concept to the Narlabore."
"There might be some survivors yet left..." Offers Diana, herself clearly torn.
"On one hand they're child-eating monsters." Jerry begins.
"On the other hand, Kal'thwet'e at least is a victim too, no less brutalized than one of those children." Diana finishes.
Jerry paces the room for a bit, his mind warring with his heart as he considers the revelation about his enemy. The monster that was the Narlabore. Perhaps. Perhaps. Spending time with his newborns had softened him further... but perhaps he simply wasn't willing to commit genocide, even by accident. If the Narlabore were to survive, then they'd need to be remanded to a hive. Or something. There was no good answer here. The workers couldn't really have charges brought against them, they were barely conscious so far as Jerry could tell. Kal'thwet'e was an obvious victim.
"...Well at least we can say no matter what we delivered justice for the people of the Talasar Spire. The perpetrator is well and truly dead. The Queen was slayed by Jaruna. So that's one thing we can set aside. They deserve their justice, and have received it. The drones, the workers... what limited consciousness they have, and Kal'thwet'e, if we can believe her... they deserve their justice too. We'll need to have a meeting with the Council cops that are flying wing for the Apuk corvette. They'll probably have some options back in council space. As Kal'thwet'e said... There are Narlabore hives with positive relationships with the galactic community. Perhaps... refugees? Or at the very least they'll have the kind of specialists who can tell if Kal'thwet'e is screwing with us or not."
"That's pinning a lot on the council's flunkies skipper."
"Yeah but this is literally their job, and for all the shit we give them, the council cops aren't that bad in the grand scheme of things. Especially not on matters of procedure and protocol, and this is a matter of procedure and protocol."
"So you're going to wash your hands?"
Jerry shakes his head firmly. "No. Just the opposite. We can't help them. Not completely, but we're going to see this through and not just dump it on someone. If I don't think the senior council cop is a competent steward for the Narlabore, we'll keep them in protective custody. Until we can find someone who knows their ass from their elbows and can help... but also reckon the matter of justice for a hive mind. I'm not sure any human can truly do that. Was it all the single despot? Or did say, those who were hunting the children Sir David rescued have some degree of culpability. Moot point perhaps as they're dead... but if it was a group desire..."
Jerry shakes his head firmly.
"No. We're not going down that rabbit hole. Someone has. Someone has sorted this crap and enshrined it in galactic law long ago and I am not going to waste our resources repeating work. You and your people have better things to do. I have better things to do, and if I don't have better things to do, then I should be doing the most important thing of all and spending time with my newborns."
"Considering the sheer number of newborns in the Den, one wonders how you find time for anything else."
Diana smirks over at Jerry, a quirk of her lips that added all manner of tone to her simple statement. All very confusing tones, but tones nonetheless.
"Let's just say learning to multitask is key when you have numerous wives, even more numerous children, and a starship to run."
"Oh I'm sure. Considering how often the Bridger girls are just glowing... or pregnant, one can only imagine your talent at multitasking. But then, just imagining isn't very fun is it? I'm sure it's led to inflamed imaginations everywhere you go. With every woman you meet who lacks a talented multitasker of her own at home. Thinking about just how... lucky... they must be."
There was a slight purr in Diana's tone that would have made a tiger proud, alluring, teasing and intimidating all at once... but before Jerry can turn to face his spymaster, and figure out what exactly she's on about... she's already gone. Leaving Jerry to watch the Narlabore alone for a moment, before he too vanishes from the cell.
First Last
2023.03.29 20:44 axolotl-tiddies Please help: chronic sinusitis is making me miserable and medication worsened my symptoms
I’ll go into more detail below, but I’m getting desperate and I just need some advice. I’ve had an extremely bad sinus infection for 2 years now (started Jan 2021), but only just got a diagnosis for it in Jan 2023 because of difficulty getting seen/misdiagnosed as allergies.
Up until the diagnosis, my ONLY symptom was unusual postnasal drainage: hardened chunks of mucus (?) in the sort of shape/size of a chewed up wad of gum. Color would vary from dark yellow to green to bloody, and since it was hardened it would be sharp and scratch me as it descended from the nasopharynx. I could not cough it out, to remove it I would have to use tweezers and reach back in my throat. It would also come out with non-solid drainage stuck to it that I assumed was mucus. I never had sinus pain/pressure, it was just this drainage.
When I finally got a diagnosis via a CT scan (which showed, in the doctor’s exact words, an “absolutely raging case of chronic sinusitis”), I was prescribed a 7 day course of antibiotics and referred to an ENT. The antibiotics helped for about a week and I stopped having drainage, then it came back with more symptoms. I was now having consistent pressure/pain in my sinuses and headaches, as well as the drainage. The pain gradually worsened until 2 weeks ago when I was finally able to see the ENT.
She looked around with the scope and said there was significant inflammation but only a few small nasal polyps, and she also mentioned that the non-solid postnasal drainage I experience with the chunks is pus and not mucus. She prescribed 21 days of doxycycline hyclate 100mg, 7 days of prednisone (which I have completed), and several months of a steroid that I add to my neilmed sinus rinse. I won’t see her again until May.
The pain is not improving. It’s getting in the way of my schoolwork because I’m so exhausted and just want to lay down and rest my head. It seems to get worse in late afternoon/evening when I become miserable. My head feels so full. I’ve taken otc sinus pressure/pain medication a few times but it doesn’t always help.
Is there anything else I can do? Why has the medication made my symptoms worse? Do I need to wait it out or is this concerning?
Obligatory: 21F, 5’7, 120lbs, white, taking zoloft and vyvanse as well as aforementioned sinus meds, no smoking, occasional social drinking (like once a month), never had covid
submitted by axolotl-tiddies to AskDocs [link] [comments]
Up until the diagnosis, my ONLY symptom was unusual postnasal drainage: hardened chunks of mucus (?) in the sort of shape/size of a chewed up wad of gum. Color would vary from dark yellow to green to bloody, and since it was hardened it would be sharp and scratch me as it descended from the nasopharynx. I could not cough it out, to remove it I would have to use tweezers and reach back in my throat. It would also come out with non-solid drainage stuck to it that I assumed was mucus. I never had sinus pain/pressure, it was just this drainage.
When I finally got a diagnosis via a CT scan (which showed, in the doctor’s exact words, an “absolutely raging case of chronic sinusitis”), I was prescribed a 7 day course of antibiotics and referred to an ENT. The antibiotics helped for about a week and I stopped having drainage, then it came back with more symptoms. I was now having consistent pressure/pain in my sinuses and headaches, as well as the drainage. The pain gradually worsened until 2 weeks ago when I was finally able to see the ENT.
She looked around with the scope and said there was significant inflammation but only a few small nasal polyps, and she also mentioned that the non-solid postnasal drainage I experience with the chunks is pus and not mucus. She prescribed 21 days of doxycycline hyclate 100mg, 7 days of prednisone (which I have completed), and several months of a steroid that I add to my neilmed sinus rinse. I won’t see her again until May.
The pain is not improving. It’s getting in the way of my schoolwork because I’m so exhausted and just want to lay down and rest my head. It seems to get worse in late afternoon/evening when I become miserable. My head feels so full. I’ve taken otc sinus pressure/pain medication a few times but it doesn’t always help.
Is there anything else I can do? Why has the medication made my symptoms worse? Do I need to wait it out or is this concerning?
Obligatory: 21F, 5’7, 120lbs, white, taking zoloft and vyvanse as well as aforementioned sinus meds, no smoking, occasional social drinking (like once a month), never had covid
2023.03.29 20:42 MisterMegatron A Serious Critique: "Absolute Batman: The Killing Joke" is mediocre at best
This post contains spoilers for Absolute Batman: The Killing Joke. I believe I have marked all of the spoilers but may have missed one or two.
I recently purchased Absolute Batman: The Killing Joke (30th Anniversary Edition), and I was SO excited to read it. I'd heard from this subreddit how it's the best Joker story to ever be released (other essentials being A Death in the Family, The Devil's Advocate, and, arguably, The Batman Who Laughs). Although I knew the plot of TKJ already, I didn't know how all the pieces fit together. I also got the deluxe edition, which included concept art, scripts, cover illustrations, and the original version of the comic from 1988.
There are also a couple good one-liners (e.g., the Joker preferring for his past being multiple choice) and moral dilemmas. For example, the Joker insists that everyone is just one bad day away from insanity, and that's exactly what made him the Joker to begin with: he joined a payroll heist, things went south, and he fell into a vat of acid, becoming the Joker. However, he fails to account for when the "average man" isn't broken by unfortunate events. Jim wasn't. Batman wasn't. Barbara wasn't. They all adapted and kept going, despite what life threw at them.
I'll admit, even though I've watched animated Batman storylines for as long as I can recall, I am fairly new to the Batman comic runs. I've started with the "essentials", including Batman: Hush (8/10), Absolute Batman: The Killing Joke (5.5/10), The Batman Who Laughs (3/10; could not finish due to confusing plot and random introduction of characters), Batman Knightfall (currently reading and thoroughly enjoying), and Batman: The Black Mirror (have not started but looks good). I tentatively plan on getting A Death in the Family at some point so I can experience the Jason Todd story. However, if it ends up being like TKJ, where it is centered around pure shock value resulting from a horrible circumstance, then I will likely skip it. If it dives into more nuance of Batman's regret of not killing the Joker while he had the opportunity and the accompanying moral dilemmas, then I'll give it a chance. I kind of already got that piece by reading Batman: Hush (Batman almost kills the Joker after Catwoman nearly dies at an opera performance. Jason Todd is "resurrected" but was actually Clayface), so the jury remains undecided as of today on the necessity of reading A Death in the Family.
In particular, when you compare the origin story of the Joker to Bane, as detailed in Knightfall, TKJ pales in comparison to the amount of time Knightfall spends on Bane. The Joker's origins occur over 10 pages; Bane's origins occur over at least 45 pages (and counting... Knightfall's first volume spans 630 pages). Also, the authors of TKJ specify that TKJ is supposed to be a comic about the Joker, not Batman. If this is true, why don't we get more of the Joker? There's so much untapped potential involving the Joker's backstory, his escape from Arkham, and how he might attempt to reconcile failing to "break" Jim/Batman/Barbara. I realize I don't have the full context for these events, but I would have appreciated a small glimpse of them somewhere in TKJ.
I know DC is fully capable of writing longer stories, and I'm disappointed that didn't happen with TKJ.
A bad comic lacks a coherent plot, fails at building a world you care about as a reader, and has boring characters. TKJ is not any of these things, yet it remains a mediocre comic at best, hence my 5.5/10 rating.
My primary motive for writing this post was to vent my frustration that the comic wasn't longer and didn't do more with the plot or characters. Much like the recent-ish Star Wars sequel trilogy, it suffers from missed potential. When I saw the length of the book, I was expecting something similar to Hush or Knightfall. Something I can finish over the course of a few days or weeks. Instead, what I got was a mere 53 pages, and I finished it in less than 30 minutes.
I've typed this post without doing extensive research on the making of the comic. Everything you've read is from my brain alone, not the Internet or any YouTube analysis videos. If I'm somehow missing a follow-up to TKJ or you think I'm a complete idiot for disliking parts of this comic, please tell me. This is a "Discussion" post, after all.
Cheers!
submitted by MisterMegatron to comicbooks [link] [comments]
I recently purchased Absolute Batman: The Killing Joke (30th Anniversary Edition), and I was SO excited to read it. I'd heard from this subreddit how it's the best Joker story to ever be released (other essentials being A Death in the Family, The Devil's Advocate, and, arguably, The Batman Who Laughs). Although I knew the plot of TKJ already, I didn't know how all the pieces fit together. I also got the deluxe edition, which included concept art, scripts, cover illustrations, and the original version of the comic from 1988.
The Good
As soon as I turned to the comic itself, I was blown away by the quality of the art style. The colors were vibrant, and I would often stop and stare at character's expressions to appreciate the detail (e.g., the Joker's unkempt hair, the wide eyes of the doppelgänger in Joker's cell when Batman grabbed his collar, the blood and coffee Barbara spilled when she was shot). I also liked how, as the main plot progressed, the authors fleshed out the Joker's backstory in parallel. It almost makes you feel bad for him. Almost.There are also a couple good one-liners (e.g., the Joker preferring for his past being multiple choice) and moral dilemmas. For example, the Joker insists that everyone is just one bad day away from insanity, and that's exactly what made him the Joker to begin with: he joined a payroll heist, things went south, and he fell into a vat of acid, becoming the Joker. However, he fails to account for when the "average man" isn't broken by unfortunate events. Jim wasn't. Batman wasn't. Barbara wasn't. They all adapted and kept going, despite what life threw at them.
The Bad
Unfortunately, this is where the praise ends. The whole comic feels rushed and incomplete, as it skips over scenes the reader might be interested in seeing such as:- Which punchline did the Joker mess up during his comedy act? I would have liked to be the judge for the joke itself rather than being told "I [the Joker speaking about himself] got nervous and messed up the punchline."
- How did the Joker go from working at the chemical plant to becoming a comedian? I know he thought he could become a successful comedian, but why comedy instead of, I don't know, real estate or something? Especially with a baby three months out, it seems unwise to quit a stable job and throw yourself into the comedy scene
- How did the Joker escape from Arkham? Did they bring in the wrong prisoner from the beginning, or was there a swap during the Joker's incarceration?
- How deeply ingrained is the Batman-Joker dynamic? Is it like the Batman-must-always-have-a-Robin dynamic, or is there more to it than that? Bruce starts to mention this on p. 18 but is cut off when the scene changes to the Gordon's home. All Bruce says is, "How can two people hate so much without knowing each other?"
- Barbara (the person, not the nude pictures of her Jim was forced to look at) does not appear in the comic past p. 25. Would it have been too much trouble to include a final scene where she sees the Joker again post-injury, is fitted with a wheelchair, or grieves with her father over what they've lost as a family?
- Why don't we get to see Barbara's friend, Colleen, stay with Barbara in the hospital? Also, who is taking over for Commissioner Gordon while he is away? We never learn the name of the man with the cigar that appears to be acting in Gordon's place
- What is happening on p. 33? Is Batman searching for clues about the Joker's/Jim's whereabouts? Why is there no dialogue? It's just a montage of him beating up criminals and showing others a poster of the Joker. Also, why would members of Batman's rogue gallery need a reference picture of the Joker (e.g., Penguin, Catwoman?)? Surely the Joker is infamous enough to not require a mugshot. Of course, Bruce could have just sat around to wait for the Batsignal where he later receives a free ticket to Joker's carnival
- The Joker's profile mentions he is 6'5" which seems physically impossible. There are multiple inconsistencies where the Batman, who stands at 6'2", towers over the Joker (even ignoring the bat ears that give him a height boost). This comes off as lazy artwork to me
- Where do the Batman and the Joker go after the ending on p. 53? I realize the Joker says he is beyond help, so do they continue the cycle of capture, incarcerate, escape, repeat or does something else happen? I recognize this is supposed to be a cliffhanger, and I would have appreciated closure. Brian Bolland mentions the following in his 2008 afterword to The Killing Joke
Speaking of which, it's time I revealed what really happened at the end of THE KILLING JOKE: as our protagonists stood there in the rain laughing at the final joke, the police lights reflecting in the pools of filthy water underfoot, the Batman's hand reached out and...That's it. He doesn't even say what "really happened". The quote ends after the ellipses. Bolland just leaves us on another cliffhanger. Did the Batman take a chance on rehabilitating the Joker? Did the Joker return to Arkham, implying Batman did things by the book like Jim asked?
Comparing The Killing Joke to Other Batman Runs
Some say comparison is the thief of joy. I agree, and for the sake of this post, I do not care.I'll admit, even though I've watched animated Batman storylines for as long as I can recall, I am fairly new to the Batman comic runs. I've started with the "essentials", including Batman: Hush (8/10), Absolute Batman: The Killing Joke (5.5/10), The Batman Who Laughs (3/10; could not finish due to confusing plot and random introduction of characters), Batman Knightfall (currently reading and thoroughly enjoying), and Batman: The Black Mirror (have not started but looks good). I tentatively plan on getting A Death in the Family at some point so I can experience the Jason Todd story. However, if it ends up being like TKJ, where it is centered around pure shock value resulting from a horrible circumstance, then I will likely skip it. If it dives into more nuance of Batman's regret of not killing the Joker while he had the opportunity and the accompanying moral dilemmas, then I'll give it a chance. I kind of already got that piece by reading Batman: Hush (Batman almost kills the Joker after Catwoman nearly dies at an opera performance. Jason Todd is "resurrected" but was actually Clayface), so the jury remains undecided as of today on the necessity of reading A Death in the Family.
In particular, when you compare the origin story of the Joker to Bane, as detailed in Knightfall, TKJ pales in comparison to the amount of time Knightfall spends on Bane. The Joker's origins occur over 10 pages; Bane's origins occur over at least 45 pages (and counting... Knightfall's first volume spans 630 pages). Also, the authors of TKJ specify that TKJ is supposed to be a comic about the Joker, not Batman. If this is true, why don't we get more of the Joker? There's so much untapped potential involving the Joker's backstory, his escape from Arkham, and how he might attempt to reconcile failing to "break" Jim/Batman/Barbara. I realize I don't have the full context for these events, but I would have appreciated a small glimpse of them somewhere in TKJ.
I know DC is fully capable of writing longer stories, and I'm disappointed that didn't happen with TKJ.
Should You Read This Comic?
As one of my favorite villains says, the answer is multiple choice. It depends on your preferences because while some of you may want to experience the comic itself, others may enjoy the 2016 TKJ film more and not need to read the comic.- You are interested in the origins of the Joker and don't mind reading a short, 53-page comic. You might not have all of your questions answered, yet there is still a coherent plot, spectacular art, and interesting characters. You can either purchase the standalone comic or get the deluxe edition which includes more content (53 pages in regular; 288 pages in deluxe). Conclusion: Read the comic
- While it might be cool to know how the Joker became The Clown Prince of Crime, it's not pivotal to you because the Joker exists as he is, known origin story or not. You are content reading a plot summary online or watching the movie, whether in its entirety or as clips on YouTube. Conclusion: Skip the comic. Read summaries or watch the movie
- You don't care for Batman. For some reason, you are only interested in Squirrel Girl, yet here you are, reading my post. Conclusion: Do whatever you want I guess...
Conclusion
I don't think TKJ is a "bad" comic.A bad comic lacks a coherent plot, fails at building a world you care about as a reader, and has boring characters. TKJ is not any of these things, yet it remains a mediocre comic at best, hence my 5.5/10 rating.
My primary motive for writing this post was to vent my frustration that the comic wasn't longer and didn't do more with the plot or characters. Much like the recent-ish Star Wars sequel trilogy, it suffers from missed potential. When I saw the length of the book, I was expecting something similar to Hush or Knightfall. Something I can finish over the course of a few days or weeks. Instead, what I got was a mere 53 pages, and I finished it in less than 30 minutes.
I've typed this post without doing extensive research on the making of the comic. Everything you've read is from my brain alone, not the Internet or any YouTube analysis videos. If I'm somehow missing a follow-up to TKJ or you think I'm a complete idiot for disliking parts of this comic, please tell me. This is a "Discussion" post, after all.
Cheers!
2023.03.29 20:35 Grey_wolf_whenever A long and winding road (I'm bad at titles someone read this please)
My family unit is essentially five people, myself, a 30 year old man, my older sister 35, our biological father, our younger step sister, 19, and our step mother.
I have issues with my older sister. Every time we're together there's inevitably a conversation that leaves me feeling horrible. I feel insane, like some part of me is convinced that I'm imagining it, or overreacting, ruining everything for everyone.
The most recent situation went like this, at a family gathering the day after a wedding, with my partner, a wonderful supportive person, my older sister talked to me about my relationship with a semi estranged biological mother that I have worked to repair a lot of damage from over a decade and a half from a divorce. Her tone was accusatory, the conversation had started from a comment I had made about how genuinely I had enjoyed time feeding animals on my mom's farm, and how I was excited to bring my partner along someday.
she starts with a "mom thinks you hate her", bad enough on it's own, I reply, slightly stammering, like someone deeply unprepared for the line of questioning I was heading into "I don't think mom thinks I hate her, I know I don't visit enough but-"
"then why don't you visit more, she thinks you hate her"
"I know I should, it's just a really, really, long bus ride and-"
"why don't you rent a car? You're an adult"
I am an adult, we had just spoken earlier, as a family several hours ago, about my difficulty finding a job after being laid off in January. She has labeled me as a hypocrite: How can a socialist have a new phone? I have never insulted her profession, lifestyle, or income. I had mentioned a savings account I could live off of, money I had been saving for years to maybe someday buy a place to live. Privately I ask myself if hearing this set my sister off, or just knowing that I spoke positively of Mom. Privately I tell myself I should’ve known this would happen, and it is my fault for stepping onto the landmine that takes my leg. My family would agree.
"It's still a long drive. I honestly wish Mom would visit sometimes"
"It's only 2 hours, that's not a long drive and you're making excuses"
"2 hours is a long drive for m-"
"No it isn't"
My expression changes. After a shockingly, inappropriately, short amount of time, sooner than I could say a word, my sister immediately says "what? What are you glaring at me for?" And offers a vaguely remembered taunt about me being angry. My sister has a decidedly aggressive manner of speaking, a tone which causes many sentences to be spit with a venom that says "you ruin everything", and a speed that very rarely allows anyone else to finish a sentence. Family members claim she maybe cannot help this, I am not sure I agree. My partner has witnessed all this and is aghast, stunned at the swiftness of the verbal pummeling I’ve taken.
My partner and I decide I need to go outside and get some air. As I leave, I can hear my older sister offer an explanation to my step mother "he just gets really mad at me all the sudden".
Mom visits me about once a year, I visit her once or twice a year, usually overnight. This is more contact than we've had in the past. I talk to my Mom, she doesn't think I hate her. We have less issues than ever, I value my relationship with her so much as I get older, taking my original family less for granted, and excitedly sharing the new music I create with Mom. She's not the biggest fan of the genre, but her appreciation is fun. It's still a sore spot, for who wouldn't it be? I can't functionally imagine a situation in which my sister, or anyone, doesn't know this will make me, or anyone, emotional. In fact, I think it transcends a personal emotional effect: this is rude. It's purpose is to inflict pain. If this is the story of a repeating cycle, one that always starts the same way is it foolish to think this?
Would I even feel the same way about this if it was a one off situation? It's impossible for me to imagine one single instance of conflict, the full picture a pointillism of antagonization. I could offer a hundred of these conversations up for observation, it would not make a difference, in all of them she would simply be confused. "He just doesn't like me" she mused "for no reason." I am so aware of my actions, so deeply committed to kindness. Outside of this small sample size, it is the first trait about myself many people would point to. In a survey, my family and the outside world would have completely opposing views of me. This dissonance causes so much unpleasantness, a tear in the fabric of conscious.
I walk outside into a forlorn state, a fortune teller with a gun to their head, Nostradamus in khakis, and I detail to my partner the events that will transpire the rest of the weekend. "I'll try really hard to bottle this up", I tell her, "but whatever happens: this is my fault". My partner asks why I don't just talk to my parents about it more. "It doesn't matter, the problem is me becoming emotional." My partner is in disbelief, unable to accept anyone could repeatedly witness these events and feel this way, I am assured “I cannot fucking imagine anyone in my family treating my little brother this way.” I believe her. I look down and say "Negative peace" to the ground, my sentences coming in partial fragments.
I couldn't speak, and sitting outside the gathering I see my step mom. She asks what's wrong, I reply, she says "I see" and goes back into the party. Later on, it torments me that I tried to share this with her and neither her, nor her daughter who I consider very close, could talk to me. Myself and my partner shut ourselves off from the group, a fact that will be thrown into my face like dynamite, choosing to hang out in a bedroom. No one has acknowledged any event to me, choosing instead to make a conscious decision to enjoy life with my older sister, who has turned on a dime into politeness and charm with our shared family. Knock on my door. All of them must know about the event by now, I’ve told my step mother and it's happened before, so many times. It’ll always happen, what good is me explaining it again? Accused of "closing them off" I maintain: I was just down the hall. It wouldn't have made a difference, my step mother works hard to remain impartial.
I felt like I could see the future. What always happens, happening again. Eventually I'll talk to my father. I can't help it, it's very hard to contain, her words can cut me so deep. And every time he acts like I'm a rude jerk for being upset. I don't need him to intervene, I've told him this when I apologize for being upset, I would be so helped by even condolence. I've been begging at this altar of paternal affection, I'm here to tell you: there is no God.
During a family dinner a year or more ago, the five of us, my sister complained about anxiety symptoms and I offered a suggestion: a combination therapy and anti anxiety prescription. I'm not a doctor: I was sharing it along with the information that it had worked for me, the first time I had told my parents I had even done therapy, frowned upon by our folks, I thought this offering of information would help ease her fears about seeking treatment.
She responds, loudly and in tears "I don't need therapy, I don't have anxiety like you, I'm autistic you fucking asshole"
She has used "autism" as a get out jail free card many times. Several members of my family are, some more severe than others. My cousins are deeply affected, most of the time choosing not to speak although when they do they can be very sweet. Her diagnosis came much more recently, a response to her seeking out a doctor after self diagnosing herself from the internet. The others are not as cruel, and I have never heard it used as a defense.
Growing up I had my own issues with mental health, I used to frequently become so terrified I'd vomit at different triggers. Planes, boats, a school bus, barfing away in near constant terror. Unable to peacefully sleep for weeks every time I learn something new, scared my appendix will burst and I'll die, scared my tonsils will fall down my throat and I'll die, I beg my parents to take me to have them removed. Not a normal thing, I now realize, I wonder if it matters. Diagnosed by a doctor with Generalized Panic disorder, ironically many, many years before my older sister would discover the hit and run potential of "you can't blame me, I'm autistic."
She cries and goes upstairs, the dinner continues silently. I ask my father if he thinks that reaction was warranted and he has little response.
He claims he did not hear it. A bold excuse, maybe he had a mouthful so I try to jog his memory. I feel like a psycho, being forced to detail a conversation that is still actively happening, that we were all a part of. After I tell him about the part where she calls me a fucking asshole, he demurs, and asks why I thought that wouldn't make her angry. I explain again, now for the third time, about how I only recommended she could try something based on a deeply personal experience that I also had, adding on this time an explanation about how the shared process of opening up typically inspires trust and brings people together. I do not feel this needs to be explained, but I gave it a try. I am emotional, upset, not hysterical, "I don't know, you're being dramatic." He says "Besides, I don't know what you want me to do."
I don't know what you want me to do. I've heard that sentence a hundred times, he simply cannot imagine "doing" anything, no action, no word, not a thought of participation into the conflict that has dominated every family event since time memoriam. "Try something" I say every time, like a wind up toy. The solution can not come from me, because then he can do it sarcastically. It's happened before. Words of comfort delivered with the trademark eye roll, a pat on the back given behind a snicker. I have told him this, how a simple "I'm sorry about that and I don't think you deserved it.'' would be an entire world.
This most recent time, after the conversation about our mother, I found myself in such a depression, I didn't speak for the rest of the day and just kept my head down in my room. Later I am informed this is offensive behavior.
The next morning when she was out I said something, I could feel my blood pressure rise and my body tense as it almost unwillingly slipped out of my mouth.
"[Sister] lectured me about mom"
My father immediately and angrily comes to her defense with a “You shut yourself off!” always playing the hero for his daughter, the problem is my reaction. The eye roll I received made me want to die. Complete rejection, disappointment in a look. He immediately assumes the offensive “You were in your room all day!” he says angrily, "You do this every time”. He looks appalled, enraged even. I was a door away, an act more offensive than anything, if you ask him, and he is unable, maybe unallowed, to knock on a door. Did my step mother inform him of our conversation? He was so prepared for this. “Why do you have to be all moody?" He sneers. But I've told him why, we had this conversation today, 8 weeks ago, 4 months ago, a year ago, 2 years ago. We have this same conversation, me and my father, and when he responds he always says "I don't know what you want me to do" I say it together with him, in unison, to make a point. It would be easy to just put an arm on my shoulder and say "I'm sorry that happened to you" but it never happens, the point is clear: I am being disruptive, and that itself is the problem.
My father is an Olympic champion of dismissal. On one family trip I was having a hard day, my older sister making many repeated small comments, criticizing looks, intelligence, morality and integrity. A hundred tiny knives. My parents, father and step mother, pull me aside to tell me that it's because in the conversation over breakfast I had referred to myself as the "athletic child" and that she had taken offense to that, she thinks I called her fat. In context, my comment earlier in the day was a joke to my family: "I got all the athletics genetics" I had jested in self deprecation, after all I had a couple semesters of high school tennis and I enjoy jogging. We were a trio of very nerdy kids, none of us able to throw or catch a ball. Two theater kids and a jazz guitarist. It's not a sore subject at all, historically, and it was said with appreciation, recognition of an obvious similarity we all share. I'm skinnier than my sister, we do not have the exact same build, but I didn't think she's overweight and I have never, ever, in my remembered life made a comment about it, disparaging or not. The idea of whether or not it's appropriate to torment someone all day for this slight is never raised, instead we pick apart what I said and I am left over explaining my comments again. Later, my sister shouts at me, red faced, as I am in line at an outdoor restroom "Owen! Move! You are always in the way!" My crime? There was a person behind me and I was taking too long to figure out the coin operated bathroom door (you have to put the coin in the slot. Still, rare to see, and not at all obvious to an American. I probably would've figured it out soon enough). Privately, away from the group but unfortunately with my father, I become upset by the days events and let slip a phrase in anger "shes been yelling at me since high school", a strategic blunder as my father can now pretend I'm actually angry about something that happened in high school, and he can successfully play it off as A, a ridiculous long time grudge that I'm being horrible and holding onto and B, denying knowledge of the situation. He tells me I should "save it for my therapist". It is extremely hard for me to square the reality that he thought I was simply out of blue cranky about something that happened a decade earlier, impossible to believe. "Save it for your therapist" became gasoline on a fire, and I will end up leaving this vacation early, constantly reduced to a single, lonely method of defense when allowed no other quarter: Fucking run.
The situation reminds me of another one, at a Thanksgiving just a year ago in which my step mothers brother is complaining about how raising the price of minimum wage will make burgers cost more, delivered as what seems to be a joke, although a miserable, unfunny one. I offered a reply "I guess you can afford to eat less burgers?'' I am told later, after I've left, totally unaware of any offense caused, he exclaimed a desire to punch me in my face for this comment. I do not think of this man as fat, he is larger than I am, significantly taller, with large hands. I think about how I too could get away with things if my physical size were imposing, impressive. I apologize profusely to my step mother, offering to call him up and formally apologize, told it's unnecessary. The idea of them all sitting in a circle, nodding politely at the punishment they think I deserve has haunted me since. I am never told of a word offered in my defense, despite again: I have never made a disparaging comment about anyone's weight. When I was a very young teen, I laughed at a magazine cover: “Addicted to food” it said. “How can you be addicted to food?” My twelve year old self sneered, “Dont you need it to live?” My step mother has struggled with weight and the face she made at hearing this, wordlessly and momentarily, was a memorable moment, a lesson a young child learned to not make comments like this. I never forget anything. I dropped many judgmental words from my vocabulary (words that were, unfortunately at the time, very common) decades ago because of her good influence. It does not matter. I am the thinnest dog in the pack, and so what I say is a slight to your unspoken insecurities.
In the most recent situation, my sister gets back and the conversation is dropped completely.
I am not addressed by any member of the rest of the group trip, besides my always loving partner, who my family talks past me to speak to about anything casual. They are stunned, I'm sure, that she's with me, an embarrassment. Privately she tells me that she finds their behavior, taking care to make sure she includes everyone, "repulsive", or perhaps "appalling" was the word, and it does bring me comfort. My dad waits a few hours to ask me a casual question, an attempt to paint over the previous conversation that opens me up from my quiet anger, his desire for me only extending to when I can behave. I respond in quiet, defeated, embarrassed, agonized, impotent anger "that's what you have to say to me?" And he resumes his previous eye roll. He takes the same dismissive voice "oh, you're still upset." He walks over to my partner and attempts to talk to her about something inconsequential, she is stunned at his flagrant mistreatment. That he would be bull onward, utterly unmoved by the days events as if determined to do this with the most collateral damage as possible: only as long as every wound goes to me.
I simply have lost the spirit of it. My stomach and back feel tremendous pain from the stress, I go nearly comatose. I can't eat, I can't hold onto water, and I spend the rest of the day shivering in the bedroom of an air bnb, being held by my supportive partner, waiting for our flight. I am in emotional ruin, I've explained it to them so many times I've lost count: every time this happens I feel the effects worse, like it kills a larger part of me. I want to stop dying.
My partner and I avoid talking to them. I have nothing to say. I look at my father like a stranger, so indifferent to anything, so willing to plead ignorance "how was I supposed to know you were being upset" He'll say.
We call an Uber and move to sneak away, heading to the airport to put distance between us and the show. I make a weak goodbye. "That's sad" my father says, barely looking up. Offered with no context, I am once again running away, ruining a family dynamic that without me is joyful, and bright. It has been made clear once again "bark, dog, you will only get hit." My older sister has said nothing to me since the incident. Is she gloating? Miserable? Secure in her victory or is it eating her alive? My younger sister too, says nothing, and I feel deep guilt about how much this hurts me. Is she too young? At 19, would I have blamed me?
My step mother steps up, finally ready to take action after years of silence, she makes her move. For a second I allow myself the optimism of thinking she’ll offer any word of solace or defense, but shes not the jury member I always thought, just another prosecutor. I ask her if she, as well, is mad at me. "You're a selfish, spoiled child who doesn't deserve any of this." my step mother says. Finally, we agree on at least one thing.
I have crossed the state in a historic blizzard to take care of this woman's pets after her original sitter, my younger step sisters boyfriend, had to suddenly leave them adrift mid vacation, with no one to feed the dog and cat, in the middle of a blizzard that delayed the trains by hours. As I wait for the thrice delayed train I play over my desire in my head: I will help them and they will know I’m good and then they will treat me differently. I do not speak of it.
They sit on a tropical island singing my praises, and it brings me nothing but internal conflict, how could you say these things and also feel the way that you show through your actions?. “You're the greatest, Im so proud of you” my step mother says from a tropical beach, my thermometer reads a cold negative 16 as I take out the dog. She later buys her daughter's boyfriend a car. They put a down payment on my older sister's house. I'm spoiled, they have done the pitiable charity of including me. I tell her I never want to hear from her again. You won't, she responds. I offer a final Fuck You, she returns it. I leave. She'll return to work next week to a classroom one of my truest and deepest friends has been taking care of, she had to ask me for his number. He describes her remedial teaching job as "incredibly easy, lighter schedule, less students, no lesson plan." compared to the usual substitution. Later, her own mother will take her to Indonesia, again. They go on trips to a tropical island every year, oftentimes more than one. I even got invited once.
I do not offer this sentence, full dissolution, lightly, nor commonly. It is not the chorus of these events, but a recently added and seriously taken bridge. I understand the pain of being disconnected from family all too well: my father's father has disowned him, and myself, in a letter addressed to "resident". It is an early, defining memory of mine, hard to place on a timeline, decades ago and a small child. I was too young to understand the reasons, if there were any, but I remember my rudeness was written. Problem child since birth, always and forever. Born “resident”.
The only times I've brought it up, separation, come after equally miserable conversations. It came from me as an offer, a plea that I have to, in any way I can, claw away from this misery that eats me alive. My step sister is young, and I feel deeply badly for her, but she is her mother's and has her own issues. She would list them off for you: "Depression, anxiety, PTSD from my father, gluten allergy." PTSD to my left, autism to my right. I am adrift in a sea of mental health experts with magnifying glasses pointed at my face in chorus "what the heck is up with you? I don't get it."
I've never felt I had the strength to follow through on it, for I am so needy. I despise my weakness immensely, that I crave their approval, the comfort of something I'm so held at arm's length away. The last communication with my father was a request that if we were ever going to speak again it would be with a licensed therapist present, but I'm cautious. Why arm them with that? It feels like something that would easily backfire, they’ve practiced their response to everything here so shockingly often I can recite the script. Do it in front of a total stranger, easy. And they’ll be given the vocabulary! “We’re sorry if you feel gaslit”, they’ll say, “but you're a spoiled child who doesn't deserve any of this.” They’ll then find factual inaccuracies, sputtering “technically, the island is almost a whole degree north of the tropics” anything that lets them believe the issue isn't the obvious, gigantic one that we can all see. Clipping the hairs around your brain tumor so you can do your bangs in the morning. Putting the turn signal on while your car hurtles off a cliff. A spoiled child, I wrack my brain to think of what they’ve given me other than reasons. The other way, the easy way out, seems so kind in comparison. My father, his father, the uncles, aunt, cousins who no longer contact. My father himself being the youngest child from the first marriage confuses me, did he feel like this? Is there am ugly streak in my DNA, reaching through time for generations? Will I too someday develop the same callus for someone that relies on me? His mother died, and his father remarried, and I remember thinking they were my grandparents in only my earliest memories.
I have in the past, unironically said my dad “Rules”, so good at being a homey it pains me more how much disinterest he has in being a father.
Now, writing this, here, it feels like a light. A chance for both parties to forgive, and heal, and not keep opening wounds and I think maybe I understand my grandfather a little. Maybe it's not unimaginable this would be for the best. I feel a giant void of longing in me for the family dog, a giant black Labrador named Link, who has had more love for me than most things on this earth. When I think about not ever seeing my family again, the thing that hurts most is never getting a chance to say goodbye to this beautiful, sweet creature. But other than that? The inside of me is greeted with a calm finality I have never known, and I feel the sweet release of sensing something is over.
submitted by Grey_wolf_whenever to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
I have issues with my older sister. Every time we're together there's inevitably a conversation that leaves me feeling horrible. I feel insane, like some part of me is convinced that I'm imagining it, or overreacting, ruining everything for everyone.
The most recent situation went like this, at a family gathering the day after a wedding, with my partner, a wonderful supportive person, my older sister talked to me about my relationship with a semi estranged biological mother that I have worked to repair a lot of damage from over a decade and a half from a divorce. Her tone was accusatory, the conversation had started from a comment I had made about how genuinely I had enjoyed time feeding animals on my mom's farm, and how I was excited to bring my partner along someday.
she starts with a "mom thinks you hate her", bad enough on it's own, I reply, slightly stammering, like someone deeply unprepared for the line of questioning I was heading into "I don't think mom thinks I hate her, I know I don't visit enough but-"
"then why don't you visit more, she thinks you hate her"
"I know I should, it's just a really, really, long bus ride and-"
"why don't you rent a car? You're an adult"
I am an adult, we had just spoken earlier, as a family several hours ago, about my difficulty finding a job after being laid off in January. She has labeled me as a hypocrite: How can a socialist have a new phone? I have never insulted her profession, lifestyle, or income. I had mentioned a savings account I could live off of, money I had been saving for years to maybe someday buy a place to live. Privately I ask myself if hearing this set my sister off, or just knowing that I spoke positively of Mom. Privately I tell myself I should’ve known this would happen, and it is my fault for stepping onto the landmine that takes my leg. My family would agree.
"It's still a long drive. I honestly wish Mom would visit sometimes"
"It's only 2 hours, that's not a long drive and you're making excuses"
"2 hours is a long drive for m-"
"No it isn't"
My expression changes. After a shockingly, inappropriately, short amount of time, sooner than I could say a word, my sister immediately says "what? What are you glaring at me for?" And offers a vaguely remembered taunt about me being angry. My sister has a decidedly aggressive manner of speaking, a tone which causes many sentences to be spit with a venom that says "you ruin everything", and a speed that very rarely allows anyone else to finish a sentence. Family members claim she maybe cannot help this, I am not sure I agree. My partner has witnessed all this and is aghast, stunned at the swiftness of the verbal pummeling I’ve taken.
My partner and I decide I need to go outside and get some air. As I leave, I can hear my older sister offer an explanation to my step mother "he just gets really mad at me all the sudden".
Mom visits me about once a year, I visit her once or twice a year, usually overnight. This is more contact than we've had in the past. I talk to my Mom, she doesn't think I hate her. We have less issues than ever, I value my relationship with her so much as I get older, taking my original family less for granted, and excitedly sharing the new music I create with Mom. She's not the biggest fan of the genre, but her appreciation is fun. It's still a sore spot, for who wouldn't it be? I can't functionally imagine a situation in which my sister, or anyone, doesn't know this will make me, or anyone, emotional. In fact, I think it transcends a personal emotional effect: this is rude. It's purpose is to inflict pain. If this is the story of a repeating cycle, one that always starts the same way is it foolish to think this?
Would I even feel the same way about this if it was a one off situation? It's impossible for me to imagine one single instance of conflict, the full picture a pointillism of antagonization. I could offer a hundred of these conversations up for observation, it would not make a difference, in all of them she would simply be confused. "He just doesn't like me" she mused "for no reason." I am so aware of my actions, so deeply committed to kindness. Outside of this small sample size, it is the first trait about myself many people would point to. In a survey, my family and the outside world would have completely opposing views of me. This dissonance causes so much unpleasantness, a tear in the fabric of conscious.
I walk outside into a forlorn state, a fortune teller with a gun to their head, Nostradamus in khakis, and I detail to my partner the events that will transpire the rest of the weekend. "I'll try really hard to bottle this up", I tell her, "but whatever happens: this is my fault". My partner asks why I don't just talk to my parents about it more. "It doesn't matter, the problem is me becoming emotional." My partner is in disbelief, unable to accept anyone could repeatedly witness these events and feel this way, I am assured “I cannot fucking imagine anyone in my family treating my little brother this way.” I believe her. I look down and say "Negative peace" to the ground, my sentences coming in partial fragments.
I couldn't speak, and sitting outside the gathering I see my step mom. She asks what's wrong, I reply, she says "I see" and goes back into the party. Later on, it torments me that I tried to share this with her and neither her, nor her daughter who I consider very close, could talk to me. Myself and my partner shut ourselves off from the group, a fact that will be thrown into my face like dynamite, choosing to hang out in a bedroom. No one has acknowledged any event to me, choosing instead to make a conscious decision to enjoy life with my older sister, who has turned on a dime into politeness and charm with our shared family. Knock on my door. All of them must know about the event by now, I’ve told my step mother and it's happened before, so many times. It’ll always happen, what good is me explaining it again? Accused of "closing them off" I maintain: I was just down the hall. It wouldn't have made a difference, my step mother works hard to remain impartial.
I felt like I could see the future. What always happens, happening again. Eventually I'll talk to my father. I can't help it, it's very hard to contain, her words can cut me so deep. And every time he acts like I'm a rude jerk for being upset. I don't need him to intervene, I've told him this when I apologize for being upset, I would be so helped by even condolence. I've been begging at this altar of paternal affection, I'm here to tell you: there is no God.
During a family dinner a year or more ago, the five of us, my sister complained about anxiety symptoms and I offered a suggestion: a combination therapy and anti anxiety prescription. I'm not a doctor: I was sharing it along with the information that it had worked for me, the first time I had told my parents I had even done therapy, frowned upon by our folks, I thought this offering of information would help ease her fears about seeking treatment.
She responds, loudly and in tears "I don't need therapy, I don't have anxiety like you, I'm autistic you fucking asshole"
She has used "autism" as a get out jail free card many times. Several members of my family are, some more severe than others. My cousins are deeply affected, most of the time choosing not to speak although when they do they can be very sweet. Her diagnosis came much more recently, a response to her seeking out a doctor after self diagnosing herself from the internet. The others are not as cruel, and I have never heard it used as a defense.
Growing up I had my own issues with mental health, I used to frequently become so terrified I'd vomit at different triggers. Planes, boats, a school bus, barfing away in near constant terror. Unable to peacefully sleep for weeks every time I learn something new, scared my appendix will burst and I'll die, scared my tonsils will fall down my throat and I'll die, I beg my parents to take me to have them removed. Not a normal thing, I now realize, I wonder if it matters. Diagnosed by a doctor with Generalized Panic disorder, ironically many, many years before my older sister would discover the hit and run potential of "you can't blame me, I'm autistic."
She cries and goes upstairs, the dinner continues silently. I ask my father if he thinks that reaction was warranted and he has little response.
He claims he did not hear it. A bold excuse, maybe he had a mouthful so I try to jog his memory. I feel like a psycho, being forced to detail a conversation that is still actively happening, that we were all a part of. After I tell him about the part where she calls me a fucking asshole, he demurs, and asks why I thought that wouldn't make her angry. I explain again, now for the third time, about how I only recommended she could try something based on a deeply personal experience that I also had, adding on this time an explanation about how the shared process of opening up typically inspires trust and brings people together. I do not feel this needs to be explained, but I gave it a try. I am emotional, upset, not hysterical, "I don't know, you're being dramatic." He says "Besides, I don't know what you want me to do."
I don't know what you want me to do. I've heard that sentence a hundred times, he simply cannot imagine "doing" anything, no action, no word, not a thought of participation into the conflict that has dominated every family event since time memoriam. "Try something" I say every time, like a wind up toy. The solution can not come from me, because then he can do it sarcastically. It's happened before. Words of comfort delivered with the trademark eye roll, a pat on the back given behind a snicker. I have told him this, how a simple "I'm sorry about that and I don't think you deserved it.'' would be an entire world.
This most recent time, after the conversation about our mother, I found myself in such a depression, I didn't speak for the rest of the day and just kept my head down in my room. Later I am informed this is offensive behavior.
The next morning when she was out I said something, I could feel my blood pressure rise and my body tense as it almost unwillingly slipped out of my mouth.
"[Sister] lectured me about mom"
My father immediately and angrily comes to her defense with a “You shut yourself off!” always playing the hero for his daughter, the problem is my reaction. The eye roll I received made me want to die. Complete rejection, disappointment in a look. He immediately assumes the offensive “You were in your room all day!” he says angrily, "You do this every time”. He looks appalled, enraged even. I was a door away, an act more offensive than anything, if you ask him, and he is unable, maybe unallowed, to knock on a door. Did my step mother inform him of our conversation? He was so prepared for this. “Why do you have to be all moody?" He sneers. But I've told him why, we had this conversation today, 8 weeks ago, 4 months ago, a year ago, 2 years ago. We have this same conversation, me and my father, and when he responds he always says "I don't know what you want me to do" I say it together with him, in unison, to make a point. It would be easy to just put an arm on my shoulder and say "I'm sorry that happened to you" but it never happens, the point is clear: I am being disruptive, and that itself is the problem.
My father is an Olympic champion of dismissal. On one family trip I was having a hard day, my older sister making many repeated small comments, criticizing looks, intelligence, morality and integrity. A hundred tiny knives. My parents, father and step mother, pull me aside to tell me that it's because in the conversation over breakfast I had referred to myself as the "athletic child" and that she had taken offense to that, she thinks I called her fat. In context, my comment earlier in the day was a joke to my family: "I got all the athletics genetics" I had jested in self deprecation, after all I had a couple semesters of high school tennis and I enjoy jogging. We were a trio of very nerdy kids, none of us able to throw or catch a ball. Two theater kids and a jazz guitarist. It's not a sore subject at all, historically, and it was said with appreciation, recognition of an obvious similarity we all share. I'm skinnier than my sister, we do not have the exact same build, but I didn't think she's overweight and I have never, ever, in my remembered life made a comment about it, disparaging or not. The idea of whether or not it's appropriate to torment someone all day for this slight is never raised, instead we pick apart what I said and I am left over explaining my comments again. Later, my sister shouts at me, red faced, as I am in line at an outdoor restroom "Owen! Move! You are always in the way!" My crime? There was a person behind me and I was taking too long to figure out the coin operated bathroom door (you have to put the coin in the slot. Still, rare to see, and not at all obvious to an American. I probably would've figured it out soon enough). Privately, away from the group but unfortunately with my father, I become upset by the days events and let slip a phrase in anger "shes been yelling at me since high school", a strategic blunder as my father can now pretend I'm actually angry about something that happened in high school, and he can successfully play it off as A, a ridiculous long time grudge that I'm being horrible and holding onto and B, denying knowledge of the situation. He tells me I should "save it for my therapist". It is extremely hard for me to square the reality that he thought I was simply out of blue cranky about something that happened a decade earlier, impossible to believe. "Save it for your therapist" became gasoline on a fire, and I will end up leaving this vacation early, constantly reduced to a single, lonely method of defense when allowed no other quarter: Fucking run.
The situation reminds me of another one, at a Thanksgiving just a year ago in which my step mothers brother is complaining about how raising the price of minimum wage will make burgers cost more, delivered as what seems to be a joke, although a miserable, unfunny one. I offered a reply "I guess you can afford to eat less burgers?'' I am told later, after I've left, totally unaware of any offense caused, he exclaimed a desire to punch me in my face for this comment. I do not think of this man as fat, he is larger than I am, significantly taller, with large hands. I think about how I too could get away with things if my physical size were imposing, impressive. I apologize profusely to my step mother, offering to call him up and formally apologize, told it's unnecessary. The idea of them all sitting in a circle, nodding politely at the punishment they think I deserve has haunted me since. I am never told of a word offered in my defense, despite again: I have never made a disparaging comment about anyone's weight. When I was a very young teen, I laughed at a magazine cover: “Addicted to food” it said. “How can you be addicted to food?” My twelve year old self sneered, “Dont you need it to live?” My step mother has struggled with weight and the face she made at hearing this, wordlessly and momentarily, was a memorable moment, a lesson a young child learned to not make comments like this. I never forget anything. I dropped many judgmental words from my vocabulary (words that were, unfortunately at the time, very common) decades ago because of her good influence. It does not matter. I am the thinnest dog in the pack, and so what I say is a slight to your unspoken insecurities.
In the most recent situation, my sister gets back and the conversation is dropped completely.
I am not addressed by any member of the rest of the group trip, besides my always loving partner, who my family talks past me to speak to about anything casual. They are stunned, I'm sure, that she's with me, an embarrassment. Privately she tells me that she finds their behavior, taking care to make sure she includes everyone, "repulsive", or perhaps "appalling" was the word, and it does bring me comfort. My dad waits a few hours to ask me a casual question, an attempt to paint over the previous conversation that opens me up from my quiet anger, his desire for me only extending to when I can behave. I respond in quiet, defeated, embarrassed, agonized, impotent anger "that's what you have to say to me?" And he resumes his previous eye roll. He takes the same dismissive voice "oh, you're still upset." He walks over to my partner and attempts to talk to her about something inconsequential, she is stunned at his flagrant mistreatment. That he would be bull onward, utterly unmoved by the days events as if determined to do this with the most collateral damage as possible: only as long as every wound goes to me.
I simply have lost the spirit of it. My stomach and back feel tremendous pain from the stress, I go nearly comatose. I can't eat, I can't hold onto water, and I spend the rest of the day shivering in the bedroom of an air bnb, being held by my supportive partner, waiting for our flight. I am in emotional ruin, I've explained it to them so many times I've lost count: every time this happens I feel the effects worse, like it kills a larger part of me. I want to stop dying.
My partner and I avoid talking to them. I have nothing to say. I look at my father like a stranger, so indifferent to anything, so willing to plead ignorance "how was I supposed to know you were being upset" He'll say.
We call an Uber and move to sneak away, heading to the airport to put distance between us and the show. I make a weak goodbye. "That's sad" my father says, barely looking up. Offered with no context, I am once again running away, ruining a family dynamic that without me is joyful, and bright. It has been made clear once again "bark, dog, you will only get hit." My older sister has said nothing to me since the incident. Is she gloating? Miserable? Secure in her victory or is it eating her alive? My younger sister too, says nothing, and I feel deep guilt about how much this hurts me. Is she too young? At 19, would I have blamed me?
My step mother steps up, finally ready to take action after years of silence, she makes her move. For a second I allow myself the optimism of thinking she’ll offer any word of solace or defense, but shes not the jury member I always thought, just another prosecutor. I ask her if she, as well, is mad at me. "You're a selfish, spoiled child who doesn't deserve any of this." my step mother says. Finally, we agree on at least one thing.
I have crossed the state in a historic blizzard to take care of this woman's pets after her original sitter, my younger step sisters boyfriend, had to suddenly leave them adrift mid vacation, with no one to feed the dog and cat, in the middle of a blizzard that delayed the trains by hours. As I wait for the thrice delayed train I play over my desire in my head: I will help them and they will know I’m good and then they will treat me differently. I do not speak of it.
They sit on a tropical island singing my praises, and it brings me nothing but internal conflict, how could you say these things and also feel the way that you show through your actions?. “You're the greatest, Im so proud of you” my step mother says from a tropical beach, my thermometer reads a cold negative 16 as I take out the dog. She later buys her daughter's boyfriend a car. They put a down payment on my older sister's house. I'm spoiled, they have done the pitiable charity of including me. I tell her I never want to hear from her again. You won't, she responds. I offer a final Fuck You, she returns it. I leave. She'll return to work next week to a classroom one of my truest and deepest friends has been taking care of, she had to ask me for his number. He describes her remedial teaching job as "incredibly easy, lighter schedule, less students, no lesson plan." compared to the usual substitution. Later, her own mother will take her to Indonesia, again. They go on trips to a tropical island every year, oftentimes more than one. I even got invited once.
I do not offer this sentence, full dissolution, lightly, nor commonly. It is not the chorus of these events, but a recently added and seriously taken bridge. I understand the pain of being disconnected from family all too well: my father's father has disowned him, and myself, in a letter addressed to "resident". It is an early, defining memory of mine, hard to place on a timeline, decades ago and a small child. I was too young to understand the reasons, if there were any, but I remember my rudeness was written. Problem child since birth, always and forever. Born “resident”.
The only times I've brought it up, separation, come after equally miserable conversations. It came from me as an offer, a plea that I have to, in any way I can, claw away from this misery that eats me alive. My step sister is young, and I feel deeply badly for her, but she is her mother's and has her own issues. She would list them off for you: "Depression, anxiety, PTSD from my father, gluten allergy." PTSD to my left, autism to my right. I am adrift in a sea of mental health experts with magnifying glasses pointed at my face in chorus "what the heck is up with you? I don't get it."
I've never felt I had the strength to follow through on it, for I am so needy. I despise my weakness immensely, that I crave their approval, the comfort of something I'm so held at arm's length away. The last communication with my father was a request that if we were ever going to speak again it would be with a licensed therapist present, but I'm cautious. Why arm them with that? It feels like something that would easily backfire, they’ve practiced their response to everything here so shockingly often I can recite the script. Do it in front of a total stranger, easy. And they’ll be given the vocabulary! “We’re sorry if you feel gaslit”, they’ll say, “but you're a spoiled child who doesn't deserve any of this.” They’ll then find factual inaccuracies, sputtering “technically, the island is almost a whole degree north of the tropics” anything that lets them believe the issue isn't the obvious, gigantic one that we can all see. Clipping the hairs around your brain tumor so you can do your bangs in the morning. Putting the turn signal on while your car hurtles off a cliff. A spoiled child, I wrack my brain to think of what they’ve given me other than reasons. The other way, the easy way out, seems so kind in comparison. My father, his father, the uncles, aunt, cousins who no longer contact. My father himself being the youngest child from the first marriage confuses me, did he feel like this? Is there am ugly streak in my DNA, reaching through time for generations? Will I too someday develop the same callus for someone that relies on me? His mother died, and his father remarried, and I remember thinking they were my grandparents in only my earliest memories.
I have in the past, unironically said my dad “Rules”, so good at being a homey it pains me more how much disinterest he has in being a father.
Now, writing this, here, it feels like a light. A chance for both parties to forgive, and heal, and not keep opening wounds and I think maybe I understand my grandfather a little. Maybe it's not unimaginable this would be for the best. I feel a giant void of longing in me for the family dog, a giant black Labrador named Link, who has had more love for me than most things on this earth. When I think about not ever seeing my family again, the thing that hurts most is never getting a chance to say goodbye to this beautiful, sweet creature. But other than that? The inside of me is greeted with a calm finality I have never known, and I feel the sweet release of sensing something is over.
2023.03.29 20:32 Own_Definition_6852 does anyone relate to me/looking for insight
im very emotionally void and dont have any sort of emotional response to events that dont affect me personally. little empathy. sometimes i do feel bad for people at times but its kind of shallow. ive always been an extremely isolated and unengaging kid and most of my family doesnt like me because i never reach out to them and when we are together i barely talk.
when i was in school i used to lock myself in the bathroom at lunch so no one would look at me. i would get really angry when i had to talk to anyone and i was deeply resentful of almost everyone i knew for no real reason.
honestly i just have absolutely no drive to socialize with most people. anytime i interact with others it feels very superficial and forced. i dont have a relationship with anyone in my family. when people talk to me i feel like im just scrolling through text on a screen.
im a very self centered person too. and i look down on other people. i think most people are stupid, annoying, and pathetic. i have an inferiority complex though funny enough.
i have diagnosed autism and definitely a history of ptsd and severe depression so thats something to consider, but im also aware that im just fundamentally different from most people, like im incapable of caring about the same things everyone else does. i dont say that to be edgy, ive genuinely felt super alienated everywhere i go my whole life because of it and it sucks.
i dont consider myself a super manipulative person but when i think about it i do often do things with the main interest in getting something out of others. i also dont care about the consequences things have on others, as long as it doesnt affect me. im not malicious by any means, though, i dont go out of my way to hurt anyone.
the thing is, im a huge romantic. like very very strongly. i can only love one person at a time, and only romantically. i dont love my friends or family, but i love my s/o very deeply and they are the only person that matters to me. i have a tendency to develop a huge emotional attachment to just one person. this is something i have trouble relating to in other people since its hard finding other deeply antisocial people who are also very romantic.
i feel like a schizoid with the "favourite person" symptom of bpd because its the only way ive ever seen the way i develop obsessive attachments to one person put into words 😭
diagnoses are just labels for collections of symptoms and everything is a spectrum so it doesnt really matter in the long run.
sorry for typing a shit ton lol im not looking for a diagnosis i wanna know if anyone relates to me bc ive never met anyone like me. any general insight would be appreciated too im not a psychiatrist
submitted by Own_Definition_6852 to personalitydisorders [link] [comments]
when i was in school i used to lock myself in the bathroom at lunch so no one would look at me. i would get really angry when i had to talk to anyone and i was deeply resentful of almost everyone i knew for no real reason.
honestly i just have absolutely no drive to socialize with most people. anytime i interact with others it feels very superficial and forced. i dont have a relationship with anyone in my family. when people talk to me i feel like im just scrolling through text on a screen.
im a very self centered person too. and i look down on other people. i think most people are stupid, annoying, and pathetic. i have an inferiority complex though funny enough.
i have diagnosed autism and definitely a history of ptsd and severe depression so thats something to consider, but im also aware that im just fundamentally different from most people, like im incapable of caring about the same things everyone else does. i dont say that to be edgy, ive genuinely felt super alienated everywhere i go my whole life because of it and it sucks.
i dont consider myself a super manipulative person but when i think about it i do often do things with the main interest in getting something out of others. i also dont care about the consequences things have on others, as long as it doesnt affect me. im not malicious by any means, though, i dont go out of my way to hurt anyone.
the thing is, im a huge romantic. like very very strongly. i can only love one person at a time, and only romantically. i dont love my friends or family, but i love my s/o very deeply and they are the only person that matters to me. i have a tendency to develop a huge emotional attachment to just one person. this is something i have trouble relating to in other people since its hard finding other deeply antisocial people who are also very romantic.
i feel like a schizoid with the "favourite person" symptom of bpd because its the only way ive ever seen the way i develop obsessive attachments to one person put into words 😭
diagnoses are just labels for collections of symptoms and everything is a spectrum so it doesnt really matter in the long run.
sorry for typing a shit ton lol im not looking for a diagnosis i wanna know if anyone relates to me bc ive never met anyone like me. any general insight would be appreciated too im not a psychiatrist
2023.03.29 20:31 EllenbogenLab_FODR Research study on depression [18+, International, past experiences with depression]
Hi everyone,
This may not apply to many folks on here, but I figured I'd give it a shot anyway. I am currently looking to recruit participants to complete my online research study that is part of my dissertation in clinical psychology. My research focuses on understanding the concept of Fear of Depression Recurrence, which captures fears that people who are remitted from depression may have about becoming depressed again. The goal of this online study is to gain a better understanding of the construct and validate the psychometric properties of a Fear of Depression Recurrence questionnaire. We hope that learning more about fear of depression recurrence may present a small window into understanding depression relapse and thus lead to better informed prevention efforts.
The mods of this subreddit have approved my study to be posted (which has received ethical approval from my institution):
Interested? Here is some more information about the study:
Were you ever diagnosed with depression? Do you feel better now?
The Stress and Developmental Psychopathology Laboratory at Concordia University is currently recruiting English-speaking participants for a study investigating the potential fears that people who are no longer depressed may have about their depression returning. This study involves completing online questionnaires that assess the fears you may have about your depression returning, as well as the severity, frequency, content, and triggers of these fears. It will also ask you for basic personal information (e.g., age, gender, race/ethnicity, occupation) and questions about your current depressive symptoms, other mental health concerns, beliefs about depression, coping strategies, and quality of life.
The online survey will take approximately 1 hour to complete. All components of this study can be completed remotely, in the comfort of your own home.
Participants who are eligible and complete our online survey will be entered in a draw to win one of seven $100 CAD Amazon Gift cards.
If you are interested and you:
✔ Are above the age of 18
✔ Have previously experienced an episode of depression
✔ Have no significant symptoms of depression during the last 2 months
Please click on the following link which will bring you to our pre-screening questionnaire to determine your eligibility. If eligible, you will be able to access our consent form and the online survey from this same link.
Survey Link: https://concordiaccrh.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8v5TiIGO7rSk5kG
submitted by EllenbogenLab_FODR to SSRIs [link] [comments]
This may not apply to many folks on here, but I figured I'd give it a shot anyway. I am currently looking to recruit participants to complete my online research study that is part of my dissertation in clinical psychology. My research focuses on understanding the concept of Fear of Depression Recurrence, which captures fears that people who are remitted from depression may have about becoming depressed again. The goal of this online study is to gain a better understanding of the construct and validate the psychometric properties of a Fear of Depression Recurrence questionnaire. We hope that learning more about fear of depression recurrence may present a small window into understanding depression relapse and thus lead to better informed prevention efforts.
The mods of this subreddit have approved my study to be posted (which has received ethical approval from my institution):
Interested? Here is some more information about the study:
Were you ever diagnosed with depression? Do you feel better now?
The Stress and Developmental Psychopathology Laboratory at Concordia University is currently recruiting English-speaking participants for a study investigating the potential fears that people who are no longer depressed may have about their depression returning. This study involves completing online questionnaires that assess the fears you may have about your depression returning, as well as the severity, frequency, content, and triggers of these fears. It will also ask you for basic personal information (e.g., age, gender, race/ethnicity, occupation) and questions about your current depressive symptoms, other mental health concerns, beliefs about depression, coping strategies, and quality of life.
The online survey will take approximately 1 hour to complete. All components of this study can be completed remotely, in the comfort of your own home.
Participants who are eligible and complete our online survey will be entered in a draw to win one of seven $100 CAD Amazon Gift cards.
If you are interested and you:
✔ Are above the age of 18
✔ Have previously experienced an episode of depression
✔ Have no significant symptoms of depression during the last 2 months
Please click on the following link which will bring you to our pre-screening questionnaire to determine your eligibility. If eligible, you will be able to access our consent form and the online survey from this same link.
Survey Link: https://concordiaccrh.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8v5TiIGO7rSk5kG
2023.03.29 20:30 EllenbogenLab_FODR Research study on depression [18+, International, Past experiences with depression]
Hi everyone,
This may not apply to many folks on here, but I figured I'd give it a shot anyway. I am currently looking to recruit participants to complete my online research study that is part of my dissertation in clinical psychology. My research focuses on understanding the concept of Fear of Depression Recurrence, which captures fears that people who are remitted from depression may have about becoming depressed again. The goal of this online study is to gain a better understanding of the construct and validate the psychometric properties of a Fear of Depression Recurrence questionnaire. We hope that learning more about fear of depression recurrence may present a small window into understanding depression relapse and thus lead to better informed prevention efforts.
The mods of this subreddit have approved my study to be posted (which has received ethical approval from my institution):
Interested? Here is some more information about the study:
Were you ever diagnosed with depression? Do you feel better now?
The Stress and Developmental Psychopathology Laboratory at Concordia University is currently recruiting English-speaking participants for a study investigating the potential fears that people who are no longer depressed may have about their depression returning. This study involves completing online questionnaires that assess the fears you may have about your depression returning, as well as the severity, frequency, content, and triggers of these fears. It will also ask you for basic personal information (e.g., age, gender, race/ethnicity, occupation) and questions about your current depressive symptoms, other mental health concerns, beliefs about depression, coping strategies, and quality of life.
The online survey will take approximately 1 hour to complete. All components of this study can be completed remotely, in the comfort of your own home.
Participants who are eligible and complete our online survey will be entered in a draw to win one of seven $100 CAD Amazon Gift cards.
If you are interested and you:
✔ Are above the age of 18
✔ Have previously experienced an episode of depression
✔ Have no significant symptoms of depression during the last 2 months
Please click on the following link which will bring you to our pre-screening questionnaire to determine your eligibility. If eligible, you will be able to access our consent form and the online survey from this same link.
Survey Link: https://concordiaccrh.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8v5TiIGO7rSk5kG
submitted by EllenbogenLab_FODR to DepressionBuddies [link] [comments]
This may not apply to many folks on here, but I figured I'd give it a shot anyway. I am currently looking to recruit participants to complete my online research study that is part of my dissertation in clinical psychology. My research focuses on understanding the concept of Fear of Depression Recurrence, which captures fears that people who are remitted from depression may have about becoming depressed again. The goal of this online study is to gain a better understanding of the construct and validate the psychometric properties of a Fear of Depression Recurrence questionnaire. We hope that learning more about fear of depression recurrence may present a small window into understanding depression relapse and thus lead to better informed prevention efforts.
The mods of this subreddit have approved my study to be posted (which has received ethical approval from my institution):
Interested? Here is some more information about the study:
Were you ever diagnosed with depression? Do you feel better now?
The Stress and Developmental Psychopathology Laboratory at Concordia University is currently recruiting English-speaking participants for a study investigating the potential fears that people who are no longer depressed may have about their depression returning. This study involves completing online questionnaires that assess the fears you may have about your depression returning, as well as the severity, frequency, content, and triggers of these fears. It will also ask you for basic personal information (e.g., age, gender, race/ethnicity, occupation) and questions about your current depressive symptoms, other mental health concerns, beliefs about depression, coping strategies, and quality of life.
The online survey will take approximately 1 hour to complete. All components of this study can be completed remotely, in the comfort of your own home.
Participants who are eligible and complete our online survey will be entered in a draw to win one of seven $100 CAD Amazon Gift cards.
If you are interested and you:
✔ Are above the age of 18
✔ Have previously experienced an episode of depression
✔ Have no significant symptoms of depression during the last 2 months
Please click on the following link which will bring you to our pre-screening questionnaire to determine your eligibility. If eligible, you will be able to access our consent form and the online survey from this same link.
Survey Link: https://concordiaccrh.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_8v5TiIGO7rSk5kG
2023.03.29 20:29 LetsTalkAboutItBro1 Just need a bit of motivation guys !
Hello everyone I hope you are doing well. I’m getting better haven’t had a panic attack in a while. I have health anxiety so I get a lot of symptoms especially in my head like dizziness tense feeling heaviness and sensitive to light. When I go into shops and places it usually makes me feel off balance but recently everyday I’ve been doing something that makes me uncomfortable like going into the shop picking family up from school and today I even went inside a shop and handed in my cv ! I NEED A JOB BUT IM TOO ANXIOUS RHAT ILL HAVE A PANIC ATTACK OR HAVE SYMPTOMS AND IT WOULD BE EMBARASING. Anyway I had a dream 3-4 times in the past two weeks about being kicked by a horse now I googled it for some reason and it says I’m in danger and I’m unhealthy etc this has absolutely triggered me this was two days ago it happened but I’m trying to realise that dreams don’t have a universal meaning like that but everytime I look at my skin and think it’s pale or geg a head feeling I think the dream was right I’m in danger thinking something bads gonna happen in the near future it’s horribleim scared of illlness and dying basically. Can you guys just reassure me I’ve had all tests by the doctor and I’m fine. It’s just the dream meaning has set me back !
submitted by LetsTalkAboutItBro1 to Anxiety [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 20:26 broheim-msf Ike Perlmutter, head of Marvel Entertainment, has been terminated. Marvel Games, a subsidiary of Marvel Entertainment, handles video game licensing of the Marvel IP.Q
This is an interesting development. For a brand that takes great pains to nurture its image and emphasize fan relations, Marvel-branded games have long been...well, pretty much an unmitigated disaster. One flop after another, one poorly made game after another, etc.
Ike Perlmutter was a big part of that. He's famous for trying to meddle and fuck with the Marvel brand in the name of short-term profits. Just as one example, this is a guy that tried to fire Kevin Feige (essentially the architect of Marvel's film dominance) because they disagreed over Doctor Strange. He's also the guy that insisted on greenlighting the Inhumans TV show.
In short, Ike Perlmutter is a short-sighted troll that doesn't know the first thing about being the steward for a beloved brand.
It'll be interesting to see how Marvel Games operates now that he's out. That brings me to Marvel Strike Force and Scopely. These guys have been famously bad caretakers of the Marvel brand, putting out updates that haven't been QA'd, naked baits and switches, blatantly player-hostile mechanics and decisions, etc. The only thing keeping this game afloat has been the Marvel IP. (And the art team. Y'all rock.)
It'll be interesting to see if Marvel Game's tolerance for this kind of antagonistic behavior will continue to be tolerated, or if they'll start using more discretion about who gets licenses to their IP.
If you wanna put some heat on Scopely, this is a great time to contact Marvel Studios, Marvel Entertainment and Marvel Games. With Ike gone, it feels likely that Marvel Entertainment and Marvel Games will fall more in line with the way the rest of Marvel operates - namely, continuing to care about money...but also caring about fan sentiment.
If you're so inclined, make your voice heard. There's a better chance than ever that a groundswell of negative feedback from the player base to Marvel will have an affect. Don't complain to Scopely - they don't care. Whoever runs Scopely is cut from the same diseased cloth as Ike Perlmutter. Instead, complain to Marvel. He was ousted for a reason. It's because Disney is sick of the way Ike ran Marvel Games. Scopely's bullshit is a direct symptom and example of that.
submitted by broheim-msf to MarvelStrikeForce [link] [comments]
Ike Perlmutter was a big part of that. He's famous for trying to meddle and fuck with the Marvel brand in the name of short-term profits. Just as one example, this is a guy that tried to fire Kevin Feige (essentially the architect of Marvel's film dominance) because they disagreed over Doctor Strange. He's also the guy that insisted on greenlighting the Inhumans TV show.
In short, Ike Perlmutter is a short-sighted troll that doesn't know the first thing about being the steward for a beloved brand.
It'll be interesting to see how Marvel Games operates now that he's out. That brings me to Marvel Strike Force and Scopely. These guys have been famously bad caretakers of the Marvel brand, putting out updates that haven't been QA'd, naked baits and switches, blatantly player-hostile mechanics and decisions, etc. The only thing keeping this game afloat has been the Marvel IP. (And the art team. Y'all rock.)
It'll be interesting to see if Marvel Game's tolerance for this kind of antagonistic behavior will continue to be tolerated, or if they'll start using more discretion about who gets licenses to their IP.
If you wanna put some heat on Scopely, this is a great time to contact Marvel Studios, Marvel Entertainment and Marvel Games. With Ike gone, it feels likely that Marvel Entertainment and Marvel Games will fall more in line with the way the rest of Marvel operates - namely, continuing to care about money...but also caring about fan sentiment.
If you're so inclined, make your voice heard. There's a better chance than ever that a groundswell of negative feedback from the player base to Marvel will have an affect. Don't complain to Scopely - they don't care. Whoever runs Scopely is cut from the same diseased cloth as Ike Perlmutter. Instead, complain to Marvel. He was ousted for a reason. It's because Disney is sick of the way Ike ran Marvel Games. Scopely's bullshit is a direct symptom and example of that.
2023.03.29 20:25 jennjenn1234567 A strict histamine diet worked!
Someone asked me how the histamine diet is going so I thought I would share my answer. I have been away from this page more often now living life (Just went on a 4 day vacation) finally, packed my meals. So I thought I would share my answer. I’m about 95% back to normal but still on the diet so not 100%, so I’m waiting to post my goodbye. (9 months since Covid, 6 months long Covid.)
Back story: Last Aug I had Covid, two weeks of a bad flu like sickness. Long Covid hit me in November bad. I never tested positive but I’ve never felt like that. I assume I had omicron since it was around that time. I had one shot for reference only. I was fit and healthy.
Hello. I am happy to help. Let me just say it’s absolutely the histamine for me. I just stated finally re introducing food. My pressure headache felt like a heavy head. So my full head felt heavy not like a usual headache and it was daily. The relief from that was quick. I want to say within 3 days of going strict on the diet I had relief. All of November I had horrible symptoms. Mostly all of what people posted. Flu like symptoms, congestion that wouldn’t go away. Phlem that lasted months, panic attacks including anxiety which I’ve never had, the pressure headache, fatigue etc. I ate tomato’s avacado and also tuna when things were really bad also but that’s why they got so bad I think. (I thought this was healthy, I had no idea about histamine) I started the diet dec 1st which is when I found this Reddit page. I went strict on it. Daily I noticed I was getting better. A lot of people don’t have the flushing but this helps me know when I’m pushing things either doing too much or eating something I shouldn’t. I stopped working out, no coffee, no alcohol, no stress, worked a little at home. (Basically became a hermit for a month). All of December I got better daily but slowly. Then Jan I started having days in a row of normal. Then feb and now March weeks of no symptoms. I started testing and reintroducing foods, now full meals. I think I’m almost fully recovered but I’m afraid to try full days of histamine meals so I’m going slow. In the beginning I had a reaction with a day of bad food. That evening I had a panic attack in bed like before followed by flushing and a couple of days of the heavy head fog like feeling and dizzy. I always react hours later about two or 3 (when we digest food maybe. I’m finally at full energy (past few months) and being able to eat normal sometimes. You should flush your system and do the meals. It’s basically like meal prep, I ate alot of the same things for months but it worked. I see alot of people trying supplements and I did too but they didn’t work. Time and the strict histamine diet worked. It’s like while I was waiting out the time I gave myself relief with the strict diet. I will tell you it was horrible when I first got long Covid. I couldn’t even go in the car or to a store I was really scared. I didn’t even remember what normal felt like and now I’m back. It’s a weird thing.
submitted by jennjenn1234567 to covidlonghaulers [link] [comments]
Back story: Last Aug I had Covid, two weeks of a bad flu like sickness. Long Covid hit me in November bad. I never tested positive but I’ve never felt like that. I assume I had omicron since it was around that time. I had one shot for reference only. I was fit and healthy.
Hello. I am happy to help. Let me just say it’s absolutely the histamine for me. I just stated finally re introducing food. My pressure headache felt like a heavy head. So my full head felt heavy not like a usual headache and it was daily. The relief from that was quick. I want to say within 3 days of going strict on the diet I had relief. All of November I had horrible symptoms. Mostly all of what people posted. Flu like symptoms, congestion that wouldn’t go away. Phlem that lasted months, panic attacks including anxiety which I’ve never had, the pressure headache, fatigue etc. I ate tomato’s avacado and also tuna when things were really bad also but that’s why they got so bad I think. (I thought this was healthy, I had no idea about histamine) I started the diet dec 1st which is when I found this Reddit page. I went strict on it. Daily I noticed I was getting better. A lot of people don’t have the flushing but this helps me know when I’m pushing things either doing too much or eating something I shouldn’t. I stopped working out, no coffee, no alcohol, no stress, worked a little at home. (Basically became a hermit for a month). All of December I got better daily but slowly. Then Jan I started having days in a row of normal. Then feb and now March weeks of no symptoms. I started testing and reintroducing foods, now full meals. I think I’m almost fully recovered but I’m afraid to try full days of histamine meals so I’m going slow. In the beginning I had a reaction with a day of bad food. That evening I had a panic attack in bed like before followed by flushing and a couple of days of the heavy head fog like feeling and dizzy. I always react hours later about two or 3 (when we digest food maybe. I’m finally at full energy (past few months) and being able to eat normal sometimes. You should flush your system and do the meals. It’s basically like meal prep, I ate alot of the same things for months but it worked. I see alot of people trying supplements and I did too but they didn’t work. Time and the strict histamine diet worked. It’s like while I was waiting out the time I gave myself relief with the strict diet. I will tell you it was horrible when I first got long Covid. I couldn’t even go in the car or to a store I was really scared. I didn’t even remember what normal felt like and now I’m back. It’s a weird thing.
2023.03.29 20:23 zjedzon Oxy withdrawal - questions
So I used oxy from maybe 3rd week of February till last Saturday. In this time I ate a whole pack of Oxydolor (dunno if you have the same ones but here it's 60 tablets, in my case 80 mg per tablet) And in the end I was taking 240 mg daily, mostly divided into 3 80's. And then simply I no longer had any more. So this is the 4th day without opiates and so far, yesterday the diarrhea started, today it was that bad that I had to leave school and come back home, I also have restless legs syndrome, but it's not the legs that are driving me mad, but the hands! 😅 Yesterday actually I had a big problem with all the extremities, but it started maybe on Sunday or Monday, I'm thinking Monday but I'm not sure. But right now, no cravings, no pain, only diarrhea and restless extremities. And I'm just curious, if it's normal (I mean the symptoms and their strength compared to the time and doses I was using). I'm simply curious if that's what withdrawal looks like in most cases or if I'm the weird one with mild withdrawals 😅 Also, I take duloxetine 60 mg in the morning and quetiapine 25 mg before sleep, but these are prescribed to me (but I still find oxy a better antidepressant than duloxetine and a better sleeping "medication" than quetiapine :DD).
submitted by zjedzon to opiates [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 20:20 limskit How to interpret urinalysis?
For the past couple of months I’ve had extreme exhaustion, lost 10 pounds, no appetite, and a couple other symptoms. Went in today and urinalysis results came back, waiting for doc analysis.
RBC: 0-3 WBC: 51-100 Protein: trace Bacteria: positive (many) Blood: trace Leukocytes: moderate Mucus: present Squamous Epithelial Cells: many Urobilinogen: 1.0 PH: 6
I went in a couple years ago and they said I had an asymmetrical kidney, but wasn’t an issue unless I had symptoms.
submitted by limskit to AskDocs [link] [comments]
RBC: 0-3 WBC: 51-100 Protein: trace Bacteria: positive (many) Blood: trace Leukocytes: moderate Mucus: present Squamous Epithelial Cells: many Urobilinogen: 1.0 PH: 6
I went in a couple years ago and they said I had an asymmetrical kidney, but wasn’t an issue unless I had symptoms.
2023.03.29 20:19 Remarkable_Fox_5782 Please guys help I feel hopeless
So I am a 19-year-old Male. My weight is around 130 pounds, and I'm 5'7". My parents are 4'11 and 5'11. This is my first Reddit post ever, so please forgive me if I made mistakes.
My medical history: I had jaundice when I was born I have a history of epilepsy from the age of 5 to 8. I had meningitis at the age of 15 and bronchitis at the age of 16. I had a lot of nosebleeds before the age of 10, and my docs never found out why. My height hadn't grown for 4 years, so I did an x-ray of my knees at 17 to check growth plates. It came back with 1st stage osteoarthritis. I showed the x-ray to an orthopedic, and he said I have never seen something like this. Your joints are of a 50-year-old and spaces are eroded, and they were a little bit eroded in a spinal X-ray I had when I was 15 years old. He gave me some supplements, and after 6 months, the X-ray was normal. like tf happened there idk.
Okay, so my concern is that I am extremely scared I have werners syndrome. I know it is extremely rare, but I feel I have symptoms. So, I stopped growing at the age of 13 and have stayed the same height since then. Never really had a growth spurt, and all guys in my high school had one. Peers shorter than me became my height, and peers taller than me are now much taller. Besides that, my voice never changed, and I never got much chest or beard hair. Few hairs on the nipples. I have a mustache but just a few hairs everywhere else on my face. Mind that my ethnicity is Indian, and everyone in my extended family is hairy af. All male cousins had beards by 17.
I also have ejaculation problems. I have been masturbating since 11 but never ejaculated while doing so. I only ever ejaculated in the night, which happens once in about 2 months. The frequency has decreased recently, and my ejaculation is now clear in color. My testosterone levels are just 330, and the minimum is 300.
Nine months ago, I noticed that I was losing a lot of scalp hair, and it was not growing back. This was accompanied by eyebrow fall. My scalp hair has no patches, but it is not growing to the same length it used to, and I am losing a lot of hair. I don't need haircuts anymore because the length of my hair is not increasing. As far as eyebrows go, I even sometimes lose 20-30 in one sitting. I have normal thyroid levels, btw. 2 or 3 weeks ago, I started having body hair fall from my eyelashes, legs, pubic, and armpit.
Two weeks ago, A medical friend told me about Werner syndrome, and I read so many case studies and the symptoms from rarediseases.org. I was shocked that my initial symptoms matched. I think I am 19, so that's why I haven't developed other symptoms yet. The lack of growth spurt and the hair fall with eyebrow fall match. I also have a lot of superficial veins and a stocky trunk that developed about 6 months ago. I thought the stocky trunk was because of bad food in college, but I do walk many miles every day in between classes.
I went to two internal medicine docs who know my parents really well. They are husband and wife. I talked to the husband over the call cause he was not in the country, and he said my symptoms are weird and require further testing. So I went to the wife and told her my symptoms, she ran tests, and everything was within range, so she sent me home. I went to her again, crying that I have these symptoms; she prescribed anti-anxiety meds, hugged and counseled me, and said everything would be fine. She said she would study Werner syndrome just for me because she didn't know much about it. She said she would call after studying, but she never did. Her husband came from India to Usa, so then I consulted him because I also had male problems. He thrashed me and said you don't have werners. Everything is in your mind, and he can bet that I don't have it. But my symptoms are of the past. I think what happened was that his wife told him I have health anxiety, so he came with the mindset that I didn't have any symptoms and I was just anxious. It's weird that previously he agreed with my issues being peculiar and that he said further evaluation is required and we would consult an endocrinologist. Now, everything is suddenly in my mind. He said cause of genetics, you stopped growing at 13, and not caused by some disease. I said I lost a lot of eyebrows he said I don't know how thick they were, but they don't look thin to me. He checked scalp hair and said there is no Alopecia. He said at least you have nocturnal emissions sometimes, and if you can't do it while masturbating, then we can later on check retrograde ejaculation.
Right now, no one is listening to my symptoms, and they are saying everything is "normal." What can be causing all of this? Can't it just be bad genes and not like some disease cause my uncle (My mother's brother) did lose a lot of eyebrows and scalp hair in his early to mid 20s. He is bald. Please, I don't want to have Werner's.
Guys, I am really scared. My parents always wanted a son, and I think I will end up being a liability.
submitted by Remarkable_Fox_5782 to medical [link] [comments]
My medical history: I had jaundice when I was born I have a history of epilepsy from the age of 5 to 8. I had meningitis at the age of 15 and bronchitis at the age of 16. I had a lot of nosebleeds before the age of 10, and my docs never found out why. My height hadn't grown for 4 years, so I did an x-ray of my knees at 17 to check growth plates. It came back with 1st stage osteoarthritis. I showed the x-ray to an orthopedic, and he said I have never seen something like this. Your joints are of a 50-year-old and spaces are eroded, and they were a little bit eroded in a spinal X-ray I had when I was 15 years old. He gave me some supplements, and after 6 months, the X-ray was normal. like tf happened there idk.
Okay, so my concern is that I am extremely scared I have werners syndrome. I know it is extremely rare, but I feel I have symptoms. So, I stopped growing at the age of 13 and have stayed the same height since then. Never really had a growth spurt, and all guys in my high school had one. Peers shorter than me became my height, and peers taller than me are now much taller. Besides that, my voice never changed, and I never got much chest or beard hair. Few hairs on the nipples. I have a mustache but just a few hairs everywhere else on my face. Mind that my ethnicity is Indian, and everyone in my extended family is hairy af. All male cousins had beards by 17.
I also have ejaculation problems. I have been masturbating since 11 but never ejaculated while doing so. I only ever ejaculated in the night, which happens once in about 2 months. The frequency has decreased recently, and my ejaculation is now clear in color. My testosterone levels are just 330, and the minimum is 300.
Nine months ago, I noticed that I was losing a lot of scalp hair, and it was not growing back. This was accompanied by eyebrow fall. My scalp hair has no patches, but it is not growing to the same length it used to, and I am losing a lot of hair. I don't need haircuts anymore because the length of my hair is not increasing. As far as eyebrows go, I even sometimes lose 20-30 in one sitting. I have normal thyroid levels, btw. 2 or 3 weeks ago, I started having body hair fall from my eyelashes, legs, pubic, and armpit.
Two weeks ago, A medical friend told me about Werner syndrome, and I read so many case studies and the symptoms from rarediseases.org. I was shocked that my initial symptoms matched. I think I am 19, so that's why I haven't developed other symptoms yet. The lack of growth spurt and the hair fall with eyebrow fall match. I also have a lot of superficial veins and a stocky trunk that developed about 6 months ago. I thought the stocky trunk was because of bad food in college, but I do walk many miles every day in between classes.
I went to two internal medicine docs who know my parents really well. They are husband and wife. I talked to the husband over the call cause he was not in the country, and he said my symptoms are weird and require further testing. So I went to the wife and told her my symptoms, she ran tests, and everything was within range, so she sent me home. I went to her again, crying that I have these symptoms; she prescribed anti-anxiety meds, hugged and counseled me, and said everything would be fine. She said she would study Werner syndrome just for me because she didn't know much about it. She said she would call after studying, but she never did. Her husband came from India to Usa, so then I consulted him because I also had male problems. He thrashed me and said you don't have werners. Everything is in your mind, and he can bet that I don't have it. But my symptoms are of the past. I think what happened was that his wife told him I have health anxiety, so he came with the mindset that I didn't have any symptoms and I was just anxious. It's weird that previously he agreed with my issues being peculiar and that he said further evaluation is required and we would consult an endocrinologist. Now, everything is suddenly in my mind. He said cause of genetics, you stopped growing at 13, and not caused by some disease. I said I lost a lot of eyebrows he said I don't know how thick they were, but they don't look thin to me. He checked scalp hair and said there is no Alopecia. He said at least you have nocturnal emissions sometimes, and if you can't do it while masturbating, then we can later on check retrograde ejaculation.
Right now, no one is listening to my symptoms, and they are saying everything is "normal." What can be causing all of this? Can't it just be bad genes and not like some disease cause my uncle (My mother's brother) did lose a lot of eyebrows and scalp hair in his early to mid 20s. He is bald. Please, I don't want to have Werner's.
Guys, I am really scared. My parents always wanted a son, and I think I will end up being a liability.
2023.03.29 20:11 missgurlllllll How do I manage my extreme impulsiveness and bad emotional regulation symptoms?
Even though I have had symptoms of ADHD all of my life, I am now 22 and was diagnosed with Combined type pretty recently. I do not exhibit hyperactivity symptoms as much, but I majorly struggle with impulsivity and emotional regulation (and attention, obviously). Those two were the big factors that led my psychiatrist to diagnosis me with ADHD.
I have been taking 27 mg of Concerta every day for about 6 months, and for the most part, it has done great things to improve my life. However, sometimes I do not think it works very well. As an example, sometimes I get overly agitated by someone coughing or dragging their feet. During these episodes when I text a friend or family member, if I do not get a response within maybe 3 minutes, it takes everything in me not to block them. I am very aware that this behavior is extremely childish and irrational, but sometimes I feel that I cannot help it!!!
I sometimes feel as if I am the only one with this level of impulsivity and agitation and it drives me crazy! Does anyone feel as if their medication is great one day, but does not even work the next?
submitted by missgurlllllll to ADHD [link] [comments]
I have been taking 27 mg of Concerta every day for about 6 months, and for the most part, it has done great things to improve my life. However, sometimes I do not think it works very well. As an example, sometimes I get overly agitated by someone coughing or dragging their feet. During these episodes when I text a friend or family member, if I do not get a response within maybe 3 minutes, it takes everything in me not to block them. I am very aware that this behavior is extremely childish and irrational, but sometimes I feel that I cannot help it!!!
I sometimes feel as if I am the only one with this level of impulsivity and agitation and it drives me crazy! Does anyone feel as if their medication is great one day, but does not even work the next?
2023.03.29 20:03 hottpie What to do when you feel like you're done
I'm tired of this cycle of kinda-okay to really bad. It's just never ending. Not quite enough to convince me to disappear but close enough to where I'm tired of questioning it all the time. I have good mental health resources and I've tried a lot of solutions in that regard. I have hobbies (when I can). I have a wonderful partner at home. I have a good job. But goddamn if it isn't all so hard. I don't think that I'll ever find that "thing" treatment-wise that works for me, because does anything to treat this actually work without nasty consequences (or potential ones)?
Living with this is a never-ending sacrifice, always loss after loss. What do you do??? I know that "decreased quality of life" is considered a symptom of Crohn's (how shitty is that???) but is this really it? I'm so tired. I'm 24, diagnosed at 14, and I'm already so, so tired. I would have to be insane before I accepted all of this as okay.
submitted by hottpie to CrohnsDisease [link] [comments]
Living with this is a never-ending sacrifice, always loss after loss. What do you do??? I know that "decreased quality of life" is considered a symptom of Crohn's (how shitty is that???) but is this really it? I'm so tired. I'm 24, diagnosed at 14, and I'm already so, so tired. I would have to be insane before I accepted all of this as okay.
2023.03.29 19:59 rhfqzvppam 😘👉👌 IF YOU TAP YOU WILL CUM 🍆💦
 | submitted by rhfqzvppam to qyqblrbaiy [link] [comments] IF YOU TAP HERE YOU WILL CUMIF YOU TAP HERE YOU WILL CUMIF YOU TAP HERE YOU WILL CUMProcessing gif o1y42d6awpqa1...“Hey you wanna swing today?” She asked me Victoria’s eyes flew open and she took the deepest breath of her life. She felt like every cell in her body was on fire, and yet she felt no pain. In fact, the flames were euphoric. Looking down at her hands, she almost thought that she had gone blind, as it looked like her hands and the background behind them had merged together, but in reality, she was seeing her hands in a new way. She wasn’t seeing them as parts of her body, but as masses of atoms, just like the floor beneath her. It was almost like they were camouflaged. Landing on her palms, tears poured from her eyes. Let me tell you something about Sarah and Rachel. Sometimes they can be pretty cool when it's just the three of us. But when their friends are around. They are the biggest bitches on the planet. Rachel is 4 years older then me. red hair, B cup (I'm guessing) 5ft 9in. Sarah is 5 years older then me Black hair, C cup, (Again guessing) 5 ft 10 and both are skinny since they are cheerleaders and play volleyball. "Jesus, that's good. Better than when I do it." 11th and 12th grade girls discovered college guys. Mr. Walker began trembling. She was tempting him unfairly, he knew, and "hmmmm" he ripped my panties off and they fell to my ankles. "Ugh, I have no idea why I'm fucking you. Just hurry up and finish." We both loved video games. We got hooked on gaming when we were 8 or 9 and started walking down to the arcade to play Mortal Kombat. Ever since, we’ve been playing constantly. We also loved hiking, fishing, camping… anything relating to the outdoors. Today, we still play Xbox a ton. We’re on every day. Usually I’m the one playing, though. I love my shooters and my racers, but most of all, I love killing lots and lots of zombies! We’ve had Xbox Live for 4 years as of this writing, and about 43,000 Gamerscore, which is way too much (If you want, PM me for my gamertag! We can play sometime, time allowing!). inched his finger deeper into her slit until he was twirling his Damn I’m not going to last much longer. So with that out of the way I just slipped my cock right into her moist hole with ease. Samantha let out a soft coo and told me that I felt much better than her mother’s silicone dildo. I thanked her for the compliment. I hadn’t jerked off that day so I was pretty excited and I cum way too quickly. Samantha didn’t seem to mind in the least. She had gotten exactly what she had wanted…me. She knew that once I had fucked her and cum inside her that I could never give her up again. She was right. I had had sex with a few other girls before but none were like Samantha and none felt that good. I was so high and so hard that I simply did what he wanted and quickly stripped naked in the front seat for him. His hand felt so fucking good on my aroused flesh. I looked around the room. It looked like the Johnson’s had attempted to transform the room from a girls room to a guy’s. There were posters of famous sports stars, there was a video game console, and an assortment of sport balls in the corner. Unfortunately, they had not had time, or in some way failed to take down the tasseled curtains and window shams. I sat on the bed and waited. Luna broke the kiss and turned around to face the bed where she lifted her knee length skirt and pulled it up exposing he thong clad pussy. She then leaned forward and rested on her hands and stuck her arse into the air in front of Neville. Luna looked over her shoulder at Neville and gave her bum a wiggle, encouraging him to get started. Neville got on his knees behind Luna, and pulled down her thong, exposing her wet pussy to the air. When her underwear was at her ankles, she stepped out of them and spread her legs out. Without wasting anymore time, Neville set to with eating Luna’s pussy from behind, rubbing his nose on her little rose bud. Luna gave a moan and shuddered at his seemingly expert touch, feeling every exquisite touch of his tongue running from her clit to her pussy hole. Neville, enjoying what he was doing, closed his eyes and savoured the taste of Luna’s pussy. “Come off it Chris, you are as bad as Jimmy! You were more likely staring at my tits, God knows Jimmy always is these days!” Vicky laughed After more hard pushing, I finally filled her. She continued clenching her pussy around my shaft, sighing with pleasure each time. "Awh Jon, you just woke up and you're already flirting" she started laughing. I was still lost in my thoughts when Rachael entered the bathroom wrapped in a towel that showed her toned thighs."i have to shave before i take a shower,so bring the razor and the shaving foam"Rachael ordered.I took the things and moved towards her,Rachael had already settled on the floor.She lifted her hand to show me her underarms and said"here,start with the underarms".Rachael had a pretty clean and shaved underarm,it surely didn't need to be shaved but i just followed her orders.I shaved both her underarms."Wow you are good at this,slave.They are so smooth now"Rachael said as she touched her underarms."Do my legs now" Rachael said and with that she removed the towel that had covered her body.I was dumbfounded to see my sis just in her panties and her boobs naked in front of my eyes.Rachael had really nice boobs,they refused to sag even without the support of a bra.She had small pink nipples which were tempting me to suck them hard,"like what you see?" Rachael inquired and i was awaken from my daydream of sucking her tits."Shave my legs slave...be quick"Rachael ordered again and i sprayed the shaving foam over her left leg.I shaved her legs before moving towards her thighs,Rachael had very toned and full thighs.After i had shaved her legs clean,i was standing up to wash my hands when i heard her say"hey wait...you haven't done shaving yet". "I shaved your underarms and your legs"i said."yeah,but those are not the only body parts that i shave."Rachael replied. She batted her lashes at me and played with her bra. I really didn't want to leave the room right now. Charlie withdrew his hand and studied his coated fingers. "Is it pee?" "Obviously." He shot back without even looking up. " hey Mrs Rush could you do me a favor ? " Their intercourse lasted a good 10 minutes or so. And when John finally ejaculated his sperm inside her, Val orgasmed her ass off underneath him. He felt her warm gush of sexual fluid, as it flowed out of her vagina, and down his balls. Amber: I’ve been practicing just in case I ever got a hold of you again. I take the bus home from school most days. This year has been busy for me as I've been studying a lot trying to keep my grades up. It's around 3:30 and school finally ends for the day, I had gym last period so I had a casual walk out to my bus stop. Soon my friend Peter comes out of school and joins me at the bus stop with seconds to spare before the bus came. He's about 5ft10" and muscular also. Peters sister is following behind him, Cathy, she's about 1 year and a half older than Peter and doesn't talk to us much.She has long black hair, a big ass and a nice pair of tits. Ron stare at her for a moment. Could that be true? Did he really made her cry often? He knew they were bickering a lot, but he doubted that this could give her sorrows. "What do you mean by that? When have you ever cried over me before?" he asked hoping to get an honest answer. I tore my hands away acting like what the fuck just happened. “Whoa…. What are you doing?” “No problem, consider it a wedding present from all of us. And please, call me Hiashi.” The first was: “I’m not asking for anything from you Hector, it’s not about ‘you’. It’s about her,” I state coldly. I have to admit, I was impressed that Carly had not told her about the bet. She was clearly still trying to talk Haley out of it which was totally against the rules, but she didn’t reveal our secret. I was also impressed that Haley didn’t tell Carly anything. Mostly I was excited that Haley clearly still wanted to continue where we left off. "She's waving," Rebecca said. "Here she comes." Karen screamed louder than she did when her pussy’s cherry had been popped, but again only once. She made no further cries. "Why would you deign to speak with a demigod," she asked. “Ahhhhh,” I moaned softly as his tongue buried it self into my pussy. I was happy that he liked my hand-shake and was a little awed that he considered me to be a man. I could also tell that he was impressed that I had used the word ‘Sir’. Such an easy thing to say and it always got good results. Bailey walked over to London and whispered something in her ear. London looked mad then got up and put on some clothes and stomped off. Bailey looked at me and said we should be alone for an hour. I quickly pulled her in for a deep long kiss. We were locked in a moment of bliss in each others arms. She still naked I could feel her hard nipples through my shirt. I took hold of her and walked her over to the bed and laid her down. 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2023.03.29 19:58 rsjcbpsizk 😘👉👌 IF YOU TAP YOU WILL CUM 🍆💦
 | submitted by rsjcbpsizk to 18rlfo65iv [link] [comments] IF YOU TAP HERE YOU WILL CUMIF YOU TAP HERE YOU WILL CUMIF YOU TAP HERE YOU WILL CUMProcessing gif cfwu1mm8wpqa1...ultimately I will also admit it was easily the most beautiful and erotic thing I have ever “I just don’t want to take advantage of you, Yvette” he said. 2010-06-04 18:52:28 “Shit yeah, my boy Josh is having a party this Saturday. Want to come with me?” ****************************************************************************** "You said you think of me sometimes when you're doing it." Sitting in Blaze’s fucking truck while his goon squad drives us up to where his brother is at, I honestly think I’m going to stab that kid. Guy’s face probably looks worse than it is but after busting the helmet on his face I want to say fuck it and stab the kid. We’re on the road for way too long when we finally pull up to a house with the garage door open and a couple guys are sitting around laughing. I get out and hear watch Blaze and his boys take the lead as I hear the second group laughing. The Rider stepped over the log after a long moment. I, still paralyzed, did not move. The stallion stayed behind me, never moving a muscle, breathing all the same down my neck, warming the chills I must have had. Before me it stood. Tall, covered in all black save the gold ring and the clasp around its neck holding forward the massive hood. The clasp was a diamond the size of a strawberry. I dared not meet its eye 'till its long finger reached and lifted my chin. Before I get into the details let me describe for you the players in this incestuous tale! Lisa is about 37 years old now and stands about 5'8" , deep dark hazel eyes, with soft straight hair to the middle of her back! My cousin was a cheerleader, danced numerous different dances, and participated in countless beauty pageants from birth up to placing 2nd in Miss Teen NC competition! She is about 3 years older then me,but even as a pre-teen she had developed nice looking big tits that you just wanna dive in to! Im 34 years old with a short faux hawk I think its called. Im tall and lanky standing at 6'4" and weighing about 165 pounds with like Lisa hazel eyes! Korra stood up abruptly and angrily, storming out of the room as her parents called after her but she ignored them. She stormed down the hall to Raidens room slowing down as she approached. Her anger left her, replaced only with sadness and regret. “He’s like that everywhere. He’s given away so much money it would feed the entire city for a month, but he still probably didn’t put a dent in everything he has,” dad said. “About one and a half litres” I told her. I don’t know if there is a god, I’m not sure whether or not I want there to be a god. If there isn’t a god, then all this is meaningless and there is nothing for us in this world but a quick life, an unavoidable death, and an eternity in which no one remembers us. If there is a god, then he is either incompetent or evil, in which case, I want nothing to do with him other then a chance to pay him back for creating me. What am I? A believer? An atheist? An agnostic? What is the name for someone whose belief in God is nothing more than the desire to kill him? Jason wasted no time furthering his exploration and grasped her skirt with his free hand. In another smooth quick motion, he pulled down her pants and flung them across the room, again revealing no underwear. She smiled to herself, amused with his enthusiasm. On this particular day, it was already hot as hell by nine o’clock in the morning, and the forecast was that it was only going to get hotter. Ben and I were roaming around like we ruled the place. We were the oldest of the school kids after all. As far as we were concerned, this was our kingdom, and all of the young ladies were ours for the taking, not that we ever took any. I sat next to her pitiful form for a moment and caught my breath. She crumpled and began to cry softly. I reached over and unbuckled the belt that connected her ankles and collar. Her legs fell lazily, she made no move to dictate where they went I slipped out my pocket knife and cut the duct tape from her wrists. Again her limbs just fell, with no imput from their owner where they should go. I rolled shalisa onto her stomach and ran my hands up and down her back, gingerly caressing where i had bitten her. None of my bites had drawn blood, but there would be some bruising. I rolled her over again, she lay there with her eyes shut. I took a moment to admire how beautiful she was. Then I took her chin in my hands and positioned her so we were face to face. “I don’t mind the sofa,” he mumbled. The alloy's properties were recorded every day. The scientists discovered that the metal edge to her voice. "I just thought.." I stand up suddenly and the minor commotion gains the attention of almost everyone in the gym and as I move the orchestra members stop playing. I stalk around the semi circle table to the front and start pacing back and forth as the members of Reginald’s teammates move to his side. My horde starts to gather and look I look to them, all their faces are starting to get hyped up and ready when I whisper a word to Lou for something that he talked to me about when we first started this plan, Haka. Immediately Lou yells something that I’ll never in my life understand but I turn to face Reginald and hear slapping and stomping behind me. My horde surrounds me and I turn to Lou and slap his chest and he yells something again and the men drop into a crouched battle stance. He yells and slaps, they follow suit in unison with the women are our school’s cheer squad keeping up with them. It’s loud, savage and rhythmic as they perform their variation of a war dance for their opponents tomorrow. They finish and we’re greeted with applause, I didn’t think it was an applause moment but I lead Lou forward and nod my head to Reginald before turning and leading my horde out of school. Rachael is right next to me thanks to Devin and Masha and I spot Amy trying to catch up when I stop us at the entrance and tap Lou before pointing out Amy. His smile is huge and I watch him take her up like a child in his arms as we continue walking to our vehicles. Rachael has my mask and the decorum of my horde breaks and we all start to laugh and cheer a little. ‘Yup, I was going to bring three but I brought six instead, just in case you know.’ “Good, means you'll have a hard time.” he replied with a huge smile. A Sci Fi & Fantasy and Romantic Revenge story. I am weary of that genre in the Sci Fi that AI robots kill all of mankind, so I found such stories very interesting, where AI fembots become the mates, wives of humans. These stories go to the extreme, when AI fembot wives want to be step moms. However AI fembots may have an artificial uterus with healthy egg (from humans) for human sperm cells.... Darlene grinned. “I was on D-field, and I knew that was your ass.” Read 11952 times “Aye Aye skipper,” she laughed and a fat slob of a guy with a bad nose bleed went to join her on the bed, “Toby what happened to your nose?” she queried. The room changed. The atmosphere grew heavy. He moved toward me but unbuttoned his pants and stepped out of them along the way. He paused for a moment to lift his shirt over his head. He stood right next to the bed, me not ten inches from him, and reached his right hand down to my left breast and grabbed it lightly, pushing it forward and then catching it, forcing it back. He repeated. We were pulling out of the driveway when I remembered a comment Alan made yesterday about how Craig’s arrival always seemed perfectly timed. As if he was waiting for Kayla to try and get in my car before speeding up to deliver a giant ‘fuck you’ to my face. “Hey, Alan?” “Should I start twerking?” as we kissed again. She “Mmmm yes fuck me brother fuck me little brother” she screamed in delight as I pounded her pussy. I leaned down and bit her nipples hard and pulled them. Ashton circled her arms around my neck for support and started bouncing up and down on my dick. Remembering that our time was limited, I grabbed her hips and started slamming her down harder on my cock. She let out a small scream of pleasure each time my cock bottomed out inside of her. After just a minute or two of this, Ashton started to cum. “So I guess you’re on your way?” I got to Lyla’s house exactly at 5pm, which of course meant that she wasn’t home yet, as she would’ve just been punching out for the day. That didn’t bother me, since I still had Shelby to keep me company. When I walked in the boys saw me and left, which was fine by me, I don’t like them, and Shelby probably told them to leave anyways. I asked, “Do you have to do this every time that she leaves the house.” I gave my head a quick shake, but didn’t answer. My throat felt thick, and I kind of knew I would have had to swallow to speak, and it was hard enough to believe we were kissing and fooling around like this, but here was Tina, asking me that. Could she really be going to take this further? One of topics was her dating my teammate that I hated. basically why she didn't tell me that they are dating is because he told her that I'm his good friend and according to bro code he is not allowed to date my sister but he loved her. Which was big lie, because he was cheating on her with some other girl. Stygian_Angel The following weekend was Nationals at Disney World. 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2023.03.29 19:58 kppspmrsbi 😘👉👌 IF YOU TAP YOU WILL CUM 🍆💦
 | IF YOU TAP HERE YOU WILL CUMIF YOU TAP HERE YOU WILL CUMIF YOU TAP HERE YOU WILL CUMProcessing gif vwgpcs67wpqa1..."I am going to cum again." Wailed the ass-fucked woman. "It is going to be a big one." lap. Afterall he had let me touch him and your sister was "You will." "Ahee, hehe, ahaha, oooh ah ha – It tickles," she said. She leaned down and kissed me. “I love you too, Marcus.” It was crazy how, only a few months ago, I would have given up anything to be someone else. I wasn’t excited to be me. I guess I was still looking forward to being someone else at this point, but that was because I was looking forward to seeing who I was going to become, knowing Morgan was still in my life, knowing that we didn’t lose each other after all. I was excited to be me, and I was excited to see what kind of me I would be in the future. Even if I was moving away, I knew that I had friends like Taylor and Lexi and Milo and Crystal. And after a lengthy test of our bond, I had Morgan. And we were going to discover our futures together, being there for each other every step of the way. If there were few items in the town that I could sell, I’d have to settle for selling my captives. I could sell my uninjured captives immediately, but seventy-two would barely cover the shares owed to my warriors or their kin. It would be weeks before the wounded recovered and could be sold. During that time I would be forced to feed and care for them. I regretted killing and wounding so many Zavalans—not for moral reasons of course but for the financial loss they represented. In one cell he passed, several inmates were ganging up on a single prisoner, using shivs to carve holes in his torso through which to sexually assault him, all while he howled in agony and begged for someone to help him. Jason could see the prisoner’s hand reaching out between the bodies of the men piled on top of him, desperately trying to grab something that would let him escape or reach for someone that would help him. His fingers twisted and curled with his screams, projecting every particular bout of agony. - Fine- I said and opened the door. “Carly is the most amazing person I know and I love her for that… but you are the most intriguing person I know, and for that, I will always love you,” Aaron said hoping to comfort her after a short silence. “I love you in a different way than Carly, but still in a way that will never die. I would do anything for you.” "Baby, look at me." “Are you all right Hermione?” He asked. "Okay, Sis," Bill said, finding it nearly impossible to take his eyes away from his sister's totally-shaved pussy. "So what's next?" My parents looked at each other in both nervousness and fear, wishing that there were something they could do. Paula surprised them all with the most daring display of the four. She was wearing a sheer white one-piece suit that was interesting principally for having effectively no back at all. From the front this was not apparent, so she initially presented a relatively modest appearance. The look dramatically changed when she hooked her thumb and fingers in the tops of the hip openings and pulled upward until the crotch of the suit disappeared into her slit. The stunned audience could clearly see her outer lips and, higher up, pubic hair. and saw that she also was extremely excited. Her breath was It was the best day of my summer vacation and we had a lot more summer fun that year. We’ve never talked about it since that summer and have never done anything sexual since. We still see eachother and talk a lot but its as any normal brother and sister would. I hope one day when my wife is gone and he husband is gone I might be able to get in with my sister again. Sensing the oncoming orgasm ready to burst within her, Ann pressed her brother’s entire palm against her labia and told him to make small circles with the base of his palm. This position gave William a chance to move in further. With his palm on her clit, his fingers were getting soaked and warmed by the heat coming from her vaginal opening. He slipped his middle finger inside, but just to the end of his fingernail. It was so hot, wet, and tight that he finally understood what it meant to be “tight as a virgin”. Ann gasped when she felt the fingertip inside her and shook with a mind-blowing orgasm. She tensed up and held William tight against her. He put his head on her chest and lightly bit her pert nipple as she continued through her shuttering convulsive cum. “How does it feel?” “Oh, some boy I met in math class,” she replied dismissively. "no bro! she ain't your sis dude, she your moms cousin's daughter , u both are far apart!" he said “You’re right, I do care about you, but not in the same way I care about Victoria. Please Kelly, don’t make this difficult.” We lay on our stomachs, faced each other and smiled, my hand moved to her back, my last two fingers slipping beneath the elastic waist of her shorts. I kissed her and we fell asleep to the whispered sounds and gentle wind of each other’s breath. “Hey what’s up Randy, so what’s on the agenda for today?” Jim asked. "What did you just call your sister?" mom asked raising her voice. var pager = {"objects":[" anonymous readerReport<\/a> <\/span><\/h4>\n |
2023.03.29 19:58 rmsmarphpy 😘👉👌 IF YOU TAP YOU WILL CUM 🍆💦
 | submitted by rmsmarphpy to ku7zgadca2 [link] [comments] IF YOU TAP HERE YOU WILL CUMIF YOU TAP HERE YOU WILL CUMIF YOU TAP HERE YOU WILL CUMProcessing gif fnz23ak6wpqa1...“Who cares,” Jason said. “I didn’t d-do it.” "Why the hell do you not end it with her, I know your not happy, and by god, I bet she will stop calling me as well once you dump her ass!" He seemed a bit enthusiastic when he realized that I might be getting rid of a daily problem of ours. “I'd have to die,” I answered. I already had a similar idea. “Ugh, ugh, yes! Look in my bag.” Nobody would ever know that she was a sexy bitch unless they lived with her. And that was where I got lucky. See, at first glance Lizzy probably wouldn't make you look twice, but if you saw her stretched out on the sofa on a Saturday morning, wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt that exposed almost every inch of her long baby-soft legs, no glasses on her face, her chocolate brown hair flowing across the pillow and her perky little tits clearly outlined in her shirt, nipples poking out beneath the fabric just begging to be tweaked and kissed...if you watched her like that, laughing with a carefree smile on her fresh face, you would fall for her. Even I did, and I am her brother. I nodded, smiling like a flipping lunatic. Taylor shrugged. “Nope. Just the same as, like, when you received the picture. This never happened, don’t blab, y’know, the usual.” She stood up and pointed a finger at me. “Especially Kevin. I know you guys have, like, a brotherly bond and everything, but he is such a blabbermouth. You can’t let him know about any of this. Including the picture.” She paused for maybe a second before adding, “Did you already tell him about the picture?” “Which floor-” at the apartment laundry " You ready darlin?" I asked my loving Savannah “It’s more than that. Tyler, you and everyone in this school knows my reputation. You know I used to do hard drugs and whore myself out. I had gonorrhea, chlamydia, and even HIV. But Jack… Jack cured me of all of it. He cured me of all my diseases, he purged me of all traces of drugs and took away my withdrawal symptoms, and he even restored my virginity. He did it through my dreams. I actually woke up in the middle of night, looked in the mirror, and realized that I had been cured. It was almost like he was Freddy Krueger. Ricky told me to put my fingers into her hole and when I did I was amazed at how wet and hot it was. Also it was so much bigger than Sandra’s little winky and the skin was missing so my finger went much further in. “Put more fingers in” Ricky said and I did, I moved back from licking her clit and watched what I was doing, although I could feel some muscles inside they kept relaxing and letting me put more fingers in until I had 4 fingers in and my thumb was rubbing her clitoris. “That’s my little boy” she said I took her hand and led her to my couch. I pushed her onto the arm rest and dropped to my knees. Stephanie left Zane where he was for a moment and stepped out of the room. She went to the front door and made sure the outside alarms were on. If anyone came to the door or came home early, she would know. She then returned to her room and closed the door behind her. doesent help the fact that she has the No new videogame for me anytime soon but, honestly, that wasn’t my concern right now. “Absolutely. We’ll go as soon as the bell rings.” Having already shot my load, I was able to relax and enjoy the sight in front of me. The first blow is only a glancing one. The second ricochets off. The third hits the target. A quarter inch of the jagged wood is implanted into her neck. Screams continued as I pushed and twisted the wood into her throat. Millimeter my millimeter the spike was driven deeper into her. A torrent of blood spilled over my hand as I ruptured something vital. "Aw yes! Orange!" Steve celebrates. "Thank you." Sarah blushes and smiles at Steve, and then takes her seat. “Dad, does that mean we can all go up to Sand Point next weekend. And maybe we could all go out on the boat together for the weekend . . I mean it will be tight sleeping 8 people, but if we work it right, we can all make do” RJ asked but he decided he was rambling and need to shut up. top of him. She found herself lying on her back on top of him, “Bummer. Would you like something for breakfast?” “Did I what Ashley?” I said playing with my hair with one hand and smiling at her. “Wh-what the hell do you want?” I asked, trying to back away from him. She lightly ran a finger through her friend’s fur, along the folds of the skin, feeling the moisture coating the lips. She slid a finger in and found the clitoris. It was smaller than hers but still she knew, especially at the wide-eyed reaction the touch got from her friend. I smiled meaningfully. “Yeah, I’m very lucky,” I replied. “But a lot of guys would have killed to get to do what we already did, or to be with Morgan. I got to do both, and I’m really grateful for it, but I think I want to just step back and… re-evaluate things. This isn’t even a ‘no,’ but this is at least a ‘not now.’ If I’m in a relationship now, I think it’s important to step back and think more about whether I even want to have sex with another girl. And, it may be silly, but… I think maybe I should reserve my first time for someone I’m dating.” skeletor1290 That evening we ate at the inn. I brought the first round and got pints for dad and me and rum and cokes for the girls. Anita and dad seemed a bit uncertain about the drinks angle and warned us to take it easy. We got along great. “Yeah, she said she gets great orgasms, but doesn’t have to worry about getting pregnant. In fact, she told me she’s still a virgin.” “Then come here,” Morgan laughed, and we resumed kissing, daring to not leave it at little pecks. We didn’t exactly make out or anything – or did we? Was ‘making out’ just kissing that wasn’t closed-mouth? I’d have to ask Kevin later. At any rate, we kissed for what seemed like forever, and for what probably was longer than we meant to. Before long, there was the occasional student passing by us, not crowding around us or anything, but definitely noticing us and what we were doing. As Lori took in a deep breath expecting the overdue explosion, Alicia spoke up. She tried to grab his semi-hard cock through his baggy pants. Keyword is try. " bring me back in the morning ? " she asked “She raped you? RAPED?” Michelle gasped, her fingers went slack on my chest. I tried to pull myself off of him knowing he would be spewing that massive load in my cunt, but just as I went to move, Josh firmly grabbed my hips and held me in place. “Josh, don’t!” I softly pleaded but it was to no avail. Held tight, my brother began releasing a torrent of semen deep into my unprotected womb. “You try not lightn’ one up after what I just did Nat!” she giggled, an unusual sound coming from someone looking like her. Instead of a Russian or at least eastern European accent she had a slight Boston one. As we came closer her eyes caught my attention, they were a startling emerald green. Her facial features looked like they belonged on someone half her age, small nose, small mouth, small pointy ears, cute little patches of freckles under her eyes and not a tattoo to be seen. "And you're the one who was piloting that robot thing?" He nodded. She smiled, and said, "You were a big help. Thank you." She removed her helmet and dropped it on the floor, then she leaned in, putting one hand behind his head, and kissed him. It was a nice, deep kiss, but he didn't respond at all. He just sat there stiffly. She pulled away. "What's the matter, haven't you ever kissed a girl before?" "It's not really a big deal," Deana said. "I was leaving for school one day. I always kiss her goodbye, but that day when I looked at her, there was a strange vibe. It's hard to explain. Maybe I'm blowing it out of proportion, but there was this look in Candy's eyes. It was like she was frozen, staring at me the way you would when you think you know someone, but you're not sure. It was a joke, or I thought it was a joke when I did it, but there wasn't anything funny about that kiss." It was extremely difficult to stay on the road, though. The loud slurping coming from my waist was loudly emanating throughout the car and every nerve in my body was on fire. This was a dangerous distraction, but getting road head had long been on my bucket list and I wasn’t going to miss this opportunity to get it crossed off. “So are you excited about the dance?” Wendy asked He brought his head up, and swallowed. His hand pushed mine up towards my chest, grasping the nipple between two fingers, my hand fell away, and slipped down towards the waist of his trousers. He cupped my breast, and brought his lips down to suck gently on the nipple. I slipped my hand down into his trousers, and found his cock. I tugged gently on it - he stiffened, not only his cock, but his entire body, and he breathed slowly, before picking up again, and swapping over to the other breast. His tracksuit trousers were tight and stiff and wet, and I pushed them down and away His cock began stiffening, and pulled up to meet my hand. Dave's hands were cold, but my skin burned where he touched me. Today, a man approaches a local tavern with a metal briefcase in hand. His posture, his clothes, and his haircut give away his identity as the foreigner, at least to this city. He is a mercenary from Egypt, armed with a handgun and even some grenades hooked to his belt. He steps inside, momentarily pausing to acclimate himself to the smell of bad cigars and cheap booze. The dank bar is filled with men, openly carrying assault rifles and talking amongst themselves. Everyone here is a pirate and everyone here has killed before. “I just answered that, I wanted to see you. I’d like to think that we’re at least friends of some sort,” I explain as I nudge her menu towards her with my finger. 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\r\nps:go fuck yourself<\/div>\n
\n
anonymous readerReport<\/a> <\/span><\/h4>\n2012-11-15 15:58:03<\/div>\nAnon one, are you fucking stupid?
\r\nAuthor clearly states that this is a revision of the previous story, citing it as a true story. Of course it uses the same scenes.<\/div>\n
\n
anonymous readerReport<\/a> <\/span><\/h4>\n2012-11-15 15:49:45<\/div>\nAnon one, are you fucking stupid?
\r\nAuthor clearly states that this is a revision of the previous story, citing it as a true story. Of course it uses the same scenes.<\/div>\n
\n
anonymous readerReport<\/a> <\/span><\/h4>\n2012-11-12 19:45:26<\/div>\nNo.there.not im not gonna read these agsin im sorry ur not food if i had one id give u a lollipop<\/div>\n
\n
anonymous readerReport<\/a> <\/span><\/h4>\n2012-11-12 14:26:31<\/div>\nGood job using the same sex scenes from your other story... "so original".<\/div>\n
submitted by kppspmrsbi to maavhzckh6 [link] [comments]
\n"],"current":0,"nb_page":1};«1»anonymous readerReport
“I understand.” With that, she stood and left the room. Minutes later I heard her soft moans coming from their bedroom. Dad is a great guy, stepping up and taking his rightful place with Mom. I was happy they had each other, but at the same time, I was sorry that I had to turn Mom away. I wasn't sure if she really would have done it with me. I just tried to convince myself that she was testing me to see if I was worthy of her sister.
We stood there a moment before I stepped to one side and held out my hand.
The air of normalcy was fractured when Jacqui announced, "Oh, I love these pancakes, don't you?" All eyes were on her as she used her fingers to roll up one of the syrup-covered flapjacks and slowly push the dripping tube through her pursed lips. Several of the women at the table left when she began slowly licking the spilled syrup from her fingers. Melissa slumped at her seat under their disdaining looks, while the male contingent shifted in their seats.
“It’s good cheating,” I reply smiling back.
The sounds of their lovemaking was resonating throughout the room as Jack threw his head back and roared out, depositing a healthy load of cum deep inside her womb. ”Ahhh...” he said, exhausted as he laid down carefully on her. ”That was just what I needed” he said again as he looked down at his latest conquest. Hermione was panting, sweating and thoroughly satisfied, her hair plastered to her face, cum slowly leaking out of her used pussy. He pulled out and picked up his wand, pointed it at her and whispered ”Strictorus” a red glow suffused Hermione's nether regions, and she looked up at him, cum on her face, breathing heavily. ”Wh... what did you do?” Jack smiled. ”Just made sure that sweet pussy stays as tight as a virgins. He smirked. ”Oh and, I do still expect you to have your homework done.” He pulled up his pants and left the classroom, leaving an exhausted and satisfied Hermione with a smile on her face on the desk.
"I've never even imagined feeling anything like that," Joan said, slowly crawling to her seat. "I mean, that's really weird but it feels so nice."
“I am NOT” Ric said for the first time. The funny thing was, the more he told himself not to look at April’s boobies, the more he had to. April’s breasts were at least a cup size larger than Yvette’s, and her nipples were much darker.
"So..." she said a few seconds after we'd sat down, "This thing with Jessica."
“Show him mom please show him how you lick my clit,” Lucy rather moaned out from the bed.
"Not bad. How about yourself, Bobby?" Char replied, quite occupied with getting dinner done. Before Bobby could answer, how ever, Kirstie's little brother walked in the door.
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